Opening Montage
Music: "Who Says You Can't Go Home" by Bon Jovi, featuring Jennifer Nettles
We first see Quinn boarding a train. She takes her seat. Jim sits next to her. They have a conversation. Next, we see a train arrive in Lawndale. Quinn gets off. This is followed by Quinn and Jim on a date. Next, we see Chuck and Stacy's wedding. This is followed by Daria and Jane looking at an eviction notice, which leads to a scene of Daria moving back in with her parents. Next, we see Jim proposing to Quinn. This is followed by a shot of Stacy holding a newborn baby. Next, a shot of Quinn and Jim's wedding. Then we see Kevin playing with his kids while Brittany makes out with Daryl in the background. This is followed by Quinn making a "Smores 'n' Pores" video. Next, we see Quinn and Jim at the hospital with newborn triplets. Next, we see the boys as six year olds while Quinn is chatting with Lindy, Stacy, Sandi and Brittany. Next, a shot of Jim, Mack, Chuck, Chris and Kevin drinking beer in the back yard. Final shot is Jim taking out the trash. Quinn and the boys join him. This pans out to a group picture of them and all of their friends. Below them, we now see...
"Life After Thirty"
Ep. 25
"Business Boom"
written by
WildDogJJ
Act I
Scene 1
Ext. Shot: Allmart, evening
Int. Shot: Allmart
Jim Carbone is walking through the aisles of Allmart (this universe's Walmart). He's trying to find the electronics section.
Jim: (Thought VO) Dammit! They rearrange everything every other month. No sooner am I familiar with the layout and they change it again.
Jim spots an Allmart employee. This employee is a teenager with long, shaggy black hair wearing skate emo clothes under his blue Allmart smock. Jim approaches him.
Jim: Excuse me. I'm looking for a new memory card for my camcorder. Could you tell me where the electronics section is?
Employee: Duh, you should know.
Jim: (forced patience) I don't. I wouldn't be asking you if I did.
Employee: Whatever, old timer.
Jim: (angry) Old Timer!
Employee: Yeah! (points to a door) It's through there.
Jim: (condescending) Was that so hard?
Jim walks off toward the door.
Employee: (under his breath) Stupid old fart.
Jim walks through the door. Cut to the other side of the door. Jim finds himself in the alley behind the store.
Jim: What the hell!?
He turns to open the door only to discover it only opens from the inside. He let's out a frustrated sigh.
Jim: Damn teenage punk!
Ext. Shot: MacKenzie Automotive, evening
Int. Shot: Mack's Office
Mack is going over the financials for his business. It's been slow since Allmart opened it's own automotive department.
Mack: (thought VO) The numbers don't lie. Since Allmart opened it's own automotive department I've lost so much business that now I have no choice but to close shop and declare bankruptcy.
He angrily pounds his fist on the desk.
Mack: Damn you, Allmart!
Ext. Shot: Ruttheimer house, night
Int. Shot: Master bedroom
Feisty IT founder and manager Charles "Chuck" Ruttheimer is in bed watching the 11:00 news with his wife, WSBC reporter Stacy Ruttheimer (nee Rowe). The story is one that Stacy covered. Cut to the TV and we see an expertly styled and smartly dressed Stacy holding a microphone and standing in an alley. Behind her is a grizzly crime scene surrounded by police tape.
Stacy: (on TV) Witnesses say the killer hacked the victim with a meat cleaver before fleeing the scene. The attacker was wearing a cow costume that concealed his or her identity. Because of this police are already dubbing this person "The Mad Cow Killer". Back to you in the studio.
The TV cuts to the WSBC news studio. Cut back to Chuck and Stacy in bed.
Chuck: That was pretty graphic, yet gripping.
Stacy smiled.
Stacy: Thanks, the news chief thought so too. In fact, I have some great news. Diane, the anchorwoman, is retiring in June. Guess who's getting her job?
Chuck's eyes brightened.
Chuck: You mean...?
Stacy: (excited) Yep, I'm gonna be anchor. I'M GONNA BE ANCHOR!
Chuck: (equally excited) Stacy, that's wonderful!
Cut back to the TV. An Allmart commercial is playing. A kindly old man in an Allmart smock is talking.
Old man on TV: ...and are you tired of over paying for IT maintenance?
This catches Chuck's attention as he runs an IT company.
Old man on TV: I have some good news. Allmart now has it's own IT service providing for all IT needs at rock bottom prices. Available at all locations. Remember, America loves Allmart.
Chuck is horrified. This is exactly the kind of thing that'd put him out of business.
Chuck: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU BASTARDS!
Scene 2
Music: "Working Man" by Rush
Ext. Shot: Casa Carbone, day
Int. Shot: The home office
Jim is going over the financial statements for his and Quinn's YouTube channels, account and Go Fund Me page. He likes what he sees.
Jim: (thought VO) Damn, we had one hell of a good first quarter this year. Summer trip in Europe, here we come.
The phone rings. Jim answers.
Jim: Hello...(he suddenly smiles)...You're serious...
Cut to the kitchen. Quinn is at the table having tea with Daria and Tiffany. Daria's looking very healthy and her hair is growing back, though it still looks short and boyish.
Quinn: ...so I told him I didn't want his money. It's not worth his sponsorship dollars if he wants me to pose nude.
Daria: At least you still have your integrity. I'm in a job where I'm paid to do all the work while some pompous celebrity prima donna takes all the credit.
Tiffany: Whaat's aaa primma doonnnnaaa?
Daria tries to explain as best as she can.
Daria: Someone who think's they're a god among insects.
Tiffany scrunches her nose.
Tiffany: Buuugs, ewww!
Quinn immediately moves things back on topic.
Quinn: Tiffany, how's work?
Tiffany: Theyy woon't lett mee woork inn jewwelryy anymoore.
Quinn: How come?
Before Tiffany can answer a visible excited Jim runs in.
Jim: Quinn, I just got off the phone with Allmart's corporate office.
Tiffany: I woork aat Alllmaart.
Jim refuses to be unfazed while Quinn looks embarrassed and Daria looks bemused.
Jim: They wanna sponsor Jim The Car Guy AND S'mores 'n' Pores!
Quinn smiles brightly.
Quinn: Jim, that's wonderful! How much are they offering?
Jim: A thousand bucks per video where we mention them.
Tiffany: Coongraadulaatioons!
Scene 3
Ext. Shot: Casa Carbone, day
Int. Shot: Jim's man cave
Jim, Kevin, Mack and Chuck are having beer and talking about their current work situations.
Chuck: ...so now Allmart has their own IT service. I can't compete with that.
Mack: At least you're not going under yet.
Chuck: More than half of my clients have already deserted me for Allmart!
Jim reassures him.
Jim: Relax, Chuck. You're still mine and Quinn's IT man. That'll never change.
Chuck: Thanks, Jim.
Mack: Look at this.
He takes a magazine add for Allmart's automotive department out of his pocket and shows it to the guys.
Mack: Look what they're charging for an oil change.
Kevin's eyes go wide.
Kevin: Dude! Ten bucks for an oil change! The last one I got at your place cost me thirty!
Mack rolls his eyes.
Mack: That's my point, Kevin.
Kevin: Dude, you ripped me off!
Mack: No, I didn't! Thirty bucks is the lowest I can charge and still cover my operating costs. That's what places like Allmart do. They come in and totally destroy guys like me and Chuck.
Jim now has a guilty expression on his face.
Chuck: Enough about us. How are you guys doing?
Jim: (nervous) Same old same old.
Kevin: I got another birthday gig next weekend. Pays so well I can actually help Brit with the bills next month.
Chuck and Mack ignore Kevin and eye Jim with suspicion.
Chuck: What do you mean 'same old same old'?
Mack: Yeah, Jim. What gives?
Jim sighed.
Jim: I signed an endorsement deal with Allmart. They're mine and Quinn's newest sponsor.
Mack and Chuck both look at Jim as if he just stabbed them in the gut.
Chuck: Jim!?
Mack: How could you?
Jim gets defensive.
Jim: You have to understand my position. Allmart pays a thousand bucks each time Quinn or I mention them in our videos.
Mack and Chuck now become VERY angry with Jim.
Mack: So, you're betraying us for a thousand bucks! Judas!
Chuck: Selling yourself like a street whore.
Jim now feels incredibly guilty.
Scene 4
Ext. Shot: Allmart, day
Int. Shot: Allmart
Quinn and Jim are at the entrance with their triplet sons, Tommy, Timmy and Teddy. Jim is holding an empty propane tank.
Quinn: I'll be in the grocery aisle if you need me. Come on, boys.
Teddy: Actually, can I wait in the book section?
Quinn, knowing Teddy's interest in books and that he won't wonder off, sees no problem with this.
Quinn: Alright, Teddy, but don't go anywhere else. Come on, Tommy and Timmy.
Timmy: Mom, can I go with Dad to the gas and electric section.
Quinn looks at her husband.
Jim: It's alright with me.
Quinn: Okay, Timmy, but stay with your father at all times.
Timmy: Thanks, Mom.
Teddy makes his way to the books while Tommy accompanies Quinn to groceries and Timmy accompanies Jim to gas and electric. Cut to a short time later as Jim places the container on the counter at gas and electric. A familiar sales lady approaches.
Tiffany: Caan Iiii hellp yoouu?
Timmy: Hi, Miss Blum-Deckler.
Tiffany smiled at the boy.
Tiffany: Heeyyy, Tiimmmyyyy.
Jim is visibly surprised.
Jim: Tiffany!? I thought you worked in cosmetics!?
Tiffany: I waass traansferrrreeeddd.
Jim: You work in gas and electric now!?
Tiffany: I'mmm thee maanaagerrr.
Jim's eyes go wide.
Jim: You've gotta be kidding me!
Tiffany: Nooo, I maanaage gasss annd eeeleecctriicc.
Jim shows Tiffany the empty propane tank.
Jim: We're just here to get this tank refilled.
Tiffany looks at the label before turning to Jim.
Tiffany: Whaat's proopaaaneeee?
Jim rolls his eyes.
Jim: You don't know what propane is?
Tiffany: Noooo. Isss iiit preettttyyyy?
Jim: God help me.
Scene 5
Ext. Shot: Ruttheimer house, evening
Int. Shot: Home office
Chuck is going over his financials. His expression is grim.
Chuck: (thought VO) It's over. Unless I want my credit rating shot to hell I have no choice but to close up shop. Feisty IT is no more. I'm a failure. A FAILURE!
At this point, Stacy enters the room.
Stacy: Honey, are you alright? You look really down.
Shamefaced, Chuck faces his wife.
Chuck: Stacy, Feisty IT has lost all of it's customers to Allmart.
Stacy gasped.
Stacy: Honey, I'm so sorry. What are you gonna do?
Chuck sighed.
Chuck: I have no choice but to find another job. Feisty IT only has enough revenue to cover it's outstanding debts. I'm out of business.
Stacy has a guilty expression on her face, which Chuck notices.
Chuck: Where were you?
Stacy: Shoe shopping with the kids.
Chuck: Where?
Stacy takes a deep breath.
Stacy: Allmart.
Chuck looks like he could explode at any moment.
Ext. Shot: Allmart, night
Music: "Vengeful One" by Disturbed
Chuck angrily brings his car to a screeching halt in front of the store. He gets out of the driver's side and opens the passenger door so hard we think it might fly off it's hinges. He takes out a package of batteries. He opens the package and starts throwing batteries at the lit Allmart sign in a fit of rage.
Chuck: YOU GODDAMN, MOTHERF#$, C%$#SUCKING BASTARDS! YOU'VE F %&ING RUINED ME!
He hurls a handful of batteries at the sign.
Chuck: YOU STOLE MY LIVELIHOOD! HERE, TAKE 'EM!
He throws two more handfuls of batteries at the sign.
Chuck: TAKE 'EM BACK! TAKE ALL OF 'EM! I DON'T WANT 'EM! GODDAMN YOU, ALLMART! GODDAMN YOU TO HELL!
He continues to throw batteries as he screams and rants.
Chuck: TAKE 'EM BACK! I DON'T WANT YOUR UNDERPRICED, USELESS BATTERIES, YOU MOTHERF%#&ERS!
He calms down as he thought he'd be out of batteries to throw by now. He looks at the package. He hasn't even thrown half of them yet.
Chuck: Damn, you really do get a lot of batteries for $5.99 at Allmart!
End Act I.
Act II
Scene 1
Ext. Shot: Lewis Elementary School, day
The first and fourth graders are at recess. Tommy and Timmy are playing tetherball with Q and Kevin Jr.
Kevin Jr.: I got a new video game. Dad got it for me at Allmart.
Tommy: You mean Mr. Thompson?
Kevin Jr. : Yeah, my Dad.
Q gives Kevin Jr. a hostle look as her parents are Chuck and Stacy, and things have been tense at home since Feisty IT went out of business.
Tommy: Heads up!
Q turns her head around just in time to get smacked in the face by the ball. Tommy blushes.
Tommy: Sorry.
Timmy helps Q up.
Timmy: You okay, Q?
Q: No.
Tommy: Come on, the ball didn't hit you that hard.
Q is visibly trying not to cry.
Q: That's not it.
At this point Q's older brother, fourth grader Chucky Ruttheimer, walks by. His face is expressionless as usual.
Chucky: (snarky monotone) Our Dad lost his job.
Chucky walks on while the others look awkward.
Ext. Shot: An office building, day
Int. Shot: The personnel office
Chuck Ruttheimer is interviewing for a position at an IT company. The hiring manager, a balding man in his fifties, looks very unimpressed.
Hiring manager: So, your only prior employment was Feisty IT?
Chuck: That's what makes me perfect for this. I have almost two decades of experience in this field. I started Feisty IT when I was still in high school.
The hiring manager shakes his head dismissively.
Hiring manager: And ran it into the ground.
Chuck gets defensive.
Chuck: That's not my fault. Allmart's IT service put me out of business.
Hiring manager: I have to level with you. We want someone experienced.
Chuck: But I AM experienced.
Hiring manager: Running your own business doesn't count. You may as well have been unemployed all of that time.
Chuck: But...but...
Hiring manager: Why don't you try fast food? Or, since Allmart's electronics department does IT service now, apply there. You don't need a resume for that.
Chuck is now visibly fighting the urge to strangle this guy.
Scene 2
Ext. Shot: Casa Carbone, day
Int. Shot: The home office
Quinn sits at her desk and dials a number on her phone. Someone picks up on the other end. Split screen to reveal Chuck on the other end.
Chuck: Hello?
Quinn: Hey, Chuck. It's Quinn. Listen, I was wondering if...
Chuck angrily hangs up the phone. End split screen.
Quinn: What the hell!? Hello?
She gives up and puts the phone back on the receiver. Jim comes into the office. Quinn sees him.
Quinn: Done shooting your latest video, hon?
Jim: Yeah. Who was on the phone?
Quinn: I just tried to call Chuck. I was gonna offer him a job as our full time IT manager.
Jim: And?
Quinn: He hung up on me before I could even make the offer.
Jim sits down. He's not the least bit surprised.
Jim: He's still pissed that we took Allmart on as a sponsor. Mack refuses to go anywhere near me now.
Quinn: Why are they being so childish about this?
Jim: Quinn, we took money to endorse the very company that put them out of business. Of course they feel betrayed.
Quinn looks guilty as she sees Jim's point.
Quinn: Even Stacy wants nothing to do with me now. I wish they'd get over it.
Jim: Easy for you to say. You only lost Stacy over this. You still have Sandi, Ming, Brittany, Lindy and Tiffany. The only friend I haven't lost over this is Kevin. You try having an intelligent conversation with that buffoon.
Quinn looks thoughtful.
Quinn: Maybe we should call Allmart and cancel the deal.
Jim shakes his head.
Jim: Quinn, their money's as good as anyone else's.
Quinn: Is it worth losing our closest friends over? We're profiting from the suffering of others.
Jim: That makes us no different from every productive member of society.
Quinn: True, but these aren't faceless numbers in a third world sweatshop. These are our closest friends.
Jim plays devil's advocate.
Jim: Quinn, a thousand bucks per name drop.
Quinn: We get that much from other sponsors who aren't hurting people we care about. It's not exactly gonna lower our standard of living to tell Allmart the deal's off.
Jim looks thoughtful.
Scene 3
Ext. Shot: Allmart, day
Int. Shot: The electronics department
Chuck approaches the area with a filled out job application and resume in hand. Desperation has driven him to apply at Allmart. He walks up to the sales counter. Standing behind the counter in an Allmart smock is Kevin and Brittany's eldest son, 17 year old Ultra.
Chuck: Excuse me.
Ultra recognizes him.
Ultra: Oh, Hey, Mr. Ruttheimer.
Chuck: I didn't know you worked here.
Ultra: Just during the off season. Being QB's boring when there's no one playing football. Can I, like, help you?
Chuck took a deep breath before speaking.
Chuck: I'm here to interview for an IT position. Can I speak to your manager?
Ultra: You are.
Ultra points to his name tag. It says 'Manager: Electronics'. Cut to a shocked Chuck.
Chuck: How old are you? You're a manager after only four months.
Ultra: They promoted me when they found out I'm the QB at Lawndale High and my Mom's the cheerleading coach. Pretty cool, huh?
Chuck rolls his eyes.
Chuck: I weep for the future.
Cut to later. Chuck got the job and is putting on a smock. He attaches a name tag when Ultra approaches.
Ultra: Here.
He hands Chuck a second tag. This tag is yellow and says 'TRAINEE' in big red letters.
Ultra: You gotta wear that at all times.
Chuck is visibly offended.
Chuck: I ran an IT business for nineteen years. I've worked in electronics since before you were born.
Ultra shrugged.
Ultra: Sorry, Mr. R. It's, like, store policy.
Chuck let out a frustrated sigh.
Chuck: How long do I have to wear this damn thing?
Ultra: At least a year, then I get to, like, decide whether or not to promote you.
Chuck is highly offended by this.
Chuck: But you're a manager and you've only been here four months!
Ultra: 'Cause I'm the QB.
Chuck puts the trainee tag on and sighs.
Chuck: (thought VO) It's high school all over again!
Scene 4
Ext. Shot: Allmart, day
Music: "Head Like A Hole" by Nine Inch Nails
Bow down before the one you serve
You're going to get what you deserve
Int. Shot: The front entrance
Chuck is at the door greeting customers. He inflates a balloon and gives it to an elderly man with a cane.
Chuck: Welcome to Allmart.
The old man pops the balloon with his cane.
Old man: Get a real job, you overgrown kid.
The old man continues on his way while Chuck feels totally humiliated. A guy with light brown hair and a beard approaches. This guy is in his late thirties and wearing an Allmart smock with a trainee tag.
Guy: Don't let it get ya down, man. In a few years you won't even miss respect.
Chuck recognizes him.
Chuck: Oh my god! You're...
The guy extends his hand.
John: John Moyer, formerly of Moyer's sporting goods.
Chuck shakes his hand.
Chuck: Charles Ruttheimer the third, but everyone calls me Chuck, formerly of Feisty IT. What are you doing here?
John: This place put Moyer's out of business, so I've spent the last five years feeding the beast that killed me.
Chuck notices the trainee tag.
Chuck: You're still a trainee!?
John: Only high school kids ever get promoted, and they abuse the hell out of it. My manager is a 17 year old punk who never calls me anything more respectful than 'Senile Old Fart', and I'm only 37.
Now, Chuck looks especially grim.
John: Say, do you know a Micheal MacKenzie? Goes by Mack.
Chuck: He's a friend of mine.
Cut to later. Chuck and John are in the automotive department talking with Mack.
Mack: ...so now I'm taking abuse from a bunch of over privilaged teenagers. I ran my own business and now I have to take orders from some punk kid who doesn't know the first thing about cars.
Chuck: I miss making six figures at a job where I can set my own hours.
John: You know, before Allmart came along I was doing so well that Moyer's was even giving the biggest chains in the country a run for there money. When it came to sporting goods Lawndale was my town. The only competition was a national chain whose nearest location was Oakwood. Then this place came along and just took it away.
Mack: I hear that.
Chuck: The only place that still has a main street is Disney World. Good luck getting an issue of Playboy there.
At this point the automotive manager, a Mexican-American seventeen year old, approaches.
Manager: Hey, Mack, why are you wasting time with the other fossils? I told you to clean the restroom.
Mack shoots his underage boss a mean look. The manager notices that none of the thrity-somethings are wearing trainee badges.
Manager: Why aren't you geezers wearing your trainee badges?
Mack: Come on, I have a business degree from Vance and more than a decade of experience.
John: And I ran my own sporting goods store.
Chuck: Kid, I've been running an IT business longer than you've been alive. I shouldn't have to take this abuse.
John: We aren't wearing trainee badges anymore. It's not right.
The teenage manager gives them a smug grin.
Manager: Okay, then I'll just fire your old, washed up asses.
The grown men let out a defeated sigh and put their trainee tags back on. The teenager grins at having shown the 'stupid old geezzers' who's boss.
Scene 5
Ext. Shot: Casa Carbone, day
Music: "Fight The Power" by Public Enemy
Int. Shot: The home office
Quinn is doing some paperwork while Jim is on the phone with Allmart's corporate headquarters.
Jim: Look, my decision's final, our deal's off...(he becomes angry)...Don't you dare threaten me, asshole...EXCUSE ME!?...You just insulted my mother and my wife in one sentence, so hell yeah I'm pissed...Please do, I dare you. I f#$' triple dog dare you, asshole!
With that, Jim angrily hangs up.
Quinn: I guess Allmart didn't take the news well.
Jim: Is that ever an understatement. They called me a son of a...well, I probably shouldn't say. They called you something I'm NOT repeating and threatened a law suit.
The doorbell rings.
Quinn: I'll get it.
She gets up and answers the door. It's Trent, Jessie, Nick and Max. The old band's been back together for a while and have long since changed the name from Mystik Spiral to Mystik Explosion.
Trent: Hey, Quinn. We've got an upcoming gig here in Lawndale.
Quinn gives them a curious look.
Trent: We need a place to crash while we're in town.
Quinn: Guys, I'd like to help, but we don't have any room. My sister's staying with us while she recovers from her cancer treatment.
Trent: Cool.
Quinn: Where are you guys playing?
Jessie: Allmart.
Nick: They're paying us a ton of money.
Quinn frowns.
End Act II
Act III
Scene 1
Ext. Shot: Casa Carbone, day
Int. Shot: The kitchen
Trent and his bandmates are sitting at the table catching up with Daria.
Trent: You look good, Daria.
Twenty years ago that would've made her blush, but she's long over her old crush on Trent now.
Daria: Thanks. As I was saying, Jim took sponsorship money from Allmart right as they drove both Mack and Chuck out of business. Now, Jim's calling off the deal out of guilt.
Max: Way to go, Jim! He finally stuck it to the man.
Daria: The same man you guys are playing a gig for.
Max takes offense.
Max: Hey! Are you calling us sellouts?
Daria: After you implied that my sister and her husband are sellouts.
Max: That's differen't. We're the Explosion. We're criminalees! We don't bow to the man!
Daria rolls her eyes at the hypocrisy.
Scene 2
Ext. Shot: Allmart, day
Music: "The Middle" by Zedd, Maren Morris and Grey
Int. Shot: Employee lounge
Mack is eating a sandwich on his lunchbreak when two other employees enter. These two are attractive teenage girls. One a readhead, the other a blond. They sit down in front of him.
Blond: (to readhead) Tell him.
Readhead: You work with Miguel in automotive, right?
Mack puts down his sandwich and sighs.
Mack: I work in automotive while Miguel sits on his ass playing video games with Ultra in electronics.
The readhead girl looks nervous.
Readhead: Well...um...You see...uh...
The blonde picks up the slack.
Blonde: My friend's totally crushing on Miguel and wants you to find out it he likes her.
The readhead says nothing but gasps in embarrassment. Mack gives her a sympathetic look.
Mack: If you want, I can find out if he likes you. What's your name?
The readhead blushes as she's now too embarrassed to speak. The blonde decides to tease her and Mack.
Blonde: (to readhead) I think this old guy has a crush on you.
Readhead: OMG, that's so bad!
Both girls break down in a giggling fit. Mack sighs and gets up with his half eaten sandwich.
Mack: You'll have to excuse me. I'm gonna try to find the grown ups break room.
The two girls continue their giggling fit as Mack leaves. Cut to the electronic's department. A beautiful 16 year old brunette approaches the counter while Chuck is there.
Chuck: Can I help you?
Before the girl can answer Ultra spots her. He immediately runs up and shoves Chuck aside.
Ultra: Like, I can help you. I'm a manager...and the QB.
The girl is visibly impressed. Ultra hands Chuck a broom.
Ultra: Could you, like, sweep the storage room or something?
Chuck is clearly put off while the girl is visibly turned on by Ultra's display of authority. Cut to a short time later and Ultra is making out with this girl while Chuck sweeps the floor. Pan over to reveal a girl in a Lawndale High cheerleader uniform. She coldly eyes Ultra and this girl.
Cheerleader: (thought VO) Lauren is gonna be SOOOOOO pissed!
Scene 3
Ext. Shot: Casa Carbone, the next day
Music: "God Is A Woman" by Ariana Grande
Int. Shot: The kitchen
Sixteen year old Lauren D'Angelo, head cheerleader and Ultra's girlfriend, is seated at the table venting about Ultra's latest infidelity while Quinn listens patiently.
Lauren: I can't believe Ultra made out with a customer behind my back yesterday!
Quinn: (sympathetic) I know how you feel, Lauren. I'd be devastated if something like that happened to me.
At this point, Jim comes in.
Jim: What's going on?
Quinn: Ultra and Lauren are having problems.
Lauren: My friend, Beth, caught him making out with another girl at work yesterday. I went to his place to give him a piece of my mind and he's not there. Since you and Mrs. Carbone have always been so nice to me I figured I'd come here and vent for a while.
Jim rolls his eyes. He has now interest in listing to high school drama but over the past few months he and Quinn have become like the cool aunt and uncle to Lauren. With a resigned sigh he joins them at the table and listens to the voluptuous teenage brunette rant about what a jerk her boyfriend is.
Lauren: I don't care if he is the quarterback, you just don't take your girlfriend for granted. Especially if she's the head cheerleader. First, he makes out with Lindsey Martinez. Then he gets it on with some nobody slut behind my back, then he gives me herpes. Now, he's cheating on me at work.
She takes a deep breath before continuing to vent.
Quinn: Lauren, you don't have to take this.
Lauren: I should've broken up with him after I find out he slept with a herp slut without a condom. I only didn't because now that he's given me herpes who else would want me.
Jim: Yeah, that is a lousy situation. Especially not being able to walk away because of an STD.
Quinn shoots her husband a hostile look for the thoughtless remark.
Lauren: I don't deserve this, being stuck with a two-timer who gave me herpes. I mean, okay, there was that time I dated Steve to get back at him for Lindsey. Also, there was that time I made out with Mark Stanton at a keg party. There was also that time I slept with Mike Coleman when Ultra was out of town, but still! I don't deserve a guy like Ultra. Making out with another girl in front of everyone! This is even worse than that time he promised to take me to a Justin Bieber concert and flaked out on me at the last possible second.
Jim rolls his eyes.
Jim: Is it really necessary to rehash your whole history with us?
Quinn stares daggers at Jim.
Quinn: JIM!
Lauren: It's okay, Mrs. Carbone. A hot brunette talks about sex in front of him and his wife of course he's gonna feel awkward.
Now, it's Lauren catching a death stare from Quinn while Jim looks VERY uncomfortable. Lauren notices this and realizes she's said too much.
Lauren: (sheepish) Sorry.
Quinn calms down.
Quinn: It's okay, Lauren. You don't have to stay in a bad relationship just because he gave you herpes.
Lauren: Who'll want me now?
Neither Quinn nor Jim know the answer to that one. Realizing this makes Lauren angry again, but at Ultra.
Lauren: Screw it! I'd rather be alone than put up with this. At that show on Saturday I'm gonna tell Ultra it's over.
Jim: Why then?
Lauren grins wickedly.
Lauren: Because I don't just want Ultra dumped, I want him humiliated.
Scene 4
Ext. Shot: Allmart, Saturday, April 13, 2019
A huge stage has been erected in the parking lot for Mystik Explosion's show. A huge audience has gathered. Cut to the audience and we see Quinn, Jim, Timmy, Tommy, Teddy, Stacy, Sandi, Daria and Jane. Cut to Daria and Jane.
Daria: Thanks for coming down from New York for this.
Jane: No problem, amiga. I'm not missing the gig where my brother finally gets his band off the ground.
Daria: (deadpan) And it only took them 27 years.
Jane: Better late than never, and never was the more likely scenario.
Cut to Quinn, Jim and the boys.
Jim: I'm gonna go inside, see if I can patch things up with Chuck and Mack.
Quinn: Don't take too long, honey.
Jim: I won't.
They kiss and Jim heads inside. He looks one more time at his wife and kids before continuing.
Jim: (thought VO) Why do I have this weird feeling that I'm never gonna see them again?
Int. Shot: Allmart gas and electric department
Tiffany drags a propane tank by the valve stem. Close up shows her accidentally opening the valve as she does. She places the tank on a shelf with the others. As Tiffany walks away zoom in on the tanks. Several have open valves and the hiss of gas spewing out can be heard. No one appears to have noticed. Cut to automotive. Mack is alone at the counter when Jim approaches. Mack gives Jim a dirty look.
Mack: What do you want, traitor?
Jim sighs.
Jim: I came to apologize. If I'd known what this place was doing to you and Chuck I never would've taken their money. I'm sorry.
Mack: Jim, I've lost my livelihood, I take abuse from punk supervisors who have no respect for anyone and you think sorry will make it better!?
Jim: I know. That's why after a long talk with Quinn I called corporate and told them the deal's off.
Mack softens when he hears that.
Mack: You...You walked away from a lucurative sponsorship for me and Chuck!?
Jim: Mack, you and Chuck are two of my closest friends. I was wrong to turn my back on that in pursuit of easy money. Besides, Quinn and I were doing just fine without the deal. We finally decided that since we can afford to be principled we should be.
Smiling warmly, Mack extends a hand to Jim.
Mack: Apology accepted. Welcome back, Jim.
They shake hand's.
Jim: Thanks, Mack.
Jim turns to leave.
Jim: I'm heading to electronics to patch things up with Chuck. Later.
Mack: See you around, Jim.
Cut to the gas and electric department. Tiffany is touching up her makeup and oblivious to the hissing of the leaky propane tanks behind her.
Scene 5
Int. Shot: Allmart, the electronics department
Jim has just made his apology to Chuck. They're shaking hands.
Jim: Sorry I took their money.
Chuck: Sorry I was such a prick about it.
Just then, they both see something out of the corner of their eye. Pan over to reveal Lauren and Ultra arguing.
Ultra: But babe, I didn't do anything!
Lauren: Don't lie to me! Beth saw you making out with that...that...SKANK!
Ultra: Babe, come on. It's not like we were doing it.
Lauren: You might as well have, not like you really care.
Ultra: But, Lauren, I love you.
Lauren: BULLSHIT! If you really loved me you wouldn't do this to me. IT'S OVER!
Lauren is about to hit him when Jim and Chuck intervene. Jim pulls Lauren back while Chuck gets between her and Ultra.
Jim: Calm down, Lauren.
Chuck: Waht's going on?
Ultra: Chuck, tell her I didn't make out with that hot chick the other day.
Chuck: But you did. I saw it happen right in front of me.
Lauren tries to charge at Ultra while Jim restrains her. Ultra gets angry at Chuck.
Ultra: Hey! You can't rat me out like that! You're fired!
Chuck angrily tears off both his name tag and trainee badge. He throws them down on the floor.
Chuck: You can't fire me. I QUIT!
Just then, Jim hears something.
Jim: What's that hissing sound?
Cut to the gas and electric department. Tiffany has just finished touching up her makeup. Her stomach growls.
Tiffany: I"m hunngry, buut I doon't waannt toooo get faaat.
Disregarding the no smoking sign, Tiffany reaches under the counter and grabs her purse. She gets out a pack of cigarettes as the leaky tanks continue to hiss. Cut back to electronics. Jim and Chuck are still trying to mediate Lauren and Ultra's break up. Lauren stops struggling.
Lauren: I hear that hissing sound too.
Chuck sniffs the air.
Chuck: Why does it smell like someone's about to have a cookout in the store?
Jim tries to pinpoint the source of both the hissing and the odor. His eyes go wide as he realizes it's coming from the gas and electric department. Cut to the gas and electric department. Tiffany puts a cigarette in her mouth. Cut back and forth between her and Jim.
Jim: OH...
Tiffany retrieves a lighter.
Jim: MY...
Tiffany holds the lighter up to her cigarette.
Jim: ...GOD!
Ext. Shot: Allmart, a few seconds earlier
Trent and his band are now on stage. Trent walks up to microphone.
Trent: We're Mystik Explosion. Are you ready to...
BOOOOMMMMM!
Music: "Sauron's Theme" from Lord Of The Rings
The whole building explodes. The massive explosion has such force that it sends the concert goers flying backwards. Jets of flame and fiery debris maim and kill scores of people. When flam jets his the parked cars it sets off even more explosions. the force of the blast causes the stage to completely collapse in on itself, crushing Trent and his bandmates in the process. Those not killed or injured look in horror. Cut to a horrified Quinn.
Quinn: JIM!
Cut to an equally horrified Tommy, Timmy and Teddy.
All three boys: DAD!
Cut to a horrified Stacy.
Stacy: CHUCK!
Cut to a horrified Sandi.
Sandi: TIFFANY!
Cut to a horrified Daria and Jane.
Daria and Jane: TRENT!
End Credits.
As the credits rool we're treated to a montage of the disaster. First, an image of a fireball racing skyward. This leads to an image of fire trucks and ambulences converging on the scene. Next, an image of several maimed concert goers being treated by paramedics. This is followed by an image of the mangled corpses of other concert goers being placed in body bags. Next, a still of Stacy on her knees crying. After this we see a still of Sandi looking at the carnage in wide eyed, open mouthed shock. Next still is Timmy, Tommy and Teddy huddled around Quinn as she tries to soothe and protect them while all of them cry. Final image is...
In Memorium
Trent Lane
Jessie Moreno
Michael MacKenzie
Nicholas Campbell
Max Tyler
Charles Ruttheimer the third
James Carbone
Tiffany Blum-Deckler
Ultra Thompson
Lauren D'Angelo
Tiffany's cluelessness has killed them all.
Next Time
The survivors deal with the aftermath.