Tourism 25: Tacky souvenirs are the bane of humanity.
Yui seemed very surprised to hear we had been standing outside since five o'clock that morning. Of course Tsukiyomi then explained that he was 'anticipating the unexpected'. That was such a Suki thing to say. Unfortunately for me, as well as Tsukiyomi receiving a berating for staying up late and then waking up so early, I was also told off for encouraging him. Yui was disappointed with me, Susanoo was angry at me, and then Thoth just had to come in and do some scolding too. Coming in like he owns the place, calling Suki an imbecile, calling me a trouble maker... Really? Me? A trouble maker? What on Earth had I done wrong? What had Tsukiyomi done wrong? All he did was show some devotion to the school- an unhealthy devotion, I will admit, but still a devotion!
Once Tsukiyomi was finally deemed rested enough, he was permitted to come back to class and join in with the pre-moon-viewing excitement, which was nullified somewhat by Tsukiyomi's recent dizzy spell. It was much alike the aftermath of my blackout in that respect. It was going to be a good day, I was sure of it, but Tsukiyomi had suddenly become very pensive. He had been troubled by Thoth's words I suppose. What a piece of work he was! I would have found it hard to believe a teacher could tell a student off for getting hurt while carrying out a job delegated to them by the teacher themselves if we were back on Earth. I'm sure that equalled major lawsuits in that case. But because we were in a garden for gods with a harsh Egyptian bird-man as our tutor and an electrified git of the heavens as our headmaster then I could understand the wayward teaching methods somewhat. Not that I agreed with them. They could be worse than Mr Macklin, and that is saying something.
"I can't graduate..." Tsukiyomi said in a tone that I suppose I would call dejected, or maybe forlorn, possibly doleful. And yes, there is a difference- especially with Tsukiyomi. His expressions are so miniscule that they must be analysed with the greatest of care. It wouldn't do me good to misread them.
Susanoo watched his brother in concern. "Brother..." He wanted to do something for his sibling, I knew- I had been there before. My younger brother George had once needed my help. School is a struggle for children, but I had never really got my head around that fact. I hadn't had a tough time at school, not really. I had the subjects I was good at and the ones I wasn't as good at. Then there was my painfully acute shyness. I thought that was as much struggling that came with school life. George had it much tougher than me, that's for sure. And when he needed me the most I wasn't there. I'm glad George was so independent, so wilful. He got through it on his own and that meant I owed it to him to get through my struggles on my own too. I guess you could call him my inspiration to get through my year in the garden in one- mentally wholesome- piece.
"It'll be alright. I'm sure there's a way." Yui's optimism often bewildered me, yet somehow cheered me up. I guess this is what people mean on the internet after a heated racism/sexism/ageism- (let's just say some kind of '-ism') - argument gets resolved and one special person decides to state that their faith in humanity has been restored.
Although Tsukiyomi didn't seem very motivated by Yui's words... "What am I doing wrong?" He asked. "Or is there something I'm lacking?" No, he was still very much disheartened. Maybe nothing will break him out of this state. I wish somebody could do something to help... It was a plea of the silent kind. In the corner of my mind where my over active imagination is only just contained I saw images of a genie materialising and granting me the three wishes I needed to move Suki from glum and back to number one chum. That sort of stuff only happened in the movies though. What's that? Living with mythical gods in a school only happens in movies? To that I say shut your pie hole. This is as real as it gets. Like, Bear Grills real.
And although I say all these events are real, let's just pretend for the sake of my sanity, that the next thing to transpire is all part of some kind of collective hallucination, because I really did not like the genie the world decided to deliver to me. They do always say be careful what you wish for.
"It must be love." Loki stood from his desk with a crafty grin.
"Love?" Tsukiyomi repeated, a flare of confusion crossing his face. It was a word not entirely familiar with him I suppose.
"Hey, Loki..." Thor gave his friend a warning message. Not enough of a warning message I say. Do more than just say his name for God's sake! Slap him, kiss him. Pull his pants down if you must- just stop this monstrosity from working his evil genie magic.
"How can I understand love then?" Stop showing an interest Suki! He didn't earn the title trickster for planting daffodils!
"I'm talking about romantic attachment, of course." He replied glibly, flashing us all an easy smile (though to me it was wavering on the line of nefarious). "Hold on..." He said, rummaging through his jacket pocket. "Where was it? Let's see..."
As Loki threw a trick candy, a strange cube and some other dubious items out of his clothing, I spared a moment to share a look with Susanoo (someone I was now oddly comfortable with) and muttered to him disparagingly, "What kind of barmy shite is he trying to pull off this time?"
Susanoo could only offer me an uneasy shrug in return before Loki found what he was looking for. "Ah, here it is. Ta-da! Lover's ring!"
"...You've got to be kidding me." I stared disdainfully at the small piece of jewellery he held aloft. I still didn't know quite what it was but I was already getting bad vibes.
"Just put these on." Loki quickly slipped the ring onto Tsukiyomi's finger and then turned on me, a fiendish glint to his eyes. Let me tell you now, I did not like it one bit.
I was halfway across the class room before he could take a step towards me, the hairs prickling on the back of my neck like a threatened cat ready to scratch. "Take that ring somewhere else, you gormless cock."
I was expecting Loki to scowl, to storm off in a strop. I'd already whittled him down today. I had already established the dominance needed to prove he could not meddle with me- at least not for today. Though Loki did not scowl, or frown, or mope. Loki smiled. "Hmm, you're right Alice. I'll take the ring elsewhere."
You can imagine my surprise when he turned around and put the ring on Yui's finger instead.
There was a soft red light. It reminded me of the glow of a red-light district, or a sensually lit burlesque club. It was a light of hoarded ardour and was unlike the blue glow that had brought me here, or the one that had erupted from Susanoo's shackle. It was not a light filled with a stark truth. This light was devious, yet somehow filled with great passion.
When the light dispersed the first thing every person in the room laid eyes upon was the two hands held together by small purple bands. There was a moment of stillness, seemingly where nobody could fully recognise what had just passed. Then, in a burst of shock, Yui exclaimed, "Wh-What is this? How did they do that?" She attempted pulling away from Tsukiyomi but her efforts were unsuccessful. "N-No way... They won't come apart!"
It was amazing how calm Tsukiyomi was about it really. I may have laughed... If it weren't for my annoyance with Loki that is.
The trickster god sniggered, showing no remorse at all as Tsukiyomi said, "Loki Laevatein, remove these at once."
He waved his hand about blithely, not before shooting me an impish leer, "No can do."
Now some of the other gods were recovering from the shock. Susanoo stepped forwards for his brother and Apollon for Yui. The moment they touched the hands of those who wore the lover's rings a sharp hiss of electrical energy filled the air. They staggered away in a haze. They appeared to have been the victim of an electric shock.
"Wait until I've finished talking," Loki drawled in mock reproach. There was a great deal of amusement in the Norse god's eyes. The tables had been turned it seemed, and not in a way I had expected. I was immune to Loki. I had thought there was nothing he could do to rile me up, to make my thoughts curdle. I was so wrong. All he had needed to do was go for my friends instead. He approached the desk I had fled to as he explained his prank, "Those are lover's rings. They're magic rings that keep any two people joined at all times, making them a couple instantly."
He stopped in front of me, savouring the moment of my absolute speechlessness, then span to face Yui as she spoke, "Joined at all times? No..." Yui reached down now, in an endeavour to remove the rings of her own volition. Alas, she met at the same fate as the last two who had tried. She fell backwards and poor Hades, my poor fellow squad member, got shocked just the same. And on it went, in a chain of electrical screams. The class was lit up in a mass of singed bodies. I was just glad I was far away enough to be safe from it.
Hades looked on at the carnage that lay in his wake. "I've brought misfortune."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Yui cried.
Balder gave Loki a fretful look. "Loki, take them off."
Loki seemed only too happy to answer with "Even if you ask me too, I can't. Once they're on not even I can't remove them. Not until they tacitly understand one another."
I had noticed at this point that over the year I had been developing an increasing dependence on violence to solve my problems. I would like to say it's the stress, but the truth is more likely that the gods brought out the worst in me. But really, can you blame me?
"Loki, you arse!" I bellowed, smashing a fist down onto his head in anger. I felt a surge of satisfaction as he yelped in pain and jumped quite far away from me. And that's why you don't turn your back on Alice Roth.
As oppose to my anger, Balder's disapproval and Yui's alarm, Tsukiyomi was rather accepting. "Very well." He said and stood, hand outstretched to match Yui's. "This is the new mission given to me. I accept."
"What?!" Yui cried, and I may have acted in a similar fashion, that is, if it were not for the fact I knew Tsukiyomi well enough to be expecting that by now.
I wasn't expecting what he said next though. "By the way, what is a couple? I'm having difficulties understanding all this." How anyone could possible grow up without learning the meaning of couple was beyond me, even if he was a god that could often behave like a wooden plank.
"Then I'll teach you how to fall in love." The notion was so ludicrous. Teaching to love? Love could not be taught. Loki needed his head bashed back into place. I must have dislodged it when I gave his cranium a good wallop. "Start by going through the motions. Kiss her!"
WHAT?! I stared at Loki, gobsmacked. That is not how you teach love! That is teaching inappropriate social conduct. Was Loki trying to undo all the lessons I had instilled into the gods over the course of the year.
Fortunately, Tsukiyomi didn't know what a kiss was. He had to ask, "What is a kiss?"
For a moment my mind flashed to the story of Peter Pan. Should I cut in quickly and give him a thimble? Tell him it's a kiss? Thinking logistically, where the hell was I going to get a thimble from?
Yui made an attempt to ward him away from the topic, although it didn't help that she's not the most forceful person. Loki interjected, clarifying the action with ill-behaved glee, "A kiss is how a couple communicates by pressing their lips together." Oh, alright Mr Love Dictionary. Step back.
Do you know what Tsukiyomi was doing? Writing this down of course. For not a moment did he allow the passing of a single shred of knowledge. Even now, as his hand was joined to Yui's. It was either his downfall or what made him utterly superior above us all.
Yui was growing increasingly agitated, and for good reason, for within the next few seconds Tsukiyomi closed his note pad and said, "I understand. Kusanagi Yui, please kiss me."
It all happened far too quickly. I'm not even too sure what went down entirely. One moment, Yui was watching blankly as Tsukiyomi's lips drew near her own, and in the next moment I found myself leaping across the room with Susanoo, Apollon and Balder at my side, screeching in an uncontrollable panic to stop the kiss.
Earlier I had been lucky enough not to become a piece of fried meat. I was not so lucky this time.
I fell to the floor, my limbs like jelly, in a crumpled mass next to the three other gods. Susanoo, Apollon and Balder were up quick enough, shouting complaints at Loki, but I remained on the floor, sour faced and charred. I was giving myself a moment to reflect. It was a moment devoted to the insane panic that had filled my system before the impending kiss. Why would...? Propriety freak, my brain amended soon enough. That answer would do well enough for now.
I believe a lot of you are quite fond of our little Suki so it should be a nice chunk of chapters for you yet.
You know, I'm steadily feeling a more serious vibe creeping into this fic, which is what I intended but... Ah, well, its almost like watching a baby growing up. Sad, but also happy.