Chapter 24: Arrangement

Edward

I was toying with the little box of contacts, turning it around in my hands, unable to put it aside or even out of my sight.

A present, Bella had given me a present. Me!

I had never gotten anything from a friend before, unless you count the mud pie that Eric had given me once when we were both toddlers, but I don't. So yeah, this was a big deal to me.

And add to it that this was a present from Bella, and I was completely losing my mind.

Things were getting out of hand, fast, and I didn't know how to feel about that. I wanted to be happy and enjoy whatever this was, but right now, it only made me anxious. I had never felt this way about anyone before and it was scaring me. It made me want to run away from it, as far away as possible, but at the same time, I wanted to stay close…to Bella.

To say it was confusing me would be one of the biggest understatements in the history of mankind.

At least I didn't have to worry about school for a while now because Easter holiday had started, leaving me with nothing to do for about two weeks. I didn't think I would have been able to focus on anything school related with all the other thoughts running through my head at a hundred miles per hour.

And maybe this school break would be good for me as well, because it would mean some distance from Bella, well, unless she decided to stop by every day now, like this afternoon, just because she wanted to. I felt like I really needed some distance before I completely lose my mind.

Lose my mind as in falling for Bella.

I couldn't fall for her. I just couldn't. It would just leave me heartbroken and even worse than before. So, distance sounded like a perfect plan.

Yes, a perfect plan because in reality, everything was a lot more difficult. It all worked perfectly in my head, but when it came to sticking to it I could already feel myself failing. I already missed her and she had only left about two hours ago. There was no denying it anymore; I was already in too deep. I could feel it in my bones and every fiber of my body.

"Edward?"

My mom's voice shook my out of my thoughts and made me jump up from my bed as quick as possible to hide the little box that I was still holding. After stashing it safely away in my desk drawer, I took a seat on my bed again.

"C-c-com-me in-n," I said, mad at myself for tumbling over my words again. Things were so much easier with Bella. Stop it, Edward! Distance, remember?

My door opened with a slight shrieking sound and my mom entered cautiously, a soft smile on her lips. I almost narrowed my eyes at the sight of it, because her entire demeanor literally screamed that there was something going on.

"Can we talk?" she asked, standing awkwardly in front of my door. Yep, something had happened.

I nodded, still not moving from my bed as my mother took a seat on my office chair.

"You know I only want the best for you, right?" she started, fiddling nervously with the rim of her shirt. Her eyes briefly met mine and that's when I was certain that whatever I was about to hear wasn't something I would be happy about.

I didn't reply her because I honestly doubted sometimes whether she really considered my feelings while wanting the best for me, so I just waited for her to continue and hear her out.

"I've talked to your principal, Mr. Greene, about your grades," she said, "And we're both concerned. You used to easily get B's but you've been slacking more and more lately. He said your average was a C now."

I had realized already that with everything that had been going on, I had been slacking on school a bit, but I had never cared about it. It's not like I would be going to college or anything.

Well, at least, that was until two days ago. I had promised Bella to do better and I was planning on keeping that promise. Distance or not, I wasn't going to let her down.

"I-I-I-I'll d-d-do b-b-better, I-I-I p-p-prom-mise," I uttered, hoping this answer would convince my mom and make her leave me to myself again. I had scheduled another battle with my mind about Bella later and I wanted to figure this whole distance thing out rather soon than later.

"You've been telling me that for the last five years, honey, and still you keep getting bad grades. I can no longer watch you give up on life."

My eyes shot up to hers and I wondered what was coming now. It didn't sound good. I felt like change was coming and I wouldn't like it. I was already dreading the next thing that would come out of her mouth.

"I've decided with your principal and teachers that it would be good for you to go to that new school in Seattle. They treat traumatized children while they offer a decent education program. Going to Forks High School is a waste of time right now, so I'm glad the school is willing to accept you midterm after the vacation. It wasn't easy to get you in, but we've done it! You're in, honey! You're gonna get better!" She was smiling so brightly, happy about this all, while I could literally feel the world disappear underneath my feet. Her words literally hit me like a ton of bricks.

Another school after this vacation? Away from Forks? A school for traumatized children?

I was no fucking child anymore, for Christ's sake!

And how dare they call it a school. It's no school. It's an institute. Just like all the other ones she had already tried to send me off to.

My mind was racing, the anger boiling and I could feel my chest was starting to constrict. Though all the madness, I could only envision one thing though…I was going to be away from Bella.

The only good thing that had happened to me since my father had passed away would be gone again and there was nothing I could do about it. The decision had been made final before I had had a say in it.

I wanted to yell at my mother, but no words left my mouth. It was like someone had stuffed a cloth in my mouth to make it impossible for me to say what I wanted to say. I hated myself once again for not being able to speak up. I truly and totally hated myself for not being able to tell her that I didn't want to leave and that I could do a lot better in school if I wanted to, and that I actually had just promised Bella that I was going to, but I was just sitting on my bed, my mouth shut closed.

"Edward, you need to look at the possibilities here," she continued, "What if they're able to find a way to help you? You've been sulking for seven years now and I think it was about time that I made this decision for you. You need help, Edward, you can't keep denying it."

I didn't need help. I didn't want to be "better". I was perfectly happy with the way things have been the last few weeks.

Or wasn't I?

Maybe I was mostly confused lately, but that didn't mean that I wasn't happy, right?

I thought about all of the times Bella had come over and felt a smile tugging at the corner of my lips. Yes, I had been happy. She was the first person to make me forget about all the baggage I carried and I truly appreciated her for that. But it still felt like somewhere along the way I had failed. Whether I like to admit it or not, I had fallen for her. The one thing that I should have prevented from happening happened. I hadn't been sure about it until now, until I had to consider being away from her, but now I was. I loved Bella. I loved her.

I was letting it all sink in, anxious about the realization and what it meant for both me and Bella. I truly believed that in the long run, this would destroy everything. This entire friendship we had so carefully built up would just crumble to its foundations again and I would be the one to catch the blow of it. I would be the one heartbroken and alone again, because if Bella were to find out, things would never be the same again. There was no way she would feel the same way about me. Stupid stuttering Cullen.

Maybe this whole Seattle thing wasn't such a bad idea after all. It was definitely going to provide me with the distance I was looking for. Maybe this opportunity was a sign that I had to step back from her even more than I first intended to.

For the first time since my mom had told me about the institution I was really considering the option and I couldn't find anything negative about it anymore. I would be away from Mike – who until now still scared me – I would be away from any other bully in Forks High and I would be away from my mom.

And the being away from Bella, well it would hurt, but I knew that if I let this go on longer, it would hurt even more to let her go.

For the next two days, I kept going over my options, happy that Bella was out of town with Alice and Rosalie for two days so I could think clearly about it. My mind was working overtime trying to work this out, but in the end I knew I had already decided.

I was going to Seattle.

It's not like I had a choice, because my mom had already arranged everything, but my decision meant that I wasn't going to fight it. I would go willingly.

I would take some distance.

But the only thing that bothered me now was how on Earth I was going to explain this to Bella?

A/N: All my love to momma2fan! Oh, and in case you didn't know yet, she's a brilliant writer as well, so check out her stories as well, okay? Okay!

Love, Ellen!