Title: Underneath – Part 24: "Daisy Dukes"
Author: Lilang Luha
Rating: T
Genre: romance, shonen-ai, comedy, fluff, drama, eventual AU? eventual smut?
Pairing: Roy x Ed, others
Author Notes: Don't own FMA. Blah, blah, blah. See the Prologue.
Previous Chapters: My LJ Memories Page (user "lilang_luha") or FFnet
Status: Continuing
Spoilers: None
Summary: Ed in schoolgirl outfit. Love triangle, or octagon. Amestrian school. Drama and Quirk. Yadda yadda…

Chapter 24: Daisy Dukes

He barged into the Colonel's residence without noticing Roy quietly reading by the sofa. He slammed the door shut with one wet shoe then made his way toward the fireplace. He threw a thick book, a paper with a list, and a smaller piece of paper with a phone number at the fireplace. The boy was muttering in the process, seemingly pleased at watching the last piece of paper burn into smithereens.

"Stupid pervert coach. Don't want your stupid phone number. Stupid team. Stupid school." He muttered. "Can't keep hands to himself. Stupid pervert."

"You're all wet," Roy commented, shutting his book.

Ed bristled, droplets of water shaking off from his body onto the floor. "Shut up!" he snapped, making his way to the kitchen. "I've had a long day. I don't need you harassing me and spouting your bullshit. And I told you before, I don't get sick."

Roy stood up then motioned to the floor. "I know. Since you're as hardy and stubborn as a weed, I've ceased to care. Unfortunately, my hardwood flooring is rather delicate, so I'd appreciate it if you at least took off your shoes by the door or dried them on the rug. I hate wet puddles in the house. I've had to incur many housing repair costs since you and your brother have lived here and would rather have no more. Have I ever been paid back for any of it? Nooooo."

"Bah. It's not like you can't afford it." The boy said from the kitchen. He filled a cup with water before drinking it in one gulp. He then rummaged through the fridge, finding no leftovers to appease his complaining stomach. "Ah, fuck."

The Colonel leaned a shoulder lazily on the kitchen entrance as he watched Edward in his quest for food. Roy pointed at the cupboard, saying, "We have instant meal there."

Edward opened it, not seeing anything edible. "Where?"

"Up there." Roy smirked; it was too amusing. "On the top shelf."

The blond stretched his flesh hand as far as he could, only able to reach the second shelf. Too stubborn to ask for help, he looked around the room for a stool or chair to use. It wasn't the first time the Colonel had his fun with his height, so he tried his best to block the man's annoying smirk from his mind. He instantly found a stool behind the counter. The man wouldn't win this time. He was hungry. He wanted food. Now. He dragged the stool toward the cupboard. By the time he settled it to a good position, Roy plucked the instant package from the top shelf, and then shoved it in front of his face.

Ed didn't take the package. He stared dumbly at it for a moment before his face scrunched into dangerous, seething anger. He inhaled deeply then yelled a slew of curses and insults in his usual loud, brash manner.

Roy couldn't help but smile, despite the ringing in his ears and the fear of all his glassware breaking from such a loud onslaught. There was something terribly satisfying about irking the boy. After Ed paused to take a breath, Roy said, "Why, you should thank me instead of insulting me. Isn't this what you wanted?" He waved the yellow package in front of the boy's face.

The blond growled, snatching at the package.

Roy pulled it away, causing Ed to grab nothing but thin air. The blond looked up to see the food raised above the man's head, impossible for him to reach. Worse, the man had the tell-tale smirk and the amused glint in his eyes. Like an annoyed cat, the hair on the back of the blonde's neck rose visibly.

"Give it to me!" he snapped.

"I don't think I was properly thanked." The Colonel said.

Ed sputtered something incoherent but clearly vehement.

"I didn't have to get it for you. I was being nice; no need to give me an attitude."

At that statement, the boy hesitated. "Yeah, yeah… thanks," he mumbled.

Roy handed him the food. "That wasn't so hard now, was it?"

Edward pouted as he ripped the plastic open. "I still haven't forgiven you about that lie."

Roy sighed in resignation. The boy's stubbornness knew no bounds, but he'd eventually get him to believe. "At least you're angrier at someone else at this moment." He watched the blond fill a small pan with water then placed it on the stove. "Did you speak to Coach Rini?"

"That perverted old man."

"Ah, so you did." Roy paused. "And?"

"And he was impressed at my show of strength and will allow me to try a practice run with the team tomorrow." Edward answered in a clipped voice. He tried to hide his embarrassed blush.

Roy watched his expression then smiled amusedly. "Let me guess, the old geezer groped you then you threw him against the wall. After that, he sprang up in joy upon finding a strong woman with a good arm for his team and then proceeded to give you the spare uniform."

"I don't understand why you find this so funny!!" Ed snapped. "It's probably because you both are perverted old men."

"Did he REALLY give you a spare uniform?"

Edward blinked. "Yes… I put the bag on the counter. What's wrong with it?"

Roy retrieved the bag then took out the team's uniform shorts. It was navy, in adherence to the school's colors, but it didn't look anything like regulation lacrosse shorts. It was too short, almost as short as what the volleyball team wore.

Edward gawked. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" he shrieked.

Roy smiled a little too happily. He pulled the elastic waist-band like an accordion. "It's your team uniform," he stated gaily. "Everyone knows about the Academy Eagle's Lacrosse uniform. The girls don't seem to care. Since Coach Rini arranged for these new uniforms, the girls have won championship after championship."

The boy fumed expectantly. "I am NOT wearing that! It's too short! Too tight! I can't hide my gender with those… those…"

"Daisy dukes?"

"SHUT UP!"

Roy pouted. "But it's not that tight, it's just short. If you tuck out the front of the shirt, nothing will be revealed."

"You're just trying to get back at me for what happened in the classroom, dammit."

"Of course, if you want to delay your investigation so we can get you a uniform to your taste---."

The boy growled, snatching the shorts and the bag. He tossed them back on the counter.

-----

Edward tucked his shirt out alright. He locked himself inside a locker room stall to don on the scandalous outfit. He was appalled that the Colonel had been right. It wasn't as tight as he thought and tucking the shirt out hid anything… suspicious. Of course, the Colonel expertly knowing the workings of said uniform only confirmed the fact that the man was indeed a pervert who watched the Lacrosse Team on more than one occasion. He shook his head from the thoughts. He waited for the girls to leave the locker room, rolling his eyes at how they would talk about how much her daddy bestowed upon her as allowance.

"I couldn't believe Daddy gave me this car from Chesterfield for my birthday," a girl whined. "How cruel! And it wasn't even in black."

"Tsk." Another girl chimed in. "It's bad enough that it's from that dump Chesterfield, but couldn't your dad have given you the right color?"

Edward fought the urge to bang his head repeatedly against the stall door. Once he knew for certain that the entire locker room was quiet, he rushed out and met the other team members on the field.

He was surprised not to see the perverted old geezer, and instead, found himself facing a team of girls clad in their white, eagle-crested shirts and short shorts. He was none too happy to see Melinda Bradley placing her hands on her hips and lifting her nose in the air. It was her silent way of asking: what the hell are you doing here?

A beautiful blond girl stepped out from the group. "Are you Edlynn Hawkeye?" she asked, voice soft and honey-sweet. She smiled at him, her wide, green eyes welcoming. She was dazzling, as if she was surrounded by sparkling, bright stars. Yet Edward couldn't help think that she looked a little familiar. At least her eyelashes did.

"Uh, yes. Yes, I'm Edlynn…"

"Oh! Wonderful!" she said. "Coach Rini had a meeting to attend, so I shall be heading practice today. He told me you wanted to try Lacrosse for the day." She extended a slender, pale hand. "I'm the Senior Team Captain Catherine. Nice to meet you!" It surprised Ed that someone so gracious would be the team captain. He was even more surprised that the other girls looked at her with admiration in their eyes, even the Bradley girl.

He extended his automail and shook hands with her. "Nice to meet…" Edward didn't feel any pain on his automail, but he heard the sound of loud, cracking metal. His eyes widened as the girl's impossibly firm grip visibly created a crack from the palm to his elbow.

"Oh! Oh, my!" she apologized, pulling free and placing a hand on the back of her head from embarrassment. "I'm so sorry. I sometimes don't know my own strength."

Edward's jaw dropped as he lifted the palm close to his face. Luckily, the crack wasn't deep enough to cause any damage so there really was no need to call attention to it. A nice girl with normal body proportions shouldn't have gargantuan strength. He flexed his hand. "Um, uh… it's okay…"

"I'm glad you have automail though. I would have injured you if I forgot to control myself. Normally, the Coach doesn't consider people with automail, but he said you have a good arm."

"I guess." He flexed his hand again. He just couldn't believe it.

"I'm so happy you came today." She clasped her two hands in glee. "Today we practice sparring with partners. Since you are new here, let's be partners together!"

"HUH?" Edward's eyes bugged out. He started imagining what would have happened if he shook hands using his human hand. "W-wait! Maybe we should draw straws?"

She giggled. "Nonsense. No need to be shy now just because you're new and I'm captain." She grabbed the automail hand, luckily keeping her strength in control for that moment as she dragged him to the other side of the field.

The girls all turned in unison to claim positions with their partners. He glanced at Catherine's back, his blood suddenly running cold as ice. Printed in large, bold letters above the number seven was the last name "Armstrong."

---

When Edward returned home, he was, once again, sopping wet from the afternoon rain. He hated getting wet, but the rain provided him with an excuse to leave the team practice early. He was in such a fit of panic to get away from a certain blond girl that he decided not to change in the locker room stall and simply run straight home in the scandalous outfit. It was stupid, but at least he could save his remaining limbs.

The teammates were all very good at what they did and Ed wasn't surprised they won many trophies before. But since he was subject to the challenge of saving his own life as the Armstrong girl (with no control over her strength) wielded that pole, he couldn't fully appreciate their talent. He didn't bother taking off his shoes because he wasn't sure if he could even bend down without feeling sore and achy.

He heard loud talking in the kitchen; hence he sauntered over to investigate the commotion. He stood by the doorway, seeing Roy with arms crossed against his chest and Alphonse holding the cat. His brother stared at his feet forlornly. Mr. Cherry stood next to Roy, having very visible scratch-marks all over his jolly face.

Ohhhh, hell.

Edward wanted to turn his heel and not get involved in this fight, but Al was looking so sadly at his feet that it was heartbreaking.

"Alphonse, you can't keep the cat." Roy scolded. "I'm usually tolerant of damages to my house, but Mr. Cherry is irreplaceable."

"B-but Mr. Ho didn't mean it." Al said. "I'll discipline him."

"It doesn't matter, Al. He's wrecked havoc in this household ever since we've taken him in. We can't keep him if he continues to misbehave. I know your brother would agree. Ms. Steltz has other friends that can help her."

"I'm sorry, Colonel." Al sniffed.

"He'll need to go tomorrow."

Al's helmet nodded. He continued to stroke the cat sadly.

"Just hold on one second," Edward said, moving into the kitchen. "it wont be long until Ms. Steltz recovers. What's the harm in keeping him for another week or two?"

"Nii-san!" Al exclaimed happily.

Roy's eyes lowered half-mast in annoyance. He motioned to the gnome. "Do you realize what this is? Claw marks. He clawed Mr. Cherry. On the face. In cold blood."

"Bah." Edward flipped a hand. "I've caused more damage than that damned cat, and you haven't kicked me out yet."

"That's different."

Ed shook his head. "Besides, having a pet is good for this household. It's all so boring and musty with nobody around. And it keeps Al good company. You ever notice how happy he is to have a pet?"

"I'm not budging on this issue, Edward." Roy bit out in his commanding tone. "We are not keeping that cat. Period."

Hearing that tone irked Edward. "Oh?" Edward said, his voice snide. "So you let Al talk to Ms. Steltz and indulge in deeply sexual conversations, but you won't let him keep a harmless pet?"

"I told you that he needs to learn sex someday!" Roy snapped, losing his temper. "This is about Mr. Cherry's safety!"

"Well what about Al's safety, huh?" Ed snapped back, voice slowly rising. "You know how corrupt his mind must be now? Just the other day, he went to the Hungry Pussy! THE HUNGRY PUSSY! The stupid gnome should be the least of your concerns! You're such a pervert that you don't even see anything wrong with Al indulging in these dirty things anymore, do you?" He jabbed a finger on the man's chest. "Do you want him to grow up to be a pervert too? Huh?"

"Don't jab!" Roy said. "I hate it when you do that."

"Then stop being such a bastard!" Ed flailed his arm about.

"Nii-san," Al said, pointing at his cracked arm. "What happened?"

Ed stopped his flailing. He stared at the large crack. "Oh, it's nothing, Al. Just a small crack."

Roy grabbed his wrist, inspecting the damage. "I don't know. You should have this checked." He frowned, the previous conversation completely replaced by concern.

Edward snatched his wrist back. "My arm's still functional. This type of damage won't make a difference!"

"It won't hurt to have it inspected." Al pointed out. "Better to be safe than sorry."

"Sometimes there's more damage than meets the eye." Roy reasoned.

"Just call Winry." Al told him.

Al and Roy stared at him unyielding. Edward blinked. Since when did they gang up on him? Wasn't he the one defending Al from Roy?

"Nii-san." Al said expectantly.

Edward knew it. The nature of Al's voice meant more nagging would ensue if he didn't listen to his younger brother. Ah, hell.

He brandished them with a scowl before leaving to make a phone call.

----

"YOU WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!??" a voice shrieked over the telephone.

Edward could feel cold sweat on the back of his neck. "Uh, yeah, kind of. I mean, it was an accident and---."

"DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK FOR ME TO MAKE THAT FOR YOU, YOU UNGREATFUL TURD!!"

"Um, well you see…"

"I'M GOING TO DO MORE THAN KILL YOU, YOU IDIOT! I'M GOING TO CHARGE YOU DOUBLE FOR REPAIRS AND TRAIN EXPENSES!" Winry heaved heavily over the phone, calming down after a few breaths. "And for a fancy hotel too."

"Okay," Ed said quickly. "Now that we have that settled, I guess I'll see you---."

"I'm taking the next train tomorrow over and inspecting it myself. Which dorm are you staying at now?"

"Actually… we're at someone's place."

"Really? Where?"

"Uh…" the boy twirled the cord around his finger. He didn't want to tell Winry they were mooching off someone.

"Ed, are you keeping something from me?"

"N-no! We're staying at the Colonel's."

There was a distinct pause. "Oh? Why are you at the Colonel's?"

"I'm usually in school and Al's usually at that Nora lady's house so we're not even really here most of the time---."

"Why would you go to school? Who's Nora? What's going on?" Winry interrupted.

"It's… complicated. And Nora's some lady that Al talks to all the time. Why don't you just ask Al about her?" Ed said, wanting nothing more than to get out of the conversation. It didn't seem to bode well at the moment. "He's in the kitchen right now. You want to talk to him?"

"You're too eager to get off the phone. Ed, did you really break your automail from a fall?" She said, sounding suspicious and slightly agitated. "I don't make low-quality automail that breaks from a stupid tumble down the stairs."

He imagined her holding a wrench next to the phone receiver. "Yes, I fell." He answered, wincing.

There was another distinct pause. He thought she left already but was reminded of her presence when she spoke. "I'll be there tomorrow afternoon." She hung up before Ed could bid her good-bye. He stared at the receiver for a moment, slightly perplexed. He expected her to at least yell one last time before hanging up. He put the phone away, resigned to the fact that girls never made sense anyway.

He turned around to make his way back to the kitchen but was promptly stopped by a brown jacket thrown at his face. "Mmmph!" He stumbled back a step before taking it off his head. "What the hell?"

"Fury says it's alright if you borrow it," Roy informed the boy. He stepped into the living room, grabbing a leather-bound book from the shelf. "he says it's a spare he never uses, and since you're both the closest in size, it shouldn't look too awkward. Nights are getting colder especially with the recent wave of rain."

"I told you I don't need this."

Roy sat on the couch, opening the book. "If you accept that and use it, I'll let your brother keep the cat."

The blond gave a pause. Why was it so important to this man? The cold weather was nothing compared to what he had been through, so why is it such a big deal? Keeping the cat would "compromise Mr. Cherry's safety." Then again, the blond only wanted Alphonse to be happy. Edward didn't answer, but he sat on the other end of the sofa holding the jacket. Roy didn't bother to push the issue, although took the silence as an agreement to the terms.

"And you should dry yourself off," Roy continued, not looking up from his reading. "you'll get a cold."

"No, I wo---."

"--- and your Daisy Dukes are soaking wet. Which is a nice view, by the way, but it's making my couch wet."

"PERVERT!" he screamed, pummeling the man's head with a book that was on the floor. After the initial wave of anger faded, he put the jacket on to hide his wet uniform. What the man said was true. The shirt and the shorts were matting against his skin. Deciding that he really needed to change, he hastily got up from the seat.

Roy rubbed his aching head, resisting the urge to laugh out loud. He coughed, regaining his composure. "You know, you should take better care of yourself. It's not just me saying that," the Colonel stated. "But you should consider your brother's feelings too. He worries about you more than you care to acknowledge. So, don't be too brash."

"I don't have time to think about myself."

"Well, you should make time."

"Look, I have to investigate after-school clubs, continue on my research, do all this homework, write my end of the month report to submit to Investigations and the Lieutenant Colonel, and finish this stupid poem. I really don't have much time to worry about anything else, so don't assume that I---."

"All you need to know for the poem is romance, right?"

"Yes. I've said that before!"

"The best and quickest way is to actually go out on a romantic date."

"I know that!" Edward snapped. "I tried, but you ruined my opportunity and now I'm banned to go into La Scalla's."

"Then just go on another date. There is no rule that you can only date once."

"Yeah, right. With who?"

Roy grinned slyly. "Go out with me."

Edward blinked. "W-what?" He felt blood drain from his head. It wasn't that the idea was appalling; it was that this whole scenario was too surreal. He loved the Colonel, that much was true, but certainly the man had no interest whatsoever in him other than as a promotional tool. What was the man thinking? It was probably all for amusement's sake. No, no, it didn't seem that way.

"Dinner tomorrow over at Imperial Palace at six." The man stated.

The blond glared. The cocky bastard didn't even have the decency to ask. "Well I have after-school associations to investigate, so I don't think I can---."

Roy frowned. "I date all the time, so I know how to romance people. I was surprised you didn't ask me in the first place."

Cocky bastard. Ed thought. "You're just using this as an excuse to impose your lie about us sleeping together. I'm not buying it."

"True, but you're using dates as a way to raise your grade. It's insincere, but we're both using each other to prove a point, so how are we no different?" Roy shrugged. His eyes shifted lazily toward the boy. "And fact of the matter is, you're more stubborn than anyone I've encountered. You refuse to believe a word I say, but perhaps if I showed you how much I really want you, you'd finally believe me."

Edward's heart skipped a beat. He hastily turned away, hiding his blush with his wet bangs. No, the man was a renowned liar. It was all just to prove a point, nothing more, nothing less. He heard the man get up to stand close to him. He cleared his throat, facing the Colonel again. "I, um, I'm going up to dry off." He started to move away but the Colonel held the jacket sleeve.

"Wait," Roy said as he pointed to the other direction. "What's that? I think there's someone by the window."

"Huh?" The boy faced the dark window, seeing nothing but the quiet neighborhood and the star-lit sky. "Where? I don't see---." He suddenly felt soft, warm lips brush against his cheek. As quickly as it came, it disappeared, leaving the flesh suddenly warm. He was momentarily stunned. The boy stared at the Colonel with the human hand on his blushing cheek.

"Goodnight, brat." Roy whispered with a slightly amused smile. "I look forward to tomorrow." He walked up the stairs before Edward had a chance to make a remark.

End Chapter 24
TBC Chapter 25: "Single Rose"