Regression
Prompted by 'Guest' and set the 8th June: What if JP had witnessed Ste's outburst at Sinead in the flat?
John Paul stared in shock at the chaos in front of him. Sinead was lying on the floor in front of the sofa and Ste's face was red and fuming, whilst Scott stood completely still, eyes wide and mouth dropped open in horror. Although John Paul hadn't seen all of the commotion, it didn't take a genius to figure out that Ste had shoved Sinead.
"What the…?" John Paul began
Sinead struggled to stand up, and Ste rushed over to help her. However, she flinched at his movement which caused Ste to stumble backwards, devastated by the consequence of what he thought was just a little shove on the brunette.
"Please tell me that this isn't what it looks like" John Paul pleaded
Ste blinked at him, "That's what I'm hoping too" he replied, then knelt down in front of the young woman, "Sinead, I am so sorry" he apologised slowly
Sinead nodded dismissively - avoiding his eyes - and Scott bent down to help her stand up. She held onto him gratefully whilst John Paul shook his head in disappointment at his estranged husband.
"Look, why don't you go and have a lie-down?" Scott suggested to his cousin, desperately wanting to escape from Ste and his violent temperament.
Sinead nodded silently, still clearly shaken up, and Ste and John Paul watched her let Scott lead her into the bedroom
"What the hell has happened to you?" John Paul cried once the bedroom door had shut
Ste shook his head, "I don't know" he murmured helplessly, looking down at himself
"You really have hit rock bottom" John Paul realised, "Battering a pregnant woman, I'm not sure it gets much worse than that"
"I didn't batter her!" Ste cried
"You shoved her, you still assaulted her!" John Paul hissed, then took a long look at his ex, "It's like you've gone back in time about seven years" he murmured
"What do you mean?" Ste asked tearfully
"When you were abusing Amy" John Paul responded flatly, "I remember it as if it was yesterday – punching her, controlling her, cutting off her hair – and I barely knew you back then. I've always known you were messed up, but I thought that there was a chance that you'd redeemed yourself over the years" he paused before glancing up and down at Ste, "Obviously I was wrong"
Ste shook his head, "I have changed, you know that. You never would have given me the time of day if I hadn't"
"And I'm beginning to regret that" John Paul spat
Ste looked horrified and John Paul regretted his words, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that" he sighed
"No, I don't blame you" he assured him quietly, "I never deserved you"
John Paul shook his head despondently, "I just don't get it" he sighed, "Where did it all go wrong?"
Ste scoffed bitterly, "I've been asking myself that question for the last twenty-five years, and still haven't figured out the answer"
John Paul let out a breath of despair, "You need to sort yourself out Ste" he commanded indifferently, "This roller coaster life of yours needs to stop, you need to get a grip otherwise you'll go back to being that stupid scally that you used to be"
Ste couldn't believe what his husband was saying to him. However, he knew deep down that John Paul was right: he had lost control of everything, and he needed to find a way to get it back. The sound of a door opening caught their attention and Scott emerged from Sinead's bedroom.
"She's having a nap" he informed them quietly
"Is she ok?" Ste asked nervously
"Oh, she was turning cartwheels" Scott hissed sarcastically, "What do you think?"
"I'm sorry" Ste whispered
"So you've said" Scott snapped, "But words don't mean anything if you can't back it up"
"How do I do that?" Ste asked helplessly
"What did I just say?" John Paul interjected, "Sort your life out, learn how to deal with your emotions properly and be the person that your daughter needs you to be"
The reference to Hannah made Ste freeze. His daughter. Of course she would need him to care for her; she was a defenceless baby who needed a stable father.
However, Ste was still uncertain, "How do I do that?" he whispered
"You'll figure it out" John Paul began, "You've done it before, you can do it again"
"'Done it before'?" Scott repeated in confusion
John Paul nodded, "Ste used to abuse his ex-girlfriend, but he eventually sought help and changed for the better"
Scott rolled his eyes, "Hard to believe that he could be worse than this"
Ste scowled at Scott, then paused thoughtfully before glancing at John Paul, "Do you know who it was that made me get help for my anger back then?"
John Paul blinked, "I assumed it was Amy and the kids" he replied with uncertainty
Ste shook his head, "It was Kieron" he revealed, "He gave me a leaflet for a course that a friend ran and encouraged me to do it"
John Paul was taken aback, "Kieron?" he repeated
"Sorry, who's Kieron?" Scott interrupted
"My ex-fiancé" John Paul replied quietly
Ste nodded "He was a priest" he revealed, "But he was killed back in 2008"
Scott's eyes widened in shock, "Whoa, that's pretty intense. Sorry man" he murmured to John Paul
John Paul shook his head dismissively but couldn't help the small smile growing on his lips, "That's just like him, offering help to hopeless causes"
Ste pulled a face, "It wasn't just that" he argued, "He actually cared about me, which was more than I deserved back then. In case you don't remember, we were quite close"
John Paul nodded, "I remember him spending time with you occasionally, but I didn't realise he meant that much to you"
Ste sneered, "Yeah, unlike you I was actually affected by his death and didn't just run off into the sunset with my ex less than two weeks later!"
Scott raised an eyebrow whilst John Paul almost staggered backwards, "Are you seriously gonna go there?" he questioned in disbelief, "Because I'm not the only one who's done stupid things. At least I never chose my abusive ex over my loving husband and children!"
Ste stared back at him in shock. He was about to make another cutting remark when Scott stepped between them, "Guys, stop!" he hissed, "At least give me some background info so I'm not completely lost when the claws come out"
John Paul glared at him, "Shut up Scott" he huffed before shaking his head at Ste in disgust, "Do you know what? I'm not gonna sink to your level"
There was a lingering pause while the men collected themselves, and John Paul pointed at Ste, "I mean it Ste. Get help" he warned his ex before turning and marching out of the flat, leaving Ste and Scott standing in silence. The anger within Ste bubbled away and he struggled to catch his breath and calm himself down. Spinning around to face Scott, he was surprised to find that the other man – whose expression was usually somewhat smug – looked terrified of him. This made Ste realise that he needed help as soon as possible because he didn't want to have that effect on people anymore.
xxx
Ste sat in the waiting room before his anger management therapy appointment. He knew that he was doing the right thing by attending the session but he was filled with shame. Knowing that he had already been through this before and had regressed over the years evoked an intense feeling of failure. Ste could list all of the terrible things that had happened in his life between finishing his treatment and returning today (admittedly, it would take a long time to do it), but none of it made any difference: it wasn't a case of just knowing what caused him to become this person, it was also understanding why he reacted the way he did by turning to drugs and violence, then retraining himself to deal with situations in a more practical way. Ste clenched his fists in determination. Everything that John Paul had said to him before was true; he needed help and this was the only way he could become the person he was supposed to be and prove that he was worthy of the ideal life that he had always craved.
Thanks for reading, and thanks 'Guest' for the prompt! Again, I apologise for taking so long with this; I started ages ago, but lost inspiration after a few paragraphs so the one-shot took a slightly different turn than you may have expected. Anyway, if anyone has any more ideas for one-shots, then let me know, and remember that reviews are always welcome!