Just, you know, piddling away at the release of my next book and my ghostwriting, trying not to freak out because, you know...life.

Let me know what you think! Oh please oh please oh please! I'm sort of at a crossroads and I'm trying to decide what will happen next!

Chapter 24

"Ground control to Major Tom," Mai murmured just above her breath. "Ground control to Major Tom."

She had yet to let go of her empty breakfast coconut, which sat pinned beneath her arm as she gazed out of the kitchen window from the table. Every so often a current, kicked up by a vent or a poof of warm water from the oven, sent an edge of her skirt like tail fin tickling against her back. The fingers of her free hand played with the tail end of a small braid kept apart from the rest of the ties of her hair, done by one of the matrons that morning.

"Take your protein pills and put your helmet on."

She could never remember all the words to that song. Mostly she remembered the sun-rich memory attached to it. Somehow, the vibrations of said memory eased the breath stealing throbs of the ache in her chest. As she hummed the next verse, interspaced with murmurs of "Ground control to Major Tom," and "may God's love be with you," she imagined what it might feel like to go up into the open water. Before she had been terrified of being above so much depth, but perhaps, if she could still see the coral and the city below, it would be like flying.

She closed her eyes and tried to imagine it. Flying. Free, with the sun on her back. Zen had described sun as tasting warmth with your skin. She wanted to see if that was right.

The whoosh of pressed water and bubbles announced Zen's arrival. Before looking at him, she remembered her grandmother's last words the night before when Mai had asked why she didn't just forbid her to see Zen if he was such a problem.

'Because you need experience with men sooner or later. They're not just going to disappear, and at least with Zen you can gain this practice under supervision.'

Of course, seeing Zen's smiling face didn't stop her from also remembering why she had kept her eyes firmly out the kitchen window since she had arrived that morning. Heat flooded her face.

Because Zen probably had that weird little pair of horns at the base of his tailfins that she had just noticed on other male staff about the palace. Most had been short and none too deadly looking, merely a small raised thorn of scales easily hidden by the movement of a merman's tail as he swam. But she had noticed a few that had seemed longer, even curved, and her grandmother had mentioned that men seeking to draw attention to their sexuality might paint said horns bright colors.

Zen's black color would make doing that easy.

Zen made a little noise of surprise as she squashed her burning face to the table.

"Princess?!"

"It's fine, I promise. I just needed to beat an image out of my head before it killed me."

"Um…what?"

And since Zen was her only friend, and because she wanted some sort of distraction, she started off with, "So, what would you like to do today? I asked my grandma if we could visit my uncle and she said no, of course, but it was worth a try."

"Princess, your ears are, um, pink, are you…?"

"I'm fine. She did say that we could go to the throne room and watch proceedings. There should be enough people there, and the chef is supposed to keep tabs on when we leave and whatnot. Jeeze, it's like I'm a prisoner."

"Oh, alright, it—may I hear what you thinking?"

"No," she said flatly, and she could sense his flinch as a little brush of water from his tail brushed against hers. The thought of his tail didn't help in cooling her face. Really, she was being stupid. It wasn't like a male's horns were kept hidden. They averaged on the size of her pinky and weren't even that noticeable. Heck, she hadn't even noticed them until her grandmother pointed them out, and it wasn't like poor Zen was going to hook her up somewhere.

Oh heavens, why did she even think that?

He followed after her rather cautiously when she sat up and gave the chef the words her grandmother told her to say. The chef, of course, didn't look happy about it, but then he didn't look happy about much and he let them go all the same.

As they weaved out into the hall, she found herself watching their blurred reflection in the polished floors. Because of his black coloring, she could only see his pale torso and face.

"Hey, Zen?"

"Yes?"

"You…you said your best friend was your sister?"

"She has two sons in city. Died birthing the second."

"Do, um, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but do you and her remember your family? I mean, I was told you were brought here from your clan and…" oh Lord, she might as well talk about sex. "Sorry, forget I said anything, I shouldn't, aw man."

To her surprise, he moved up to her side in one smooth paddle of his tail. Beneath the luminescent glow of jellyfish lanterns, she noticed for the first time the sheen of his scales reflecting the little globes of colors like polished mirrors of obsidian.

His expression wasn't scolding, but open, as it always was, and kind. Zen was always kind.

"It alright," he said, gentle as his fingers had been rubbing pearly flecks from her eyes. "My sister remember more our clan than I. I was two. She six. We raised by maitre-ders as family. We…ugh," his expression twisted in familiar frustration. "Are. I forgot are. Or was? Was raised?"

Distracted by his faulty English, he swam past her, running a hand through his hair in frustration. Mai used her arms to catch up to him in a broad breast stroke.

"It's fine, Zen, I can understand you. And it just takes practice."

"You should correct me."

"Yeah, but then I'd sound like a nagging wife—nanny. I meant nanny."

As her fluster returned, she could feel the heat returning to her neck. Just as she started to scold herself for even making a big deal out of saying the word 'wife,' Zen had come to a complete stop in a small, decorative alcove just before the turn that would lead them to a room just behind the dais in the grand hall, where the queen often greeted guests with the matron council.

"Princess, please, what is wrong?"

And because she had seen this show and new just denying it would make him more curious, she gave him the flat truth. "My grandma gave me the sex talk last night, so forgive me if I'm a bit awkward around you."

She expected him to take it as coolly as her grandmother had, and at first he did. But then he must have caught her reflexively looking at his tail, which rested on the floor beneath them to hold him in place as they talked, for when she snapped her eyes back up his cheeks had flushed and he had hunched up his shoulders.

"Oh," he said.

"I wasn't looking!" she lied quickly. "I'm just—it's just—I'm so sorry, Zen, it's just so weird for me, I was raised human and—"

"It is alright," he said quickly. "I understand, really. Curious. It is no problem, here."

And he brought up his tail fins for her to see.

There they were. His own small pair of black horns, right at the base of his split tail fins.

Or rather, just one of them.

At first Mai jerked back reflexively, as though a guy had just randomly dropped his pants in front of her. But as he made no signs of coming for her, just stood (as well as one could with a fish tail for legs) before that little alcove with his tail fin at level with his hips, she nervously allowed herself to take a closer look, even going as far as to draw closer.

Where his second horn should have been was a bright pink scar. The remaining horn was nothing remarkable, and could have passed for a particularly thick black scale sticking out where it shouldn't.

"What happened?" she asked.

He pulled back his tail self-consciously. "I…my family. My...some wronged by my clan got me when fifteen and, um, no marry with, a—man with one horn considered ugly, or impotent. Common punishment for black clan. They tried to get both, but escape."

He was the reddest she had seen him yet and wouldn't meet her eye. A sad, sick pity had clotted near the bottom of her rib cage.

"So you no—do not have worry," he said quickly. "I, um, if you're curious, it—it is okay. I am use to it."

"Who did that?" she asked.

He shrugged. "We best hurry. They will know we too long in halls alone."

They swam on, this time Zen leading and Mai following up. Every so often she could catch the flash of the pale pink scar on his tail.

"You want to see sun, right?"

The back room, where servants usually prepared for the woman's feast once a month, opened up before them. She could hear the clicks and v's of the mermish language up ahead, where her grandmother would be working with various groups.

"Yeah, but my grandmother already said no."

He stopped just before the seaweed woven curtain into the great hall. A deep rumble of a voice, that didn't sound unlike an eruption of a thermal vent, wove through the delicate timbre of the matron's voices. Mai thought of the boy faced giant, Vovo, and wondered if they'd ever meet again.

"If…if we went in secret…"

She stared at him as he glanced at her with his chin ducked behind one shoulder. His naked eyes probed her own, cautious as always, and just a little bit…excited.

"No merfolk permitted outside of city," he said quietly. "Not without permit."

Mai didn't say anything. She had figured that on realizing that she had yet to see anyone wearing the same black stone chokers that Vovo and his men had, and that she hadn't once seen any merfolk besides the occasional repairmen rising up from the city to the surface.

"I know way, I sneak to see sun, but…" the dark of his eyes wavered, and her heart clenched. He was trusting her. If she told anyone he had snuck out, he, one of the last of the black assassins that baked themselves in the sun, breaking a law would be the least of his worries.

She glanced at the pink scar on his tail. He had little hopes for marriage anyways, or even being able to stand on his own should he ever get a husband-brother. At least, she couldn't imagine him fairing well, not after seeing how her uncle Lucrise had to deal with. The power struggle between men…and her grandmother had gone into gruesome detail as to why men had two.

Zen turned to her, caution done away with for earnestness, his hands held open to her.

"It is what you want. You do not have to. Just a offer, because I—I know how hard it been for you. I know you ache. I see your eyes all mornings, see you cried, see you suffer. My sister tell me of our people and the sun, tell me the sun helps sadness. And…and you love sun. You miss it. And I will protect you—no human, no shark, will touch you, precious, precious princess."

A warm shiver dropped down her back at the low, reverent way he murmured those last words. He caught her eyes as he said it so she couldn't miss the sincerity in his gaze…or the affection.

Then his fingers reached out to brush so lightly against her cheek, it could have just been the brush of the water as it moved with him.

Then it was gone and he was back at the door with his back to her, a curtain open, and only bubbles in the space he had occupied before her.

"Maiti of Warriors is speaking. You will want to hear, no?"

He moved to pass through, but she reached out to stop him, and her fingers managed to catch to his elbow. He looked back with expectant surprise.

"Alright," she breathed. "I want to see it. I want to see the sun."