The next morning I sat quietly through breakfast, picking at my toast and half-listening to Nellie gossip with Viv and Rue.
"So apparently it's already been reported it to Max and now they're both on report!" Rue gushes.
"I heard they dropped him to the lowest ranking, and now he doesn't even know if he'll make the cut" Viv says conspiratorially.
"What's this about?" I ask, joining the conversation for the first time.
"Well" Nellie laces her fingers together eagerly, "You know Zane? One of the Dauntless initiates?"
I nod; he'd been on my war games team.
"Well apparently their instructor Ash caught him in the training room after curfew last night, getting er… quite cosy with a lady" she raises her eyebrows.
"Oh" is all I can think of to say. It was all well and good for them to be punished, but on report?
"Yeah, and that's not even the worst part. She's four years older than him!" Viv exclaims.
"Well, she's twenty and he's almost seventeen" Rue adds.
"Still!" Nellie scoffs.
I didn't even need to fake my surprise; so there was a rule against initiate/dependant relationships.
"So what'll happen to them now?" I ask.
"Well they're both under review; looking at how long it's been going on for and stuff" Rue says matter-of-factly.
"I heard she's already lost her job at the Tavern"
"Could you imagine getting your rank docked this far in? I'd just die!"
"And with someone so old, too!"
The three girls chattered away while I sat consumed with how close and serious my own situation was.
I'd wanted to tell Nellie about Eric since I first saw him standing on the edge of the building after we'd just jumped from the train. For such a long time it had just always been too complicated to talk about but now after hearing her judgements about Zane; I don't know if I ever could.
Especially with the choices I had to face, having someone to talk it over with would have made a world of difference; I don't know if I was strong enough to do it on my own.
Four didn't even have to call my name in simulation training anymore; we all knew our order and just flowed through it.
He seemed in better spirits this morning; whether that meant there were any more developments with Harley or just because he had a better handle on his work to personal life.
It was becoming very routine and before I knew it, the serum was injected and I closed my eyes.
I stood in absolute darkness, I couldn't even see my hands in front of me; but I could tell the exact model of handgun that was fitted perfectly in my right palm, trigger at the ready.
I listened intently over the sound of my own breathing for whatever fear I had waiting for me to spring out and attack me; but instead, a lone spotlight flicked on above me.
I had to squint against the sharp brightness of it.
It was then I felt the cold, undeniable barrel of a gun press into the back of my skull; the hammer clicked back.
"Choose"
A male's voice demanded.
I didn't dare turn around or even move a muscle under the threat of the aimed weapon.
"Choose who dies or you'll take their place"
As soon as the words leave his lips, two more spotlights come on.
An anguished sob escapes me as I see who stands opposite me.
On my left stands Sonia. Her hands bound by plastic cuffs as she looks at me despairingly, tear streaks down her cheeks.
On my right stands Eric. His hands also bound but where Sonia displayed fear, he showed defiance; his chin held high as his eyes met mine intently.
"Shoot one, or you'll be the one to die" the calm voice threatens as the barrel presses harder against my skin.
"I can't!" I cry, as my eyes flicker between the two in front of me.
A hand connected to the voice reaches forward and forces me to raise my weapon.
"Please don't make me!"
"You have until the count of three" the voice says sternly, "One"
I let out another whimper, the gun heavy in my hand.
"Two"
I stare at both of their faces, faces I love; faces I would die for.
"I won't do it" I shout and with my last seconds I look toward Eric.
"I'm sorry" I choke.
"Three"
The shot rings out and I can feel myself crumple to the floor, everything fades.
When I wake up in the chair, my tears are still fresh on my cheeks.
I sit myself up ready for Fours usual feedback; but instead of turning toward me, his eyes stay fixed on the screen as he frowns at the results.
"How did I do?" I asked after what felt like a lifetime of silence.
"Good" he said distractedly. He turned to face me, his eyebrows furrowed stressfully.
"Amy… Why didn't you shoot?"
"Hmm?" I have no idea why he's behaving so strangely.
"You were given two options and instead of choosing between them, you surrendered yourself"
"Was that the wrong thing to do?"
"No… no, it… it takes bravery to make that kind of sacrifice. What I don't understand Amy, is how you couldn't have made that decision?"
"I don't know" I shrug.
Four watched me suspiciously for a few seconds before he nodded towards the door, indicating for me to leave and send the next initiate in.
I got out of there as quickly as I could, hoping Four wouldn't hold on to what he'd seen me do in an attempt to save a certain leader, during my landscape.
Walking alone back to the dormitory after I was too tired to sit any longer at the dinner table, I passed by the tattoo shop. It was closed, its windows dark; but it drew my mind to Harley. I just wished I could see him.
Apparently he was released early this morning but with a few days off work, he'd just be resting. I could have visited him at his apartment but the threat of Eric and the too-close-for-comfort situation with Zane makes me reconsider.
The hallways are practically deserted; dinner was serious business to the Dauntless and a lot of them usually hung around well after the food was gone.
I was thinking about how good it was going to feel to have a full nights' sleep, when I heard another set of footsteps echoing my own.
I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up and I was just about to spin around defensively when Eric's huge shoulder caught up beside me.
I sighed in relief.
"Keep walking" he mumbles, eyes still fixed ahead.
"I need to talk to you" I say, following suit with my eyes forward.
"Not here" He glances over his shoulder calmly.
"Follow me" he crosses in front of me and starts up the corridor toward his place.
I look up and down the corridor before following.
There was a real tension in the air as we made our way through the apartment corridors, knowing at any second someone could come out of their front doors or turn the corners toward us; but thankfully we didn't see a soul.
It was only after we stepped through the threshold of his apartment that I felt like I could breathe again.
Eric hadn't said a word since the corridor; he shrugs out of his vest and hooks it on the coat rack.
"What did you need to speak to me about?" he asks over his shoulder as he gets a beer out of the fridge; he motions to me to offer me one but I shake my head.
"Well, two things actually" I sigh.
His face is unreadable.
"Firstly, did you know about Zane?"
Eric nods sombrely.
"I was in the meeting with Stryker this morning. She's in a lot of trouble"
"And Zane?"
"Less so" he takes a swig from his bottle, "The initiate will be disciplined, but it's her that will really bear the consequences"
"Why? They both knew"
"Stryker's old enough to know that what she was doing was inappropriate and the council deemed that she didn't do enough to end it" Eric sighs and his eyes drop from mine.
I know exactly what he's thinking because it's the same thing I am; that we're almost exactly in their shoes.
"She was suspended from her job this morning and we've been instructed to observe her interactions with the initiates from now on"
There was a silence, the weight of the situation on our shoulders.
"What will we do?" I ask quietly, his eyes yet to find mine again.
"I haven't figured that out yet, Amelia" he says grimly.
"You were in my fear landscape today" I say suddenly.
This transformed him completely; his head snaps up and his expression is solemn.
"What?"
"You were there. I had to choose… I had to shoot someone. There was Sonia- you remember Sonia?"
He gestured for me to hurry up and continue.
"Sonia and you, and I couldn't do it"
He moves around the table and comes to stand in front of me.
"Amelia, I need you to tell me every detail"
When I finish he rubs at the back of his neck agitatedly.
"Was Four supervising over the monitor?"
I nod and Eric slams hit fist down on the counter top.
"Fuck" he mutters.
He notices the fear in my eyes.
"It's fine, it wasn't your fault" he retrieves his beer and drinks, "Hopefully Four keeps his nose out of this"
I chew on my lip while Eric paces the kitchen restlessly. I knew he was just as concerned with Four pursuing my questionable-looking landscape results as I had been when I left the simulation room earlier today.
"Keep your head down for the next few days" he says suddenly; "I'll monitor the situation with Four… I'll make this disappear Amelia"
I smiled at him and he returns it with his own crooked one.
"I suppose that means I won't be staying over again for a while" I say with a small laugh.
"More or less" he snorts.
Our moment of normalcy was shattered by a sharp knock on the door.
I look at Eric wide eyed and watch his face cloud over.
"The bathroom" he murmurs, "Go. And don't come out until I come to get you"
I nod and scamper away to the bathroom as quietly as I can.