Chapter 25 - Decisions
The dream shook something inside of Kurt free, a fear he had not yet been able to give voice to, the idea that he would have to say goodbye to his dreams and in turn say goodbye to Sebastian. Thus far Sebastian's patience had known no limits, but how long would that continue? Certainly not indefinitely and Kurt couldn't stand the idea that one day Sebastian would be sorry for spending so much time with a cripple, or worse with Kurt, The Cripple. Michel had smoothed Sebastian's rough interior, but in Kurt's mind, and not as deeply as he believed, still lurked the image of that boy in high school, the one who had little patience for Kurt. Kurt didn't think his heart could take seeing that boy again. In fact, he didn't think his heart could take one more massive blow, and he was only 25 years old, but a quarter of his life gone and three more quarters left to go.
Despite the lovely and relaxing Sunday he and Sebastian shared, mostly lounging on the couch watching movies, listening to old records, swapping stories, and cuddling, Kurt's mind was somewhere else. The few times Sebastian inquired, Kurt tried to deflect the questions, but he felt the tension in the air rising. He knew Sebastian felt him building walls around himself, but for now, until he spoke to Dr. Oliver, he had to build the walls for self-preservation. He couldn't let anyone in, least of all Sebastian. While Sebastian was grabbing a shower, Kurt had the phone service send David a text that read, "I need to speak to Reid ASAP."
Twenty or so minutes passed and Kurt's phone buzzed in his hand. Sebastian was still in the shower. The nice girl on the other line read him the response from David. "I'll pick you up tomorrow morning at 9:30 a.m. in the lobby, text me the address of your building." Kurt relayed the address to the girl and David responded that he received it. Just then Kurt heard the bathroom door open and he quickly ended the call.
He heard Sebastian walk into his bedroom. Moments later he felt Sebastian's presence in the room. It was confirmed when Sebastian spoke. "So what will you do all by your lonesome here tomorrow while I'm at work?" Sebastian inquired and Kurt could hear that he was trying to keep the tension from his voice, but he wasn't entirely successful. "Are you sure you don't want me to take a vacation day?"
"Sebastian," Kurt said trying his best not to sound annoyed. "I'll be fine. I'll just visit with some friends, Rachel probably," Kurt quickly added not wanting to close himself off completely to Sebastian. It wasn't entirely a lie. He would probably see Rachel at some point, if not tomorrow, than certainly Tuesday. "Besides, you have that big case that you and Nick are working on for Richard. You can't just take off whenever you want," Kurt tried to reason with Sebastian.
Sebastian accepted his answer, but there was a distance to his reply that killed Kurt. Kurt desperately wanted to reach out to Sebastian to tell him that he just needed a little bit of time to himself. 'Was this how it would be if he was in a relationship with Sebastian?' Kurt wondered. 'Would he never have any time to himself? Would Sebastian have to know every single thought and emotion inside of him the moment he was aware of them?' The answers to those questions frightened Kurt. It wasn't that he was an especially secretive person, but everyone deserved a small measure of privacy. Didn't they?
Elsewhere, on the other side of town, "shouldn't you be going to sleep? I thought you had to wake up early?" David's "boyfriend" commented as he pulled the blanket up over his drawn up knees and cradled his cup of tea in his hand. He was comfy in this position on David's couch, David's oversized sweatshirt finding a home against his small body.
"I'm taking the day off," David said cryptically as he finished drying the dishes and setting them in their place.
He couldn't help the curiosity those words piqued within him. He regarded David with his head cocked slightly to one side. "Why are you taking the day off?" he inquired.
"Got some things I need to take care of," David said focusing on tidying up. He could tell that this didn't satisfy the smaller man, but it was the best he could offer.
The doubt crept up inside him. It wasn't something he could entirely control. He had been working on it, he had been trying and he was making progress, but progress didn't mean he wasn't still insecure. "What do you need to take care of that you have to take off work for it? I mean, couldn't you have gotten it done this weekend?" he inquired, his voice a little snippy, but he was worried. He cared about David so much, and the worry just snuck up on him sometimes.
"Baby," David said as he walked to the couch and leaned over to capture his lover's lips. "You know you're my number one. Do you know how expensive it is to require a doctor to work on the weekends expressly to see you?" David teased. It wasn't entirely a lie. He was going to see a doctor. "Before you panic, I'm not dying," David teased capturing those lips again to keep the man from worrying them between his teeth.
He returned the kiss and was soothed by it. He wanted to be obstinate about it, but when David mentioned doctor, he figured it must be time for that yearly thing. He really should have been keeping better track of that. Unfortunately, with his own life having been crazy, he was lucky to keep track of his own appointments much less anyone else's. "You better not be dying...or...I'll find a way to bring you back and...I don't know…I'll have to think of some creative kind of punishment after I resurrect you," he mumbled sounding adorably petulant. He had kind of lost his touch with comebacks, but then again he was sorely out of practice. It had been a long time since anyone had given him adequate reason to have any.
"Fine, go to your doctor's appointment. I'll try not to worry. I've got a busy day tomorrow anyway. Ms. Swanson's begged me to fit her in for a lesson last minute. She's auditioning for Rent in two days," he paused as if he remembered something. "I was planning on maybe singing at Callbacks tomorrow night. I've been working a few things out and I think...I think I'm ready to let it go, musically anyway. So um...If you want to stop by, I should be there by like seven...I think."
So, both David and Kurt slept snuggled next to the men they were falling in love with. Morning rolled around and David was up early, sneaking out of bed careful not to disturb the Sleeping Beauty next to him. Kurt had to lie in bed and wait for Sebastian to leave for work, pretending he was asleep when, in fact, he hadn't slept most of the night. He was restless and kept waking up over and over again. He was anxious to hear what Reid had to say, very anxious. Finally, Sebastian left for the day dropping a kiss on Kurt's forehead on his way out.
Kurt snapped to work quickly. Grabbing his cane, he found the clothes he'd planned to wear and managed to slip into them. He wore a comfortable pair of yoga pants and a blue cotton shirt with loose wide sleeves that resembled something out of the middle ages. The outfit was functional and fast, just in case he needed to change out of it for tests. He didn't know how this was going to go, but he had prepared for every eventuality.
He brushed his hair and teeth and found his jacket. He didn't risk making coffee or eating. That took time even if Sebastian had labeled Tupperware dishes. Kurt still didn't have the courage to cook on his own, not even pasta. Even though he knew plenty of blind people did it, granted most of the time with special dishes. He also didn't have the courage to shower on his own. He and Sebastian didn't go over where anything in the shower was located. Sebastian had left him a copy of the house key on the counter. Locking the door was an interesting process but he managed it as well as taking the elevator down to the lobby with the help of a very nice old woman who pushed the buttons for him. So, here he was sitting on the posh, leather seating in the lobby waiting for David to arrive with 10 minutes to spare, according to the alarm clock on his phone.
David walked in a few minutes early that morning and wasn't surprised at all to see Kurt already waiting there. His breath caught and a look of sorrow, easily readable by the passersby in the lobby, crossed over his face. It was the first time that he was seeing Kurt blind, and it was affecting David something fierce. Not knowing David was watching him, Kurt just sat there hands folded in his lap, his useless eyes pointed forward not focusing on anything. Occasionally, when there was a sound to draw Kurt's attention, his head would turn toward it.
David allowed himself a moment to process his sorrow. It was part of the training he was learning in psychology. It was important to acknowledge feelings in order to move past them. Finally, after seconds that felt like hours, David walked forward to where Kurt was sitting. He knelt down next to Kurt and covered Kurt's slight, pale hands with his own big, rough ones. "Hi beautiful," David whispered a bit breathlessly in Kurt's ear before dropping a kiss on Kurt's cheek, "looking gorgeous as ever," but the sadness was apparent in David's voice.
He felt someone approach but, of course, the lobby did have a few people meandering about. He couldn't be certain as to who approached him. Then he felt those large hands cover his own. Oddly, he was comforted by it. It had to be David! It helped that he was expecting David to arrive to pick him up, but then the voice confirmed it. He blushed at David's words. If only he felt gorgeous. It was hard to feel that way when he hadn't seen his own reflection in so long. "Hello, David," he said softly. He caught the sadness in David's voice. He didn't want to acknowledge it, however. He knew what the cause of it was. Kurt turned his head down a little at a loss for words. He finally managed to say, "It's been a while, but thank you for coming."
"Here," David said putting his sunglasses into Kurt's hand. "I know you're not supposed to hide behind them, and you have no reason to, Kurt. You're gorgeous no matter what the circumstance because of who you are on the inside, but maybe these can be your shield as we brave New York on our way to the hospital. First, however, can we stop for coffee and a muffin at your favorite coffee shop? You know, the one you showed me on our first outing to welcome me to New York. I was so excited this morning I forgot to eat." He knew Kurt hadn't eaten either because at the mention of food Kurt's stomach growled.
He was moved by the gesture. He felt the sunglasses that David put into his hand. He wished he didn't need them. He wished he could feel confident enough to go without them. He hadn't brought his with him only because Finn had said that he couldn't find them. "They're yours," David said. "I mean they're the ones that you bought me when you made me over."
Kurt smiled remembering that week. It had been a wonderful week. "Thank you," he said again. He settled the glasses on his face. "I was too nervous to eat, but you're right. I should have something in my stomach. No need to give Reid anything to yell at me for," he smiled. Kurt rose to his feet then, his cane out, immediately tapping into David. "Sorry, I thought I had it enough to the side," Kurt said blushing. He had gotten much better at it, but there was always room for improvement. "It feels like forever since I'd last been to that shop." Kurt admitted.
"Excellent," David said as he stepped up beside Kurt just like he'd read about in books and offered Kurt his arm. "Allow me to escort you then, good sir," David said all chivalry and gallantry. He was surprised when Kurt took his arm and allowed David to lead. It made David quite nervous since he'd never done anything like it before, but Kurt was patient and David walked slowly.
David sat Kurt down in the coffee shop and brought him his order and they slipped into an easy conversation. It was almost like old times. They were soon laughing and teasing each other talking about New York, David's work, Kurt's recovery, anything to keep Kurt's mind from stressing over the appointment that they were on their way to. The breakfast ended all too soon and it was time to face the music.