Running. That's what I am doing. I'm trying to find my way out of the nightmare. Everywhere I turn I see a different scene, a different way I killed someone. I turn to my left and see myself strangling the poor little thirteen year old from Seven. I whip around to my right and witness a vicious battle between me and two Careers. My spear enters the boy's head and he falls. I have to bring my hands up to my eyes so I don't see myself kill the girl. I turn and run away from the horror, only to have the tributes I killed circle me. All of them are the way I left them after their cannon went off. The thirteen year old has bruises on her neck and her face is blue. I cringe and look over to the Careers. The boy has a huge gaping hole in the middle of his forehead and dried blood covers his face and neck. I hesitate to look at the girl. She has holes all over her body. In her head, in her neck, in her torso, and her limbs. Not an inch of her skin is visible; it is all covered in blood, whether it is dried or shining in the sun. Her hair is plastered to her face and neck by the stuff. Her head is tilted to the right and her breathing is shallow and weak. Yet she and all of my victims creep closer to me, wanting to seek revenge. I crouch down and put my hands over my head. I can feel their hands touching me, trying to claw me to death. I don't uncurl from my position, only clench myself tighter. But when I hear the shing of a sword being pulled from its sheath, I look up. The girl Career has taken a sword from her partner's sheath and is aiming it at my neck.
I feel the tip of it cut into my neck and jerk awake. I look around, expecting to find someone holding a weapon to my neck, threatening to kill me. But I only find darkness. I breathe a sigh of relief and peel the covers off of my sweating body, swinging my legs over the side of my bed. I put my elbows on my thighs and rest my head on my hands. I sit like this until I can feel my limbs stiffening up. Then I get up, turn on my light, and clean my room. I make my bed, fold all of my clean clothes and dump the dirty ones in the hamper. When I look around an hour later, I see the room is sparkling. Not a single hair is out of place. I smile to myself, pleased.
I slowly open my bedroom door and look around. Shadows are cast in all different directions, making the house seem eerie. I run down the hallway to the panel of light switches and turn them all on. At first I am blinded, but then my eyes adjust to the light and I see my house, warm and familiar. It doesn't have the eerie feel to it anymore. I then slowly walk down the hallway, peering into each room and making sure every one of my family is all accounted for and alive. I check my little brother's room first. The door is open a slit, so I push it open slightly and stick my head in. I see his form on the bed, his chest rising slightly with each breath. I close the door and head to my parents room. I hear my mother's breathing and my father's snoring, so I know they are in there. I breathe a sigh of relief and walk downstairs and into the office. I sit down in the plush chair behind the desk and put my head on my hands.
"Why am I like this? Why do I jump at every little shadow and sound?" I mutter to myself. Aren't victors supposed to be safe, free from harm the rest of their lives? Aren't they supposed to enjoy their riches in peace and not wake up shaking from nightmares every night?
I raise my head from my hands and look around. Everything is in its place, just as always, since no one ever comes in here except me. The filing cabinets in the far corner contain all of my life story and newspapers after I won. A huge couch sits opposite of them for when I need to have more than two people in here, which never happens. The desk, where I am sitting now, is in the far corner of the room when you walk in the door. It is mahogany and has built in shelves on either side. Papers are stacked neatly in one corner and a laptop sits on the other. I reach over to it, pull it towards me and open it. It is already on, so all I have to do is type in a password. I click on the tab for ordering supplies. I hesitate for a second, thinking of what I want.
I want something to help me forget, to help me never remember my time in the arena. I don't want to drink, that's a horrible way to forget. You drink yourself into oblivion and then wake up with the worst hangover. I don't want my parents to witness me like that. So that means there is one solution.
Morphling.
It is a pain killer and dulls your emotions. It is usually only used for major injuries, like whippings or breaking a bone. It can also cause hallucinations. But it's what I need. I need this escape from the horrors of my life.
I click on the medicinal drug button and type in morphling. It pops up instantly and I click on it. Wow. It's really pricey. But hey, I'm a victor now and I am too rich, so I can afford it. I click the button for ordering four cases, enough for a year it you ration it well enough. Then I click order and lean back, satisfied. A little ding sounds and a window pops up on the laptop saying it should arrive on the next train to District Six, which is scheduled for tomorrow. Great, I think. I can try some of it when everyone is gone. Tomorrow is Monday, so my brother goes to school and my parents go work in the automobile factory. I'll take some, and if I don't like it, I can just give it to the hospital.
I slowly get off the chair and walk over to the couch. I lie down and close my eyes. I won't be able to get any sleep in my room, so I guess I'll just try to get some here, with all of the lights on. Eventually, I drift off, only to be awakened by my younger brother, telling me that my mother wants me to eat something before they went to work. So I get up and wander out there, because in about an hour's time, I'll have my morphling, my escape.