A couple of weeks had brought what seemed to Severus, an edgy calmness between him and Hermione. Finals were fast approaching, reenforced by the amount of snowfall as the middle of autumn trickled by. During this time, it was hard for him to keep stone faced in his class as he'd often find himself with wandering eyes, glancing at Hermione and struggling not to show softness. She had worked exhaustingly at every chance, attempting to improve the potion but only being able to bring a few extra hours of color to the spirits she'd gather. A chipmunk had showed promise, lasting until five in the morning with vibrant color so real every hair looked stiff and separated from its nose to its tail, only beginning to slowly fade after midnight until it reached its ghostly form. Any tactile effect was still to be reached and on their last night of watching, Severus had suggested she take a few days off to let the formula simmer in her mind. He had reminded her that her other classes needed attention just as much. For the moment, it seemed to work. She had taken his advice and was most often seen slaving over books and parchment in the library, and at meals in the Great Hall. Her fear of the potion being unfinished was squashed when Severus had assured her, her work had been exceptional already and she still had a thesis to write, even if any palpable results couldn't be obtained. It had been a few days since he's seen her anywhere near the potions classroom and the mice in the cage on the shelf seemed content to remain neglected as it were.
He had been haunting around a second story corridor when Headmistress McGonagal had rushed up to him, out of breath, her cheeks rosy and glowing.
"Oh, Severus. I've been searching everywhere for you. Please come quickly, Miss Granger has hit a breaking point."
She didn't give him time to inquire any further before turning around and racing back the way she came. He followed her as she led the way down to the dungeons. He could hear the calamity as they reached the bottom of the stairs; the sounds of crashing echoed through the stony halls, and as he turned the corner, saw a potions classroom left in a mess. Desks had overturned, chairs were on their sides, and her cauldron with its slimy ingredient had landed near his feet, rocking angrily after she had tossed it.
"I don't understand!" She screamed, kicking at her papers that littered the floor, grabbing her satchel that was now empty and chucked it at the mouse cage. It hit the shelves, knocking the jars that had been on the shelf over. They crashed to the ground, breaking, and the liquids inside spread out slowly.
"I can't get her to stop, maybe you can try talking to her?" McGonagal asked. Severus gave a wobbly nod, looking from Hermione who was going after the mice cage to the elderly professor. She looked hopeful.
"Miss Granger?" Severus spoke softly, as kindly as he could and floated forward, passing over the broken mess. Hermione had stilled at his voice, though she was glaring at the cage, her hands gripping the shelves until her knuckles turning white.
"Nothing I've done has made a difference." She spoke through clenched teeth. "It's all been a failure, I've waisted my time on accomplishing nothing."
"You've accomplished much." Severus said. "You've added complexion to otherwise insipid creatures and that is quite an accomplishment in itself."
"But it's not the outcome I've searched for." He glare deepened and she growled, shaking the shelf as if she wanted to rip it from the wall. Severus glanced to McGonagal who was still standing in the doorway, watching intently and curiously at their interaction. Looking back to Hermione, he noticed her hair had become disheveled, pulled out from the best bun that sat low on the back of her head. Whatever spell she used to tame it seemed to have worn off and it was now framing her, giving her a fuzzy and raged halo.
"You understood that bringing back complexity to the dead was a one in a million chance before you started the project. Need I remind you the chances of it happening are still the same." There was some snap to his words, but he hoped the way he delivered them held comfort and support.
"There's still a chance. Why can't I be that one? I should have made enough progression by now to understand what needs to be done. I'm running out of time."
"You have all the time in the world, Miss Granger. Do not think this comes with a limit. Rome was not built in a day."
Hermione glanced at him finally. She seemed composed, if only for a second, and then she began wailing on him. Trying to, at least. Her fists flew, passing through his chest, his arms, his shoulders. She grunted and screamed, strained as she fought to hit him. He stood there, watching her concerned, yet let her have the moment. McGonagal stepped toward them, only stopping when Severus held up a hand. Hermione began to slow, her strikes becoming weak until she collapsed to the ground, sobbing. Her shoulders quivered and she took quick lungfuls of air, only to let them out with hiccoughs and sniffles. Severus lowered to her, kneeling in front of her.
"Maybe it's best to put this behind you right now." He whispered, reaching out to grab her shoulder. She shrugged as his cold hand fell through her.
"You don't understand." She sniffed a few times. "This has to be done."
"And I'm sure you'll get there, but right now is not the time."
She raised her head, their eyes burned together, hers wet with tears and his concerned for her mental wellbeing.
"I hated you, you know." Her voice was low, broken as she tried to gulp back her tears. "From first year to sixth, I hated you so much." She dabbed at her nose with the back of her hand. "I thought you were a traitor, not to be trusted. Then when I realized your intentions it all changed. Watching you die was one of the hardest things I had to go through. Not being able to thank you, or apologize tore me to pieces and I grew fond of you." She seemed to hold her breath, but a sob won out, and sounded painful as she let it out. She closed her eyes, steadying her breath.
"Miss Granger..." Severus wanted to wipe the tears that streamed down her cheeks away, but knew better. He raised his hand anyway and ran his thumb over her skin. She leaned into it when she felt the chill, her eyes opening. She gave a short, shaky laugh.
"And then you came back." She paused, smiling now. "You came back." She smiled larger, genuinely, but it was fleeting. Her lips pulled into a straight line, she pulled away from his touch. "I know it's silly, spending so much time with you to help you, but all I want to do-" she let the sentence drift off. Severus had since pulled his hand back, but was still listening to her, feeling his own phantom heart beating faster and faster with each passing moment. Her hand dabbed at her eyes and she shook her head, biting hard on her lower lip and she rose to her feet. Severus rose with her, but couldn't stop her from leaving. She ran to the door, dodging McGonagal who had reached out for her, and disappeared around the corner. Severus caught McGonagal looking at him. She darted her eyes away quickly, gathering up the state of the room instead. Severus ran a hand over his face, and joined McGonagal in surveying the state of the classroom.
"As much as I hate to admit it, her intentions are from the heart, Severus." McGonagal said, taking out her wand and giving it a shake. The room immediately began to right itself; the papers gathered into a stack, the chairs and desks leaned upright, the broken jars and their contents emerged together and floated back up to the shelf. Severus found no words to answer her. He could have lied and brushed it off, saying that Hermione was just a foolish student with an inescapable crush that would pass with time, all of it unreturned, but the ache he felt as Hermione ran off would give him away.
"What are you to do?" She asked. Severus watched as the last chair righted itself, leaving the classroom impeccable, and shrugged.
"She is a student." Severus said, the words felt heavy, soiled in truth. "As much as I welcome her intentions, and as much as I wish I could return them, I'm afraid there isn't much that can be done." Saying this aloud seemed to pull authenticity to the matter. Expecting a mouthful to come from McGonagal, he looked quickly to her, seeing her appearing amused.
"Student teacher relationships are frowned upon at Hogwarts, but when those rules were written, it was more or less aimed toward the living." She allowed herself one look around the classroom then stepped toward the door. "As Albus might say in this instance, there is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable." The smile that formed on her face seemed to melt away her wrinkles. "Goodnight, Severus." She said and left. Severus remained frozen there, unable to move as he watched the empty doorway.
...
A/N: thank you again for your patience! I do promise to keep updating all of my stories when I can, but life is getting busy. An application I put in for a police dispatch job was accepted, which means I'll be spending all the time possible to research and study what I need to. If I keep advancing in the hiring process (so many interviews!), it will all be over by Thanksgiving, and then it's all about waiting to start the job. So wish me luck guys! This is something I've been constantly working toward for the past 3 years...FINALLY an application got accepted so it's kind of a big deal for me =^^=