Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine. This prompt mentioned a past request that involved Leon having an allergy to goldenrod. Most of my stories involve Leon and Cloud really disliking each other. They've mellowed out in my more recent stories, but their friend-rival bickering and smart mouthing is still very present, and it makes a comeback in this ditty. Enjoy.
..:-X-:..
025 – Bless You
(For sonicdisney; Prompt: 'Leon was allergic to Goldenrod; maybe he and Cloud are on patrol, they come across a patch of it, and Cloud finds Leon's suffering funny.')
Cloud stayed as still as possible, leaning so far forward that he was practically on his stomach, peering through the tall grass out onto the open area. The Mushroom Heartless had been a nuisance around Radiant Garden over the past few weeks. It had taken up a habit of just showing up, bouncing around, throwing a hissy fit when somebody tried to help it, and then vanishing.
So far it hadn't attacked anyone or done any public damage, but the Restoration Committee wasn't willing to wait for those things to happen before dealing with it. So, for the past four hours, he and Leon had been assigned to hunt the thing down and settle this. Give it what it wanted or defeat it. Cloud personally favored the 'defeat it' option, as he had never come across a harmless Heartless.
He could see the little monster now, folding and unfolding its arms almost spasmodically, hopping this way and that before stomping and going back to fidgeting its arms. It had a mushy looking body, no weapons, and from what he could tell, an almost infantile intellect. Why in Kingdom Hearts the Restoration Committee had decided to send both he and Leon out to deal with this thing…That was like sending two birds to kill one worm…Just overkill.
Although, they would have dealt with this thing nearly two hours ago if it wasn't for—
A violent sneeze rattled the grass beside Cloud. The Mushroom Heartless looked up abruptly, wide eyed, and hopped away, vanishing into darkness. Cloud groaned and sat up.
"Seriously?" He glared over at Leon.
The other man straightened, "Shut up."
"I finally had a clear sight of the thing, and you sneezed…again." Cloud huffed, standing and stretching his back, sore from being hunched over for so long.
Leon did the same. "It's not my fault the damn Heartless decided to make a nest in Allergy City." He gestured to the grass around them.
Cloud shook his head. They were getting nowhere. By the time either of them ever got close to the Heartless undetected, without fail, Leon would sneeze and alert the thing. And it was a quick escapee.
"You better not get me sick," Cloud grunted, "Or I'll beat your ass."
"It's allergies, not a cold, you idiot." Leon snapped back, rubbing his temples against a headache.
Cloud pointed at him. "I have allergies. You have the Plague."
"Your voice is making my headache worse." Leon grimaced.
"Good." Cloud muttered, stepping out of the grass.
Leon moved around the perimeter. "It can't have gone far." He sniffed. "It left a magic trail this way."
Cloud looked over and registered the faint wisps of smoke that the teleportation had left behind as the Heartless fled. Mushroom Heartless could only teleport a terminal distance of about 20 meters. If they were lucky, it would run out of juice soon and they could trap it. That was, if one of Leon's sneezes didn't blast a hole in the wall and let it escape AGAIN.
The grass was getting thicker, though, and by the time they reached the next clearing, Leon's eyes were even more bloodshot and puffy, and his throat sounded nasty when he breathed.
"Are you allergic to nature or something?" Cloud hissed as they scouted for signs of the Heartless.
"Eat me." Leon grumbled.
Cloud snickered. It had become a pastime for him to get on Leon's nerves, and vice versa. It was even more entertaining when the other man was suffering like this. Although that didn't overshadow the frustration at making it take so long to find one frackin' Heartless.
"There." Leon ducked down suddenly, out of view. Then, almost immediately after, "Mother son of a…"
Cloud knelt down too, spotting the Mushroom Heartless fretting around close to the town perimeter treeline. He glanced to Leon to see why he had cursed, and quickly got his answer. They were kneeling in one of the thickest fields of goldenrod that Cloud had ever seen. The big yellow lumps of weeds were congregated around them, and Leon was practically face down in them.
"Stop breathing." Cloud warned in a hiss, creeping forward to close the distance between himself and the Heartless.
"You stop breathing." Leon snarled, inching backward in the opposite direction, to get out of the field of allergic death.
Cloud ignored him, setting his sword down in the soft grass and moving even closer. Even if the Mushroom Heartless turned out to be aggressive, he could handle it with his bare hands, maybe a spell or two. He didn't really need his Buster Sword. He still felt unarmed and vulnerable as he left it behind, though.
The Heartless had its back turned toward him still, and with no sounds coming from Leon, Cloud figured this would be his best chance. Careful to stay out of the Heartless's line of sight, he crawled out of the shielding grass and stepped closer. Just a little bit closer…
"Achoo."
Cloud was going to KILL that man.
The Heartless spun around and came face to face with Cloud, who was practically looming over it at that point, arms spread, ready to bear hug it to keep it from escaping. The monster yelped and started to spin into a teleportation. Cloud lunged forward, getting his arms around it before it did so.
It teleported anyway, deciding to take Cloud with it.
Nausea swam through him and it felt like he'd been dunked in a bucket of ice water. The sensation was fast and almost painful, but it ended just as quickly as it began, and he found himself sprawling across the hard rocky surface of the barren plains just beyond the town perimeter. The treeline was just five meters or so behind him. The Heartless was still in his grasp. It was running out of the ether needed to teleport. But, as it panicked in his arms, it mustered the energy to do so again.
"Aw crap—" Cloud grunted.
Another wave of nausea and ice water, and another slam, this time into the gnarled roots of the treeline itself. He rolled hard and came up on his knees, writhing with the thing as it thrashed in his arms. Leon was standing there, looking bewildered and red-eyed.
"Do something!" Cloud barked, wrestling with it.
"Do what?" Leon spread his hands. "Kill it?"
"Maybe!" Cloud was flung onto his back. The little beast had more kick left in it than he thought. "No, just…ugh…do something!"
The little Heartless eventually broke free and began to bounce away. Leon gave chase after it, and Cloud got up on his feet, grabbing his knees to get his breath back. Then he chased after them too. He rounded a corner just in time to see Leon cast a Fire Spell directly at the creature. The Heartless bounced slightly in the air the spell, then seemed to do a little dance and disappear.
Cloud slowed to a stop a few paces away. "What was that?"
Leon glanced back, started to answer, and then sneezed again, nearly stepping backward to counteract the force of it. Cloud snorted.
"It was shivering." Leon recovered enough to say. "I figured—" He sneezed again.
Cloud got his breath back, hands on his hips as he did so. "Spit it out."
"It probably—" Another sneeze. "—just wanted—" Another sneeze. "—to warm—" Yet another sneeze. "—up."
Leon was nearly doubled over from the effort of the multiple sneeze attack, and as he straightened, he groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, squinting his eyes.
Cloud just looked at him flatly. "Dude…"
"Go away." Leon mumbled, not opening his eyes.
Cloud shook his head and returned to the meadow, where he had left the Buster Sword. Picking it up, he glanced around at the field of goldenrod. He sniffed once, but felt no desire to sneeze. Allergies usually made him their bitch for a few weeks in the spring, whereas he had never seen Leon succumb to allergies like this. While he empathized to a degree, he also saw this as sweet revenge for the dark looks and snide comments that Leon usually sent his way.
Sometimes, he liked karma.
"So was that it?" Cloud asked as he rejoined with Leon at the town perimeter.
Leon was looking worse by the minute, but he replied. "Until it comes back with another problem."
"What, is it going to be too hot this time?" Cloud snickered.
Leon sneezed again, violently, and he momentarily stopped walking to recover himself.
"Stop doing that." Cloud snapped, but he was smirking. "We're not even close to the goldenrod anymore."
"It's probably on our clothes." Leon swatted at his jacket.
He sneezed again, but he seemed to try to stifle it this time, as it came out with a squeak. Cloud laughed at that very unmanly noise. Leon started to reprimand him for laughing, but another sneeze attack overtook him…all squeaky and ending with a high pitched noise.
Cloud counted eight successive sneezes, torn between amused and concerned. Leon had to stop walking, barely able to inhale enough air to exhale with the sneeze, and he nearly wiped out on the low wall of the Bailey. Cloud grabbed his elbow to keep him from keeling over and toppling off the edge.
"Watch it, stupid." He chuckled at him.
Leon shook him off, "Stop laughing at me, jerkass. This hurts."
Cloud couldn't stop laughing at him. "You're like freakin' Sneezy the Dwarf."
"I hate—" Sneeze. "—you."
"Yeah, yeah, c'mon, Your Phlegm-iness." Cloud tugged him in the direction of Merlin's house, since the continuous sneezing had rendered Leon almost unable to see where he was going.
Merlin's house was empty save for Private McCallister, who was running diagnostics on the computer. She glanced over as the two men stepped in, and she snapped up out of her chair at attention.
"At ease." Cloud muttered to her.
"You don't tell my soldier 'at ease'." Leon was winded. "At ease, McCallister."
McCallister remained where she was, "What happened, sir?"
Leon answered with a sneeze, and Cloud snorted.
"The Great Leon has been felled by a field of flowers." He remarked.
McCallister blinked.
Leon rubbed at his puffy eyes, "You're such a bitch."
McCallister balked, but Leon pointed at Cloud.
"Not you. Him"
The soldier looked uneasily to Cloud, who shrugged and moved toward the bathroom. Aerith usually kept a stock of first aid and medical supplies under the sink. As much fun as it was watching his rival have a mini-seizure with every round of unmanly sneezing, it was going to get annoying fast. Plus Tifa would kill him if Leon actually sneezed out a portion of his own brain and he made no effort to stop him.
There was a bottle of Benadryll in the cabinet and he unscrewed it. He popped a straw in it and returned to the front room, where McCallister was looking continually alarmed at Leon. Leon, for his part, had flopped onto the couch, exhausted from the effort of sneezing and breathing.
"You're so pathetic." Cloud snickered, handing him the medicine.
Leon snatched it from him. "Well, your hair looks stupid." He grunted, downing a good portion of the Benadryll.
"Ouch." Cloud remarked sarcastically. "Got me there, scarface."
"Dick."
"Bastard."
"Bitch."
"Fatass."
"Dumbshit."
"Sneezy."
"Bimbo."
"Seriously?" McCallister interjected. "You're acting like ten year olds."
Leon stopped downing Benadryll long enough to point at Cloud. "He started it."
The soldier looked tempted to roll her eyes, and only barely restrained herself.
Cloud grinned, crossing back over to the door. "Should I call Tifa?"
"…" Leon looked torn between embarrassed and in pain. "…I don't care."
Which meant yes.
Cloud snickered and nodded McCallister to the door. She gathered her things and left her superior officer to whatever dignity he could salvage out of this. Cloud pulled out his cellphone, dialing Tifa's number.
"Hey, did you find it?" Tifa picked up on the third ring.
"Yeah, but we've got a casualty." He stated lightly.
Tifa read his tone and groaned, "What happened?"
"Your boyfriend apparently has an allergy problem." Cloud didn't miss the middle finger that Leon threw his way. "He wouldn't stop sneezing. We're back at Merlin's, and he's getting drugged up, but I've got to finish the parol—"
"I'm at the Marketplace. I can be there in five minutes." Tifa replied.
"Great." Cloud said, "Just let me know if he dies. I'll have to file the paperwork."
"Ugh, Cloud." Tifa scoffed and hung up.
Cloud pocketed the phone and took up his sword again. "You owe me for taking your patrol this afternoon."
Leon kept his eyes closed, looking miserable where he lay on the couch. "Whatever."
Cloud left, but heard a final sneeze and a curse as he closed the door after himself.
..:-X-:..
A/N: A friend of mine had an allergic reaction a while back and literally could not stop sneezing for nearly two hours. A lot of Leon's pain and grumbling was inspired by my friend's reactions. However, I was a little nicer about it than Cloud. XD