CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

After an hour or so, Embry took Leah home. Edward, Sam and Sue all stayed with me and Carlisle pointed us in the direction of a private waiting room where we could supposedly relax, but where I sat rigid and silent, gripping Edward's hand as if my life depended on it and listening to the others talk. Sue slipped out of the room for a little while and I knew she was calling my sisters to let them know what had happened. She returned to report that Rachel was heading for the airport straight away to come back, while Rebecca's husband whom she had reached was going to collect her from work and bring her home. It was over a year since I had seen either of them. Neither had made it home for Christmas this year and I prayed that they wouldn't be too late to see Dad.

Eventually Carlisle came in to report that Dad was 'comfortable' although he still required the ventilator and that I could see him for a few minutes. I took Edward with me, not wanting to let go of him even for a minute and we sat beside Dad's bed, me tentatively touching his hand with my free one and willing him to open his eyes and speak to me.

It was the early hours of the morning before we had what seemed to be more positive news. I had tried to persuade Sam and Sue to go home and get some rest, but both had refused. Sam had even spent a little while talking to Edward although I hadn't joined in. My mind was only on Dad and when Carlisle finally opened the door again to tell us he was awake, I dropped Edward's hand and leaped out of my chair.

"Can I go in and see him?"

"Of course."

I followed Carlisle quickly back to Dad's room, leaving Edward behind this time. My heart pounded anxiously and my palms were damp by the time I got to the side of the bed. I wiped them on my pants legs and grasped Dad's hand in mine. He was still wearing an oxygen mask and was hooked up to a heart monitor and a drip, but he was off the ventilator. He opened his eyes as soon as I touched him.

"Jacob." He reached up with the other hand and pulled the mask down. "Are you alright, son?"

"Dad! Am I alright? It's you I'm worried about." Tears filled my eyes and I scrubbed my other hand over them and sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I shouldn't have gone away. Why didn't you tell me if you were getting sick?"

"Sshh, stop." His hand squeezed mine, a little weakly, but reassuringly. He pulled the mask up again and took a few deep breaths, then lowered it. "It came on fast; I've been feeling good lately. Don't you start with the guilt trip, I don't expect you to sit home with me on the off-chance something might happen."

"But...I barely see you, I'm always with Edward," I groaned. "Even if I hadn't gone to Alaska, I'd have been at the Cullens' house all weekend."

"Jacob!" Dad stopped again, gasping, his chest heaving with the effort of talking. I waited in alarm as he replaced the mask once more for a few minutes. "Listen to me, son. You have your own life, just like your sisters. I don't want you thinking you have to put that on hold for me. Even if the Imprint didn't tell you where you have to be, I know how important Edward is to you. You know I wasn't too thrilled with the idea at first, but I can see how happy he makes you."

"I still should have been around more," I sighed. "Rach and Becca are coming home to see you."

Dad frowned now and shook his head. "You shouldn't have worried them like that."

"They should be here, they didn't even get home for Christmas."

"We talk on the phone all the time."

"Well, Sue called them and if she hadn't I would've," I said. "They'd both go mad if they thought you were sick and we hadn't let them know."

After a moment he nodded and took another suck on the oxygen. He looked terrible and I worried that continuing to talk was getting too much for him.

"Dad, please, don't keep talking, you need to rest," I said.

"I'm alright, I've been resting." He took another few lungfuls of oxygen and carried on. "Where is Edward, anyway? Is he here?"

"Yes, he's with Sue and Sam."

"Get him in here, I want to see him."

"Why don't I just bring him in later?" I was puzzled by his sudden desire to talk to Edward and worried by the grey tinge his face was taking on.

"Jacob, do as you're told for once." Dad gave me a smile and pulled his hand out of mine. "Go on."

I got up slowly and left him. Maybe he just wanted to let Edward know he was happy with us being together. I fetched my vampire and when I entered Dad's room again with him, I was asked to leave. I withdrew reluctantly and rested my toe against the bottom of the door, keeping it open the tiniest crack so that my wolf ears would pick up what was said. I barely breathed as I listened.

"Hello, Sir," Edward said respectfully.

"Billy," Dad corrected and then paused while he wheezed and replaced his mask for a minute. "Sit down, Edward," he said then.

Edward dropped into the chair beside the bed. I bit my lip and clenched my fists. Suddenly I knew what Dad was going to say and I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to pretend none of this was happening and that he was fine.

"I haven't told Jacob this yet; I will, but I wanted to see you first. I want you to know that I wish things could have been different for you two. You understand why I haven't been able to have you visit Jacob at my home and although at first I didn't like what fate chose for him, I can see how happy you make him."

"I hope so," Edward put in.

"Trust me, you do." Dad replaced the oxygen mask again briefly and stretched his hand out towards Edward, much to my surprise. Edward slid one of his cold hands into Dad's and held it.

"I'm sorry I haven't at least let you know before now that I don't have any objections to my son being with you. Jacob's going to need you. Stupid sick heart has decided to give up on me."

I sucked my breath in hard and my heart seemed to stop for a moment. I was going to lose him. Inside I had known, but hearing him say it made it more real. I brought my fist up to my mouth and bit down on my knuckles.

"Edward...you take care of my boy for me, you hear me?"

"I will, I promise," Edward said. "Always."

Dad nodded and replaced the mask and I turned away and let the door close. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes as tears spilled down my cheeks. Edward came out a few minutes later.

"You heard." His hands rested on my shoulders and I hung my head, nodding.

"I don't want to lose him," I whimpered.

"I know. I'm so sorry." He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around my neck. I lifted my hands slowly and rested them on his waist.

"I should go talk to him again," I said shakily.

"He's sleeping. He said to come back in a couple hours." Edward backed up and began to steer me towards the waiting room. Carlisle met us outside the door and followed us in.

"May I speak in front of your friends?" he asked, indicating Sam and Sue.

"Yeah." I scrubbed my hands over my cheeks. "I already heard. How long?"

"He's very weak, Jacob, I'd say you need to prepare yourself," Carlisle said.

"Fuck." I sniffed hard. "My sisters are coming from Hawaii and New York..."

"If I know Billy, he won't be going anywhere until he's done all he needs to," put in Sue quietly.

"Is there nothing at all you can do for him?" Sam asked.

"I'm sorry." Carlisle shook his head. "His heart is in too poor condition. The meds would have supported him for some time yet, but the attack came out of the blue. His last set of tests were good, but sometimes these things happen, conditions worsen suddenly..."

I switched off and shut out their voices again. I didn't want to hear them talking about what ifs and if onlys. I just wanted him to wake up again so I could talk to him while I had the chance.

I was unaware of how much time passed, but suddenly Rebecca and her husband Solomon were in the room, Becca crying as she listened to Sue explain what had happened. I got to my feet and she threw her arms around me.

"God, Jake, I can't believe this," she wept. "Is Rach here yet?"

"No, she's on her way." I let her go and she pulled out a tissue and blew her nose loudly, glancing at Edward with raised eyebrows. "You're Edward?"

He nodded and I looked at Becca in surprise. My sisters knew nothing about what I, or the pack, or the Cullens were. If they had stayed on the Reservation, they would have been told the legends were true, but as both had left at eighteen with no intention of coming back to live, the secret hadn't been shared with them.

"Dad said you had a boyfriend." She gave me a wan smile now. "I'm glad you've got somebody."

I was even more surprised that Dad had apparently told my sisters I was gay. Both of them were broadminded and it didn't bother me, but I had thought he would have left that to me. It reminded me that it had been far too long since I even made the effort to email them.

It was another hour before Carlisle came to tell me Dad was awake again and wanted to see me and I headed for his room slowly, my hands shaking and the lump in my throat threatening to choke me. Whatever I said now, I had to make it count in case it was the last chance I got. I sat down and took hold of his hand and he squeezed mine firmly and gave me a smile, which I found impossible to return. I bit down hard on my lip to stop it trembling and held back my tears with difficulty.

"Don't look like that, son," Dad said. "It had to happen sooner or later. I'm not going far; I'll always be keeping my eye on you."

"God, don't talk like that," I sniffed. "I don't want you to go anywhere, Dad. I love you and I feel like I didn't really show it, especially not lately."

"Of course you did; you've always been there when I wanted a hand with anything and I know what's in your heart. Now, listen to me. I know you're going to make your life with Edward and that's not going to be possible, not properly, unless you leave La Push. I want you to know that's ok with me; so long as you're happy, that's what's important. Sam and some of the others probably won't like it, but you have to follow your heart and your Imprint. I love you, Jacob, and I can see that Edward is good for you."

"That means a lot to me," I said. "When it happened, I thought you would be disappointed in me."

"Never," Dad said firmly. "I've always been proud of you; never more than now. You're making your own life, running your own business and doing it well. You've always been a good boy, Jacob, and you're turning into a good man."

I scrubbed my hand over my face as tears began to drip onto my t-shirt. Hearing him say that made me happy, but at the same time it was making me sad as I knew he was making sure he said what was important while he still could. In addition, I knew he would have welcomed Edward if he had been able to. He had paused to breathe through the mask again and now he lowered it.

"In my bed table at home there's a journal; I've been writing it for years since I was your age. You can read it and then give it to Sue to keep safe. Someone might want it one day. It's not for your sisters' eyes."

"Ok," I choked. I had seen the thick leather-bound book a few times and always wondered what he wrote in there. "Becca's here, do you want to see her?"

He nodded and patted my knee. "Dry your face. No need for all that."

"Sorry. Can't help it."

I didn't want to leave the room, but I headed slowly back to the waiting room and discovered Rachel had now arrived. She and Becca both went to see Dad together and I sank back into my chair beside Edward, wiping ineffectually at my cheeks as tears continued to spill down them. Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I leaned against him.

"He gave us his blessing," I wept.

"I know." Edward rested his forehead against mine and we just sat there in silence, oblivious to Sue, Sam and Solomon.

The day and night crawled by. Dad was still hanging on and I refused to budge from the hospital even for some fresh air. I was scared that if I left for even five minutes, he would slip away and I wouldn't be there. I spent most of the time sitting by his bed either alone, or with Edward or one or other of my sisters. Sam and Sue had gone home and Solomon had gone to a hotel in Forks rather than go to our house without any of us being there. Rach and Becca remained at the hospital except for a quick trip home for a shower and change and Edward and Carlisle both remained, even when the doctor's shift was over. Eventually he did go home to change clothes and hunt, but Edward wouldn't leave me. He continually held onto my hand or cuddled me or simply sat at my side in silence and it was the middle of the next day before I looked at him properly and saw how thirsty he was. His eyes were jet black, his skin becoming translucent and his hands shook and I cursed myself for not even noticing. My throat and chest began to hurt as I focused on him and felt a little of his pain.

Now I caught hold of his hand and squeezed it, touching my head with the other hand so that I could communicate with him without Rachel wondering what we were talking about. We were currently back in the waiting room and Embry and Leah had returned for a visit and were there too. I'd noticed them glancing curiously at Edward a couple of times now and they had clearly noticed the change in him.

'Edward, go home and hunt,' I thought. 'I'll be fine.'

He shook his head firmly.

'Have you seen yourself? Don't go on suffering when you don't need to.'

"I'm ok," Edward whispered.

'You're not, you're shaking. Stay there.' I drew away from him and got up. I left the room and went looking for Carlisle who had been busy for some hours. Edward didn't follow me and I was lucky enough to find the doctor in the corridor where Dad's room was.

"Your Dad's sleeping," he began.

"That's ok, I was looking for you." I lowered my voice. "Edward's thirsty. He won't leave me, but he's getting pretty bad."

Carlisle frowned. "Thank you, Jacob, I'll sort it out. Go back and sit with him."

I did as he said and fifteen minutes later Emmett appeared with a large bag in one hand. Edward introduced him to the others and then he sat down on the low table in front of us.

"How are you bearing up, mu - Jake?"

"Yeah, I'm ok, thanks."

"You look like shit, bro," he added, grimacing at Edward. "Brought you something." He pulled two bottles of cherry coke out of the bag and handed us one each. Mine was new and sealed, but I noticed Edward's had been opened - and no doubt emptied, rinsed and filled with blood. He took it gratefully and gulped the contents rapidly.

"There's more in the bag," Emmett said.

Edward nodded and muttered a quiet 'thank you.' Emmett left soon after and Edward drained another of the bottles, then shot me a small smile.

"You called him?"

"No, Carlisle did."

"Thanks."

Dad passed away late that night. I had spent an hour with him not long before and Becca and Solomon were in there when his heart finally gave up. Even though we'd all expected it to be soon, my sisters and I were as shocked as if we hadn't known he was sick. Sue, Seth and Sam were all with us at the time and it was Sue who held Rachel in her arms, while Becca and I both had someone to offer us comfort. In turn, it was Sue who took all of us back to the house later in her MPV. Even in the circumstances, I had been a little surprised when Sam quietly told Edward he could go with me to the house for the moment and when Solomon later took the girls back to the hotel in Forks, Edward and I were alone in my house for the first time. We simply lay on my bed holding onto each other and eventually I slept, exhausted and numb, with Edward wrapped around me.

When I woke I was alone. It was late in the morning and I felt hungover, sweaty and dirty and starving hungry, much to my surprise. I dragged myself out of bed into the shower, put on some clean clothes and opened my door. I found Edward in the kitchen, talking to my sisters and Solomon and making them coffee, explaining that he didn't like it. He poured an extra mug as soon as he saw me.

"Would you like breakfast?" he asked me.

"I'll find something." I pulled open the refrigerator door and stared blankly at the contents. I would usually have made breakfast for Dad before I went to work. Shit! Work!

"Jacob, sit down, I'll do it," Edward said firmly. "Don't worry about work, Embry opened up the garage and called the people you had booked in to explain and rebook those that weren't urgent. Most of them just rearranged for next week."

"What day is it?" I asked.

"Wednesday," Becca said.

I sat down on one of the stools with a sigh and watched absently as Edward began cooking bacon and eggs. I couldn't remember the last time I ate. Sue and Leah had tried to virtually force-feed me sandwiches in the hospital, but I doubted more than a few bites had passed my lips since I returned from Alaska. My stomach rumbled as I smelled the bacon and the large portion, complete with six slices of toast, was exactly what I needed.

My sisters stayed all day and Sue came over to tentatively talk about Dad's funeral. She offered to arrange everything if we didn't mind and all three of us agreed immediately. As evening approached, Solomon suggested taking all of us back to the hotel for dinner, but I declined, saying I wasn't hungry and would rather just get takeout with Edward later. After the three of them left, I went hunting with him. A few bottles of cold blood kept him going, but wouldn't have been anywhere near enough and I felt like I needed to run and kill something. I was angry now; angry that Dad had been snatched away from us at forty-five years old; that he hadn't had the chance to live his life; that he had been stuck in a wheelchair for years without even a wife at his side.

I raced through the forest, snarling and snapping at nothing, my paws pounding the damp earth, ears flattened against the sides of my head. Edward gave me some space; I knew he was there, maybe a hundred yards away, but he didn't get too close or speak or try to stop me. I kept going until I came upon a mountain goat and rather than kill it and eat some of the flesh, I tore it limb from limb, throwing chunks of it in all directions until there was nothing left but the mangled main part of its body. Shuddering, I backed away from it and headed for the river, plunging in and submerging myself for a moment to rinse the blood out of my fur. When I emerged, Edward was waiting for me silently on the bank.

'I'm sorry,' I thought, slightly embarrassed.

"Don't be. Rage is normal; you need to let it out."

'I'm ready to go back,' I said. 'Did you feed?'

"Yes," Edward nodded. "Got a bear; he was after the remains of your goat."

We returned more slowly to the house and I phased back outside the door. It seemed strange to have Edward with me on the Reservation and I wondered if it were possible, if I would want him to come and live with me here, but I immediately dismissed the idea. With Dad gone, I didn't even want to be here myself. It had been his house - he and his friends had built it with their own hands when they weren't much older than me - and I didn't want to stay in it. I didn't know what I would do about it, but for the moment I put it out of my mind. I would decide what to do after we had all made it through the funeral.

I took a shower and pulled on a pair of shorts, then went into Dad's room and found the journal in his bed table. I couldn't bring myself to open it yet, but I put it in one of my own drawers and promised myself I would read it with Edward one day when I didn't feel like I would fall apart over the first page.

The next day Sue told us she had arranged the funeral for Saturday. Dad would be buried beside Mom in the graveyard on the clifftop above La Push's main beach. It was only two days away and it seemed too fast; I didn't feel like I was ready to say goodbye yet, but time swept me along towards Saturday morning and I had no choice to go through the motions of eating, showering, talking to Becca and Rach, who didn't seem anywhere near as mechanical and numb as I did. I felt lost and I knew if Edward hadn't been with me, I would have sunk. He hadn't left my side all week, except for a brief trip home to grab a few changes of clothes and Sam had told me he could stay for the funeral, but after that he would have to go before people began to ask questions. He hadn't been out of the house and been seen by anyone, but he would certainly be noticed at the funeral.

Most of the pack had been over to see me, some more wary than others. Leah, Embry and Seth of course had been happy to sit talking to Edward for hours and Sam and Emily had made efforts to be nice to him too. Jared was very wary and wouldn't bring Kim to see me while I had a vampire in the house, even if he was harmless to humans. Quil did his best to be friendly, but sat on the edge of his seat and glanced at the clock every few seconds as if he couldn't wait to take off and Paul - he called me to say sorry about Dad, but I hadn't seen him. Jared made excuses for him, but I knew he was staying away because of Edward.

Saturday came much too quickly. I crawled out of bed at eight, showered and put on the dark grey suit Carlisle had bought me for Jasper's wedding. Edward had a black suit with a long coat to wear over it and Solomon brought my sisters to the house just before ten, all in dark attire. I was surprised when Carlisle and Esme arrived too and Edward told me Sam had invited them, since Carlisle had been the one to take care of Dad in his final days, not to mention the number of times he had attended to members of the pack.

My heart banged against my ribs and I felt faintly sick as the funeral car arrived with Dad's coffin in it. We were to follow it to the cliffs in Carlisle's car and the one Solomon had hired. Edward slid his hand into mine and I gripped it tightly, dreading the fast approaching moment where I would have to say goodbye.