Chapter Twenty-Four
Settle
By the time we reached the house, we were all coated in a thin layer of snow, and the storm was getting worse. Both Bradley and I slipped more than once on the slick sidewalk. The Hunters had better footing, but all four of us were cold and anxious and miserable. It didn't help that Bradley's and Fisher's clothing was definitely not suited for the change in weather. Bradley walked close to Fisher for warmth, and although Fisher tried to downplay it, he was shivering.
Around us, the world was white, and the snow dampened every sound. It was eerie, and although I was with the others, I felt that strange sort of lonely that emptiness brings. It was with a great amount of relief for all of us when Terrence made an eager sound and pointed ahead to a comparatively modest stone house set atop a hill.
The sight filled my chest with an aching sort of warmth. I'd seen it for less than a few seconds, and I couldn't help liking it immediately. Couldn't help admiring its graceful stone arches and rounded balconies. I didn't know much about architecture, but the place looked awesome, even perched as it was on that lonely hill, its three floors raised above the low level of trees that surrounded the hill's base.
But it could have been a one roomed shack for all I cared. Just as long as it had what we needed.
My gaze blinked through the falling snowflakes and darkening light, quickly assessing the structure in search of the reason Terrence and Fisher had chosen it. Like many of the other houses we passed, the doors and windows were boarded up. But unlike the other houses, I saw solar panels on the roof, and if I listened closely, I could hear the slight hum of a nearby generator. I couldn't suppress a giddy grin, my grip on Terrence's hand tightening expectantly. Finally. After everything…finally.
We slipped our way up the hill and entered through a small, insignificant door near the back of the house. It was dark inside, and for a moment we wavered at the threshold, peering into the shadows. Fisher and Bradley stood nearby, huddled together and shivering.
Terrence moved from my side, releasing his grip on my hand. I heard him feeling around the wall. There was a click.
Light flooded the entrance. I took a surprised step back, blinking and squinting. I had forgotten how bright artificial light could be. But oh was it so glorious. Electricity. It was electricity. The wet and the cold soaking into my bones seemed to dull. My grumpiness and weariness from walking in the snowstorm faded.
I stared around enough to see an interior of dark wood and stone; everything matched, much like the other houses, but for some reason this place looked homier. It was all I needed to see. I turned to Terrence to find him watching me, waiting for my approval.
"It's perfect," I said, stepping up to him and tucking my hands around his waist. He breathed out a relieved smile, blowing snow off the top of my head.
To our side, I heard the other Hunter snort. I glanced over in time to see him direct Bradley away from us and deeper into the house. The Smoker spared a glance back at us before they disappeared through another door towards a set of stairs. Frowning, my gaze flickered up to Terrence's face. His expression was stony, his gaze fixed on the two retreating Infected.
I reached up and tugged on his collar. "Forget about it. We'll worry about it later. Let's go take a look around, okay?"
Terrence nodded, his brow furrowed.
As much as I wanted to explore the entire house, I forced myself to settle on finding the basics. First and foremost was taking a look at the kitchen. I wasn't sure where the nearest grocery store was, and in this weather it would be hell to try to raid nearby houses. But I needn't have worried. The kitchen was as fully stocked as the last with the only difference being the working freezer and fridge. We had enough supplies to last through a least a couple of weeks if not months, although I was sure we'd go foraging anyway if we wanted a variety of food.
It looked as if things were finally looking up for us.
My next step was claiming a bedroom and checking the bathrooms. With Terrence at my heels, I went up to the second floor on the same stairway the other two Infected had gone up. We kept to the west side to find a row of guest bedrooms and a luxurious bathroom. We found Bradley and Fisher in one of the bedrooms. Bradley sat on the bed while Fisher inspected the large room, rummaging through the empty closet and drawers. When I peeked my head in, he stopped to glare at me.
"Hey, I know this has probably occurred to you, but it's probably best if we stuck to one or two floors, right? Conserve energy and heat, you know? It looks like you guys have already decided on this room, so Terrence and I are going to take one of the bedrooms at the end of the hall. That okay with you two?"
Bradley nodded. Fisher scowled, glancing between his friend and me before shrugging and turning his back to me to continue what he was doing.
The bedroom we chose was about three times the size of Terrence's bedroom back at the apartment building. The bed was huge, and when I went to test it, I found that it was all down feather and indescribably amazingly soft. It made me want to collapse right then and there and sleep for the next week, and I would have if there wasn't still so much to do. My companions were hungry, and we could all have done with a good bath and clean clothing. I pushed myself up off the bed and went to check the bathroom.
I hadn't been in a bathroom for ages. It felt almost foreign, almost intimidating, and the sheer size and luxury of this particular bathroom made it even more so. Everything was cream and black with a few elements of green to set it off. Very elegant. And it looked entirely unused. There was a large stack of fluffy clean towels in one of the cupboards and a whole bunch of different amenities here and there, all unopened.
It all made me wonder about the people who had once lived here. My desire to take a bath and get some sleep faded to be replaced by a nagging urge of curiosity. I looked over at Terrence who had followed me into the bathroom and was making faces into the gigantic mirror as he inspected his face, a normal enough routine that I figured was his way of trying to lighten the mood of being reminded just how much the virus had physically changed him.
"Stop it, you look gorgeous," I said, rolling my eyes.
He snorted and gave me a look that made me laugh.
"I know you're tired, but do you mind if we look at the rest of the house?"
We didn't see much of Bradley or Fisher as we explored the house over the next hour or two. By then the world outside had darkened into a snow-filled night. We looked through every room, every closet and shelf and drawer. Every photograph and painting. From our search, we learned that a small family used to live there; a middle-age couple with their one teenage daughter. Not that it was really easy to tell that anyone had lived there; everything was in order, neat and unnaturally clean like the bathroom and bedrooms we had chosen.
Well, almost everything was in order. There were obvious signs that the family had left in a great deal of hurry: opened drawers with clothing hanging out and scattered; bathroom cabinets left open with supplies carelessly spilled over on the counters; half-filled bags abandoned on the floors.
I picked up one of the family portraits set on a beautiful grand piano in a small study. The two-dimensional faces stared up at me in silent, distant joy. I hoped that they had made it out in time. That somewhere in this world was a father and a mother and a daughter, maybe lacking a wonderful house and a luxurious life, but together. Alive. Uninfected.
The faces of my mother, father, and brothers tumbled through my thoughts and I set the picture back down, feeling sick. I hadn't thought about my family in a while. I couldn't. It hurt too much, burned in my chest and in my eyes and in my head. I had managed to avoid the memories for the most part. It would get harder now, though. All we had left to do was survive the winter, cooped up in this place.
The winter at home would have long since started. I wondered how much snow there was now. Probably a couple of feet, enough to necessitate dragging everyone out with snow shovels and the snow blower. I pictured my home, the white two-story house weighed down with thick white snow, the dozens of trees bare and dark against the white backdrop. I wondered if my family had a warm home with electricity to go to. If they had food, clean clothing, running water. If they had each other.
If they were even still alive. Maybe wondering about the daughter, the sister, half a country away and nearly impossible to retrieve. Maybe hoping she was still alive. Maybe mourning for her.
My eyes started stinging, throat burning. I felt Terrence watching me. I looked up and met his gaze. I didn't say anything. I didn't need to. He understood.
After raiding the east wing for much needed clothing, we shut the doors to those rooms. There were enough guest rooms and bathrooms in the building for us to use. We shut down the entire east side to preserve the remnants of the previous owners as well as conserve energy, just in case, and then we cranked on the heat on our side of the building on the two floors we would be using, and the glorious warmth that seeped into every corner, dispelling the cold, was like heaven. It made me feel as if I had lived my entire life in the cold.
On our way back to our room, we dropped in on Bradley and Fisher to give them some of the clothing we had found, but they were both fast asleep on their bed. Bradley was sitting up, surrounded in a nest of pillows and blankets, and I wondered if lying down made it more difficult for him to breathe. Fisher was curled up at his side, almost lost amongst the pillows and blankets. We left the clothing on the dresser near the door and let them keep sleeping.
The two of us, meanwhile, took full advantage of the bathroom. The last time either of us had taken a decent bath was in that first safe room all those months ago. Since then we had made do with wet washcloths, what little water we could spare, and wipes raided from stores. It was crude and hardly effective, but what else were we supposed to do without running water?
I ordered Terrence to take a bath first. He had whined and whimpered and tried to get me to go first, but I refused. Then he'd whined and whimpered some more until I agreed to help him even though I knew he was perfectly capable of taking a shower on his own. His excuse was that he was worried he would accidentally hurt himself with his claws. I suspected he just didn't want to be in a different room than I was in.
"You're really silly sometimes, you know that?" I told him as I dumped a large glob of shampoo on his head.
He made an odd purring sound in the back of his throat. He sat in the large tub near the edge so I could reach him. The bath was like a mini hot tub with five sides and a small ledge to sit on, and even though it was only half filled it still came up to his chest. Instead of a towel like last time, he wore some swimming trunks we had found. It had been one of maybe a half dozen we had found and still had the tag on, and although it was a little too big for him, we'd managed to adjust the drawstrings so they would fit well enough.
"I'm not going to do this every time you need a bath," I said, washing the shampoo from his head and rubbing it into his thick hair. "So don't get used to it. And no amount of your pathetic whining is going to change my mind, got it?"
He blinked at me through the water and what was left of the shampoo pouring down his face, and then he grinned. I barely had time to start worrying before he'd splashed me with enough water to completely douse my front.
I jumped back, half sopping wet and all indignant.
"Hey! What was that for?"
He laughed, a deep, light sound that filled the room. Even though I was angry, I couldn't help smiling.
"Oh, you are so dead."
I snatched up the showerhead, twisted the setting, and sprayed him full in the face with the resulting jet. He twisted away with a yelp, and then he lunged forward, arms extended. I yanked the showerhead out of his reach, only to realize too late that that wasn't his intended target.
His fingers locked on my arm, and in one fluid movement, he pulled me right over the edge and into the bath.
"The hell!" I spluttered over the sound of the running water and his laughter. I pushed away from him, struggling through the water in my wet clothing and trying to push my wet hair out of my eyes so I could see where I was going. Luckily, I had taken off my shoes and my coat earlier, but I was still wearing enough clothing to be miserable. "Terrence, I'm going to freaking kill you!"
The bath was big enough to comfortably fit the two of us, but I was still close enough to kick out at him. The water and my sopping jeans dampened the already weakened blow, and he just grinned at me as I glowered back and attempted to climb out, a feat made all the more difficult by my wet clothing and the slick plastic sides. And the fact that Terrence, still grinning like an idiot, slid himself between me and the tub's edge.
"Terrence, you jerk, get out of the way!"
I pushed back through the water and tried to get around him by going to one of the other sides, but he beat me to it.
"Terrence!" I yelled in frustration, glaring at him.
He smiled. Then darted up and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.
I jerked back, startled, and he laughed again and moved out of the way. It took me a moment to get over my surprise, and then I took advantage of the open exit and clambered out. I stood there for a moment on the rug, dripping water everywhere, wet clothing and hair clinging to my body like a disease while Terrence watched me with that dumb grin plastered all over his face while wiped my wet hair from my eyes and glared back.
"Okay you, your bath is done. Out. Now."
As if expecting as much, he climbed out of the tub, and I chucked a towel at his face, which just made him laugh again. He wrapped the towel around his shoulders, smiling and unperturbed by the fact I was still scowling at him. When he didn't make any further move to leave, I threw his clothes at him and shoved him towards the door.
"No, you are not staying in here. Don't whine at me like that! After what you just did, you're lucky I don't shove you outside for the night."
He whimpered, and I snorted.
"Yeah, that's not going to work," I snapped. "I'm sopping wet and not happy, so you are leaving right now. Go get your clothes on, you idiot."
As soon as I had him out and the door locked tight, I peeled off my drenched clothing and threw it all into one of the two sinks. The tiled floor was wet all over, and I almost slipped onto my butt, which did nothing to help my sour mood. It wasn't until I was settled into a bath of my own, furiously scrubbing at my shampooed hair, that my anger faded. It was difficult to stay angry at him, anyway. And I hadn't really been that angry. Just really, really annoyed. It wasn't like the time he'd bitten me. Still, what made him think I wouldn't get angry at some stupid trick like that?
I washed the shampoo out of my hair and then sat back with a sigh, reveling in the steam and the heat as I thought it over and let my anger fade. I had never seen him that playful before. It was different. Unexpected. It almost made me feel uncomfortable. But I understood it. I thought I did. Maybe it was his way of trying to cheer me up. Or maybe being finally safe in a nice warm house without anything immediately dangerous to worry about had made him giddy.
"Idiot," I muttered to the empty bathroom and the steam, but my tone held little venom.
I took my time getting out of the bathroom. I found what I needed to brush my teeth for the first time in forever, and there was some very lovely-smelling lotion in one of the cupboards. I got dressed in some hardly-used clothing that had once belonged to the teenage girl; she was taller than me unsurprisingly, but our size difference was slight.
After cleaning up the bathroom and setting out my old clothes to dry, I went out to find Terrence. I didn't have very far to go. He was sitting out in the hallway next to the door, and he jumped to his feet as soon as I emerged, spreading his arms a bit to show that he had done what I asked and got dressed all on his own.
"Yeah, nice," I said blandly, walking past him towards the bedroom. He followed after me, whimpering, and I resisted a smile, maintaining my stony expression. "No. I'm still angry at you for that stupid stunt you pulled earlier."
He whimpered again, this time more drawn out and mournful, and when I shot a glance back at him as we entered our room, his expression was appropriately anxious, like he hadn't expected me to hold the grudge this long and was trying to figure out what to do about it. I looked away again before I could accidentally break into a smile. I might not be angry, but I still didn't like getting dragged fully clothed into a full bathtub.
At the sight of that comfortable bed, I felt my exhaustion return. It was a different sort of exhaustion. One of utter relief and satisfaction. I stumbled towards it and crawled under the covers, flopping back onto the poofy pillows with a satisfied sigh.
It was so comfortable. I'd forgotten what it was like to be this comfortable. I wanted to lie there forever and never have to move. The pain and the horror and the long cold nights seemed like a different lifetime altogether, a vague memory lost somewhere in the past. For the first time since the outbreak began, I was clean and warm and relaxed and safe. There wasn't another place to travel to. There weren't creatures stalking our every move. There was just this. I never thought I would be like this again.
My eyes and throat started burning again, but I forced away the urge to cry. Stupid hormones. Or maybe I was more tired than I thought.
Terrence whined from the bedside where he stood, apparently uncertain whether or not I was in a good enough mood to deal with him sleeping in the same bed. I propped myself up on my elbows, regarding him with a frown.
"You know, I have half a mind to make you sleep in another room."
He hung his head.
"Do you promise never to do that again?"
He glanced up at me and nodded, whimpering apologetically.
I drew out a long sigh as if seriously thinking it over. Then I smiled, unable to hold it back any longer. "Okay, okay, I'm just kidding, Terrence. I'm really not that angry. I wouldn't really make you sleep somewhere else."
It was his turn to glare at me now, and I laughed, falling back onto the pillows. "Yeah, I'm sorry, but I couldn't let you get off that easy, you idiot. Now turn off the light. I'm tired."
Terrence clicked off the lamp, dousing the room in complete darkness. I blinked several times, trying to adjust to the change, but the windows were all boarded up, the curtains drawn. There was a moment of silence, and then out of nowhere Terrence landed on the bed right next to me, startling me up into a sitting position.
"Whoa, hey! Dammit, Terrence! What's gotten into you?"
He laughed, sliding his arms around me. I tried to push him away, but instead of backing off, he twisted onto my other side, pulling me to his chest.
"Hey! What are you, five? Get off, I want to sleep!"
I shoved at his chest, debating on kicking as my next resort when he didn't draw away. But then somehow in the darkness he found my face and pressed his lips once again against mine.
The sensation startled me as much as it had in the bathroom. Neither of us had shown this much affection since his apartment. We'd been too exhausted, too stressed. It had been enough to sleep next to each other, to find warmth in the other's embrace to get through the cold nights. And unlike the short bathroom kiss, he didn't pull away this time.
Almost instantly, I lost interest in pushing him away. I hadn't ever been kissed like this before. We had come close back at his apartment all those weeks ago, but I'd still had mixed feelings, I'd still been suffering from the backlash of emotion and uncertainty of three weeks in hell. I was still hurting from the loss of my friends, from the complete upset of the world. But here, safe and warm and in as normal a situation as we would probably ever be, none of that mattered.
Terrence slid a hand through my wet hair, steadying my head as the kiss deepened, as he coaxed my mouth open further, as he turned our heads just enough so he was above me. I felt an unfamiliar sensation run through my body, and my arms found their way around his neck. I thought I felt him smile through the kiss. He made a strange noise in his throat, almost like his purring but much more…happy. No, something else. Something…
Whatever the emotion, I wasn't thinking about it. Didn't care. Didn't seem important. Nothing else except being here with him seemed to be that important, really.
Terrence shifted his body, pushing against me until I was on my back. His hands slid down my body, resting against places that stoked that unknown sensation burning through my body like fuel to a fire, that sent my heart pounding, my skin flushing. It was intoxicating. I wanted more from him, wanted to feed the dizzying hunger of that fire rushing through my mind and body, crying for more fuel, more touches and kisses and anything and everything he was willing to give to me. Unexpectedly, he pulled his mouth away from mine. I felt a sharp pang of irritation that was quickly wiped away as he pressed his lips against my neck.
I had never felt like this. But I loved it. I wanted it.
Terrence moved again. He was above me, his weight pressing me down, his legs on either side. It made the fire in my body rage even further. His kissing intensified, became more rough, more uncontrolled. I felt like I was fighting just to keep up with him, to keep from letting the fire engulf me completely. He slid his arms under my shirt, hands pressing against the bare skin of my stomach, sliding up. A harsh rumbling noise sounded in the back of his throat. It sounded…sounded familiar…like a growl…
And something in my muddled brain clicked.
Wait.
No.
The tiny thought struggled through to the surface of my brain. It was like waking up. Suddenly, the reason behind his playfulness was all too clear. But that wasn't the problem.
My hands shot down to grab his wrists before his hands could get any further. I pulled my head away from his, and when he followed my movements, caught up in the passion and the instinct, I turned my face towards him, freeing one hand to grab his jaw and gently push him away.
"Stop."
His movements lessened. Instead, he let out a low, slow growl of irritation, one that sounded as animalistic as any growl he had given me while still more Hunter than human. The sound vibrated through me, sent the hair on the back of my neck on end. I tried to sit up, to get out from underneath him, but his body kept me on my back. He growled again.
"Terrence, cut it out," I snapped into the darkness, trying to push him off.
The growling grew louder. He shrugged my hands away, and when I tried to sit up again, he grabbed my shoulders, holding me still. His face was inches from my neck. I could feel his breath against my skin, heavy and panting. I tried again to sit up, but the grip on my shoulders tightened painfully, his knees digging into my side. I held still against the pain. Satisfied, he started kissing my neck again, but the kisses were different. Less gentle. More…hungry. His body moved against mine, rejuvenating my own instinct, my own passion, even though my mind refused.
I realized then that I was afraid. Of him. Of what he could do to me. Of the fact that I wouldn't be able to stop him.
It was a terrible feeling.
"Terrence!" I cried desperately. "Stop. Snap out of it. Get a hold of yourself!"
The kissing stopped at his name. The growling lessened, almost in confusion. But he didn't move. His lips were still pressed against my neck. I swallowed.
"Terrence, it's me. It's Eden. Remember? Eden. And I'm telling you…I'm asking you to stop."
His growling faded away. He pulled away from my neck. It was silent. I took a shaky breath.
"Terrence, I—"
My voice cracked. My throat was too dry.
"Terrence, I don't want to do this."
The silence stretched. I stared up through the darkness, knowing his face was inches from mine. He didn't move. He didn't make a noise. His claws were digging into my skin through my shirt, but I ignored the feeling. I couldn't see him, but I knew he was staring down at me. The atmosphere between us was unusually taut. Strained.
It was like facing the Hunter in that alleyway all over again. Like facing the monster. The Infected.
No. I didn't want the Hunter. I wanted Terrence. My Terrence.
"Terrence, you're hurting my shoulders."
His grip on my shoulders loosened slowly and pulled away. I took several more deep breaths, trying to steady my nerves. The burning passion was gone now, overwhelmed by my panic and my fear. I fought against those feelings, calming myself down, bringing my thoughts into control.
My arms freed, I reached up until my fingers found his face. He jerked back a little, startled, and started growling again. I pressed my hands against his cheeks, holding him still until his growling faded.
"Terrence," I whispered quietly into the darkness. "I love you. Me. Eden. I love you. But you have to be in control. And right now, you're not."
The silence continued.
"Come back, Terrence. I know this isn't you."
More silence, but I felt his weight shift. Just a little. Just enough.
"Another night. Okay? Another night."
For the longest time, nothing happened. Then he pulled himself off of me. The movement was hurried, almost uncontrolled, like he suddenly wanted to be as far from me as possible. I felt him retreat to the other side of the bed, but he didn't leave. At first I thought I had hurt him, that maybe he was angry with me. But it was something else. It was almost like…fear.
After a moment's hesitation, I slid toward him, stretching a hand out until I touched his curved back. He was shaking. I sat up, pulling myself closer.
"Terrence?" I said worriedly, resting a hand on his arm.
He whimpered, a quavering sound that confirmed his fear, so different from the Hunter's growl of moments before. More human. More like Terrence.
I reached around him, fumbling until I found the bedside lamp. It wasn't a very bright lamp, but it would do. It was enough to let me see.
Terrence was hunched over on the edge of the bed, his arms wrapped around himself like he was going to be sick. He cringed at the light, and I could see now that he was shaking. That he was falling apart.
I tried to pull him around, to turn him towards me, but he resisted, turning his face away.
"Terrence, look at me," I said, grabbing his jaw again and forcing his head to turn.
The expression on his face was a mixture of everything I didn't want to see. Fear. Loathing. Hate. Worry. Not directed at me, but at himself. He didn't look up at me, ashamed to do so. I brushed my free hand across his forehead, pushing aside his hair from his eyes.
"The growling," I muttered. "It was like before…before you started being more…more human. The Hunter…"
Yes. The Hunter. I understood now. He had let his guard down. It had let the Hunter, the animal inside of him, break through, take control in that moment when instinct overrode his mind. I had been right to be afraid. Not of Terrence, but of the monster inside of him that he couldn't escape.
I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him to me, and after a moment his shaking arms slid lightly around my back.
"It's all right," I whispered. "I understand. We'll take it slow, okay? We'll keep you in control. It's not the end of the world. Not for us."
Author's Babble: Heeeey, guys. Long time no see! Um…I hope this chapter was worth the long wait? Honestly, it took so long because I wasn't sure where it was going. Five jobs and full-time classes may have had something to do with it, too. But this story just doesn't leave my brain alone.