…you're drowning…
"There you are; I've been looking for you," Angela says, approaching me in the school library Wednesday afternoon. She takes a seat next to me, pulling out her bagged lunch. I don't look away from the paper I'm typing as I greet her. "So, I was wondering, do you wanna come over tonight?"
I look away from my screen. "I can't. I'm so behind on homework it's ridiculous."
"What? Bella Swan doesn't get behind," she comments, taking a bite of her sandwich. Someone shushes her from behind the book stacks. She raises a middle finger in the direction of the voice, though I doubt they can see her. I giggle at her antics.
"Well, I've been hanging with Edward on the weekends," I tell her. I've also been hanging out with him on weekdays too, but I leave that part out.
"You and Edward seem to be getting close," Angela says, raising a brow. I return back to my paper, but feel the blood rush to my cheeks. I can't help of think just how close we got last time we were together. I remember him hovering above my half naked body, the setting sun slowly seeping out of his room.
"We're, um, yeah," I mumble, trying to bring my focus back on the paper.
"Well, do you wanna hang this weekend then?" she asks, and I feel guilty having to deny her a second time.
"I can't. I have plans with Edward," I tell her, and she rolls her eyes.
"So cancel. We can have a girls day."
"I can't," I mumble, unsure how to tell her that it isn't that simple. How do I tell her I fear one canceled weekend can lead to all future weekends being canceled? I can't, because I know how stupid and pathetic it sounds, and I don't need my best friend to confirm my fears.
"I would cancel on Ben for you," she reminds me.
"Yeah, but it wasn't exactly like you and Ben we're going public," I snap and wish I hadn't. Ben is still a sore spot for Angela, having been her first relationship. It had turned out that Ben had been solely using Angela to get his too strict parents off his back and to get over his ex.
"Well, at least Ben and I had a relationship. I wasn't stuck in some weird limbo," she snaps back.
I turn toward her.
"You don't know anything about my relationship with Edward!"
"I know that you don't actually have one! Edward doesn't do relationships, Bella. He's playing you, and you're all too willing to be a pawn in his game." Her words feel like a hard slap against my cheek.
"You're just jealous I'm not stuck at home every weekend like you," I hiss, and the words rid me of my anger in an instant. I want to pull them back and tuck them away, but they've already escaped. Angela doesn't say anything. She begins to pack her lunch in the tense silence that follows my lash out. When she gets up, I find my voice. "Wait, Ang. I'm sorry."
"No, if that's how you really feel, fine." She pushes in her chair and begins to walk way.
"Ang!" I call, hoping there's a way to fix this. She turns back.
"You know what, Bella, you're wrong. I'm not jealous. Because all that's waiting for you when this is over is heartbreak. Who would envy that?" And with that she storms out the library.
I drop my head in my hands and wonder how I've made such a mess of things.