Losing

Teardrops trickled down Sophia's flushed cheeks, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she tried to contain her sobs. Her chest felt tight, like someone had tied a rope around her upper body and pulled, squeezing the life out of her. The feeling became tighter and she felt faint, her vision dizzy momentarily as she sat in bed.

Not again, please not again.

She had woken up in a fright once more that night and the frequency of her panic attacks were increasing. It had been years since she had experienced such a severity of her anxiety, but it seemed since the tragic event that had triggered it, she had been suffering. The anxiety came trickling back day by day, and Sophia hadn't felt sleep for many days.

It had been nearly a week since the Justice League's last fight with Doomsday. They had won, but at a cost. They had lost a dear member of their team, their good friend Hal Jordan and Sophia was riddled with the painful memories, taunting her at every moment.

Her eyes were bloodshot red, her brown curls hanging wild having come out of her hair tie during the night. Her hands gripped the sheets under her as she tried to gain some control over the situation. She did her usual routine of counting the breaths she took in, holding it for a few seconds before releasing, repeating this over and over until her breathing normalised.

She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands and looked over at the clock on her bedside table that was flashing with blue lights, indicating that it was just past three in the morning. She let out another shaky breath at this realisation.

Sophia hadn't even been sleeping for more than an hour or two since the last one happened. She wanted to desperately reach out to Barry. But she felt both ashamed of her actions on the day as well as guilty for putting him through so much pain in losing his best friend.

She remembered it as though it had just happened a few moments ago. She had been thrown across the stony ground that the fight had taken place upon, her body tossed like a ragdoll, skin bruising upon impact against the tough and unforgiving floor. Her forehead was bleeding profusely, her vision blurring rapidly and an excruciating pain emitting from her leg where she had sustained a deep laceration, blood gushing from the wound. She remembered how Hal had swooped down in front of her, throwing out a bright green shield in front of them both, but somehow the piece of alien metal that Doomsday had thrown at him had flown straight through, piercing him through the chest and leaving him for dead.

She hadn't been conscious to see anything else, the shock of the event, and the loss of blood knocking her out merely seconds later, leaving her body to lay in the rubble of the battle ground as the remaining members of the league fought their hardest to destroy doomsday once and for all.

Once it was over, Barry had rushed over, picking Sophia up in his arms, Superman moving to grab Hal's body where it lay nearby. They took them up to the watchtower, and after Sophia was seen to medically and they were sure she didn't have brain damage, they took their time to mourn for their friend.

Each person mourned individually in their own way, but it was decided that whoever wished to stay over at the watchtower as to not be alone were more than welcome to do so. Barry, Sophia, Diana and Clark all took up this opportunity. Bruce had even stayed one night, but had to shortly return to Gotham, a pressing matter needing his attention. The remaining members of the league were either off world on missions or back on Earth with their families, and it made Sophia's heart ache. She wished she had somewhere to go home to.

She lived on her own with her cat, and she couldn't place this burden on her father. She still hadn't told him that she was Sapphire, and she knew that if she came home in such a state it would be very hard to explain without giving him the entire truth.

With her recovering injuries Clark had insisted that she stay at the Watchtower til she was fully recovered, noting that it would probably be the best for her.

She let out a sigh, as she sat up and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. Her heart was still pounding in her chest and she knew that there was no way she would fall back asleep in this state. She decided to head down to the mess hall to make herself a cup of hot chocolate, finding that the warm drink soothing for the soul.

With tired eyes and lazy feet she practically dragged herself there, surprised to find that Barry was sitting there at a table in the corner, staring out the window and into the wide expanse of space that surrounded them, a mug of hot coffee tight in his grip. He looked up briefly as she walked in, and she tried her best to avoid eye contact in the fear of how he would be looking at her.

She still felt ashamed and guilty about what happened. She knew that if she had been faster or stronger that she wouldn't have had to rely on Hal to protect her in that moment. He wouldn't be gone… and it was all her fault. That's what she kept telling herself. The fact that Hal was Barry's best friend, practically his brother made it harder on her.

She was thankful she left her crazy curls out, her hair giving her eyes coverage as she walked over to the bench to make her hot drink. She went through the motions robotically, her eyes barely paying attention.

Once she had picked up her drink, her feet moved to their own accord taking her to the table that Barry was sitting at. She took the seat opposite from him, placing her cup down and turning to look out the window before staring down at her hands. She knew that she shouldn't have sat there, but her heart was telling her to do it. She couldn't stand to sit alone with her thoughts to haunt her.

"Hey," Barry said, causing her to look up.

"Hey," Sophia whispered softly, her eyes glancing up and then back down at the mug settled between her hands.

"How are you feeling?" Barry asked after a moment of silence. He hadn't spoken to her in a few days and he felt guilty for doing so. He just needed some time on his own to get over the trauma of what happened before he could start talking to anyone again. He missed his friend and just seeing the faces of his team mates reminded him of what had happened, and what he was now missing. His eyes carefully drifted to her forehead where she had been injured, glad to see the scar was lighter than it had been previously.

"Fine."

But the way Sophia's eyes started to droop he knew that she wasn't fine. He glanced at his watch eyes widening as he realised it was so late. He didn't realise how late he had come to the mess hall, but he was used to the late nights.

"Why are you up so late?"

"Couldn't sleep." Sophia shrugged her shoulders and regretted doing so, her muscles still aching from the battle.

"Nightmares?" He asked. He knew that if it was she wouldn't admit to it, but he was surprised when she did. He figured it was the lack of sleep that aided in her honesty in that moment.

"Every time I close my eyes, that's all I see. That moment… and I keep thinking to myself… if I had just been faster… or stronger, maybe it wouldn't have happened," Sophia's voice was soft as she spoke, but as she went on, it began to crack. "Maybe he would still be here. It's my fault he's gone."

"It's not your fault. You didn't- It's not your fault," Barry pressed, reaching out and placing his hand atop of Sophia's. She glanced up at the feeling of his warm hand on hers and a few tears escaped from her eyes, trickling down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," She whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault." Barry moved around, throwing his arms around her as she leaned into his touch, the tension and guilt escaping her as she sobbed into his chest, feeling the occasional tear fall onto her forehead as he too cried with her for the loss of their dear friend.

"I wish I had died instead. I wish it had been me." Her strong statement had shocked Barry and he shook his head, lifting her chin up with his fingers. With tearful eyes she looked into his own, seeing the pain her words had caused, making her feel even guiltier, but she couldn't stop the feeling of helplessness that coursed through her.

"Please, don't say that… Hal wouldn't have wanted that. I know he's gone. I know it's hard, but… life goes on."

"Sorry. I just… I feel helpless right now."

"I know, just don't- please don't talk like that. I couldn't bear to lose you too," Barry spoke softly, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. She wrapped her arms tighter around him and nodded into his chest.

"I know this is terrible timing, but after losing Hal, I just don't want to take life for granted. I-I love you Barry, I have for a long time and I don't want to wait any longer, I don't want it to be too late before I tell you how I feel," Sophia confessed, her brown eyes gazing up at him.

Barry's heart was pounding wildly in his chest as he met Sophia's gaze. His eyes searched hers for a moment before he leaned down, pressing a swift kiss to her lips, cradling her head between his hands.

"I love you, Sophia Lang, and trust me when I say, I'm never letting go."

Authors Note:

Thank you for all the support for this mini-series of stories.

Hope you enjoy this one, and it keeps you guys happy til the next chapter of the sequel is up. It might be a week or two til that chapter goes up. I go on holiday soon, and may not be able to get it up before I leave, so please, don't freak out. You'll get it before the end of Jan at the very latest.

Thanks again, and loving all the reviews and suggestions you guys have left me, I'm doing my very best to write some of them.

Til next time.

Heroherondale.