AN: Work is a tad busy so there may be a bit of a delay posting more, but I'll do my best! Hopefully this will hold you over. ;-)
At ten o'clock at night on a Tuesday, Amanda heard Sonny come home. In the bathroom brushing her teeth with the door open, she listened to his heavy footsteps walk further into the apartment.
"Hey," he called to her, his voice coming from the bedroom now.
She rinsed her mouth of remaining toothpaste. "Hi. You're done kinda late." After after eight o'clock was late to her now.
Sonny made a low noise of acknowledgement in response, which most likely indicated that his day had been difficult.
Returning her toothbrush to its rightful place, she got an idea. Or rather, a feeling. With a little hop, she perched herself on the counter top, bare legs dangling. "Hey, come in here for a sec?"
"Why?" he groaned, the adult equivalent of a whine. She couldn't blame him: over the years they had known one another, she had probably asked a lot of weird things of him at inopportune times.
"Because I need you for something," Amanda responded simply, absently studying the frayed cuticles around her nails. She was never one for manicures, much to her mother's chagrin.
When Sonny appeared in the doorway of the bathroom, his tie and jacket were off and he looked tired and annoyed. "Whaddya need?" he sighed. He was such a good sport; she hoped that all of his good deeds would be rewarded in the afterlife somehow.
"Come here, you can't see it from there. And shut the door."
Clearly disgruntled, he did what she said and moved toward her. Once he was close enough, she extended a leg out to hook around his waist. She grabbed his adorably confused face between her hands to kiss him, hard and passionate. He may have been surprised for a second, but soon he melted into her as if he had been waiting for it all along. The new stubble on his skin stung hers in the most pleasant way as their lips and tongues met over and over, quick and frenzied. She felt his rough hands traveling hungrily all over her, exploring familiar territory.
"I've been thinkin' about you all day," he said gruffly against her mouth, palms curving around her ass to pull her closer, so she was just barely balancing on the edge of the counter top. The throaty tone of his voice made her heart race in anticipation.
"Mm, shame on you, Detective, you had work to do," she murmured coyly, fingers making fast work of the buttons on his shirt.
She felt his hands beneath the hem of her tank top, sliding upward to grope greedily at her chest. "Shit," he breathed salaciously, "I love your t-"
"Mama?"
A little face appeared in the small space between the now-open door and its frame.
"Jesse!" Amanda yelped breathlessly, forcefully shoving Sonny away from her, sending him stumbling backwards. He looked stunned, back pressed against the wall, his body hidden from Jesse by the ajar door. She frantically adjusted her shirt, eyes on the toddler who was peering in at her from the hallway. "What are you doing out of bed?"
"I wanna snack," Jesse explained innocently.
"What? I... okay... it's late and, well, just go back to your room," Amanda stammered, fingers smoothing down her disheveled bangs.
"Is dad in there, too?" Jesse asked curiously.
"What? Of course not, no," she lied.
"You're not supposed to sit on the counter. You told me," the little girl added matter-of-factly.
"I know. I'm getting down right now. Go to your room, I'll be right there," Amanda insisted.
Jesse eyed her suspiciously for a moment before she padded back down the hallway.
Wide eyes back on Sonny, Amanda slapped a hand over her mouth. "Fuck."
Sonny now appeared more amused than horrified as he gingerly peeled himself off the wall. "Jesus, you're strong. I think you broke my shoulder," he groaned dramatically, circling his arm in its joint carefully.
"I did what I had to do," she replied, a little grin tugging at the corners of her lips as her heart rate slowed.
Smirking, he shook his head and took her chin between her fingers to inform her flirtatiously, "no, you'll be doin' what you have to do later."
"I met a guy."
Amanda stopped chewing, a mouth full of pizza. She looked over at Kim sitting next to her on her couch. "What?" she asked thickly.
Kim cradled Luca in her arms, feeding him from a bottle. "I met a guy."
"Kim..." Amanda sighed, tossing the crust of her slice back into the box on the coffee table. This was supposed to be a peaceful Thursday night, but in typical Kim fashion, she always had to keep her older sister on her toes.
"He's real nice, 'Manda. Seriously," Kim said.
"You've said that about every guy you've dated," Amanda reminded her.
"I know, but this one is different," she insisted.
"Where did you meet him?" Amanda asked skeptically.
"Bible study," her sister answered proudly.
"Is he a drug dealer?"
"No."
"In a gang?"
"No."
"How about the mafia?"
"No!"
"He have a record?"
"Amanda!"
She rubbed at her forehead and crinkled her nose, visibly anxious. "You don't always have the best judgement."
"His name is Connor and he knows everythin' about me, even that I'm on parole," Kim explained.
"That's an important detail," Amanda murmured sarcastically.
"I really want you to meet him," she whined.
"Meet who?" Sonny asked curiously, emerging from the bedroom to make his way to the kitchen.
"My boyfriend," Kim explained.
Sonny raised his eyebrows in surprise but kept his mouth shut as he opened the fridge.
"'Manda isn't bein' very open to the idea," Kim went on. "But I really want y'all to meet him."
"In my defense, every time you bring somebody around, I end up in jail or about to lose my job," Amanda scoffed.
Sonny cracked open a bottle of beer. "Why don't you two come over some night? We'll all have dinner."
Amanda's mouth hung open, speechless.
"Really? Oh, Sonny, that'd be great!" her sister exclaimed with a wide grin, so excited that she almost let go of Luca's bottle. She glanced smugly over at Amanda.
"He doesn't have a record, does he?" Sonny asked, and Amanda felt slightly validated.
"No..." Kim answered.
He took a swig of his beer. "Good. You're the only felon we allow in this house."
Amanda's Saturday nights were a lot different than they used to be. There was no excitement or chaos, but she had learned to find satisfaction in the mundane. Her favorite moments had become the quiet ones, when Sonny was home, Jesse was occupied and the baby was content. It was enough to just be around them all; they reminded her to practice gratitude. Her old life had been so fractured and lonely - now her heart was so full, some days she was certain it would burst.
She and Sonny sat on the couch, his long legs outstretched so his feet could rest on the coffee table, her own draped comfortably over his lap. He rested a crossword puzzle on her knee, stealing glances of the Yankees game on television between words. She fiddled with the surprisingly high-tech baby monitor Fin had bought them when Luca was born, the sleek little screen showing their baby asleep on his back in his crib. They could typically always hear him cry because their apartment wasn't very big, but Amanda liked visual confirmation that he was still exactly where he was supposed to be. Years working as a SVU detective had made her paranoid; Fin probably understood that.
With the monitor set on the end table, Amanda relaxed back into the couch, eyes on the baseball game. Although she was a devout Braves fan, she genuinely enjoyed watching the sport no matter what team was playing - even if she was no longer betting. Her concentration kept drifting, though, as she found herself worrying about Kim and whatever relationship she had gotten herself into now.
"Here, finish this for me," Sonny sighed, passing her the crossword, defeated.
Eager for a distraction, she took the puzzle into her own lap and scrutinized it, chewing on the end of his pen. It was almost completely filled in except for a few answers here and there. Most notably, 67-across was blank, which was fourteen letters long. That particular clue was 'words with a certain ring to them,' which Amanda considered a fairly average hint (over the years she'd known Sonny, she had gotten oddly familiar with patterns in crosswords). Competitive and determined to finish it, Amanda began to attempt to fill in the missing 'down' answers. She scribbled a 'w' here and an 'm' there, a random 'y,' brow creased in thought as she re-read the same clues over and over to try to get more clarity.
"This one's a real bitch," she murmured, pen paused between squares.
"Mm." Sonny's eyes were on the television.
Diligently Amanda plugged away, eventually scribbling in an 'a' and a 'i,' pausing her work only to catch an occasional exciting snippet of the baseball game or to glance at the baby monitor. Aaron Judge hit a home run, the bases loaded, a 'l' and a 'u.' Luca flailed a bit mid-dream, a 'm,' a 'r,' then a tentative 'e.'
"'Canary,'" she mumbled to herself, getting another 'r.' What was a six letter word for basement? "Oh, 'cellar,'" she finally concluded, scratching in an 'l.'
Blue eyes narrowed on the three remaining empty squares before the answer made sense. "Ha! I got it!" she exclaimed, finishing with an enthusiastic 'o' and 'y.' She held the puzzle up in front of her to proudly read the now-completed 67-across: "'will you marry me.'"
Her legs still resting across Sonny's lap, she felt something on her knee that distracted her from admiring her victory. When she looked down, she saw a small, dark blue box balancing there. It was cracked open: inside sat a perfectly oval solitaire diamond atop a delicate gold band. The ring winked up at her in the light; it was the most beautiful piece of jewelry Amanda had ever seen. The paper fell from her hands, the pen rolled beneath the couch. Her heart was in her throat.
Sonny's warm and familiar voice floated through her surprise: "Well, will ya?"
Words with a certain ring to them. Will you marry me? Amanda was frozen, eyes wide. There was heat creeping into her cheeks, spreading down her neck and chest. She couldn't determine if she was thrilled or terrified - maybe it was both. Either way, it felt like the moment a roller coaster dropped off of the edge of a steep hill.
"That's for me?" she croaked stupidly.
She heard Sonny laugh, shifting in his spot so his feet were off the table and his body was turned more toward hers. "Who else would it be for?"
Anybody else, she answered him in her head. Literally anyone else in the world, but not Amanda Rollins. Not the girl who grew up in a glorified trailer, the gambling addict, the loose cannon, the darkness to Sonny Carisi's light.
"I..." She remembered Kim telling her, things can be different, if you let them. Why did 'letting them' feel so frightening? Amanda had been shot, held hostage, punched and kicked and verbally abused in the line of duty - but none of that was as scary as the stunning ring that glittered before her.
Amanda finally looked over at Sonny, who was watching her face with so much anticipation and eagerness that it made tears spring to her eyes. He loved her and she knew it. She loved him, too - very much. If she had managed to battle fear for the sake of her job as a police officer, a life with Sonny Carisi was so worth overcoming any of her lingering demons regarding commitment. He was more valuable than anything.
"Yes. Yes," Amanda finally concluded, her own voice sounding foreign to her.
A combination of relief and happiness broke across Sonny's features at her answer. He kissed her hard and that's when tears slid down Amanda's cheeks; she was overwhelmed in the best way.
"C'mon, put it on," Sonny coaxed excitedly, picking up the little box between them. He carefully slid the ring on her: just over one carat, it rested perfectly on her trembling finger.
"It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," she breathed shakily, blinking down at it. She couldn't believe a hand wearing that was attached to her body.
"The stone was my grandmother's," he explained. "When I took your necklace to be fixed, they reset it for me."
Now she was practically sobbing, the salt of her own tears stinging her lips, her vision blurred. She had craved a family ever since she was old enough to realize that what she had was too disjointed and chaotic to support her. She had spent years trying to fill a void with risky behavior and toxic relationships, always insisting that mediocre was enough. There was a wholeness that Sonny provided that had allowed Amanda to feel a part of something real, something good - and the symbol of it now sat shining atop her finger.
"Amanda," he chuckled gently, thumbs grazing the wetness beneath her eyes. "Don't cry."
"I'm sorry, it's just..." Amanda used the heels of her palms to rub more tears away. She didn't know how to explain. She turned in her seat and slid her arms around him, squeezing herself against the side of his torso, her face buried in the warm crook of his neck. She felt Sonny's arms envelope her in return, holding her close. All she could whisper was, "thank you."