Chapter 25

{THOUGHT [jay] THGUOHT}

Jaeson stared up at the sky for a long time.

"You don't have to tell me," I responded very quietly. "Though I might be able to help you."

It took Jaeson another few minutes before he responded. "You always help me, Jay. You always have. Ever since the very beginning you have followed me around, learning from my mistakes and yours. You've always kept track of my life and nudged me along even if I was shoving you back. Even when I ignored you for a good sixty years you still kept trying to help me. You still stayed by my side, even though I'd been trying to push you off a cliff. You've put my life over yours, too. Always. Even when you were busy as hell when Austin first showed up and you were figuring him out and you were with Lily so much you still always made sure I was alright. Why, Jay? Am I really worth all that to you? I feel like I haven't helped you, not once. I've probably hurt you just as much as you've helped me. Why have you stuck around so long?"

I thought for a moment. Why had I stuck around? Was it because I didn't have any other friends? No. Palkia and I had been friends. Lily and I had been friends since my later lives. Was is because he needed me? Well, for sure that was one thing. But there was another reason, one whose memory lied at the tip of my tongue in the form of words.

"Jay?" Jaeson said very quietly, sounding the least bit frightened. "I haven't offended you, have I?"

I bursted into nervous laughter. "Offended me? Of course not! I was just thinking."

"Alright," Jaeson said, going back to his emotionless self again. He turned his head to stare at the sky again.

"I think it was partly because you needed me, but mostly because I missed you," I told Jaeson. I turned my own head up towards the heavens. Jaeson was still swirling the clouds above us in uneven circles.

"Missed me?" Jaeson wondered.

"Yeah. In our first life you were my best friend even if I wasn't yours. You were like my big brother. Not that you remember this, but whenever I got bullied you would stand up for me," I told Jaeson, closing my eyes and letting the familiar memories wash over me. "And even though I was the annoying little brother to you and I knew it I always felt comfortable talking to you and you helped me alot. In fact it was you who taught me to see the bright side in things."

Jaeson stopped swirling the clouds and let his arm drop to his side. He was silent for a long time before he whispered, "Me?"

"Yeah, you," I told him. "I think it was what would nowadays be freshman year. You were already married, I think, and had moved to a different town. My parents liked the other town better and decided we should move. The first day I was there I remember being really sad. You told me, 'Look at the bright side, Jay. You told me how you were getting bullied. Well, none of those bullies will be at this new school. You may be leaving old friends but the old town isn't too far and you can go visit them. You can make new ones, too.' Then you elbowed me and said, 'And there's some pretty girls here your age as well.' When our first life passed and you needed help, I decided to help you just the same as you did me so that maybe you'd be the first Jaeson again one day."

Again, Jaeson was silent. He closed his eyes and all the clouds disappeared. Behind them in the night sky was the Gemini constellation, back to its normal shape.

"The clouds are gone," I told Jaeson quietly. "Does that mean you understand now?"

"It does," Jaeson responded. "You asked why I'm still like this."

"Not that it's a bad thing," I added in again. I turned my head to look at him. "But yes, I did ask."

Jaeson still stared up at the sky but answered, "When Mary and my family died everything went metaphorically black. It stayed like that for a life or two. And just when I was about to get better, slavery came along. I thought it was so, so unspeakably horrible. I thought humans were such terrible creatures. Mary and my family being gone still hurt, but I was more concerned with the human race in general. What's worse is that it took the bastards almost three hundred years before everyone was considered equal and racism still runs like nidorans through a field of carrots. Guns were invented and the civil war and other wars broke out and people killed each other like there was no tomorrow. A couple hundred years passed and you know I joined World War One and fought for the allies. There was more senseless murder. Finally World War Two came with killing in the streets and the Holocaust and killing on the battlefront. There's just so much death in this world, Jay. Some many horrible, horrible things. I used to be able to see the little yellow daisy I've always imagined in the sidewalk, full of life next to the cement. Now the flower doesn't look yellow anymore, just... the same gray as I always thought it would never be like. How do you still see the yellow?"

I took a deep breath. I never knew Jaeson absorbed this much from the world. He took it all in and thought about it. He didn't just let it bounce away like most people. Most people saw it as a number, a set of characters in a book or something. Jaeson was there fighting. He saw the plain number as faces. Bloody, emaciated faces.

"How?" Jaeson asked. He wasn't demanding anything. His voice sounded weak, defeated, and he had a pained expression on his face.

I sat up and readjusted myself into a cross-legged position. Jaeson opened his eyes and sat up, too, watching me. I looked up at the stars and said softly, "Jaeson, not everybody died. Not everybody had slaves. Not every slave owner treated them like objects. There are always the people who formed the underground railroad. There are always the people who fought because they thought it was making the world a better place for everyone. There are always the people who fight to free others, to help them. There are always the people who feel guilt for what they've done. And there are always, always the people who care. That is what I remember no matter what happens."

Jaeson closed his eyes and leaned back. He didn't respond, so I knew he was thinking about everything that had been said.

I lied back onto the ground as well. I whispered, "I'm here for you now and I always will be. Destiny and Austin and Lily, too. Always, Jaeson. You have us here to help you. Just remember that. And that someone always cares."

Author's Note:

Short, I know. But, gawd, I love this chapter so much as well. I got to really delve into Jaeson's character and (though not as much) Jay's as well.

Again, I hope you liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.