A/N: I was complete fail at review replying, but I am totally going to blame it on FFn, because I was going to reply over the weekend, and it crashed. Right, that's why. Completely. Sorry.
Slurpy licks to my beta, Sioxuchef & endless thanks to The Usual Suspects.
I don't own anything related to this story - all copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners.
We sat on the couch again and watched a movie, enjoying a bottle of wine and each other's company. Bella brought her laptop with her and sent Angela email, asking her to plan a trip to visit, and replying to each of her new friends from the poly group in Seattle.
When our movie was over, we moved to the bed and snuggled close. Bella's cell phone rang again, and she left the room to talk to Angela. I curled up with Jasper and we shared soft kisses until we fell asleep, Bella's excited voice still chattering away in the other room.
BPOV
I wasn't ready to leave bed, but I needed to talk to Ange, so I answered my phone. We chatted for hours, ending with her booking her flight through the airline's website for a week from that night. Since Edward and Jasper purchased a full fare ticket, she could change it at any time. She would be staying with us for seven days, and I couldn't have been more excited.
The week passed with very little important conversation, plenty of together time, and lots of settling back into our routines.
On the day her flight arrived, the three of us picked Angela up from the airport and we rode the L back to our apartment, where Ange settled into the guest room. The Fire had a game that night, so we agreed to go to dinner and then the game, leaving very little time for the four of us to talk and catch up. Edward and Jasper were going on a date the next night to give us girls some alone time, but we enjoyed our time with Angela as a group, first at dinner and then Edward and I in the stands with her when Jasper was playing. Jasper was kind enough to take Angela to meet some of her favorite players and get a few photos and autographs, which made her whole trip.
We collapsed back at the house and tucked in for the night; Angela was exhausted from the flight and the fun of the game.
The next morning we all woke up fairly early and got ready for the day, deciding to grab brunch at Toast, which had become one of my favorite breakfast spots since moving. We got seated and ordered, then began to talk as we ate.
"So what do you girls have planned tonight?" Jasper asked.
"Well, it's definitely a wine night," Angela said as she laughed. "It's a good thing you boys are going out, because I'm going to make Bella spill all sorts of details."
"That reminds me, what are you guys doing tonight?" I asked.
I looked back and forth between Edward and Jasper, sitting across from us. Slipping my feet out of my flip flops, I placed one on either side of Jasper's body, which meant one was between the two boys. Each of them put a hand down to my leg, giving us a fleeting physical connection to each other in such a public setting.
"Just dinner and a movie, nothing major." Edward smiled at me as he answered and I knew he was trying to soothe the sting of them going out without me. It would be the first time two of us had paired off to do something romantic and date-like intentionally. I wanted to be home with Angela, and I wanted them to have a nice time without me, but I'd have been completely lying if I tried to claim it didn't smart.
"Try not to come home and take advantage of poor, drunken Bella again, okay? I don't need to hear that all night..." Angela tried to keep a straight face as she talked, but dissolved into giggles.
The boys laughed, too, but then I saw Jasper give me the briefest of glances and a shiver went up my spine as he winked. I blushed, both because Angela had just revealed to both of them that she knew about our first time together, and at the thoughts and memories those first few days provoked in me.
"We'll try, but no promises," Jasper said, quickly turning to smile at Ange.
We spent the day at the Shedd Aquarium and, like most public outings with Jasper and Edward, I took turns holding their hands or snuggling up with them. Angela took a picture of us in front of an exhibit and it was the closest we had been to each other physically while in public on this trip – all lined up together, arms around each other and expressions beaming happiness, I was sure. I asked her to email me the photo, since we didn't have many of all of us together yet.
After stopping at the store to stock up on girl's night snacks and drinks, the boys helped carry the bags into the apartment and then changed for their date. We said goodbye at the door as usual, Angela pretending not to watch and listen as we kissed softly and reminded each other of our love for one another. Edward cupped my cheek in his hand, seeming especially sensitive to my ache at watching them leave together. I both appreciated his actions and hated that it was so obvious.
"Our turn next," he whispered as he embraced me.
I knew Jasper had some away games coming up and the idea that we would go out for a night together was thrilling. During the school year, we were both too caught up in studying and life to go out when Jasper was gone, but his words made me smile at the prospect.
Once they were gone, we made popcorn, opened the bag of potato chips and dumped peanut M&Ms into a bowl, setting everything out on the table. I uncorked the wine and poured it into a beautiful decanter the boys had before I moved in, and we let it sit while we sipped Coke and watched Some Kind of Wonderful, the first movie in our queue of chick flicks for the night.
I had turned the ringer on my phone off during the movie, but snuck into the bathroom to check for a text from the boys once it was over. Sure enough, Jasper had texted me that he was missing me, and I smiled and sent a quick text back. When I got back, I noticed Ange had poured our wine and we agreed to take a break and talk. Each of us stretched out on the couch, facing each other, our legs side-by-side.
"I miss this," I said to her, knowing she'd pick up on exactly what I meant.
"Yeah," she sighed as she spoke. "I have a new roomie, but it's just not the same."
"Oh yeah? Who is she, anyone I know?"
Angela giggled before answering. "Uh, yes, you do, but it's not a she – Ben moved in."
I squealed in delight. "Really?! Ohmygod, are you having the best time ever?"
She nodded and went on to tell me all about them sharing a room, and the trials and tribulations that came with it. I had to laugh.
"Ange, next time you think it's tough to adjust to Ben living there, imagine everything he does times two."
We giggled, sipping more wine as we both let the thought sink in.
"You know what, though? It's all worth it, isn't it? When you wake up, and there they are. Or, the little moments in the bathroom brushing your teeth together? It's really those times that I try to remember, not when the trash can is overflowing and a heated game of 'who can stuff the can most full' is going on."
"Oh crap, you should have seen one week... Ben made me so angry with being lazy, I decided not to do the dishes and leave them for him to notice and wash, right? This went on until we had no clean dishes, B! None! Then he looked at me one afternoon and asked why there weren't any plates."
The more the wine flowed, the more giggly we got, swapping stories (both good and bad) about our men. After a few minutes, I let out a long sigh. We had begun to talk about the future, and I knew it was time to come clean with her.
"Ange, they proposed."
She gasped, and then looked at my left hand. Her face scrunched in confusion, and I pointed to my right hand, where the beautiful ring they had given me rested.
"Edward got down on one knee, but I said 'no.' I could never marry just one of them, you know?" My eyes began to tear up, explaining the situation to her. "It would never feel right. So, we talked it out and I explained why I said no, after a lot of tears and heartache. I explained to them how we could arrange things legally, and then we all three asked each other to commit to 'us' forever. It was really beautiful, we were outside camping in a tent, which doesn't sound romantic at all, but there were gorgeous pillows around and … it was just perfect for us." I looked out of my wine glass and up at Angela and she had a huge grin plastered across her face. "They wanted me to keep the ring, so I did and I'll wear it over here until we go through with the ceremony, or unless we decide on something else. Why are you giving me that look?"
"Ben and I took bets on how long it would take them to propose. We weren't sure how you'd work it out, just that you'd figure a way to do it. I win, he had your one-year anniversary picked."
I thought back to our many conversations, and her reassurances that the three of us seemed made for each other.
"What about you and Ben? Have you talked about it?"
Angela blushed and I knew I'd caught her. She looked up and me and smiled. "Yeah, we have. We haven't set a date and he hasn't formally proposed yet, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time."
"Oh, Ange!" I squealed, the wine clearly taking effect. "You have to come to Seattle when we have our ceremony. Would you? Please?"
"Are you kidding, Bella? I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'm honored to be invited! Why Seattle, though?"
"Well, you know we all grew up in Forks, right?" She nodded. "Our families are all there, and Edward is hoping to match to Seattle Children's Hospital for his residency. It just made the most sense to do it back home where a few of our close friends and family can be there, too."
"Oh shit, B, does that mean Charlie knows?" Angela never was one to mince words; she went straight for the jugular.
"Gah. I don't know for sure. I didn't want to tell him, then he saw Jasper and me when we went to lunch at his house. I felt so bad for Edward, because we all had dinner the next night and he basically got left out. We're going back for Christmas, and for Charlie and Sue's wedding, but I just don't know if I can tell him."
I bit my lip as I looked back up at her; she had never judged me, but I knew she was going to have strong feelings about this topic. Angela and Charlie had formed a unique phone friendship while we lived together. He would call to talk to me and they would end up spending a few minutes chatting. He always asked me about her, and vice versa.
"Why not? He seems like an okay guy. I'm sure he wouldn't be enthusiastic about the idea of his little girl with two hot men, but …"
She trailed off, and I really thought about why I hadn't trusted him enough with the information. It was only then that I realized a great portion of the real reason why I had been so reluctant: I was ashamed.
I gulped the last of the wine in my glass before trying to find the words to explain to her. I felt my eyes tear up against my will, and searched for the words. I decided to go with blunt. "How do you explain to your dad that you're fucking two men at once, sometimes at once? I'm so embarrassed."
Hot, wet tears fell against my cheek and I made no move to hide them anymore. I set my glass down and buried my head in my hands, sobbing freely.
"Bella, honey." Angela's arms wrapped around me as she continued to speak. "If it was just fucking, that would be one thing, but everyone that knows you knows it goes far beyond that. Especially now, with you three talking about spending the rest of your lives together. There's nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of."
I leaned into her embrace and realized Alice had been right all this time.
"That's what Alice said," I whispered against her shoulder.
"Alice?"
"Yeah, I've been talking to her through email. She lives in Seattle and is part of a triad. We were talking about families, and ceremonies, and how you tell the people you love. I tried to explain to her that Charlie would just never understand, but she said if he loved me, he would at least try."
Angela reached over to the Kleenex box and handed me a few tissues. I sat up and wiped my nose and face, composing myself a little more.
"But," I continued. "How do I explain it to him, Ange?"
Her face softened and a wide smile appeared.
"Sometimes, Bella, there is no explanation for love."
I let her words sit in my brain while she poured us each more wine. I popped a few pieces of popcorn into my mouth and thought about what she said. From the very beginning, I had a sense of shame over what I had done with Jasper and Edward, and it was something I was clearly reluctant to admit to myself, much less talk to them about. I knew I couldn't let things stay that way for much longer, I would need to find a better place in my head to be.
"So, tell me about Alice," Angela said, interrupting my thoughts.
"Well, we're planning to move back to Seattle, so I did some digging around and sent an email to one of the poly groups there."
She held up her hand. "Poly group?"
"Yeah, poly – polyamory. So, Esme, Edward's mom, did a ton of research for me. Here I thought we were so unique and strange in this predicament with each other, but it turns out there are people all over living this way. Some of them are in triads, three people, like Jasper, Edward and I, but there are endless configurations."
"Alice is in a triad – so is she with two guys, like you?"
I shook my head. "No, she's actually with one guy and one girl."
Angela gasped at that information. "Wait, wait, wait. So like, she has a girlfriend and a boyfriend?"
"Yes," I said, laughing. "They all live together and are actually in a similar situation to us."
"So, does everyone poly live together and have, well, relations with each other?"
"Nope," I said shaking my head again. "There's this other girl I talk to, Victoria. She's dating two guys, but she's in what they call a vee – neither guy is involved with the other, they just both date her. Sometimes it's two couples, dating each other, and I'm sure there are other configurations I haven't even thought of."
Angela sat back, as if I had just dropped a bomb of information on her brain, and I suppose I had in many ways.
"It's not like non-stop sex, Ange." I felt like I could see the wheels turning and she was starting to go someplace in hear head much different than the realistic version of our relationship. "We fight, and things get complicated. Sometimes I feel ganged up on. Sometimes one of them does. Tonight, I'm jealous that they're out alone with each other," I ended with a sigh.
"I don't think I could do that. How are you not spending the entire night pouting?"
"Well, first of all, I'm having fun with you. It's not like I'm sitting at home waiting for them to get back from a hot date. Secondly, I realize that each of us will pair off with one other person sometimes. I did some reading, enough to know that jealousy is normal. You can't just shut off that emotion, you just have to accept it, deal with it, process it, and move forward."
"Huh."
"I miss them, sure, and I already said I'm jealous, but there will always be situations like this. Jasper leaves next week for some away games, and I'll get alone time with Edward. Before I moved, they had each other. We try to balance it out as much as we can, but even through the jealousy, we make each other stronger. When Edward and Jasper go out alone, it makes me ache for both of them and being together again is, well," I paused, unsure of how detailed I wanted to get. "More intense, let's just say that."
She caught my smirk and I blushed, completely unable to hide my reactions to the implication.
"Okay, looping back around, I still think you should tell Charlie, B. What's going to happen when he suddenly gets an invite to a three-way commitment ceremony?"
I nodded, taking another large gulp of wine. "I know, I know. I actually think he's already suspicious. He called the other day and peppered me with questions about why I was moving back home, and what we were going to do for living arrangements."
"Well, maybe ease him into it. He knows you're going to live together?" she asked, and I nodded again. "Okay, so for now, maybe that's just where you leave it. When you see him at Christmastime, maybe that will be a good moment to bring it up again. When were you thinking of having the ceremony? Will you already be planning it by then?"
"Yeah, we're thinking over the summer after we move back and get settled. Jasper will have another break in his playing schedule, so we could take a short honeymoon."
Just then, a key slipped into the lock on the door and we dissolved into a fit of giggles at the unspoken idea of the three of us on a honeymoon. Edward and Jasper came in and raised an eyebrow at us, only fueling our near-hysterical laughter.
"Honey... honey..." I gasped for breath, between trying to spit the word out, even though one single word couldn't possibly explain what was so fucking funny. "Honeymoon."
The men simply shook their heads at us and wandered back to the bedroom. It took a few more minutes of giggling for us to settle down, and by then we both realized it was getting late. We had shared an entire bottle of wine together, and Angela helped me pack up the snacks we hadn't managed to scarf down while watching our movie.
"Thank you," I said, as I hugged Angela goodnight. "I needed to hear what you had to say. Thank you."
She giggled again, and I almost lost it, my none-too-sober grasp on composure tenuous at best.
"Just make sure I don't hear any of what you have to say from now until about nine o'clock in the morning, okay?"
Angela laughed through the whole sentence, and when she was done, we both held onto each other as we shifted back into a fit of giggles. It was nice to have someone to laugh and joke with about life. Someone smart, to give me feedback. Someone who knew me, and could really speak to my heart. Alice had been great to talk to, but our friendship was so new and she didn't understand the intricacies of my life. She didn't know Charlie, and she didn't really understand how he might react.
My laughter dissolved into tears again, before I could even control it, and I mentally cursed the wine we'd drank too much of. I slid down the wall and sat on the floor as Angela did the same. She held me in her arms again, and I set my head on her shoulder to let the tears out. Not long after we sat, I felt hands at my back and looked up to see Edward standing there.
"Are you okay? What's wrong, love?"
"Too much wine," I said through my tears and sniffling, hoping it would be enough of an explanation.
He scooped me up and said a few things to Angela, then carried me to bed. I sat on the edge, still crying, somehow crawling deeper into my pit of self-pity at the shame and guilt I felt, as he undressed me. Once I was undressed, he took his own clothes off and then he and Jasper helped me get into bed between them.
The room was dark and I could hear myself crying still, but my brain was fuzzy and beginning to ache. Both of their warm bodies turned to mine, arms crossed over my abdomen, and I felt like I only had the energy left to ask one question, knowing my wine-soaked brain would allow it through the filter and common sense I normally had.
"Do you think I'm a whore?"