Lost track of Time a while ago.

I realize that being with him would always be a problem. I mean our past is filled to the brim with things such as our hatred. No matter how much it pains me now, I have the memory of hurting him. I have the moments when I punched him, hated him.

We still fight. I mean two hard headed, opinionated, nearly crazed males stuck together in a crammed space can lead to some serious bruises. It also made our past come up much more often than I would like.

Damn that alien is still annoying as hell. He hates to lose. Just like me. Has serious commitment and trust issues. Also reminiscent of me.

Alike in so many ways. So why can't we get along?

See the thing is I'm not particularly sure I even want us to. Fighting with him is almost as much fun as kissing him. Almost.

The rush is still there, that's for sure. In everything. A touch, a kiss, a brutal battle of wits.

I've never felt this way before. But, that's a given, since I've never done this with anyone before.

Zim is my first…well everything.

Fuck, now that I think of it he was my first fist fight, first enemy, first friend, first person I ever trusted as much as him, first kiss, first well, uh, lover…my first…love?

I don't freaking know. What is love? Never understood the concept and even now being around him it's all so foggy.

Hell, I don't even make sense to myself half the time anymore. I'm back to talking to myself and rambling like a moron. I'm catching the stupid from him.

It's like a disease. One that I'm kind of happy I have.

Okay he's passed out from the large percentage of pain meds his pak is giving him to help with the healing. He was more internally damaged than outwardly.

Now that I have time to write I can finally put down everything that's happened, everything that happened to Zim. He put it to me like this;

The armada hadn't been happy with him for a while. Obviously from the whole banishing thing and the stupid Tallest's transmission.

But, him claiming me as his Jemna was kind of the final straw. It's not only illegal, it's punishable by death. Zim says the Tallest were merciful.( hate the bastards) He disobeyed them, going out of the atmosphere during one of our numerous battles.

I can remember him becoming withdrawn after that. This was when he began to look out at the sky, checking his communicator for fear of them calling.

Apparently, he kissed me after he found out they were coming for him.

Then of course he thought he could get away. The note was meant to be goodbye. He would leave and try to come back. They couldn't know I was his Jemna.

He hadn't expected the Tallest to send the Hiyjak.

Ancient, brutal and nearly extinct assassins. The Empire kept only the best after the annihilation of their planet in exchange for their lives.

The Tallest knew only they could bring down such a moronic and destructive irken defect.

And they did. Only I interrupted.

They'd put a toxic chemical into his Pak. It sends the victim into a near coma.

Explains why I thought he was dead. I remember him pointing back at the shadows behind me. It chills my blood to think they were there. So close. I could've killed the bastards and stopped this from happening.

When I passed out they must've taken Zim with them. I never saw anyone come get him. Just assumed the Irkens had. So stupid.

After that, they took him back to the Massive where he was kept inside a cell. The hiyjak kept guard as they waited for them to return to Irk where Zim's final execution would be made public. They rid themselves of boredom by beating up the small irken. Of course Zim fought back the best he could. I do not doubt it.

Fortunately, one day he really fought back. They never expected him to keep trying. But he did and finally knocked them unconscious. Not enough to get out. But one of the guards had a transmitter on his wrist.

This was Zim's last chance. Irk was growing closer by the second. He used it to send me the Transmission.

Soon afterwards they regained their consciousness. That's what he was grimacing about in the video.

He knew I would be stubborn and stupid enough to keep digging, to keep trying. Knew I would come save him.

'Not that Zim needed saving'. Right, Space boy.

A.N:

And ta-dah the secret is revealed. XD
Don't worry people,...I love my fanfics with serious closure and a epic end.
This is not over yet. 5 Chapters left.