Sunday, September 6th, 1981

8.45pm

Jackie & Hyde's Apartment

Jackie stacked the last of the dishes away and joined Hyde on the couch to watch the Sunday feature film. They'd had a good weekend together; granted, they hadn't actually left the apartment and enjoyed the sunshine, but it had been a drug-free, argument-free couple of days and that was good enough for Jackie.

Sliding onto Hyde's lap she screwed up her face. "The Longest Yard again?" she moaned. "I'm sure this was on not that long ago. Why do they think we want to watch sweaty prisoners play football?"

"It beats the other crap movies they usually put on," Hyde said, tossing his aviators onto the coffee table. "I don't mind this one."

Jackie tucked her head into the crook of Hyde's neck not really caring what movie was on. As long as she was in his arms, and he wasn't stoned, she was happy.

"I s'pose," she sighed. "I'm so tired I'd probably only get through half of it anyway."

Hyde nudged her with his shoulder and she felt his bristly beard catch in her hair. "I thought you liked Burt Reynolds? Didn't you once tell me he was the only man who could pull off a pornstache?"

"Yes I do and yes I did. He's super hot and you looked super weird when you tried to rock that thing. God, just the thought of it makes my skin crawl." Jackie hated thinking back to those days. At the time it was like living in a bad dream, one she couldn't wake up from. Steven was an asshole with a creepy moustache; Eric was in Africa; Donna was blonde; Michael was gone; and she was dating Fez. It was a horrible, horrible time and one she wanted to forget."

"Yeah," Hyde agreed, lightly pulling at the whiskers on his chin, "it probably wasn't my best move."

"None of your 'moves' that year were your best," Jackie snapped without thinking.

Hyde quickly pulled her closer against him. "Now, now, Jackie, let's not get into that." He kissed the top of her head and just the touch of his lips seemed to take away the bad thoughts that had resurfaced. They hadn't argued about Sam since they'd been back together. A skank he'd accidently married to spite her when he was 19 just wasn't important anymore. There were bigger things to worry about now. There was no need to scratch at old wounds.

"Sorry," she said, her tired eyes drifting to the TV. "Anyway, what are you doing tomorrow, baby? Any appointments?" Hyde didn't answer her, his attention locked on Burt Reynolds careering around Palm Beach in a flashy car followed by the police. Jackie waved a hand in his face and he frowned. "Steven, I asked you a question."

"What?" Hyde said, trying to dodge her hand and see the TV.

"I asked what you were doing tomorrow."

"Um, thought I might go in to work," he mumbled nonchalantly as though it was something he did everyday. As though it wasn't something Jackie had been waiting for him to do for freaking weeks...

She quickly jumped up onto her knees and cupped his face like a proud mother. "Oh my god, Steven, are you serious? You're going into Grooves tomorrow?" For Jackie this was unbelievable progress and would no doubt lead to other things, like dinners out, or movies, or trips to the mall...

Hyde's eyes darted momentarily from the television to Jackie. "Yeah," he shrugged.

"Oh this is wonderful!" Jackie threw her arms around his neck and began showering him with kisses. "You should've told me sooner, I would've ironed a shirt. I guess I can do it in the morning, what tim-"

Hyde jerked his head out of her firing line and frowned. "Jackie, what's the deal, man? You're acting like I've never worked a day in my life. Don't make this somethin' it's not."

Jackie pouted but her eyes smiled as she stroked his cheek. "It's a big deal, baby. It shows you're getting better, and it's gonna be so good for you getting out of here everyday. We're moving forward." She kissed him softly on the lips. "This is the best news ever, Steven."

When Hyde slipped his tongue into her mouth Jackie closed her eyes and let herself imagine their future together. Over the last few months she hadn't dared let herself get carried away with such fancy illusions as her past had always proved that the higher you build your dreams the further they have to fall. The Seattle Incident had been a prime example. But now, with Steven seemingly on the mend, perhaps things could work out for her. Perhaps they would make it as a couple.

So wrapped up in her thoughts Jackie barely registered that she was now lying down on the couch. She hadn't even noticed Hyde's warm hand sweeping up her thigh, pushing the skirt of her dress high around her waist. On loop in her head was his words, 'going into work' accompanied by an image of him smiling a real smile, one that she hadn't seen in a long time. He would get that smile back, she was sure of it.

With a surge of enthusiasm usually only reserved for the Black Friday sales, Jackie made light work of Hyde's belt and ripped open his jeans while he sucked furiously on her neck.

"Damn, Jackie," he groaned, lifting his head to look at her. "I should'a gone back to work weeks ago."

Jackie swept her tongue across his bottom lip while he gazed down at her with lust filled eyes. "You're going tomorrow, baby, and that's good enough for me," she said as Hyde settled himself between her legs.

...

Friday, 11th September, 1981

5.10pm

The Lake

Hyde crouched down at the edge of the lake and scooped up enough water to fill his cupped hands. The instant he splashed the cool liquid over his face and hair he felt revived. Even the little droplets running down his chest and arms were enough to wake his hot, tired body, giving it the fuel he needed to drive home. He wiped the last bits of moisture across his forehead before making his way over the pebbly shoreline to the track that led to his car.

He had tried to go to Grooves that week. Once. On Monday morning he'd strolled into his business, wearing a t-shirt ironed by Jackie carrying a lunch made by Jackie, with every intention of working. Randy had been pleased to see him and had given him the full rundown of how everything had been going. Business was fine, staff were happy, place was still standing. The world had kept turning without him and his girlfriend was beyond ecstatic that he was re-entering said world. It very nearly made him happy.

As he unlocked the Camino he remembered sitting behind the counter that Monday, checking the books. Randy had done a good job keeping the place ticking. Hell, the pretty boy had done a better job than Hyde and he was impressed. He had glanced up a few times, watching the customers as they flicked through the albums, and to his horror he found most of them were watching him right back. They didn't care about the records, they were too interested in the freak show sitting at the counter. Remembering how claustrophobic he had felt in Grooves that morning he tugged at his t-shirt collar as he sat down in his scorching hot car. He couldn't stay in that store that day. No matter how much it meant to Jackie. He'd lasted an hour. Maybe next week he'd try for two.

Driving through Point Place Hyde thought of Jackie's face that Monday night when she'd asked him how work had gone. Her eyes had been wide with expectation and sparkled like he had never seen before. She wanted to hear that he'd had a great day, and that he was looking forward to Tuesday and every day after that. So that's what he'd given her. He given her more lies to protect her from the truth. Bursting her bubble seemed too cruel, stringing her along was kinder.

Jackie didn't need to know that he spent his days hiding in his old room at the Forman's or at the lake. It would only hurt her to know that he timed every call he made to her perfectly so that she wouldn't try and call him at work. It would kill her to finally realise she was shacked up with such a loser.

This way was better.

And he would try again next week.

The sight of Jackie's blue car parked in it's usual spot in their apartment carpark surprised Hyde. She was never home before 6.30pm and as he parked the Camino he suddenly felt uneasy. He got out of the car and walked the short way to the apartment, the whole time reasoning with himself that her presence was no big deal. She might be sick. She could've forgotten something. She might have walked to work. Jackie being home didn't mean he was busted; or so he kept telling himself.

Taking a deep breath he opened the door to find Jackie dressed up to the nine's checking her make-up in the lounge mirror.

"Hey, babe." He greeted her casually, masking the guilt that was churning through every vein in his body.

"Hi," she said without looking at him.

Kicking the door closed behind him Hyde took the opportunity to admire the view. She was wearing a new dress, it had to be new. He would've noticed a black, strapless, skin tight dress that hugged her in all the right places; no doubt about it. His eyes trailed up from her stiletto clad feet, past her smooth tanned legs, to where the dress ended, mid thigh. She was hot, smoking hot.

"You look good," he remarked, standing behind her. As he wrapped his arms around her waist he caught the subtle fragrance of her perfume and his guilt subsided, replaced with a desire to have her. He brushed the brunette locks off one of her shoulders and kissed her olive skin. "Are we goin' somewhere?" Hyde asked between kisses. "I don't remember you mentioning a party?"

"I'm going somewhere," Jackie replied. "I figured you'd be exhausted from work so wouldn't want to come."

He stopped kissing her and looked up. "Well where are you going then? And actually, why aren't you at work?"

Jackie tossed her compact and brush into her bag and swung around. "Speaking of work, Steven, how was your day today? Busy selling albums? Lots of customers? Plenty of paperwork?" she enquired, her eyebrows arched.

"Ah, yeah, to all of the above." Hyde moved back, overcome with uneasiness again, and sat on the arm of the couch. "Busy day, y'know."

"No, Steven, I don't know, why don't you tell me?" Jackie's voice was way too calm for Hyde's liking. He knew she knew, but if she didn't know, and he said it, he was fucked. Clearing his throat he scrambled for an answer.

"Jackie, Grooves is Grooves. Same old same old. Now why don't you tell me where you're goin' 'cause I'm not sure I want you goin' anywhere dressed like that without me." He flashed his trademark grin, the one that usually worked with Jackie, but she remained stoic.

"Well," she said with a hand on her hip, "I've had an awful day, Steven. You see, I decided to do something nice for my boyfriend today and I went and got us both a nice lunch and took it into his work-" Hyde's stomach dropped to his workboots; he was fucked, "-and my gosh, you can imagine my surprise when I got to his work only to find he wasn't there today. I mean, he had kissed me goodbye this morning and said he was going to work-"

Hyde stood up and stepped toward her only for her to quickly walk to the kitchen counter and grab a beer. "Jackie, look-"

"and then," she continued, "imagine how I felt when I find out that he hadn't actually been into work all week? My boyfriend has lied to me all week..." Jackie's voice trailed off as she sipped her bottle and stared at the corner of the ceiling. He knew she was fighting the tears. He had seen her do it so many times before.

"Jackie, I'm sorry, I can explain." Could he explain? If he could've, he would've on Monday night, but he couldn't then, and he probably couldn't now. He moved to hold her hand but she pulled it away.

"No, Steven, no more lame excuses, no more sorrys. I can't do this anymore." He caught her eye for a moment, and in that moment he saw so much sadness that he wanted to punch himself in the arm. She wanted to break up, again. Because he had fucked up, again.

"Babe, just listen to me." He followed her into the kitchen. "I went in on Monday, did Randy tell you that? It was just hard, man. Like it was hard havin' to see people n shit...I had to get outta there." The truth. He'd actually told her the truth.

"And you couldn't tell me this on Monday why?"

Because I like seeing you happy...because I didn't wanna disappoint you...because I didn't want you to see how weak I am...

Hyde could've given her any number of reasons but instead he shrugged and shook his head, his arms crossed defensively across his chest.

Jackie rolled her eyes. "A shrug? That's it?" she said, flicking her hair over her shoulder in one brisk motion. "Typical."

When she picked up her handbag Hyde panicked. She couldn't leave, not now, like this. "Jackie, wait," he said stepping in front of her, his hands on her arms. "Where are you going? Don't go out now, we're talki-"

Her eyes narrowed and for the first time in a long time she regarded him with disdain. "Talking? No, Steven, I'm done trying to talk to you. You should've tried talking ages ago. I'm going to have some drinks and talk with the girls from work. While I'm there -" she opened their bedroom door, "-I suggest you finish this and get out of here before I get home. Leave the key on the counter."

Hyde stepped around her and looked into their bedroom. His duffel bag sat on the bed, half packed. His drawers were opened and his t-shirts were hanging out waiting to return to where they'd come from. Shoes, albums, jeans, boxers...all his, strewn across the room. "What the fuck?" he exclaimed as Jackie pushed past him heading toward the door.

"Oh," she began, "sorry, I started packing then I realised I'm always cleaning up your messes. You're a big boy, your hand is way better, you can sort this mess yourself."

Hyde's fist clenched at his side as he stared at his crap. "Are you fuckin' serious, Jackie?" he asked through gritted teeth.

She turned to him. "I'm so serious, Steven. I'm done."

His heart was pounding and he fought the urge to smash his hand through the fucking wall. She had lied. Only two weeks ago she had promised she wouldn't leave him again but she was full of it, just like his fucking mother. The line between love and hate is a small one and right now Hyde could've sworn he hated the small brunette glaring at him from the doorway.

"You're done?" His voice was calm, a far cry from the rage building inside of him. "I hope you're sure of that, Jackie, 'cause once I'm gone I'm gone. Don't come lookin' for me next time you're scared or need protectin'. Don't come cryin' to me when you're all alone n realised you made a mistake-"

"The only mistake I made was believing that you loved me...that you needed me..." Jackie's voice was so small and Hyde knew she was crying. His breathing grew rapid as his inner turmoil grew. Should he break down now and tell her he loves her, tell her he needs her more than anything? But he'd told her that shit two weeks ago and here she was, kicking him out.

Bitch.

"Last chance, Jackie." He was being an asshole, covering up the pain he felt in his chest at the thought of her walking out that door. "If you leave that's it, I won't be here when you get back. You can take it all back now..."

From across the room he could see her bottom lip quivering and her small hand trembling. She didn't want him to leave anymore than he wanted to leave. So why was she doing this? All over him not going to work. It was a freaking joke and one that he'd make sure she'd regret.

"Steven," she whispered. "I want you to pack your things and go."

Hearing her words forced the rage inside of him to take over and he picked up her make-up bag and threw it at the wall, the contents scattering all over the lounge. "You fucking bitch!" he spat out at her. "I'll fuckin' go then-"

A quiet tap on the door silenced him but when Eric Forman stepped inside, looking all sad and broken, his verbal onslaught continued. "Forman? You called fucking Forman?" He looked from Jackie to Eric. "What and you raced over here to help me pack I s'pose? 'Poor Hyde, needs my help again, boo fucking hoo'. Well I'll tell ya what, Eric, I don't need you and I don't need her. So you can both get on outta here and let me get my shit."

Eric stood next to Jackie, his eyes wide with worry, his hands dangling nervously at his side. "No, Hyde, I'm just here to see that you're okay-"

"Well as you can see I'm just peachy. So you can fuck off now." The pain in his chest was excruciating and the humiliation of his best friend witnessing him being dumped was just making it worse. How could she have called Eric? Was it not enough that she'd just broken his heart.

Eric tentatively walked closer to Hyde. "Look, I'm here now, why don't I give you a hand packing. Maybe we can go grab a beer afterwards."

"Some beers sound good actually." Hyde glanced at Jackie and smirked. "Maybe we can check out that topless waitressing bar down the street, heard there's some pretty hot ass there n I think I'll be wantin' to get laid tonight."

Jackie's soft cry turned into a loud sob and she covered her mouth with her hand.

Eric looked at her concerned. "Hyde, dude, don't be like that-"

"Like what, Eric? Like a single guy lookin' for some action?" He was talking to Eric but staring at Jackie coldly. "She's chuckin' me out, technically I'm single so I can do what I want."

"But-"

Jackie cut Eric off. "Steven, can't you see why I'm breaking up with you? I love you so much but you keep hurting me with your lies. You won't talk to me...for a while there you wouldn't even look at me. What am I supposed to do?"

"Oh, well you do what every broad does when she's sick of a guy- chuck him out." Hyde's smirk faded as his rage took hold again. "You," he said with a calmness that belied his anger, "are just like my fucking mother and I fucking hate you just like I hate her."

Jackie's sobs filled the room as she fell back against the door but Hyde could've cared less. She'd done this to herself. She'd driven him to this. It was all her fault.

"Not cool, Hyde, not cool at all. " Eric's face was one of disgust and Hyde wasn't sure he'd ever seen the guy look so angry. "Get your stuff and let's get outta here."

Hyde stared at both of them, the woman he loved and his best friend, both standing there against him. Two people that had always hated each other were now united by their disgust in him. How could they turn on him? They were assholes.

He stepped toward them and they both flinched. Good, they were scared. Pointing a finger between them he said, "You can both fuck off. You both make me fucking sick and I don't need either of ya. So get."

To his surprise it was Jackie that spoke. "We haven't done anything to you, Steven. You did this all to yourself. You made the choice to be like this."

If she had shot him then and there it wouldn't have hurt as much as her words. How could she say he had chosen any of this? The rage tumbling around in his stomach twisted so tightly he thought he was gonna snap in half and now even his left hand had managed to clench into a fist.

"I did this to myself?" he said, his eyes boring into Jackie. "I did this to myself?" he repeated. "Are you saying I chose this life? That I wanted my parents to leave me? That I wanted you to go to Chicago? That I wanted to find you n Kelso in that motel room?" Hyde didn't know where the words were coming from, all he knew was that they wouldn't stop. "You think I wanted to marry that stripper and fuckin' stay married to her. I hated that part of my life, and the worst part was watchin' you carry on with Fez of all people-"

"Steven, I-"

"-let me talk, Jackie. You wanted me to talk now I'm talkin'. Are you saying I wanted to end up with a drug whore psycho girlfriend? Do you really believe I chose to get shot and that I took some pleasure in you gettin' stabbed? 'Cause, Jackie, I don't get how any of that is entirely my fault." Hyde's breathing was so quick it felt like he wasn't getting any oxygen. His body was too tense, too angry, but he couldn't find a release.

Jackie wiped her eyes, black mascara smearing across her cheeks. "No, I'm not saying it was all your fault. I'm saying that you made choices, sometimes silly choices, and you have to live with the consequences. But, Steven, the Sam stuff doesn't even matter now, I'm not even talking about her-"

"But you're saying you reap what you sow? Is that your point?"

Jackie hesitated. "yes...no...oh I don't know." She was sobbing again. Loudly.

Eric put a comforting hand on Jackie's shoulder before turning to Hyde. "Do you think you reap what you sow, Hyde?"

Yes I fucking do...

Hyde glared at Eric and shrugged. "Dunno," he muttered, daring Eric to keep going with this.

"Do you think some kinda higher power is punishing you for all your fuck ups? Maybe, I dunno, because you hurt Jackie so much in the past someone up there isn't gonna let you be happy-"

Hyde was getting agitated. "Fuck up, Forman, you know I don't believe in that crap."

Eric raised an eyebrow. "I think you believe in karma - what goes around comes around n all that - and I think you might feel a little guilty about the people you love getting hurt. I think you might think it's your fault...that they're being punished for your sins."

That's exactly how I feel...

"Forman, shut up." Hyde's hands and jaw were clenched now and if he didn't find a release soon he was gonna explode.

"Hyde, what happened to John-"

That was it. That was all it took for Hyde to unravel. In one foul swoop he kicked the wooden coffee table over, breaking two of it's legs. He heard Jackie scream as the heavy object landed on an armchair, but he still wasn't done. Storming across the room all he could see was Forman and that mouth that wouldn't stop flapping. He grabbed his best friend by the scruff of the neck and threw him up against the wall.

"Steven, no!" Jackie cried to no avail.

"I fuckin' told you, Eric. I told you to shut your mouth," Hyde yelled into Eric's face. Much to Hyde's annoyance Eric stayed calm. His arms dangled at his side, his face appeared more concerned than frightened.

"Why do you want me to shut my mouth Hyde? Why don't you want me to talk about Johnny? Would you rather me talk about Cassidy stabbing Jackie? Is that a better topic for us?"

Hyde's eyes were clouding over in rage and his throat was starting to hurt where a lump was forming. This wasn't good. He couldn't see this night ending well.

"I don't wanna talk about any of it!" he shouted. "I want you to just shut the hell up!"

Eric's eyes were so wide and staring so hard into Hyde's that Hyde had to look away. "But I want to talk about Johnny, Hyde. I want to know how you feel about him dying. I want to know what goes-"

"Shut up..." Hyde's heart was racing. He was gonna have a heart attack for sure.

"-on in your head. Do you dream about him?-"

Every night...

"-do you wish it had been you and not him?-"

Everyday...

"Do you think it's your fault he died?"

Hyde wanted to punch Eric so bad. He had pleaded for the guy to shut his mouth. The idiot was torturing him with words and it was killing him. He could feel Jackie behind him, pulling at his t-shirt, trying to get him off Eric and he knew if he pulled his arm back he'd smack her in the face. He'd hurt her enough over the years, he couldn't do that to her.

Eric's words, his face, Jackie's screams, were piercing. They were becoming a mish-mosh of sounds and colours, none of them made sense anymore. For a moment it was like he was in the eye of a tornado, everything was spinning around him, but suddenly it all stopped.

Calmness.

No screaming. No taunting. No crying. No flying coffee tables and make-up bags.

The rage was gone.

He was on his knees, in a quiet room. Slowly he opened his eyes and let the wetness fall. It was so unfamiliar, so foreign to him but it was pointless trying to fight them anymore. He was spent. He was done.

She was at his side, her arms wrapped tightly around his bicep like she was scared to let go. "I love you, baby," she whispered over and over again as his tears fell.

Eric was in front on him, leaning back against the wall, a friendly hand resting on Hyde's knee.

Hyde sniffed and wiped his cheek on his shoulder. It was a waste of time though, years of built up tears were waiting to spill, there was no point trying to get rid of them just yet. He closed his eyes, tears streaming down his face, and prepared himself to ask the people closest to him the question he'd asked himself over and over again.

"Why me?"

A/N: Two more chapters to go n we're done! Thanks so much for reviewing, you're all awesome x