Chapter 24 – One Mind

"C'mon Jake, our plan is good, you're just mad that you don't get to sit outside her window!" Quil was tormenting Jacob again. Stupid Quil. I'd show him, later. He wouldn't even see it coming. But I would sort out his attitude. And Jake was being pathetic. Always sitting around slumped over chairs with his fat head in his hands.

Sam was sympathetic but what did Sam know?

Sam was nothing but an excuse for a wolf, I knew I was not any better, but Sam, he was pathetic. All of them the same. I watched all of this stupid shit happen and now look at me stuck in the middle of it. Protecting the one they all dissed not so recently. Were they two-faced or what?

But me, being the freak wolf, had to just grin and bear it. I didn't do that too well all of the time, but hey, life was tough. If big wolves couldn't handle me, nobody could. One big wolf could though; he only had to say the words, stupid Alpha. Ruined my life once and now again when I became the object of history, he ruined it again. Making me live like him, making me feel like him every day. I thought I would crack up at first. I just became bitter.

Poor Jake, though. Jake was stuck in a rut. Has been for a few months now. I came back after that night the stupid dinner was on, and there he was. I remember as if it were yesterday. I may not care about him but he did look a serious mess.

He fell onto Sam's porch, naked. All that could be heard from him was his breathing which was heavy and rough. Two of the guys lifted him and put him sitting inside. Sam handed him a pair of sweats but he just held them, just sat there, left them hanging from his clenched fist. It was worse that he was doing nothing because everyone could see. He could have just sucked it up like I had to and shown a brave face. Making all of us see him like that. His eyes were wide and shocked-looking. They swivelled around at all of us, as if we would help him escape his frozen state. And he was in some state. I don't think his head could cope with it. But then it all started. It all started when I realised my brothers were two-faced liars. As soon as Jake started to get up again, Embry pushed him down. Quil started yapping about Bella Swan being stupid and careless. And they all joined in. None of them standing up for her at all; it was seriously cruel. Sick. Yeah, that's a good word, it was sick. Less than 24 hours before she had been there and they had all understood her, or pretended they did. I couldn't wait to phase with them that day and give them hell for it. I didn't like Bella Swan but everyone deserved a chance where they had been promised one. Someone could promise you forever and still not mean it, but you had to give them a chance. I didn't give a fuck if the guys were mad at her; she still deserved to explain to Jake herself. He would feel better for it. So of course, Sam sent Quil, Embry and I out for the patrol until 3AM. Of course I got stuck with tweedlededum and tweedlededee. Assholes. Quil would hear it from me about his stupid comment earlier. I took off my clothes behind a bush, it's not like they haven't seen it before anyway. And I phased. I was angry enough to do it on the fly like Sam or Jake. I followed them both into the trees and ran. I had always been the fastest runner from the whole pack. Nobody could catch me. This was my only positive on the whole thing. I pushed my paws forward, trying to focus my mind so I could hear the others' thoughts. Quil's obnoxious voice started off first. Stupid girl, did you see the state of Jacob? What the hell was she thinking? Is she just out to get him now? Ugh. This boy was stupid. After all that he had been told the night before, he still thought it was Bella's fault. I knew it was, but not entirely. She wanted a chance to speak with Jake on her own, but they had made sure that Jake wouldn't even want that. Guys, concentrate on the run. Come on, it's not that long ago we were plagued with leeches… Embry was always a voice of reason. He didn't show any feeling about the whole Jake – Bella situation. This was almost just as bad as Quil running his mouth. Who did that boy think he was anyway? Shut up, Leah. Nobody asked you, you wouldn't understand. I wouldn't understand. Yes, that's what he said to me.

Thinking back on it now, I probably reacted badly to that. I put the two of them through the agony of first finding out about Sam and Emily. I put them through the agony of telling people I was no longer engaged. I made them see I understood perfectly. I was the only one who knew how Jake was feeling, because he thought Bella had chosen a leech over him. I had run after that. I had kept on running, way past our borders. I just needed to let it go, I didn't need to be around that. I didn't need to relive all of that.

I had gone home the next day, but I didn't go to Sam and Emily's house. I went to my own house. Back to Mom and Dad. I was sick of spending all day in the forest. And I knew Jake would have to phase soon and I definitely didn't want to be in his sorry mind right now. But Mom was delighted when I went home, because Dad hadn't been doing so well. There was no helping him though, the old man was stubborn.

I stayed home for a couple of days before Sam showed up; to make sure I was okay. Even Seth hadn't been able to get me out of my room. He stood at my front door, looking all sorry. His eyes were tortured. I remembered how he had been. When he had been mine. I had to stop myself thinking of these things. I knew Sam hadn't chosen his fate, but he was still an asshole for leaving me. He stared at me tortured before he lowered himself to his knees. This was the sick part now.

"Lee, i know it's harder for you to be around him, but please, Lee, come back to us. We all miss you so much, please. Promise me you'll come back." The asshole thought by him looking all sorry like that it would make me come back to his house. What a dick. I stormed out past him and tore straight to Emily Young's house. Not to see her, but to see the pack. I thought that they might need a piece of my mind.

When I arrived, there he was, still sitting there. Jake. What kind of a sucker was he?

"That's it. Come on, Jake. Outside. Now. You're walking with me." Jake just obeyed me, and I felt a twinge of guilt for being so hard on him, but I hid it. I was Queen Bitch so I had to hold up my reputation. As much as I loved my brothers, I hated them at times. There was no fight from Jake when we reached the edge of the forest and he just transformed, tearing all of his clothes. So I ran around a tree and did the same – while not tearing my own. Ah, his mind was quiet.

Jake, I know this is hard for you. I know exactly how you feel, remember? But I'll always be here if you want to talk to me about it. Even if you just need to vent it all. I promise I won't be mean or horrible or be my bitchy self about it, okay?

I thought I did a great job at being gentle with him; I hadn't been for so long. But it took a few minutes for my reply. His mind was so blank it was scary.

I know Leah. I'm sorry. I thought I'd be okay when the guys told me she didn't choose me. I thought I'd be angry. But I wasn't. How can I be mad at her? I didn't even go to protect her that night. I had to stay home and mind the old folks…

Ah, stupid Jake. He had to stay home that night because if a leech had caught whiff that he and Swan were together, it would have been the end of us all. I let him hear that too. And Jake, she did choose you. She just did some stupid things. Everyone makes mistakes. But Bella had the choice Jake, and she chose it right, she just didn't play it out well. Don't listen to the guys; they're just mad to see you so broken.

For the first time his mind started making noise, there were scenes playing out, and thoughts whirring around. It was comforting to know. He was a little happy to hear me say that she had chosen him though. And with that Jake ran back to the house.

I followed a few minutes later, after drying my human eyes. I hated this, remembering all of the things I had to deal with on my own. Nobody had comforted me then, why should anyone comfort him? It wasn't fair.

After entering the house, Sam gave me that pat on the shoulder to say I had done a good job. Jake was actually sitting at the kitchen table being fed by Emily. The guys had all had their lunch but Jake hadn't been eating right at all. It was good to know I had at least given him his appetite back. I knew if you didn't eat like a wolf, it was torture to phase. When I had first found out, I didn't know why I was so hungry all of the time, as I didn't spend much time at Emily's. but soon enough I realised I couldn't be the wolf if I didn't eat enough, I had to have enough calories in me to burn when my body burst open.

Emily smiled slightly at me, and I returned it. I knew it wasn't Emily's fault that Sam had imprinted on her, the stupid bastard. She had always been my favourite cousin, even if she was a bit younger than me. When she came around, we used to be great together. But she is the only other wolf girl that I could talk to. And she didn't understand how I was feeling, but it was okay because she listened and she shut up when she knew I wanted her to.

But now, there were a few wolf-girls. Jared had imprinted in the two months following. And it was all good for him because he had been crazy about this girl Kim, and as soon as he actually locked eyes with her, it happened. Now it was hard to phase with him because all he thought about was her, and how much he loved her. And Quil. Quil the stupid fuck, he imprinted on a baby girl. Claire, she was a friend of Emily's daughter. Quil just had to do the odd thing. So now he was stuck being a babysitter for like seventeen years, until she was old enough to realise she loved him back. but that was nice, that girl Claire, she would always have her life set out before her, no heartache and no hurt because he had to look after her. Embry had been trying to date, everyone thinks he was trying to imprint. But nobody told him we thought that. Brady imprinted on some random high school girl, and she was a bit of a dope, if I had to be honest. But she meant well and Brady was so likeable when he was around her, not his usual insufferable self. And Colin was heartbroken, as Brady no longer wanted to wrestle all of the time. So now Colin was insufferable.

But it was Paul who took the cake, and ate it. He only went and imprinted on Jacob's sister Rachel. Jake had been so mad. He had dragged Paul by his sorry tail into the forest and beat him. I would do that to whatever girl made Seth imprint too. Because he was my baby brother and I had to look out for him.

Sometimes I wish I could imprint. Stupid Quileute and their stupid legends. I was now nothing but a dead end. My genes would never be imprinted upon this earth because I was a sorry excuse for a wolf. I was fast but I was not as strong nor as level headed as the rest, even Paul. I was a mistake of nature and a freak. The only one of my kind, and the only one there would ever be.

So, just last night, Bella turned up. With Jake carrying her. And he looked like he was a man tortured.

He had been doing okay these last two months. After he started eating again, he didn't really talk about it much. And I had been so mad at all of the guys; they never said anything more about Bella. But Emily and Sam had been keeping her away because if I knew Swan I knew she would have been straight over here to get back with Jake.

Paul started off speaking. And Jared. Who were they to criticize? Paul had been like really good friends with Swan and now he was dissing her in front of everyone. But the smell emanating off of her was cruel. It burned like bleach in my nostrils and made my image blur around the sides. Everyone was shuddering on the spot when we smelt her. Even I at that moment had assumed she went back to the leech. But Seth woke us all up. It wasn't a scent we knew. It wasn't even one of the weirdo's that had come with the red haired psycho for Bella.

But Sam started being all Alpha on her and she left. I would have too, but I knew she wanted her own space. So I blocked the door and told them all to leave her be for a few hours. Well, by all I mean Jake, Paul and Sam. Emily was already gone to bed; she had been tired these last few days. Judging by the smell off of her, puppies were coming. Ha. Great.

Jake ran off then, I assumed he would follow Bella, but I later found out he didn't. He only went for a run to clear his head.

Sam gave us the orders then. We were to follow her to school, to the store, to her house and wherever else she went. If she was being tailed by a bloodsucker right underneath our snouts, we would find it. Jake came back and groaned when Sam told him his part in the patrols. He was to keep an eye over the Rez. Poor Jake. Always stuck with the patrols on the Rez because he couldn't see clearly with her gone. And if he had been patrolling by her house we all assumed he would be inside it as quick as he could get in there.

"Fuck you, Leah. I'm only having some fun with him." Quil bit back at me. I would definitely show him later.

"Yeah, we all heard you think that after you saw me naked…"

And the room erupted into peals of laughter. I was happy when I saw Quil's red cheeks and his huff of anger. Jake was the only one silent now. We were all preparing to go and mind Bella. As much as I didn't like the girl, I really felt for her. None of the assholes had followed after I said it would be okay to last night. The pricks had actually been scared shitless. All of them making up excuses. I could understand Jake, he didn't know any better yet. But the other fools. No. Nothing, and they were my brothers, but god did I hate them right now. They were being complete little shits about the whole thing. It was easy to see they never grew up. They were like the lost boys. I was tempted to follow Bella last night, and tell her how proud I was of her, standing her ground and walking away with her head in the air. But I didn't. Because that would be meddling. But right now, Paul was sitting outside her window and should be home soon to leave Quil go.

Paul came back a few minutes early. He looked around the room like he was going to faint, and told us no sign of a leech. But something was worse. He looked pointedly at Jake before Sam nodded at him.

"Bella's moving."

And the chaos erupted.

Jake started to panic, thinking out loud. Saying he should have gone after her and kissed her again and everything would have been better. Jared grabbed his shoulder and pushed him back down into his seat. Quil and Embry were growling lightly, probably thinking this had something to do with a leech or seven that we knew.

"Calm down. Everyone, calm down. Come on, Paul tell us more about this would ya?" Sam spoke over everyone. He never raised his voice yet we seemed to all automatically shut up when he opened his mouth.

But still we all stayed up until the early hours of the morning trying to decide how to keep Bella here. How to get her back into being friends with us again. And how to get her into Jake's arms before he split in two with the pain. We didn't know when she was leaving, or how long she was leaving for. Paul only heard Charlie speaking about going to miss Bella when she left for Florida.

But the next day we realised she was gone. Sam shouldn't have let up on the patrols. We thought we had a long time. We left it off for that one night, and just had Colin watch the Rez. But no, she had been gone in the morning. Before Quil had gotten there for his watch. He came back whining and moaning. And we all knew.

But Jake couldn't understand.

We could have done so much more to keep her. We should have went at that moment last night and found her. We all regretted so much but the most was how we had treated Bella. And even Emily admitted she had been horrible to her, she had been tough with her and cruel. But now all we could do was hope and wait for some sign that she was returning. Because this guilt would drive us all crazy.

Even Queen Bitch here.