Oooh, guys! It's an interesting ride so far. I'm eager to get this going. I'm close to a major plot point and because of that this chapter is a little longer than the last few have been. Normally I crank out around 8 pages in word. This one got all the way to 11. Yay! :D
There are going to be many questions about some stuff in this chapter. I will try to answer them all in good time.
Chapter 25 – I Won't Say I'm in Love
Cerena was not bored, but she was restless. Between the little garden and her training most of her day was taken up. She would wake early in the morning and run before joining Gil-Galad and Oropher on the training field. They trained for several hours before they all retreated to bathe and then eat. After supper she retreated to her garden.
She had gotten several baby plants and different cuttings from the other gardeners around Imladris. There was a nice bushy spearmint plant that filled the little area with sweet scent that she'd put in an earthen planter. She had been tempted to put it straight in the ground, but had been advised that if she did that she would have a garden of nothing but mint. There were other fragrant herbs and flowers, all mingling sweetly and filling the tiny glade with Yavanna's perfume.
She had moved a small bench inside the glade and was kneeling beside it, planting morning glory at its base. She had seen it done on a few other benches, carefully trimming the vines as they grew so that they only touched the outside of the bench before overcoming it with flowers. The little sprouts had voices of their own, too. They were soft as a sigh like the babies they were, and she had enjoyed learning the different voices of the plants she was gathering.
"Yes, I know. Terribly dry, but if you'll hold on just a moment I will fix that. Yes I know you're hungry," Cerena said. The little sprouts were whining something fierce. She reached over and picked up her watering can, gently showering the tiny sprouts with a bath of water.
Sweet and clean! Water fresh!
She grinned at their exuberance before standing and taking the can to the other flowers that needed watering.
Dark sprout loves us! An exuberant marigold proclaimed.
"And what about you? How are you feeling today?" she asked a fern that had been set aside as dead. She had heard its weak voice and taken it with her. The dead leaves were cut away leaving the root and a few tiny, desperate shoots. They were getting bigger, now.
Better. Stronger. She brushed the pad of her finger over one of the little leaves and was delighted to see it wiggle in response. She wrinkled her nose.
"If you keep going like this they might take you back to put in the main garden," she said, giving the recovering plant a little sprinkle of water.
When she was finished in the garden she dusted her hands off and emptied her pail. She was tired and sore from her exertions of the day. She wanted nothing more than to go soak in a hot bath and then curl up into oblivion in her soft sheets.
"Cerena!"
Of course it wasn't that simple. It was never that simple.
She turned around to see Elrond walking briskly up the hall, looking slightly vexed.
"Yes, Elrond?" she asked, noting that there was no one else around them.
"The valley has just received some visitors," he said, his brows turned down. She tilted her head, reaching up to subconsciously brush some dirt from her tunic.
"Oh? Should I get Edledhia and go to ground? Are they ones that would be offended at the sight of Orcs in the elf valley?" she asked with dark humor. Elrond shook his head.
"I should think not. They are High Orcs from King Durbûrz' kingdom," he said. He watched her face pale slightly. "The King is not with them. It is two messengers come to escort you back. They have brought an extra wolf with them. They say it is a gift from the King for you," Elrond said. Cerena was quiet, looking at him with an unreadable expression.
"I…wasn't expecting this…but I should have, I guess," she said. She looked away, feeling her eyes burn with impending tears. "He wants his Seer back."
"You belong to no one," Elrond said, and Cerena was amazed by the ferocity of his statement. She looked back at him. He seemed to hesitate about something, before reaching forward and taking her hand. Her eyebrows shot up, looking immensely surprised as he focused his gaze firmly on her dirt-caked knuckles. "You are not bound to return to the orc-king if you do not wish. You should- you can stay here," he said. She did not miss the correction in his words.
The hand he held was warm as he ran his thumb over her dusty knuckles. He seemed fascinated with her hands, and she did not wish to break the moment by moving.
"Why?" she finally asked. He looked up at her and she was struck at how nervous he looked.
"I do not…wish…to see you go," he admitted. She was surprised. He could see it in her face. "I wish for you to stay here…" he added.
Cerena was dumbstruck. Was he…expressing some kind of interest? Surely not! She was an orc, a nobody. He was a prince! He was a high-ranking Lord of elven society! He was…he was Elrond!
"I…but you're…and I'm…but what…huh?" she was so confused. He smiled at her, and she thought her knees would turn to jelly.
"I care not what others think. I care not what outer form you have. My soul feels alive around you. Your strength of heart is amazing, and I find myself becoming quite attached to you," he said honestly. He felt a bit of heat creep into his face, much to his consternation. He was blushing like an elfling!
"Are you…are you serious?" she asked. He searched her eyes, seeing the clear confusion and disbelief.
"I am very serious. You cannot know the turmoil I have had in my soul…" he started.
"I do, actually," she said. He looked at her, head tilted curiously. "Your story was well recorded. I know of your loss and heartache. I know of what you suffered and sacrificed for the good of Arda. That was why I was so drawn to your character. You speak of my strength…but it was yours that did so much…" she said passionately. "And you might not care what some people think…but what about Glorfindel or your children?" she asked.
"If they care for me at all they would leave me to my happiness…" he replied. Now her expression fell.
"I just lost Stargush….I can't possibly…" she faltered.
"I do not seek to replace him in your heart. The love you shared with him will always be there, an echo in your soul, just like I will always remember my love for Celebrían. But I feel that above all else he would wish you to be happy. And I…would like to try to do that…" he said. He could feel her begin to tremble under his touch.
"I do not want…to be rushed. Everything happened so quickly with Stargush…my heart was his before I could help it…" she whimpered. She felt warm fingers on her cheek.
"I will stall the messengers here for a bit, offer them the hospitality of Imladris. Allow me the chance to court you for even a short time. Even if you feel nothing for me I will not force you to leave this place," he said. She saw a desperation in his face that seemed out of place on such handsome features.
She couldn't deny that he was attractive. All elves were pretty to some extent…otherworldly in their looks. But Elrond seemed different, somehow. He was so kind and generous to all peoples that came through his lands…it made him so much more….approachable. Yes, that was it. Elrond was more approachable than the other elves, even though he had every right and chance to be unapproachable and haughty.
The thought of loving someone so soon after Stargush's death did not sit right with her. In her mind she knew Elrond was telling the truth. Pragmatically Stargush would have moved on if she had been the one to die. It was what orcs did. He would have mourned her and then continued on with his life. But on the other hand she felt so guilty for his death. It was her fault….wasn't it?
"I…maybe…" she finally said. Elrond leaned forward and brushed a kiss across her knuckles, still caked with dirt. Her face felt like it would catch fire from embarrassment.
"I will go speak with our visitors," he said, pinning her with a look that made her stomach twist and her mouth go dry.
"Ok," she managed to croak. With a final smile to her he turned to go.
"We will speak later, Cerena. Have a nice night," he said, walking away. Cerena was silent, watching his retreating form.
She needed some alone time, and she needed it now.
She did not know the visitors personally, but they both carried letters from Durbûrz that had been sealed. Both letters gave physical descriptions of the people so that she would know she could trust them. The wolf that they had brought for her was newly broken, a bright-eyed wolf of lovely shades of grey with one milky-colored paw. The she-wolf had vivid green eyes that were quite expressive as well.
"What will you name me, Miss?" the wolf asked excitedly. Cerena stroked a hand over the large ears.
"I'll name you Lily," she said with little hesitation. No one would ever know that she was named for Lily Potter, Harry Potter's mother, named so for her bright green eyes. The wolf panted happily.
"They ride giant, talking wolves? I want one!" Gil-Galad pouted. Oropher rolled his eyes.
"You are so immature," Oropher grumbled. Gil-Galad glared at him.
"Says the one who cried- literally cried when the Valar wouldn't let you take your kitten from Valinor!" Gil-Galad snapped. Oropher looked betrayed.
"Mallanheleth was given to me as a companion when I regained my memories! The Valar said animal friends were common to ease the transition. Besides, you promised you wouldn't tell!" he replied in heated defense.
Their argument descended quickly into a fist-fight and the High Orcs that had been sent to retrieve Cerena just looked at each other, wondering what they may have gotten themselves into.
"I am glad you have decided to experience the hospitality of Imladris," Elrond said smoothly, directing them further into the city.
"It would be foolish to turn down the offer, Lord. Especially considering how rare it is," one orc, named Kalsak, said reasonably.
"You must understand our position, having not known of the High Orcs until most recently…" Elrond countered. The other orc, Bukra, nodded.
"We understand, Lord. But we can only stay two weeks at the most," Bukra said. Elrond seemed disappointed to the orc, but he had no idea why.
"Very well. Come, I will show you to your rooms," he said, and the two awe-struck orcs followed along behind him. As he passed Cerena they caught each other's gaze. She could have sworn she saw him wink at her, but it must have been a trick of the light.
Cerena stretched out languidly like a cat, her head emerging from her nest of blankets as she blinked in the morning sun. She sighed contentedly in the residual warmth of her bed, looking over as a morning breeze ruffled her curtains.
Wait.
Cerena rarely went to bed with her shutters open. She didn't like the thought of her window open for all and sundry to enter her room. She reached beside her bed and grabbed a dagger off of the night table, rolling off of her bed and standing as quietly as possible.
There was no one outside the window, but she spent the next few minutes checking all of her belongings and making sure no one was hiding in her room.
Then she frowned. She went to the window again, looking down. Her eyebrows popped up as she saw a little box wrapped in plain brown paper with a yellow ribbon dangling on string just below her windowsill. She pulled the little box free, removed the ribbon, and tore the paper. Inside was a little wooden trinket box with lovely flowers engraved into the top, and the Tengwar of her name engraved into the front panel. She opened the box and saw a small note inside. She set the box aside and unfolded the paper.
The script was flowing and elegant, clearly written by someone who had been holding a quill longer than she had been alive.
You are a priceless gift to be treasured.
-E
E? Was this from Elrond? She gaped a bit at the letter, before a small smile came to her face. How incredibly sweet. She stroked a finger over the wooden box, the smile turning a bit goofy at the little trinket. She put it aside and laughed to herself.
When she went for her run she was surprised to see clear evidence that someone had come to the track before her. There were rose petals scattered on the ground where she normally started her run. Shaking her head she began. There was a little circuit that she usually made, taking several laps around a copse of trees. It was no huge track but it was large enough that she would lose sight of it while on the other side.
When she made her final lap she stopped short. There was a bouquet of freshly picked flowers cradled in the leaves. Her face was covered in sweat and her breath came in desperate huffs, but she approached the flowers. Another note was folded against the bouquet and when she picked it up she saw the flowers were wrapped in another yellow ribbon. She felt a little nervous when she opened the letter.
The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind, but the goodness of a person spreads in all directions. Your soul is a beautiful flower spreading its perfume on the wind of life.
-E
She put the flowers to her nose and inhaled. The flowers were beautiful and heavily perfumed. She was unfamiliar with the precise breed of the flowers, but their beauty was understated in small, fragrant blooms with yellow petals.
She stopped by her room to stash the flowers before heading to the training grounds. Her training was nothing special and she and her training partners ended up with nicks and scrapes before they retired for supper.
Cerena sat near the end of one of the tables and Oropher and Gil-Galad sat in front of her. The meal was a hearty vegetable stew with a generous salad. She ate with reserved gusto, hungry but trying not to bring attention to herself.
When she was finished with her meal she retreated to the baths. There were ellyth in a neighboring pool, but they barely paid her any attention as she slipped into the warm water. She did not linger, opting instead to clean herself thoroughly but quickly before wrapping herself in a flannel night gown and wrapping a fluffy robe around herself to retreat to her room.
She paused at her door, noticing a yellow ribbon around the handle. She could not help the laugh that bubbled up. She removed the ribbon and brought it with her into the room.
If it were Stargush he would have been waiting naked on the bed with another ribbon tied around his- well, let's just say that Stargush was not very subtle. But she doubted that Elrond would be so bold (or even if he were he would not be so early). And it was probably a good thing. She didn't think her heart could handle the sight of Elrond naked on her bed with naught but a ribbon tied around his…elfhood.
She entered the room, curious as to what she would find. There was a long flat parcel on the bed, and Cerena's curiosity was piqued. She entered her room and closed the door behind her, approaching her bed. She picked up the letter on the box and opened it.
Beauty is power: a smile its sword. Beauty should carry beauty.
-E
She set aside the letter and opened the box. She gasped when she looked in the box. She saw the painfully familiar handle of her Orcish sword, put into its sheath. The sheath had been embellished more since she had seen it; elegant swirls and several shiny steel studs pressed into the dark leather. But the sheath was now connected to another sheath. They blended seamlessly from dark to light, and in the lighter colored sheath was an elvish blade. She lifted the double sheath from the box so that she could draw the elvish blade.
It was like a mirror image of her orc-blade except it was polished to a silver mirror shine where the orc sword was dark, gleaming metal. They were like night and day.
She had never named her orc sword, but the name was on the tip of her tongue now.
"Burzskag and Aradhathel; Night-edge and Day-blade," she said. She withdrew the orc blade and weighed them between her hands. "Let two worlds be one," she murmured. She twirled the blades experimentally. They fit in her hands like they were always meant to be there, and with her orc blade in her possession again she felt a measure closer to Stargush once more. He had taught her to wield this blade and she had been distraught at losing it. Being taught to dual-wield had never been so amazing as it was now, holding these twin blades in her hand.
How had Elrond gotten hold of her sword? The messengers must have brought it with them. He had to have gotten it from them. She needed to thank him. Properly. She sheathed the blades reverently and set the double sheath aside.
She had an elf-lord to stalk.
Elrond sat on his balcony, looking up into the light of his father's star.
"Today has been rather fun," he said, speaking to the star as he had in times before. "I only wish I could have seen her face as she opened the sword. I know of all the gifts that was the most treasured," he said.
He was almost expecting the knock on his door. He smiled to himself and withdrew into his room, his robes whispering around bare feet as he approached the door. He opened it and saw Cerena standing at his door. He was not expecting to be pushed back inside his room by surprisingly strong hands. His door was closed behind them and she grabbed the front of his robes, pulling him close and kissing him hungrily. He gasped at the connection and she took the opportunity to deepen the kiss.
He finally found his thoughts and reached up, tangling the fingers of his hand in her damp curls and tilting his head to connect their mouths better. They battled for dominance for several moments before he broke away with a gasp.
"By the stars! I thought you wanted to take it slow!" he gasped. The smoldering look she was giving him sent jolts of pleasure straight to his core.
"I did until you gave me back my sword. Now I want to rip those stuffy robes off you and fuck your brains out," she growled. He shuddered bodily.
"That would not be w-wise," he faltered.
"Why not? Can elves have sex outside marriage?" she asked.
"We can…it's just…rare," he stuttered.
"Make an exception. I want to blow your mind," she said forcefully, toying with the buttons on the front of his robes.
"Cerena…we should not…I do not want our first time to be because of a sword…" he said to her. He also wanted to make sure that she would not suffer any traumatizing memories from her torment with the orc-lord. A little of her gusto seemed to bleed out of her.
"It's not just a sword…" she said. "You gave me back a part of myself. I think that was one reason I was so broken after Akashagon…after he…captured me," she said. "That sword was my confidence and he took it from me and cast it aside. I am better and stronger now than I ever was, and now I hold two blades. Thank you," she said. He gave her a thigh-clenching smile. "Oh…you have no idea what your smile does to me…" she admitted. His eyebrows rose marginally.
"If it does half of what your smile does to me I may have an idea," he returned. She laughed softly.
"Well then. I appear to have broken into your bedroom and attempted to accost you," she finally said. He smiled mischievously.
"You are a bright star in an otherwise darkened world," he said to her. She grinned widely.
"Thank you for the gifts. I loved all of them," she said honestly.
"I'm glad. I have little experience in gift giving. Celebrían and I did not have a normal courtship, so I had to consult the library for information," he said, looking a little shy about it.
Cerena now had a vision of Elrond hunched over in a chair, reading glasses perched on his nose as he read a book called 'How to Date an Orc if You're an Elf' or 'So You're Eight Thousand and Want a Girlfriend.' She covered her mouth so that she wouldn't bark out a laugh.
"Well whatever you read was nice," she finally said. They stood in silence for several moments. "Well…I guess I should go back to my room, then," she said, sounding a little disappointed. Elrond smiled at her.
"I wish you sweet dreams," he said. She tried to smother a smile as he took her hand, bending low to brush a kiss across her knuckles.
"And sweet dreams to you. Dream of me, if you can," she teased. He looked up from her hand, a serious expression on his face.
"I already have," he replied. She was surprised momentarily, then snorted.
"Well that's a relief! Since you gave me that garden I've been having dreams of ripping off your robes and ravishing you there!" she admitted. A strained look came to his face.
"Perhaps you should retreat to your room, now," he said. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his again, this time more gently. Their kiss was short and sweet, but no less passionate.
"Good night, Elrond," she said.
"Good night, Cerena."
Neither went to sleep for some time.
When she finally did sleep Cerena dreamed.
She was in the Path of Dreams again, wandering around the garden. It was peaceful here, even more so than Rivendell. She wandered through paths of roses in all colors and ran her fingers over large, heavy flowers that smelled lovely.
"It is beautiful, here," Cerena said, mostly to herself.
"I think so, too."
She turned to see a Lady standing nearby with a watering can of metal. She was dressed in gauzy grey robes, her silver-white hair drawn back and tied with a grey ribbon. Her face was a pleasant tanned color from being in the garden often, and her eyes were the color of heather. Cerena didn't have to ask her name.
"Lady Estë," she said, bowing low. Estë gave a dreamy smile to the girl.
"You fight it, but your spirit still hurts," she said. Cerena stood frowning at the Valier.
"So now someone wants to help me? I've been alone for many, many weeks. There was no strength during my torment. No help when my body was wracked with pain. When I was whipped until I bled…when I was…was…" her face hardened. "When I was raped."
"Just because you could not see us does not mean we were not there," Estë said. Cerena shook her head.
"I was…abused. I was tormented. They wanted the information I have, information that is only with me because you all brought me to a time that is not my own," Cerena growled.
"Have you not found more happiness in your short time here than the last several years in your time?" Estë asked.
"I found Stargush only to have him ripped away!" Cerena cried. Estë tilted her head, slowly approaching Cerena.
"Your love with the orc-soul was brief but intense, like the burning of a torch that has been extinguished. You grew as a person with that experience," she said.
"So what…it was a test? Some kind of fire to burn away the dross? Am I an experiment to you?" Cerena felt hot tears on her face. But Estë's eyes filled with tears as well, and they spilled over her smooth cheeks.
"Never! Each child of Eru is important to us!" she exclaimed.
"But I'm not a child of Eru anymore…you gave me the body of a child of Morgoth," Cerena returned, her voice breaking.
"You were born Cerena Michaels, a human in an Age far from here. We could only change your body. Your soul is still very much the same: meaning you are a child of Eru," Estë said.
"Is my soul still mortal?" Cerena asked. Estë regarded her calmly.
"I do not have the answer," Estë finally said.
"You took my human soul and put it into an orc body, and you have no idea if I'm going die? If I have the 'gift' of death I want to know so that I can live my life accordingly: there will be little fairness in loving Elrond if I grow old and die in his arms. You've already given him feelings for an orc: don't make him watch me die," Cerena said angrily.
"As a peredhel he could choose to embrace mortality," Estë pointed out. Cerena growled lowly, turning aside.
"I would never ask him to. I would never want him to. He deserves to find the peace of Valinor whenever he grows weary of this world," Cerena said.
"Would you give up your happiness for his?" Estë asked, stepping closer to Cerena. Cerena felt tears burn her eyes.
"Of course I would! I am nobody…a lowly orc in the fabric of Arda. He deserves better anyway," Cerena said bitterly.
"He doesn't see you as nobody," Estë said, turning her head. Cerena turned as well, and could see a scene playing out before her as though she were watching a movie. She saw Elrond sitting at his desk, carefully engraving the flowers into the top of her little trinket box. He had made that himself?! Then the scene changed and she saw him gathering the flowers he had put into her bouquet, binding them with the yellow ribbon. He had picked them himself…? And finally she saw him speaking with the orc messengers from the valley. One of them gave him the sheath that held her sword, and he flashed into a shop, holding the dark leather of Burzskag's sheath against the lighter elven leather than sheathed Aradhathel.
He had done all that himself? She found herself sniffling inexplicably, and quickly swiped at her eyes.
"I don't deserve that," Cerena sniffled.
"You deserve love as much as he," Estë said. Cerena shook her head.
"I had love…" she said.
"You did, and it was Eru's design for that soul to leave Arda. Your soul is still in Arda, as well as the one whom you long for," Estë said.
"But you can't tell me how long we may have together," Cerena clarified. Estë laughed softly.
"Oh, child. No one knows how long their time on Arda is, even the Elder. They lose their lives in Arda Marred just as the Mortals do," she said.
"But they go to Mandos' halls and eventually are turned back into Valinor. What happens to the souls of Men?" Cerena asked.
"It is not my place to say," Estë said.
"You probably don't even know," Cerena muttered, but Estë seemed unruffled.
"I cannot say for you to do this, or do that. But if you do not love you will regret it your entire life – however long that may be," she said, pinning Cerena with a look.
"This vision didn't help me with anything…" Cerena complained.
"It helped you with one thing," Estë said. Cerena frowned.
"Helped me what?" she asked.
"It has helped you wake up," Estë said.
"What?"
The next thing she knew she sat up in bed, displacing a cool cloth that had been laid across her forehead.
When Cerena did not appear for her morning run Elrond was worried. When she did not show up for her training with Gil-Galad and Oropher he took action. He went to her room, using his master key to unlock her door.
She was still in bed, but she was not resting peacefully. Her face was flushed darkly and her forehead was covered in a sheen of sweat. She was trembling as if cold, but she had kicked off her blanket. She was wearing a loose-fitting flannel night gown, but it was pulled tight by her squirming and was sticking to her sweaty skin. It left very little to the imagination.
Her forehead burned under his touch, and he took action. He wrapped her in her blanket and picked her up, carrying her immediately towards the infirmary. He saw Arwen, Gil-Galad and Oropher on the way, and the three turned immediately with him when they saw him carrying Cerena.
"What ails her, Ada?" Arwen asked.
"I know not. When Lords Gil-Galad and Oropher reported she had not come to training, I went to check on her and found her like this. Her temperature is very high," he said. Gil-Galad and Oropher looked at each other, pausing in their steps. Arwen shadowed her father's footsteps, and they disappeared around a corner.
The two former kings stared at each other.
"You think…?" Oropher asked.
"Surely not…" Gil-Galad replied. Then they looked back at the corner Elrond had disappeared behind, and then again to each other, before speaking in unison.
"No…"
You guys are too smart for your own good! So I think it's pretty obvious now that I'm trying to set up Elrond/Cerena. I am confident that this has not been done before. (And by this I mean Elrond/Orc, not Elrond/OC. That's been done.)
I have so many big plans for this story. So much to do, so little time! Let me know what you think about the dreams. Let me know what you think about the pairing. Let me know what you think about her twin blades! I am eager to have feedback. I love it so!
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