Chapter 25

Another successful Reagan men camping trip is in the books. It was a great one too. The vibe is so different when it's just the four of us together, not that I don't love having the ladies and kids in the mix, I do, it's just different.

It's like everyone lets their hair down. Dad isn't the PC and family patriarch, he's just one of the guys looking to get a whole lot of fishing in with his dad and sons. Pop is Pop, still looking to take care of the family and make sure everyone is fed and baiting and casting their lines correctly, but the old man leaves the gruff at home. He's happiest out there.

And then there's Danny. I personally look forward to the camping trip every year because he's not Daniel Reagan, detective, husband and father. He's just Danny, the one I only see glimpses of throughout the year until the camping trip rolls around. D leaves all his stresses behind and let's loose. He still busts my balls, but it's all in good fun - playful like when we were kids - although I give just as good as he does. But what I look forward to the most, is the time we get to really talk to one another away from dad and gramps. Dan isn't about touchy-feely heart-to-heart talks, but that's what happens when we're alone and he doesn't feel like he's going to be judged or needs to put up a good front for the rest of us. It's when I learn what's really going on with him and vice versa. And it's when I'm reminded of how lucky I am to call him my brother.

Jamie glanced over his shoulder to the anxious little boy buckled into the backseat who had hardly uttered a word since witnessing the commotion back at house. After Danny had cuffed Daley, he'd gently pulled Patrick away from Robin, leaving Jamie behind to watch over the pair while they waited for the cavalry to arrive. Once the uniforms led the couple to the back of separate RMPs, Jamie found Danny out front, sitting next to Patrick in the back of a bus, where he was quietly speaking to the little boy as a medic looked him over. Jamie had kept his distance, afraid to spook the already frightened child if another stranger was suddenly hovering over him. But truth be told, Jamie was also still shaken by the whole experience. He was also finding the suddenly active crime scene too much for him to handle, removing himself from the bustle in favor of the relative peace and quiet of his brother's car. By the time Danny had finally sought him out, his hands were no longer trembling. The detective, however, could see that his younger brother was frazzled despite the brave face he was sporting. But Danny knew that Jamie would not want the little boy who was clutching onto his right hand to be privy to it, so he'd laid out their final plans for the day before they could head back to the family home, leaving out his intention to finally have a long and overdue talk.

Danny pulled the Jeep up along the curb, across the street from where Ana Goodwin had been nervously waiting for them to arrive. She did not believe him at first when he called to deliver the unbelievable news of Patrick's safe return. It had taken Danny several tries, even swearing on all that was holy for her to believe him...that and a photograph snapped on his phone and texted to the once-grieving mother. Danny stepped out of the car, sending Ana a gentle smile as he reached for the rear passenger door. The young woman could do nothing more than stare back, wringing her shaky hands together as her expression still conveyed her complete disbelief that her son - her baby - was coming home to her. "Come on, buddy," Danny said as he helped the six-year old boy out of the car. Patrick latched back onto the detective's hand, uncertain of what he was supposed to do next. Danny dropped down onto one knee and pointed to the redhead waiting a short distance away. "There's your mom...go see her," he encouraged him.

Jamie silently came around the front of the Jeep, captivated by the scene playing out in front of him. Ever since he'd learned the truth about who he was and what had happened all of those years ago in the park, he couldn't count the number of times he'd had a dream just like this, one where his younger self was reunited with the mother he never knew. He never woke up from those dreams with any recollection of what had led to the reunion, the clue or mistake that could have exposed Sherry's lies well before he reached adulthood. All he knew was that it was just like this - his mother, radiant and teary-eyed in the late afternoon sunshine, calling out to him in the middle of the same Brooklyn park where he'd been taken. She was always down on one knee, at eye level with him, calling his name with open arms and a smile that somehow confirmed exactly who she was to him every single time.

"Patrick, it's me," Ana said in a quivering voice.

"Mommy?" Patrick asked as snippets of old, hazy memories of this woman flashed across his mind.

Ana choked back a sob, hopeful that she hadn't been forgotten. "Do you remember me?"

"Mommy," Patrick repeated more confidently as he walked into her arms.

Danny swallowed the lump in his throat and forced his eyes away from the tearful reunion only to see that his brother was losing his own battle with his emotions. Danny recognized the look on his face - yearning. He turned back to find Ana embracing Patrick, his gut clenching for not thinking of the effect this would have on Jamie before bringing him along. Danny had been so determined to use this as an opportunity to show Jamie he had faith in him as a cop, that he didn't think...didn't think of what the case would do to his brother. Jamie had been Patrick Goodwin once, but he didn't come home to find their mother waiting for him. And while he had the rest of the family to welcome him back , he lost his chance for this, to meet woman who had suffered the most after his disappearance. There were no words that Danny could offer to make that better. All he could do was fix the things he had a hand in breaking.

Jamie sniffed as he settled back against Danny's car. "You want to know why I really became a cop?" he asked in a gravelly voice. "It was to see things like that. You don't get a feeling like that hiding behind some desk pushing papers."

"Yeah," Danny nodded as he leaned up against the car, his shoulder brushing up against Jamie's. It was why they all became cops and Jamie wasn't any different than the rest of them despite his previous misconceptions. Jamie just had the potential be to more.

"Seeing her," Jamie said with a nod to the mother embracing her child, "gives me a whole different perspective on my own situation. Helps me understand how you all might have felt."

"Not might…did. And we couldn't be happier to have you back, just like Ana," Danny stressed. "Look, I was out of line by telling you how to do your job. You dealt with a lot of crap growing up, stuff that I don't know if the rest of us could have handled and still come out of it with our heads screwed on straight. It gives you a whole different approach to the job. You've already come a long way, Jamie, and I got no right to try and change who you are. I've never been more sure of that than today. You saved my life back there and it was because you used your head. I'm proud of you, little brother, and I'm sorry I let you think otherwise."

Jamie was really overcome with emotion now...between the Goodwins and those heartfelt words from his brother, he had to wipe at his eyes before the tears came free. "We were both out of line," he sniffed.

"Maybe," Danny said as he watched a social worker guide Ana and Patrick inside her home.

"There's a lot I can learn from you, Danny...stuff I want to learn from you. After we first met, before I knew we were related, I looked up to you, but the brother thing just messed everything up somehow...for both of us." Jamie looked out at the empty street and even though Danny said nothing, he sensed that his older brother was weighing his words carefully and not dismissing him like before. "I guess I got stubborn too and shut down. I'm used to figuring things out on my own...not sure how to handle being someone's brother."

"You were doing just fine by telling me to go to hell," Danny smirked as he elbowed Jamie in the ribs lightly. The brothers traded a smile, when Danny was reminded of someone else who should be here with them. "You and Joe, you're so much alike. The two of you would have been so close...I'm sure of that," he commented, smiling sadly when Jamie looked back at him. "I miss him every day."

Jamie nodded at the pain he wore so openly. "I know you do…he loved you, Danny," he said, sharing what came through from Joe's writings. Danny drove Joe crazy sometimes, but he always made one thing clear - Danny would always be his brother and Joe wouldn't have known what to do without him in his life.

At Danny's look of bewilderment, Jamie decided to tell him about the journals. "Remember when I told you that Angie came to see me?"

"Yeah."

"She also brought me some journals he kept."

Danny gasped. "You have them?...And you read them?"

"Yeah," Jamie sighed. "I felt weird about it at first. They were his private thoughts, but they're my only chance to really know him."

Danny still couldn't believe it, but Jamie was right. He and the family could only repeat so many stories about Joe, but it wasn't the same as knowing him. "I bet...hearing stories second hand won't come close to helping you know who Joe really was. I always wondered what happened to those things. I knew he kept them...I searched for them after..."

Nothing was said for a few moments as both wondered where this left them. Jamie was the first to break the silence. "He wrote about all of you, even wrote some stuff to me," he said. "One thing's for sure, I've missed out on so much...too much and I'm scared that we'll never be what we're supposed to be. You and I, I want us to be more than just brothers, I just don't know how we do that," Jamie feared.

Danny pushed himself off the side of the Jeep and faced his younger brother. He was ready to do whatever needed to be done to put things between them right where they needed to be. "Maybe that's something we could work on, huh?" he suggested.

One corner of Jamie's mouth curled into a small, hopeful smile, willing to put in the effort as well. "I'm up for that."

"Good," Danny nodded, looking between the Goodwin's building and his wristwatch. His work here was done. "Better get home for dinner."