A/N: Hello everyone. Long time no see.
Before I say anything about this chapter or my mood or whatnot, I must address something very important first. As many, if not all of you already know, Watsuki has been arrested after a raid in his home allegedly uncovered DVDs with pornographic material of minors. They said he did not deny it and news of this have been restricted, but its rumoured he is imprisoned for it. The Hokkaido arc has been put on hiatus as a result, too.
I want you all to know, I am deeply shocked, disgusted and betrayed by this fact. I do not support nor will I ever support such a thing. I also decided never to support Watsuki financially ever again. That being said, RuroKen, the work itself, is very dear to me, despite its author. I grew up wit it, was moulded with it, fell in love with it all the same. I will never hate it. I can't. Nor can I just give up on all of my favourite characters and projects, ongoing or not, because of it. I hate the man for what he did, but I can't hate his work.
Which is why I decided, I will keep writing and expanding my work, even if it is on RuroKen. It may be dangerous territory to tread right now. I understand how many of you may be discouraged to engage with it, or need a break. All reactions are acceptable. In light of that, I inform you my story, seeing it is my own creation, based off of something Wtsuki wrote, will continue. I thank you if you continue to support it with your love but I will understand if you can't. If you do stick around, hope you enjoy the latest chapter that's far too removed from reality, so that's a huge plus.
Love, FAI.
Historical facts:
1. On 16th of June 1864, the Shinsengumi received the order to march to war against the Chousuu troops, descending upon the capital.
Timeline: 14th - 16th of June 1864.
A fine lady...
...and compromise.
.
The sun rose on a new day, yet nothing about it felt refreshing…at least to the men caught up in the yesterday night's quarrel. Tokio was all but hopping from one room to the other, causing everyone to stare and those who didn't know what had happened, to be infected by her good mood. Even one man who knew what had happened, Hijikata, couldn't help but indeed feel better after their meeting.
Hijikata knew what would unfold, so he called Saitou in his office first, to go over the details and why he was so upset. And the man was nothing other than a ball of anger, absolutes and half-barked, half-spoken excuses. It was a bit entertaining, yet a little exhausting, watching Saitou trying to explain he felt both jealous and wronged – if he had to stop talking to her, how come it was alright for the rest to be served by her – without actually mentioning the exact words, out of pride.
But when Tokio came in, her satisfied smirk obvious in her eyes instead of her lips, she lifted the man's spirits dramatically. Truth be told, so many things were happening around them, no one should have time for these ridiculous fights, but the fact it was so enthralling remained.
"You could have chosen a different way to accomplish your goal, Tokio-san" Hijikata commented the moment she closed the door properly. "Making a man like him jealous can be considered an achievement but at the same time, you have to be prepared for the consequences."
She shook her head, amused and unbothered. "What could he possibly do? He barely even talked to me, even when he was so upset. But I should also thank you," she bowed and he dismissed her with a wave of his hand "for helping me yesterday without knowing the details."
"That was nothing; just don't push him too much, no matter how ego-stroking it may be."
"If that's why you think I'm doing this, you heard nothing of what I told you the two previous times I found myself in here."
He gave her a look. "Then why did you choose the most ego-stroking way to accomplish your goal?"
"Because I deemed it the fastest, most successful one. If it happens to come with other benefits, so be it."
He looked to the side; how could he say he appreciated the underhandedness of her effort without making it sound like praise? He just criticised her about her ways, too. He considered. "That being said, you did produce immediate results, so I can't entirely blame you for taking this route."
She nodded respectfully and surprisingly, he did the same in return. "Plus, it's quite fun to see a person so proud as him flail like that."
She giggled in her sleeve; to say something like that with such a serious face, how odd and hilarious. "Hijikata-sama, you are causing me to believe there is truth to the claims that you are a sadist, after all."
"We'll never know, I'm afraid."
"So, am I allowed to do this again?"
"By all means…! I mean, he was very displeased. He was in fact, so displeased, he complained about it today for about half an hour. So, I'd figured you'd be too scared to do it again, but you prove braver than I expected, well done."
"Afraid of what, his temper tantrums? I am not a child, Hijikata-sama. The question is, how afraid are the rest? For even if I do want to do this again, if the others are unwilling…and it can't work without Harada-san and Okita-san. I started this with them, I should finish it, too."
"I see your point."
"So, the key to this succeeding is, for Harada-san not to get cold feet." She stared at him. "And for that not to happen, he will need a little encouragement, as well as reassurance what he's doing isn't wrong." She kept staring at Hijikata. "I can handle the first part all by myself but the other…" She looked away and back at him. "I will need some help."
He sighed. "Alright, yes, I'll go talk to him." She clapped her hands twice excited! She was getting her way, again, what was there not to be happy about? "Well, I'll address all of them, but it's him who'll be the most affected…what about Okita?"
"Ah," she waved his worries away "I know exactly what to say to him. Today is the day for his second weekly examination so I know I'll see him no matter what."
"It's a little annoying to see how well-planned you have this entire matter. Generals pale in comparison, young Tokio-san."
She smiled widely, feeling accomplished. "Tis a shame I was born a woman, my father always said; I would have made an excellent heir."
"Would have one less pain on my back, too."
"Hijikata-sama…!"
"You deserved it; now go, enough of your scheming. And this better pay off, or else."
"Have a little faith," she advised, standing with all formality. She bowed deeply. "Thank you Hijikata-sama. I shan't forget your help."
Oh yes; she'd owe him, big time. So big in fact, that when the time came for him to collect, he already made sure it would be a make-or-break moment. He watched her leave a little on edge though. He really had no idea how Saitou would react next; Hijikata even went to great lengths to make him understand he didn't disapprove of her actions, it was only Saitou who felt slighted, but that only worked against him. And when he made the mistake to tell him he could still act as he saw fit, and noticed the gleam in Saitou's eyes, Hijikata couldn't help but feel sorry for Harada-san. Something deep in his heart told him he was going to be the one to pay for the sins of the couple.
Oh well. He drank like a fish, too, he had no regrets. Besides, Hijikata did his duty and informed Tokio. She was the one who would be responsible for whatever it was that came their way now.
.
.
"Ah, come in Souji-kun, come in; get undressed and lie down. I have been expecting you, so everything's already prepared."
But Okita didn't take a single step in further; he stood by the closed door and glared at Tokio. When she noticed he hadn't acted as ordered, she looked up curious, only to find Okita actually angry. "What is it?"
"Why did you do that?"
Of course, they'd come to that; she just hadn't expected it to be so soon. "You mean yesterday night?"
"What else could I mean?"
"Souji, do you care about your friend?" His suddenly offended countenance, as if she was crazy for even implying otherwise, gave her the answer she was looking for. "Then you must do this for me, once more. Once more and I won't put you in that position ever again."
That threw him off; he approached, shedding his hitatare. He noticed how Hachiro rose from his sleeping position for a second there, too and decided to be a little understanding, lest he was mauled. "…what is that supposed to mean?"
"I did it for his sake; he doesn't see it now because he's upset, but he'll understand. So, I want you to be on my side, now that's the toughest part. Will you, Souji? Will you help me to help your friend?"
He looked left; he looked right; he looked to the dog and then outside. The day was very warm and the sun lit her in a way that gave her an otherworldly glow, as if she was some deity of old.
He deflated. "…I will; you know I will. I can't stand to see him hurt."
There was some new beauty to be found in her plum cheeks and the way her face sparkled from the smile that reached it, thankful and wide. He blushed. "But promise me you'll put Harada-san in the line of fire. I'm sick! I don't wanna contend with a furious Saitou-san."
She giggled. "That was my plan from the very beginning. That, and to make Harada-san realise geishas only want his wallet and not his big beautiful eyes."
"Good luck with the last one," Okita snorted and she had to agree with a polite laugh.
But all the laughing jinxed it; Saitou never came in to have his shoulder looked at. She was ready to face him, thought up of a hundred different lines to break the ice and irritate him at the same time, but he…he ignored her. He gave her no chance to use the ground she had earned to her advantage and damn it, that was paramount!
He wanted the disappearing act? Alright, she could work with that, too.
Only she couldn't, after all. That night all four friends and some more, went to Gion altogether. Not only did he not show up, he used a third party, one uninvolved in the previous night's incident, to invite everyone out for a drink—how could they say no? When she caught a glimpse of them leaving, Okita turned to look at her, hoping to convey the helplessness of the situation. But she knew without him trying to look guilty, she didn't blame him. But dear Buddha, Saitou's stubbornness knew no bounds!
In a way though, wasn't that a little victory for her? He had to deploy such underhanded tricks to get his way; he didn't show for his medical appointment; he was avoiding her. And he was also avoiding another confrontation, or should she say, a contest. For if he were to do exactly what he did yesterday, he feared Harada and Okita wouldn't follow, and prefer her.
Hmm, that wasn't too bad; she could work that in her favour tomorrow. Ah, she knew exactly what to do now. She smirked at herself, petting the dog. She would finish this properly; she swore on the Takagi name, passed down from one generation of go-getters to the next, she'd see this through.
.
.
"No, I understand; I don't mean to make you overstep. If you are afraid of Saitou-san, you have no reason to come with me."
Tokio sighed, dejected, as she looked away, even going as far as turning her back to walk away. Harada started panicking and looked to Okita for support, who simply shrugged. "I'm in if you are," was all the short man said and Harada panicked even more. "But if you're that afraid of Saitou-san…"
"Stop saying I'm afraid of Saitou, I'm not; of course, I'm not afraid of him, that's ridiculous."
"Well, then, why don't you want me to pour for you? Hijikata-sama endorses it; Kondou-sama doesn't care; and according to you, you liked me doing it the first time, yes?"
"Yes, obviously; how couldn't I? You're very skilful Tokio-san and very attentive. Last night I drank so much I had a migraine. But when you poured for us, I woke up feeling light, of all things."
"That's because I infused your sake with certain herbs that help deal with the fallout of the next morning."
"Really? Amazing, Tokio-chan," Okita commented, genuinely surprised.
"Thank you," she said shyly and looked down. "Which is why I am offering on the first place; I did see the impact of yesterday on you this morning, Harada-san, and it was regrettable. You still haven't learnt how to drink. So, another lesson, hopefully the last one, is needed."
"W, well…when you put it like that…"
"I even made food for you again," she chose to bring up with a tone as if it was unimportant, although she knew exactly the sort of result it would bring. And that was, Harada agreeing instantly.
"You are right, Tokio-san; there's no reason for me to say no."
She could laugh right now!
If it seemed like Harada gave in easily to Okita, he was very wrong. She'd been preparing the stage for this short conversation ever since she woke up. First thing after she left her room was to secure a note to Hijikata, asking him to send Saitou for his shoulder examination no matter what. Then, she walked the corridors supposedly nonchalant but with the express desire to hap upon a hangover Harada, just so she could look at him disapprovingly. Not in a too strict way mind you, no; in that "ah, and here I was thinking better of you, you scoundrel" kind of way. It worked, because Harada grew ten shades darker and one decided tone guiltier.
Once that was over with, she loudly remarked on the colour of Okita's face and oh, how paled it looked today; she should take a look at him. She timed it perfectly so that Saitou was passing through there and then continued to remark how pale Saitou looked, too and how his shoulder must have been acting up again.
"You should come by and let me have a look at it, whenever you find the chance, otherwise I'm afraid I shall have to restrict your training."
Every hair on Saitou's body stood up straight to that line; hence, he wasted no time in going to Hijikata and knocking on his door, only to have the man order him to get looked at, otherwise, he himself would disallow him to continue with his technique.
Then it was time to plant the seed of ego in Harada and Saitou; while she examined the latter, no bars were held. She threw how he avoided leaving the other two to make a choice in his face, claiming he knew he would lose from the start, thus, she had already won if her opponent optioned out of the fight in fear of her superiority.
Adequately incensed, she allowed him to leave only after he declared he never backed down from a fight and he would battle this out fair and square, thus giving the men a chance to choose tonight. He was certain, he claimed, they'd prefer him; they were men who came together in the most adverse of circumstances and they'd be damned if they let a small woman get in the middle of that.
She smiled in return and showed him the exit; Hachiro yawned and Saitou rolled his eyes. He was out the door in seconds.
During lunch, she actually joined them, lamenting how everyone kept adding to her work with every night they spent doing reckless and dangerous things. She actually meant their patrols, but purposefully worded it in a way that could be misinterpreted…and those with the ghosts would see sprites everywhere.
Thus, after a day of careful planning, she finally reached her end goal: she led Harada and Okita in the same – comparatively – small room as two nights ago, table covered from one end to the middle with platters and plates filled with goodies of all kinds, and had them seated. It took her no longer than five minutes to shift the mood from uncomfortable to cosy, with her well-timed ministered sake doses and offerings of snacks, while talking Harada up in all kinds of ways. How well he had gotten with the spear, not that he wasn't already; how the criminals came to fear his name, as if he was some justice dispenser; how the men of his unit admire him and idolise him, confiding in her they want to be just like their unit leader.
Harada had all but forgotten his misgivings entirely by the time the clock showed twenty to eleven.
It was twenty minutes later when Saitou came to terms with the fact he had lost.
He was in one of the finer establishments of the district; he wanted to be pampered. Almost as if he knew this clash would end with his loss, he wanted to be treated extra special this night, to sweeten the outcome. Well, he had pretty women serving his drink and a very reliable Nagakura trying to inflate his ego, he didn't care; let them do as they wanted. It was her who hated pouring people's drinks anyway, she was the one who suffered…
…or so he told himself. It wasn't twenty past eleven he decided he didn't want to be pampered; in fact, he wanted to fight. Yes, that's what he felt like doing: go back to headquarters and throw Harada through a wall! Another one; only bigger than the one he threw Okita at, for more impact—that would teach him!
Fired up too well, he paid for whatever he had consumed up till that moment and the women's services, and stood to leave without a warning. Sensing the mood changing rapidly, Nagakura made a hasty apology and ran after Saitou.
Who, Nagakura, knew this wasn't like Saitou to be upset about something like this, he had no idea where all this came from; at first, he legitimately thought he was only lashing out for worrying for no reason. But that argument didn't hold much water now, seeing he knew exactly where they were going to be, as he himself had barked to Harada "us or her, decide" and then walked away, all airs two hours ago. It wasn't like him to say something like that, either; Saitou wasn't…the jealous type, nor did he feel so entitled to his friends. So, what the hell?
Maybe it was because…of Tokio? It was her he didn't want to lose to, maybe. That didn't make a whole lot of sense either, but hey, it seemed that was what was going on, so who was he to say otherwise? Saitou did dislike rich people, he distantly remembered; it could be related to that—a class thing.
Even if, according to his findings so far, he had assumed they actually liked each other.
But the time of reckoning was near; the gate of the Mibu headquarters came into view and Saitou pushed his horse to go even faster! He didn't stop to get off, he jumped while the animal was still in motion! He grabbed it by the reigns and led it to the stable as fast as he could – which was very fast, Nagakura was not gonna lie – leaving the bespectacled man behind for a couple of moments.
But Nagakura wanted to witness this, even if he had to hustle.
The human whirlwind by the name of Saitou Hajime had scaled the entire damn way in record time, Nagakura out of breath in his wake; they reached there incredibly fast. Just as Saitou paused, for a mere, pitiable second to gather his strength and collect his mind, they heard that distinctive, lady-like laugh of hers…
Something like electricity jolted him.
His hand twitched, nearly moved to the hilt; then both of the men inside laughed boisterously at something she squeaked out, and that was it; he snapped. He grabbed the door and threw it open so violently, it shook from its hinges and fell off.
"Saitou, what the hell-?"
But Nagakura's question would remain unanswered.
Saitou tore through the room like a goddamn tornado, purposefully knocking plates, food and tables to the side; sake went in all directions, clay shuttering without much of an effort. Everyone looked on unable to react in any way other than dumbfounded; fear flickered in Harada's eyes for a brief moment, when he came close, but other than stray shards of pottery, he received nothing.
No. The one who did, was Tokio.
Without warning, he bent low and grabbed her by the waist.
"EEP!"
He threw her on his shoulder as she screamed and kicked out in all directions, punching his back, fighting to be released! "Let go of me, put me down!"
He said nothing; he wouldn't say anything. Every single time she complained, he just shrugged his shoulder, shaking her. "Put me down right now. Put me down!"
The three other men were too scared or amused by the developments to do anything to stop him; they watched with pious curiosity as Saitou exited the room in four steps, Tokio on his shoulder, and started walking the halls. She kept shouting or demanding to be released, but he didn't budge; if he hadn't been shaking her every time, they'd think he was too angry to hear her because his face—his face never changed. That furious yet determined expression didn't falter for a single moment. It was unnerving.
But not unnerving enough not to make them follow after the pair; once a long breath was drawn from the three men, they exchanged looks. Grins and numb, but real curiosity reflected in everyone's eyes, they moved at the same time, vaulting after them!
"Will. You. Put. Me. Down!?"
Every word was punctuated by a violent gesture; a kick; a punch; pulling his hair. He never stopped.
She was surprised to find they had reached her room; seeing the door was half open already, he kicked it lightly and it went all the way. Without a care in the world, he charged in, threw her on her futon and moved to go outside.
She saw what he was about to do, read it in his blank rage; she struggled to catch up with him but he was too fast. A fraction of a second before her hand reached the door, he closed it shut. "Hajime!"
She tried to open it, but it wouldn't budge; he was—he was keeping it shut. "HAJIME, LET ME OUT!"
Hachiro stirred from all the commotion, but couldn't be bothered to bark, even if he heard his lady shouting.
"No; stay in there and reflect."
"On what!?"
"Your actions!"
"Let me out right now!"
There was no answer. "I'm warning you, let me out or else!" no answer again; she was close to tears by now. This wasn't how this night was supposed to go, what was he doing? He ruined everything! He "can't just come in and destroy everything; I worked for that! I put effort in making those dishes!"
"Them plans, too I bet."
She tried to pry it open again but damn thing wouldn't give a single millimetre. "HAJIME! LET ME OUT NOW!"
"Reflect."
"Let me out!"
"Reflect."
"Then at least come in here and face me like a man!" A beat of silence. "You COWARD!"
The door was swung open in an instant! All the cold and calm fury from before transformed into exactly what he felt and she had to take a step back from the ferocity of it. "Don't you dare call me a coward ever again!"
Hachiro was finally alarmed enough to move, but other than bark at the pair of them, he did nothing else.
"You are the one who avoided me yesterday; you're the one who's been avoiding me ever since I got here," she accused, launching a full-frontal assault! Her own anger overtook her reason, striking out at his chest, his arms, anything in sight at the appropriate height. "What else can I call you!?"
He had no difficulty catching both her arms and bringing them at the front, effectively immobilised. "What did you want me to do, act as if nothing happened, it didn't matter? We can't all be as talented as you, hime-sama!"
"What do you mean by that?"
He ignored her question. "Don't you ever, and I mean ever, do this again."
"I did it for your own good!"
His eyes grew in size; he let her go, opening his arms wide, showing everywhere around them flabbergasted "how is any of this good!?"
"There was no other way."
"You could have been nice about it."
"I was, at first; you ignored me—you all ignored me! What was I supposed to do?"
"Be nicer! Or I must have missed the invitation to your little private drinking party."
She looked away. "You were avoiding me like the plague, how could I get you to be in the same room with me for more than ten minutes for social reasons of all things?"
"You're capable, you could have figured it out."
"No one's that capable; if your mind is set, there's no changing it."
"Bullshit."
She looked at him shocked, to find he swore like that; shaking her head, she went to the door, closing it. "I didn't want to go about it differently, have you ever thought of that?"
"Yes, which is exactly why we're even having this conversation."
"This isn't a conversation!"
"Fine, fight. Happy now?"
She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to keep her temper under control somehow. "I only did this to show you how I felt. You think it doesn't concern me? How do you think I feel every single time I see you go out drinking because of me?"
"Don't flatter yourself, hime-sama."
"But you said it yourself; and if that wasn't the case then how come it started exactly when-!?" She stopped herself and actually squeezed her entire face. "One reason or the other, it is because of me and it hurts; it hurts so much, I knew I couldn't just tell you, you wouldn't understand. But this pain you do understand yes? Well, it's just like that only TEN TIMES MORE!" She let out a scream of indignation. "I feel guilty; I feel responsible; I feel terrible. Do you understand how this affects me? I see you every day, wasting your time, wasting away… I don't want that, I never did."
"It's not your fault, you idiot," he spat, but the venom had left his voice "this is my choice; I am to blame. Besides, I only started drinking heavier when you came here; it wasn't that much of a problem bef…ore…" She snorted, as if to discredit him; he raised an inquiring eyebrow.
"I don't believe you."
He shook his head. "No, really."
She deemed him honest; she became even more worried. "Do you…do you know why I'm here?" She took a deep breath, when he shook his head no; she knew she had to explain everything. "I'm here because you lacked a medic, I was available and the shogun wanted to test my abilities, that's the official story; the unofficial is…" she swallowed "Hijikata-sama asked for me." His reaction pretty much matched hers: eyes wide, then smaller than usual then slightly angry at the revelation. "I know; I agree." The betrayal though, that was only in Saitou's eyes.
"When did he tell you?"
"He didn't; he can't be sure I know in fact, but I do. Matsudaira-sama shared it with me, even if he wasn't supposed to." She sighed again. "You see, Hijikata requested my services in particular, claiming I was more capable than any person that came in your unit so far; said he realised it when you seemed to heal faster when you visited the compound for help. He must have been very desperate and honest, too for the shogun felt like he would be doing him a real favour by sending me over, even for a short while."
She shrugged. "He asked I wasn't made aware of the fact, but the shogun still told Matsudaira-sama, probably to relieve any suspicion – maybe Hijikata had ulterior motives or what not – and he too asked him not to tell me…but," she let out a sad laugh "my lord can't keep a secret from me. And he thought if I knew, I'd feel better. How could he know the true reason behind it?"
Saitou took a moment; he had to digest all of this new information. "Did Hijikata ever tell you anything explicit about this issue?"
"No, but he did allude to it. Kept saying how I should do what I came here to do and all that; and the moment I spoke about this, he exclaimed "finally!" like I was supposed to know." She shook her head. "But he was far too guilty to do anything about it himself; maybe he thought he couldn't do anything about it by himself—he had to have help, so, brought me into the picture."
The revelations left him feeling numb; there was a buzzing at his ears that wasn't there before. The dog had stopped barking, too and it only helped him to realise how fast and loud his heart beat in his chest. He looked down; then at her, searching.
For what? Anything.
"Hajime, I don't want to hurt you," she started, her voice mellow "I only want you to be better. I understand that drinking is a coping mechanism for you but, you see, you like drinking. Before you know it, it will consume you and you won't be able to pull yourself out. All…all I'm trying to tell you is, there are healthier alternatives. You're too young for that."
She stopped talking then because he looked like he needed a break.
After a long time, he finally spoke. "…I was stabbed once," the irrelevancy of the matter made her blink "right here" he pointed at his gut "and it hurt more than I ever thought possible. It bled for a long time and yet I still had to fight, too…nothing would ever top that, it was too much." A snort. "Or so I thought; because when I saw you walk out of that carriage that stab was nothing compared to it."
Oh; she saw the relevancy now. Tears came to her eyes and she had to turn away because the way his captured hers was too much.
"I don't know what else to do." He sounded so defeated, it was devastating. "Tell me, what did you do? How could you move on?"
Her head snapped up to him. "I did what now?"
"You moved on, you got over it. How?"
She gave a small snort of disbelieving laughter; it turned into a chuckle; soon enough, she was really, actually laughing, tears flowing for quite a different reason than she'd think ten seconds ago.
"You think, hahaha, you are under-…oh dear." She took a deep breath to calm down. "you thought I…" She shook her head. "I didn't; and it doesn't stop. The pain never goes away. At least not for me it doesn't."
She wiped at her tears, shoulders still shaking a little; no matter her uncouth ways, she saw she had his attention, so she went on. "I don't know what gave you the idea any of that happened but you're wrong. I just…deal with it better I guess. I have Teruhime-sama, Ochako, Kachako; they help. I have the lessons to keep busy. Well, had; now I'm alone and it's harder so I cry a little more often than I used to, but I learnt to live with it."
The way he looked at her, as if he was seeing her for the first time after prolonged absence, gave her a clue as to what had brought on this foul mood of his while she was at their headquarters.
"It isn't for lack of trying, mind you; I socialised with my peers, per Teruhime's suggestion. I met men of my social standing…that were all deemed either idiots or incorrigibly backwards men. It's not easy when you have someone to compare them to."
She chuckled again and looked at him after what felt like an eternity. Her cheeks burned bright hot and couldn't hold his gaze for too long. Hugging herself, her eyes became downcast.
"Do you want me to say I am unhappy with this arrangement? It'd be a lie. I had an excuse to see you after such a long time. Yet, I do realise that's probably worse for you, but...it has to happen anyway; no reason to torture myself about it…Hajime, I…I don't want to cause you harm, especially in the long run. Please, just stop." For what was worth, she felt defeated, too. "That's all I want, all I'll ever ask of you. You're better than that."
She felt something grip her hand; it was his own, pulling her closer. She let herself be guided to his chest, where he stopped tugging on her and enveloped her in a loose, but certain hug. His chin rested on her head and she could feel her lips tremble out of sheer emotion. She heard him sigh.
"You want me to stop drinking?"
There was something so calm in his voice, she felt her tears come back full force. Nodding furiously, she brought her own hands at his back, returning the hug. She grabbed his hitatare as if her life depended on it.
"I'll stop drinking." She kept nodding, face scratched by his clothes, but she didn't care. "I'll do whatever you want. But you must promise me you'll do one thing for me too."
"Anything!"
"Don't ever do anything like this again."
She went perfectly still.
Slowly, she looked up at him. His face was unreadable, but there was something very vulnerable in their sheer proximity, how they were barely centimetres apart. Carefully, in slow motion, she nodded "yes" one final time.
That's when the tension finally left him; his shoulders fell and his chest sagged. The intimacy felt so, so natural between them, the way he put his chin back on the top of her head and she inched even closer to accommodate him. Hard-pressed against him as she were, she could feel his heartbeat.
Relaxing…
"Hajime?" He grunted instead of speaking and she thought that was adorable. "I read your note; thank you."
He grunted again but this once he made the effort to speak. "One of these days I'll kill Okita."
She giggled, still buried in his chest. The more she held on to him, the more she stocked up on something, a type of energy, that she didn't know existed, but was apparently in desperate need of. "For that? Wait till you hear the rest of it…!"
He pulled back to look at her, curious. She felt her cheeks redden. "What's the rest of it?"
"…all in due time."
"Tokio…!"
"If I tell you now, you'll punch him again; we can't have that."
She tried to lean back into him, but he stopped her. "Tokio—!"
"I'll tell you another time. For now, just let me be like this."
He relented after some consideration, allowing her to snuggle up to him again. "But I won't forget about this."
"Mhm…"
He exhaled and his breath ruffled her hair; he felt her weight on his chest; her warmth in his hands…she was there. She was right there. This was real. After three weeks of whatever that was, he never thought this would happen, ever again and yet she was bringing herself even closer, almost melding with him. In a fit of honesty, as well as bliss, he finally admitted it to himself: this was what he wanted. At the same time, this was what he was afraid of. Because he wanted it too much, though he shouldn't get it. Yet not getting it drove him insane. She was right there, arm's reach, but he wasn't allowed to touch her…! He wasn't supposed to though. So maybe, he was better off.
Only he wasn't.
Just as he was about to drive his mind into more circles, he decided to do the selfish thing: he'd turn off his reason and simply savour the moment. It was bound to never come again anyway; enjoy it while it lasts, he told himself and he was determined to do just that.
She felt soft and small in his arms, just as she was supposed to. She fit perfectly, not because of some overreaching magical reason, but because she made it so, wiggling and rubbing her face on his clothes. She earned her spot, even if she didn't need to. She smelt of oils she had brought with her and instead of her smelling like them, the baths started carrying her scent, her oils and essences permeating their simple, colourless, scentless lifestyle. She was there, when she shouldn't; he was thinking about her when he definitely shouldn't; he was making himself upset when he didn't need to while she went above and beyond to accommodate him. He was being ridiculous, thinking she was already looking for someone new, when he couldn't stop thinking about her.
The only proof he ever sighed was when her hair moved a little more violently by his breath than normal. He loved her damn it; and she did, too. He didn't want to. He had to let go…any moment now…any moment…
He had no idea how long they'd stayed like that; he only knew it was time to stop, when he felt two paws on his hip, pushing him. He reluctantly opened his eyes, to find Hachiro staring up at him. He was neither aggressive nor threatening; simply confused. Saitou finally parted with her and felt a little prouder when she was the one who wouldn't untangle her limbs from his.
"Your dog is getting jealous," he teased "or at least concerned."
As soon as one unhanded the other, Hachiro jumped on his owner and started licking her face, because she had started glaring at him. "Yes, you are a good boy, calm down." That did the trick and the black impressive animal sat down, so she petted him on the head as a reward.
"Very well trained, isn't he?"
Her eyes turned to Saitou. "He's too big for anything less; though some are harder to train than others." He gave her a look; she giggled. "Goodnight, Hajime."
Shaking his head, he drew the door open, exited…and then took a deep bow. "Have a nice evening; forgive me for closing the door, Tokio-san, it was inappropriate."
Suddenly, he transformed into a very formal version of himself and that made her stare. "…things needed to be said."
"That's a relief. Goodnight."
And he left, just as formal as he had bowed.
She blinked. What the…?
But as Saitou walked away, seemingly unaware and as if this was standard behaviour for him, he caught a piece of cloth vanishing behind a wall in haste, with the edge of his eyes. It was brown and suspiciously enough the same hue as Nagakura's…heh. That would teach them, sneaking about, trying to learn his secrets.
.
.
"Please take a seat, Tokio-san."
The woman did just as Hijikata suggested, a little numb. She was summoned to his office first thing in the morning, with such formality, even the Bakufu paled in comparison. It was given to her in writing, then a Shinsengumi man announced it to her and after she finished with her morning routines, two more came to escort her to Hijikata's office. She was thrown quite a bit; did this have any relevance to Saitou being suddenly formal with her in the end of their yesterday's discussion?
She didn't even have the chance to see him this morning, it was that early when she received the letter. And she could bet Hijikata had ordered them all away, too. As if the mere touch of the pillow laid out in front of her burnt, she was careful to be ceremonial, but obviously uncomfortable.
A smirk was formed on the vice commander's lips. "I won't scold you, Tokio; breathe freely."
"Then why did you ask me to leave Hachiro behind?"
He clenched his jaw momentarily. "That animal really dislikes me and almost attacked me once; I don't like having it around." She didn't know if she believed him or not, but it turned out it didn't really matter because she was served the true purpose of her visit a short, cold second later. "I am pleased to announce to you, your tenure here has been more than successful; what with us receiving our new orders, I hereby declare your help invaluable yet your internship over."
What!?
She didn't say it, but the shock was spoken through her eyes. "Don't make that face, Tokio-san."
"What new orders? Where am I being sent?"
"You're going back to the Matsudaira compound of course."
"What new orders?"
He rolled his eyes at her insistence. "The entire unit is going to march outside of Kyoto."
Her eyes became narrow; the clogs in her brain began to turn slowly at first, but then so fast, she couldn't help but gasp and glare.
Matsudaira had mentioned it briefly in one of his later letters, how the Chousuu became too flippant; action needed to be taken. Aizu and Satsuma, the two strongest domains as far as militant force was concerned, would probably be called upon to serve the shogun and the righteousness of their purpose. There was no way the Shinsengumi was called to arms if the rest weren't coming either; and there was no way Hijikata would use the word "march" if actual confrontation wasn't about to happen. In an organised way. That mostly resembled war.
A civil war was about to begin.
"You will be joining the army as well as the Aizu and Satsuma forces!?"
Hijikata's crestfallen face, turned into a silent exasperation. "I don't even know why I am surprised by anything that comes out of your mouth anymore…yes, we will be joining them. The Chousuu rebels are approaching. We are setting up camp right outside the main city."
"I see…" She looked to the side. "It will be very dangerous; this is the first time you will be fighting in a scuffle of this size."
"And water is wet."
She sighed. "I mean…you will have many wounded; some will perish; some will be scarred; but without a doubt, all of you shall need to be taken care of." Her eyes lifted, to meet his head on. "You are in dire need of a doctor of your own; and from what I can recall, I am the one meant to fulfil that role."
Hijikata immediately rose from his seat, chest expanding from the breath he was taking. "What I'm trying to say is, I must come with you."
"You must nothing; you are going back to the Matsudaira compound and that's that. Besides, having only one woman on the battlefield, is bound to bring bad luck."
She greeted her teeth, ready to pounce. "Need I remind you, you owe me Hijikata-sama?"
"Need I remind you I am no fool?" She was taken aback with his readiness; he was obviously waiting for her to say that. "I owe you yes; I shall repay you when something I can do arises. Not only do I not wish you to come with us, I could never be able to persuade his grace to put you in such danger. If I so much mentioned it, I would fall out of his favour; imagine what would happen if I insisted."
"But, Hijikata-sama-!"
"Your services are exemplary but no longer needed. Take your time tending to your patients today, but be informed, the lord is coming to take you back at sundown. You must be ready by then."
"Sundown…"
"And that is final." He raised his hand, effectively stopping her from protesting further. "No, it can't be undone; yes, they will be informed shortly. And I know; I shall arrange for your last two patients to be Okita and Saitou, in that order. You can say your goodbyes then." He stared; she looked down. "And then you'll be gone."
"I would like,"
"Gone."
"…yes, Hijikata-sama."
"For good."
"Yes, Hijikata-sama."
"Very well. You shall be escorted to the examination room by the men and those who want, will visit you there; those still battling some ailment before the others."
"Thank you Hijikata-sama." She morosely stood from her spot, all grace and refinement, despite her sorrow.
"You can go now. Oh, and, Tokio," he stopped her just as she had turned around, heading for the exit "don't look too sad; you'll make the men worry."
"I can't help it…and I still haven't held you to your word."
"Oh please! It's only been four months and the last one you've been spending it here. Of course, it won't away so soon; if it did, your feelings weren't deep enough to begin with."
"I'll see you again in a year then."
"That's too long. You'll both be over it by then."
"Let us hope."
.
.
"Welcome, Souji-kun, sit. Please, no need to undress," she stopped him from doing just that the moment he shut the door behind him, something that earned her quite the look from the short man. "This isn't a scheduled, nor necessary examination. I only wanted to see and advise you one last time before you leave for the front."
"Ah, you heard."
"I did."
She inclined her head as she spoke, giving him the impression she was giving condolences. "I wanted you here to give you this, also." She reached to the side and grabbed a glass rather large vial, coloured blue. It had a stopper on. "This is medicine. Now, don't protest; this isn't anything forbidding."
His look was inquiring. "I have been preparing for this moment for the past two weeks—ever since I found out. I knew I wouldn't always be here; I knew you'd be in peril someday, without me there to help. So, I made this for you. One small sip when you wake up, before your first meal and one sip just before you go to sleep. It's easy to be carried and concealed, too so unless you want to, no one has to see you do it. It's a secret boon, made just for you."
"Tokio-chan…" He grew sombre but the look in his eyes was warm, as they regarded her. "I don't know what to say."
"Say you won't miss a single dosage."
His lips tugged into a crooked smile. "I won't; I promise."
"Then I am satisfied."
They shared a moment of content silence, nothing but them looking at one another. Her eyes were kind, accepting; his own lingered on her hair, the lines of her small but certain smile.
"Tokio-chan," for the first time she heard him utter her name in such a vulnerable tone "I really don't deserve all this, but you do it anyway. I don't know how to repay such generosity and the fact you don't ask for anything in return makes it worse."
" I do; and if you don't come back at least half as well as I leave you now, I shall be very upset."
Taken aback, he nodded.
An unspoken pact was sealed that moment, verified by the imperceptible nod from both parties. Something felt like it was left unsaid, too, as Okita's chest rose but fell without him producing any words, but it wasn't what mattered. What did was how he, for once in his life, was perfectly serious. He took her hands in his and simply watched them, for a very long second. He watched the callouses, the burns, felt the roughness on the edges of small cuts with his fingers.
He squeezed. "I know you only think I jest but…I truly love you Tokio-chan. Not as a wife, or a woman or anything like that. But you remind me of my sister so much; she used to worry to death and coddle me all the time, until her husband finally had enough. You are…like her in some ways; in others, you aren't but that's what makes you, you."
Silence heavier than she had ever thought to accompany Okita's words, fell between them. "I appreciate meeting you, Tokio-chan." He touched his forehead to his hands that were still holding hers, in his lap. "I won't make you regret meeting me, too."
Somehow, she could actually feel her fondness for the man grow; maybe it had to do with the fact something caught in her breath, as if her heart just grew new space for her to put him in, a bigger one.
She smiled. "I already don't; you are one of my favourite people in the entire capital. So, raise your head and go proud. I know you'll do great."
A light was lit, and Okita's demeanour changed back to his old self. "You bet I will!" he let go of her hands and winked. "I'll keep that idiot out of trouble, too, you'll see!"
She laughed heartily. "Even you can't make such a statement Souji-kun; he's as stubborn as you incorrigible. Just come back safe; that's all."
A last glance over his shoulder just before he opened the door. "I will; stay safe, too, Tokio-chan. And thank you for everything."
Something seemed to change in his face again, almost turned him back to that odd, out-of-nowhere serious side of his. Shaking his head, he made a speedy exit.
She simply sat there, thinking of the strangeness off the moment.
She had plenty of time to mull over it, seeing half an hour passed and Saitou hadn't come yet. But that was fine, it gave her perspective.
"I'm sorry I'm late, Hijikata kept me longer than expected," were Saitou's first words as he walked into the examination room, quite late in the afternoon.
She had started getting anxious for sundown would be any moment now yet there was still no sign of him; it was nearly an hour ago she bid goodbye to Okita. But then he drew the door open and her heart started beating normally again, a sigh of relief involuntarily escaping her. "No harm done," she finally said, turning to him fully, stepping away from her supplies closet.
"I heard I am the last one; did everything go well with the rest?" She nodded, finally reaching him. "Okita too right?"
That was an odd question. She nodded again. "I saw him, he was a little out of it."
"How emotional of him," she teased "it wasn't even a final goodbye. Now take off your hitatare, I want to look at your shoulder."
Saitou was alarmed, despite doing as she asked. "…should I be concerned?"
"Nah, he'll be back to form in no time." She was behind him when she said it regrettably, helping him out of his clothes, and despite hearing her voice even, he had a feeling her face was different. "Though I do wish you kept an eye on him. Make sure he is not overwhelmed in battle and the like."
He sat and she finally sat in front of him, too and he could look at her properly. She was mighty melancholic, he hadn't seen it coming. "I will." He regarded her as she did what she wanted, first unwrapping the bandages and then checking the colour of his skin at the irritated area. She reached out to check the movement of his shoulder and her fingers were icy, he almost flinched. "Are you worried about something?"
"Of course, I am; about everything!"
"In relevance to Okita?" She swallowed her words. "And that disappearing illness of his?"
She was uncomfortable, but never stopped her examination. "Maybe…but you'll be there to take care of him, yes? Keep an eye on your friend, make sure he isn't overwhelmed in battle. You will, won't you?"
"I'll certainly try."
He was calm and absolute; he was comforting. But somehow, it worked in reverse for her. All she said was "very well…" almost morosely.
Stifling silence fell between them.
She was almost finished with her examination now; soon enough he'd had to leave the room, yet all she managed to say to him were things that she would have told Hijikata anyway, while none of the things that build up in her chest ever since she heard they'd be going to war ever left her lips. She had so many things to say and so little time; so little courage, too. and every second that ticked by with her being silent, was a second she wasn't getting back.
But what could she say that could make things better? If he believed her sentiments would outlast this skirmish so would his; but he needed to move on. What better chance than an oncoming battle right?
"Thank you, Tokio," he said evenly as soon as her hands stopped working.
She remained staring at them; he stared at her in return. She sucked in a deep breath to say something, but never voiced any of her thoughts; instead, she inclined her head to his words, never quite looking at him. Bemused, he decided to put his clothes back on. "Thank you for everything." She nodded again. "I hope to-."
"Take these with you, please."
Never looking at him, she reached to her right where three fist-sized containers stood, all identical to one another. White, smooth, made from clay, the bore no special markings or designs. She fiddled with them.
"They are balms, made from those flowers you won for me. They stop the bleeding—the deeper the wound, the thicker the application; they can cover pretty much anything that isn't an actual stab, but even then they are bound to do something. Please, take them with you…I know you are very protective of people but too reckless when it comes to yourself so, use them well."
"Are all three for me?"
She nodded again, never looking up. "I used one flower and made the balm in that big container in the closet for use to my discretion; another I had put in smaller containers and stored in the Matsudaira household for any emergencies that might arise in my absence; and the third, um…it's, it's for you."
Silence. "Please, just take them. They'll help and keep you safe even if I'm not there; I mean, I wish I was, but Hijikata-sama wouldn't even entertain the thought of me coming though I did threaten him. He was very stubborn. I mean, I didn't really threaten him, I was a little persistent is all; all I wanted was to be certain you had all the help you needed, don't get me wrong. Especially since you are so reckless, really, who can blame me for it? I am the only one who can-"
Two hands grabbed her cheeks and effectively rendered her speechless; she felt his presence come closer and closer until, there was no mistaking it, two lips touched the top of her head affectionately. They lingered. His hands felt feverish on her cheeks until they became the same temperature, as she stood and blushed uncontrollably, the more he remained so close and intimate.
She dared look up a fraction. "Hajime…?"
"We won't roll up and die, you know; we'll return home."
Her eyes watered; she desperately reached for anything that resembled fabric and whence she found it, she clutched it hard between her fingers. "We'll be back up for the Aizu and Satsuma armies, anyway; there's no reason for us to not succeed. And we are no longer dispensable."
She squeezed harder but that was the moment he pulled her back, never letting go of her face, to look at her properly. "Have faith in us."
He wiped at that single tear that escaped; she closed her eyes and leaned in the hand she dared touch with her own. "I do."
"In our abilities."
"Yes."
"That we'll come back to you." He pulled her in again, and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. "We promise."
"You better."
Everything was louder, more sensitive; her heartbeat; her nerves; the smells that wafted all around. He had definitely been training before he came here for he smelt of bath oils and he always had his bath after that. Yet it was his own masculine scent that overwhelmed her senses, made her heart float. His presence could really fill up a room, it was intoxicating. She sighed and allowed herself to fall, right into his chest.
"I wish for a swift and bloodless return, if victory is unattainable. Be well."
She was barely heard, buried between his fabrics and his chest as she was; she moved in a certain way so he could hug her without actually making the motion, just by the positions of their bodies. One hand rested in her lap, the other still clutched at his hitatare.
"You're not naïve, at least," he joked, as he played with her hair. Well, not exactly; he was just stroking her head and her hair fell from the elaborate bun she put it into, at the base of her neck, with strands of hair rebelling at the sides. He liked it better that way, he decided.
"I never have been," she protested faux-offended. He shrugged; she hit him lightly. "Jerk."
His amused snort drew the attention of the dog though, who promptly stood from his place and came towards them. "Hachiro…!" her warning fell on deaf ears though, for he all but sat on both of them, trying to come between the two. "Hachiro, you're being rude."
"It's in his nature to be possessive," Saitou excused the animal "I wouldn't want someone I considered mine to be getting cosy with another, too."
She giggled. "You're worse than the dog."
Oh really, his stare challenged. "How so?"
"The dog listens."
He actually laughed; he couldn't deny that. Deeming those were pleasant terms and words to part with, he actually made the effort to stand. "Hajime?"
"Matsudaira is bound to arrive at any moment; you and I both have to pack and I have to make some last-minute arrangements, too."
"Oh." She looked at him seriously. "I'll be waiting." He nodded. Just as he was about to leave, she finally made the question that burned at the back of her throat. "Will the Battousai be there?"
"How do you know that alias?" Why was he even making this question? Someone blabbed. He shook his head "no, I don't think so. He's an assassin, he would avoid open conflicts."
"I see." Silence. "May Buddha be on your side." He bowed and left. She sighed. "May he be with me, too."
A/N: War is upon us; be prepared. I love you all. Let's all take time to heal and feel better and appreciate those who are precious and good to us. I love you all. Leave feedback if you're up to it.
Kisses, FAI.