I took the trinket and, in the days that followed it sat on my desk. Many was the hour I found myself regarding it as I sat there.
Finally, however, after a few days of this, I decided that I was torturing myself and tossed it away.
No, I decided that night as I sat on my window seat regarding the flickering firelight across the chasm. I was going to do this my way.
Gorak noticed it in my waste-bin when he entered later that night and putting the tray down on the desk bent down to retrieve it in silence.
I let him not bothering to turn from my watching the Reklan night just outside of the window beside me from where I sat on the seat before it.
"Little sister," He stated finally stepping forward.
"Just get it away from me Gorak," I told him instead of answering.
Gorak took this in for a moment before he sighed.
"May I ask at least, why?" He asked.
I sighed for a moment, still regarding the flickering light of the distant encampment.
"Honestly?" I asked back for a moment not entirely certain myself. "Because it's supposed to be some sort of proof of my forgiveness. And," I remarked. "I don't forgive him. It's a lie."
Gorak stood in silence for another moment before sighing again he stepped up to sit on the bench in front of me his back to the window through which the very person's campfire I could still see out of the corner of my eye.
"And," He commented. "What is it you don't forgive?" He asked his tone as careful as it was gentle. "His rejection?"
"No," I shook my head. "His presence."
Understanding, he nodded.
"Things here were going well for you," Gorak remarked. "And, what took so many weeks to gain," He sighed. "He ruins in only a moment."
Unable to answer for a moment I shook my head.
"How could he, Gorak?" I heard myself asking bitterly. "How could he be so t'lacking… arrogant as to assume that I would just go dancing out to him?"
Unwilling and unable to suppress my rancor, I found myself folding my arms over my chest as I looked over at the Increl.
"I'm not good enough for him but I'm still supposed to follow him around like a well-trained cryk?" I asked.
"No," I declared again shaking my head as I leaned back against the coolness of the polished rock. "I don't think so."
Gorak thought about this for a moment before finally, he shrugged.
"If that is how you feel then," He remarked his tone careful. "That is what you should tell him," He told me.
Surprised, I looked over at Gorak for a moment but he just shrugged again.
"I noticed you skipped dinner again," He observed instead. "So, I brought you some food. Please, eat," He instructed before standing he crossed the room to leave.
Almost of its own accord, my head turned to regard that distant and flickering light again.
"Gorak?" I heard myself calling out to him without turning before I even was aware of the fact that I was going to do so.
Gorak paused.
"Yes little sister?"
I sat for a moment not entirely certain of my own thoughts as I regarded the flickering firelight in the distance.
"It," I commented finally. "It never ends for us, does it?" I heard myself ask as if from parsecs away.
"No matter how much we pay- it's never going to be enough, is it?" I observed softly. "'Once you descend upon the path to the Dark Side, forever will it dominate your destiny,'" I quoted. "It means we'll never be clean, will we?" I remarked. "It means that, no matter how much of our blood we spill- how many tears we shed, it will never erase the evils we've done, doesn't it?"
Gorak didn't answer for a moment before stepping back towards me, he sighed.
"Yes, little sister," He admitted softly. "We cannot take back the things we have done.
"And yes, if I hear your words right that is what that saying means," He agreed. "That the guilt of serving the Fates of Death or, 'turning to the Dark Side' as your people put it, will follow the one who did so for the rest of their days."
Silent, I took this in and, nodded at the confirmation.
Gorak stood for a while not saying a word as he regarded me.
After several moments of this I was beginning to grow puzzled and was about to turn and ask him his thoughts when he took another step forward into the darkened room towards me.
"Little sister?" He asked his voice gentle.
"Yes, Gorak?" I responded not turning.
"Might I ask a question?" He asked softly.
"Of course," I answered with a shrug.
For a moment he said nothing.
Just stood there regarding me as he collected his thoughts.
"When," He stated after a moment. "When have you done anything that served the Fates of Death?"
For all of the softness of his voice, his question hit me as if the entirety of a planet had landed within my room.
Startled, I turned to look back at him in silent shock unable to answer.
To my expression, Gorak shook his head.
"You know little sister," He commented. "I have often had an occasion to witness many pains and many people who create those pains," He told me his voice still soft and gentle.
"The one I have always despised the most however," He stated. "Is whenever I see those that force an innocent into accepting the pain of paying the price for what has never even been done."
Ignoring my shaken silence to this after a moment, he nodded again.
"Good night little sister," He told me before turning, he left.
I sat for a moment in silence my hand coming to cover my mouth and I couldn't help but notice that it was shaking.
And then the tears came again.
That night as I lay crying myself to sleep I heard them again, the winds.
And of course over the next days I began to hear them nightly.
Then, late one night, the Dorska's prediction came true. For, as I lay enwrapped in dreams filled with the cry of winds, I heard a soft call cut through my sleep.
"Dale?" He called. "Dale."
My eyes flying open I sat up in the bed.
Instead of the pain and fear that I had expected at this moment however I found myself trying not to smile as I regarded the scene before me.
"Oh well that looks dignified," I heard myself comment.
The object of my humor was understandable of course because he was hanging from the window- dangling from it in fact.
It was a sure indication that he hadn't quite made the six story jump with his normal accuracy. And although he had managed to catch himself by gaining a hold of the far end of the window seat- the large width created to make things more comfortable for sitting had in this case, only ensured that he had absolutely no leverage with which to pull himself up even with Force-Enhanced strength.
"Oh, could this be a rescue attempt?" I wondered aloud as I pulled on my robe and crossed the room towards him.
He looked good dangling there, I realized as I did so. He looked very good dangling there with his aloof dignity and cold arrogance nothing more than a distant memory.
"Are you alright?" He asked worriedly.
"Fine," I answered. "Better then fine actually, I'm putting on weight-isn't that uncomfortable?" I asked looking out past him to where Solo and Chewbacca were waiting out in the courtyard.
Raising my hand I gave them a brief wave hello trying not to smile as I pictured what his normally "calm" and "controlled" expression would look like if he fell the six stories to the hard stone of the courtyard.
"Well," He faltered trying to climb in further but unable to do so without losing his grip on the slippery surface of the polished rock. "It wouldn't- wouldn't be if you'd help me out here."
"Hmm," I pondered this briefly for a moment. "Nope, don't think so," I declared.
"Look Beggar- it's real sweet trying to come to the rescue and all but believe me, I'm fine," I told him. "Like I said, better then fine in fact," I remarked. "This place is filled with nothing but Fighters," I pointed out.
"Dale, look, I'm sorry," He told me earnestly. "But just because things failed between us is no reason to-"
"-To what?" I smiled shaking my head. "What do you think I'm doing here, Beggar?" I asked. "Turning to the Dark Side or something?"
And then, catching sight of his expression I couldn't help it, I laughed.
"Oh you have got to be kidding me," I chuckled shaking my head again. "Look, Luke, I really don't care," I told him. "I'm here because I want to be and not because I'm hiding out.
"I mean, honestly," I shook my head chuckling again as I leaned down to regard him better. "I think you're really overvaluing your importance here," I pointed out with an almost studied casualness- but, then again, that might just have been solely because this sort of scene really was studied- whether it was from classes or not.
If there is anything that any debutante knows how to do, it was how to brush someone off and let them know- this was, indeed, THE END. And needless to say, I found myself relying on that long bygone training even now if only from the sheer repetition of seeing What You Should Do.
"I mean, I was raised in the Empire, under constant threats of death and worse," I ticked off on my fingers continuing on. "My body was a commodity that I had to loan out on occasion and then?
"I join a group of people who hate me just on general principles only to wind up stranded on some primitive planet.
"After which, I was cryogenically frozen for twenty years," I added further. "And after that, of course, I woke up to a wonderfully nasty surprise waiting for me from my childhood set up by a Sithian Lord?
"And, that's not even mentioning the most recent event," I observed coolness filling every gram of my soul. "Which involved being tortured and nearly brainwashed by yet another Sithian," I commented.
In the shocked silence that followed these little declarations, I leaned in over the window seat very close just so I could be absolutely certain that he understood me.
"Somehow, Luke?" I asked meeting his gaze with a levelness I wasn't even aware that I had. "I hate to have to tell you this, but," I pressed on.
"If being raped, beaten, tortured, ostracized and hated my entire life hasn't managed to turn me to the Dark Side, somehow? I think that you turning me down just isn't going to do it," I informed him honest now.
"Yeah," I nodded at his expression straightening. "That's right," I told him. "I think you get the idea now.
"I mean, let's be honest here, shall we?" I offered. "Having some little moisture vaporator farmer from the rim think I'm not good enough for him kind of pales in comparison to all of the other problems I've had.
"So, like we say on Coruscant- you know a civilized planet? 'No harm, no foul,'" I said. "And that said," I remarked my hand going to the pole that held up the shutter. "Go. Away," I told him pulling the pole that held up the shutter and letting it fall with as much rapidity as I could gather to me through the Force.
The heavy, thick and metal shutter hit him with enough impact to knock him from his precarious position and Luke fell to the courtyard, rolling with the impact only to regain his feet not a moment later.
Solo's bark of laughter echoed through the ancient crag.
"You gotta admit kid, she's got spunk," He observed.
"Han?" Luke sighed. "You aren't helping."
"Okay," The former smuggler declared nodding, serious now. "Then I'll help."
And no sooner was this declared then Han immediately and promptly reached out to smack the back of his brother-in-law's head.
"Ow!" Luke exclaimed more out of surprise than anything else all the while ducking far too late. "What was that for?" He demanded.
"Being an idiot," He informed him shrugging back before grabbing Luke's arm he began to pull him away towards the far end of the courtyard. "Come 'ere kid," He declared his voice even and almost measured with its firmness. "We gotta talk."
I couldn't help it of course I chuckled shaking my head. But, at least it was over, I concluded.
I was wrong of course because my humor over the scene was short-lived due to the fact that I was interrupted by a knock at my door.
"Oh Jaymes, hi," I greeted him when I caught sight of the figure just beyond.
"Dale?" He remarked his brow furrowed. "Why didn't you tell me that he's in love with you?"
"Ah," I stammered for a moment completely confused by the incongruous question. "I- well, I guess it didn't really occur to me. Besides," I observed shrugging. "He- He may be attracted to me but… well…" I confessed haltingly. "I'm just- you know," I shrugged again trying to quell my blush. "Not right for someone like him anyway," I pointed out. "He's already declared me 'Untouchable,' remember?" I reminded him
"Uh-huh," He nodded.
Then, all of a sudden, Jaymes reached out and smacked- literally smacked the back of my head!
"Hey!" I exclaimed my hand automatically going to rub at the mistreated spot. "What was that for?" I demanded all the while trying to figure out if my head was swimming from the blow or some immediate and unknown sense of déjà vu.
"That little sister," Jaymes informed me brushing by me and towards the window. "Is for being an idiot"
"What?"
"Look," He remarked peering out the window. "If the man is in love with you Dale, then there's really no wonder why he's not getting the holo and leaving," Jaymes observed with a weary sigh.
"Please, even- even if he did what's that got to do with the price of ale on Corillia?" I asked stepping up to the window beside him. "I'm not 'good enough' and he's already said it. You- you were there, Jaymes. You know that!"
Across the crag, Solo was actually shoving Luke back towards the Refuge by the back of his tunic and his belt in an undignified manner that no one would ever see in the news vids.
"…Just do it!" Was the only thing that he was saying that was loud enough to be heard.
"Well, at least someone seems to have some semblance of sense on the other side of things," Jaymes commented approvingly with another sigh.
"Jaymes?" I finally asked completely confused. "What're you even doing here?"
"Off-hand? I'd say doing what he is," He admitted with a nod to the people in the courtyard before reaching out, he propped up the shutter and leaned out of the window over the seat as much as was safe. "Hey!" He called out through the window to the small trio below. "Hey! Solo! I got this end!"
"Beautiful!" Solo cried back holding up his thumb in some sort of gesture of approval and eliciting a small chuckle from both his Wookie copilot and Jaymes.
"Jaymes?" I asked as I leaned on the seat next to him almost amazed at the strange turn events had taken in just a few moments. "What, in the Sith, is going on?"
"Well, you know how you're always complaining about how you always wanted something so mind-bogglingly boring as to be almost clique happen?"
"Yeah," I answered dubious.
"It's happening."
"Uh-huh," I remarked straightening and folding my arms over my chest unconvinced.
"Dale?" Luke called out. "Look, I'm sorry alright? Please come down so we can at least talk about this?"
"Ah, not. So. Fast," Jaymes called back. "There are rules here K'Shonan," He informed them. "The girl's already been declared treesham, if you really want her you're going to have to fight for her. I mean-"
"-Jaymes!" I hissed grabbing at his arm. "What're you doing?"
Jaymes's characteristic smile answered me a moment before he did.
"Trust me," He beamed before turning his attention back to the trio in the courtyard. "After all," He called out continuing. "It's not like you actually acted like you really wanted her around before!"
"Hey!" Solo called out. "He never said that!" He protested before muttering a quiet comment to Luke that my Force-enhanced hearing managed to pick up. "You never said that, did you?"
"Of course not," Luke replied just as quietly his voice filled with affront.
"He never said anything like that!" Solo declared at normal volume now. "Of course he wants her around!"
"Well then he's just going to have to prove it, isn't he?" Jaymes responded. "It's really only fair because he was the one that told her she wasn't good enough, now isn't he?"
Why was it that Luke seemed to be just as confused as myself?
"Oh now I know he never said anything like that!" Solo called up to us. "Come on buddy, it was just a misunderstanding and- and he even apologized for it! Give the guy a break here!"
"Oh, she'll give him a break," Jaymes replied. "Which limb would he prefer?"
"Oh, why doesn't she just rip out his heart while she's at it?" Solo demanded. "What's he gotta do-"
"-Ah, Han?-"
"-Walk on water for crying out loud?-"
"-Han-"
"-I mean, what's a guy gotta do to get a little-"
"-Han!" Luke finally exclaimed laying a hand on his brother-in-law's arm to restrain him.
Suddenly coming to himself the former smuggler regarded his brother-in-law for a silent moment.
"Sorry," Came the sheepish response.
After a momentary pause, Luke looked back up towards us his manner growing grim and determined.
"Alright Mr. Greystar," Luke declared for some reason raising his voice to carry just like the rest of them. "You have proven your point. What do you want?"
"What do you think, K'Shonan?" He asked back. "It's Life or Death, Skywalker. That's the way things like this work, isn't it?" He asked further. "You either want her without condition or restraint or… You don't," He informed him. "In other words, it's high time you quite breaking her hearts with these games!"
"This is anything but a game, Greystar," Luke told Jaymes right back. "As my student, her protection is my responsibility!"
"That may be well and good," Jaymes called back. "But that doesn't warm a cold bed in the dead of night!"
"Jaymes Greystar!" I exclaimed blushing.
"What?" He asked me perplexed. "It's what you want, isn't it?"
"Oh now, that is none of your business!" I heard myself exclaim not even trying not to sound like an imperial debutante any longer as I pulled my robe closer about me.
"Trust me," He smiled before turning his attention back to the trio.
"Look, the point is that you know what she wants," He called to them. "The question here is what in the name of the Fates do you want, Skywalker?" He pointed out. "Because, honestly? You sure as the sun sets don't act like you want her.
"In fact? Everything you have done up until now has proven to her that you think she's scum that isn't even good enough to lick your boots!
"So," He continued. "What do you want to do, Skywalker?" He asked. "Are you going to finally leave her to at long last heal from the kick in the teeth you gave her? Or, are you going to actually stop stomping her into the ground with your indecision and do something?"
Silence once again filled the courtyard and for once in my life, I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. T'lack, I couldn't even think. I could only stand looking down through the window as I heard these words echoing throughout my mind over and over again.
And during this all, throughout it all, Luke and the others just looked up regarding Jaymes. Never moving, never saying a word, Luke regarded him, his expression one of thoughtfulness.
"Mr. Greystar?" He said finally his voice carrying through the Force at long last. "I believe we need to converse."
Grimness filling his features, Jaymes nodded.
"It's about damned time," He declared before straightening. "Well, little sister?" He commented to me. "Shall we?"