Exhaustion came over me like a blanket, and as I looked down at Dixie, I wondered if I'd even be able to stand up. The night spent away in town, fighting for our lives, saving Randall, and then finding Railey... It had been a tiring adventure, though adventure was far from the ordeal we had gone through. Now we were suffering the consequences of Rick's actions, the group all in a state of panic on what to do about Randall. Saving him seemed like the most human thing to do, but honestly, killing him also made just as much sense.
As much as I hated to be anywhere near being on the same page as Shane... Killing Randall made a whole lot of sense, really. Sure, his people left him for dead. But we didn't know him. Who was he? And not just his name. What kind of person was he? He could easily be putting on a show for us, or he could be showing his true self, being sincere. Still, was his life worth the risk?
Dunno... Don't care.. I thought flatly, trying to make my brain stop. I just wanted to be blank, be numb. I didn't want to feel a thing, I just wanted everything inside of me to stop hurting so much. So badly, I wished for my heart to just harden like ice. To just forget everything about Daryl and my old life. I hated seeing him looking at me like I was an emotional burden. I hated seeing memories of us, of Merle. Of my mother.
It just needed to stop. This world even worth livin' in? I wondered, standing from the steps. I started to walk away, but stopped, turning back to Dixie. "Yer such a good girl."
"Evelyn!" Railey's voice hit my ears, and I turned to see her walking towards me. "What are they gonna do with Randall?"
"Dunno." I yawned, starting toward my tent. "Rick said we'll talk 'bout it later."
"Never told me what happened to your face." Railey pressed, and I stopped at my tent, opening the flap.
"Look Railey, I'm exhausted, aight? We'll talk later, swear. Jus' need some rest.." I yawned again, just wanting to curl up in my sleeping bag.
"'Kay, get ya some rest." She looked at me with a serious face. "Ya need it, Evelyn. Look like shit."
"Feel like it." I faked a light laugh, and she smiled.
"When ya wake up, find me." She said, turning away.
"Will do!" I called after her, plopping down onto my sleeping bag. I could barely keep my eyes open, and when I closed them, it wasn't long before I was enveloped in darkness.
I was sitting out by the pond, letter in hand. The words on the paper in front of me should have been one of the most exciting things I had ever read. Instead, they just made me sick, and I wanted to rip the letter up. Throw it into the lake, and never look at it again. I skimmed over it again, knowing that my dad would be asking if I got a letter yet. What'm I s'posed to tell 'em?
'Dear Ms. Katie-Evelyn Callaghan:
We are proud to announce your acceptance into our ballet program. We are looking forward to having such an advanced student in our school. We have reviewed your tape, and are looking forward to working with you. Sign up starts August the 15th, and classes will be starting the 26th. Congratulations, your hard work has paid off!
Juilliard School'
Along with the letter were packets and pamphlets of papers. Information and a mini student handbook for new students. I hadn't even looked at anything, I couldn't stomach the sight of it all. The only thing I kept staring at was the letter that was telling me I was accepted. And if my father knew about that letter, it would end everything. My life here would be no more, he'd have me on the next flight out to New York.
Yes, that used to be my dream. But that was when I was just a kid. I had loved dance, ballet, since I was very small. However, the older I got, the better I got. It became an out. An out of this town. Daddy knew that, and he wanted me to take it. Take it and leave, never look back. He always told me that this town was not what I wanted, that there was so much more to life than here.
Now, I didn't want it. I even felt guilty for being accepted. That could have been someone else's letter, someone who worked just as hard as I did. There was nothing for me in New York. Everything I could ever want was here. In Georgia, where I belonged. With Daryl, because I didn't want to go away. I didn't want to be away from him. We belonged together, and now that I was pregnant...
"What ya doin' Katie-E?" Merle's voice made me jump, and I scrambled to snatch up all of the papers in my lap.
"Nothin'!" I yelped, but he was already plopping down beside me.
"What's that?" He asked, grabbing the letter before I had time to argue.
"Merle!" I growled, but I didn't try to snatch it back. There was no use, he'd already seen it.
"Damn, girly... Big ol' New York wants ya at their school. Guess all that 'twirlin' an' jumpin' 'round paid off in the end, huh?" He teased, but I wasn't in the mood.
"Ain't goin'." I said casually, and Merle's grin faded, as he looked over at me.
"Huh?" He handed me the letter back and I grabbed the top of the paper with both hands.
"Said I ain't goin'!" Pulling the paper, I ripped the letter into two pieces.
"Tommy don't know 'bout it, does he?" He asked, his face glimmering slightly with shock at what I had done.
"Nope, ain't tellin' 'em either. By the time he finds out, deadline'll be over an' done with, ain't gonna have time to quick fix nothin'. I'll be free to stay here." I shoved the ripped paper back into the envelope.
"Better burn that shit, girl." Merle warned. "All this trouble for my baby bro? He got ya all wrapped up, huh?"
"I love 'em." I shrugged. "Not too hard to understand, right?"
"Guess not." He agreed. "Still... Sure this's what ya want? Yer so young, smart kid, too."
"That's what I'm sick of! Everybody treats me like I'm damn twelve! 'Cept for Daryl an' Mama... An' you, mostly.. Jus' wanna make my own choices for once! Sick of Daddy thinkin' he can run my life. It's my damn life! If I wanna stay here, what's so wrong with that?" I huffed, turning to look at him.
"Maybe 'cause Tommy sees this place for what it is. Shit hole town with no good to come from it. Ain't got real opportunities here. 'Less ya lucky like ya Daddy an' gotta farm." Merle looked around. "Wanna be takin' care of this place when he dies? 'Cause ya stay, he's prolly gonna hand it down to ya. Or write ya outta his will, either one."
"Don't care. Sure, I'd take it without a second thought. But if he wants to play hard ball, I'll go to bat. Daryl an' I can make our own farm." I grinned. "Anyways, we need to git our own place. Maybe Daddy'll let us keep the cabin house for'a while."
"Thinkin' 'head quick, ain't ya?" He asked, smirking. I could see so much of him in Daryl...
"Gotta.. When Daddy find outs 'bout the-everything, he's gonna be pissed." I sighed.
"Yea, he will be... The everything?" Merle looked at me, narrowing his eyes. "What's what mean?"
"Uh... Well, I mean, jus' me not goin' to New York. Ya know? He ain't gonna be happy." I was horrible at lying.
"Ya started to say somethin' else." He growled, and I looked out at the lake. "Spit it out, girl."
"I, uh.. I'm pregnant." I said, my voice tiny.
"Jesus, Katie-E! Ya tryin' to git my baby brother killed?" Merle glared at me, and I tried not to laugh.
"Calm down, Dixon! I ain't that far 'long. Won't be showin' for a while. Got plenty of time to graduate, an' ignore any stupid letters that come in the mail... Jus' gotta hold out a lil' longer, an' we'll be good. All gonna work out, you'll see. It's gotta." I gave him a little smile.
"Daryl done gone an' fucked up.." Merle shook his head. "Gonna be a damn uncle... Katie-E, yer gonna git us both killed! Him for gettin' ya pregnant, an' who'd ya think they're gonna blame? Me!"
"Shuttup!" I hissed, as he was getting too loud. "Shuttup! Jus'... Calm the hell down! It's all gonna be fine, an' he's gonna be mad, but who cares? I'll be farther 'long by the time he finds out, he'll jus' hafta git used to the idea."
"Daryl know?" He asked, looking back out at the pond.
"Yea, he knows. Jus' told him yesterday when I found out for sure.. He's worried 'bout not bein' a good dad. Guess 'cause.." I trailed off, resting my chin on my knees.
"'Cause our ol' man." Merle glanced at me. "Daryl ain't nothin' like him."
"Ain't gotta tell me that, I know." I felt a light smile spread across my lips. "He's everything to me. So'er you, idiot."
"Yer the idiot. Two of ya, anyway. My baby brother done made him a baby.. Dunno how to feel 'bout it bein' with you, considerin' ya daddy's gonna be on a warpath when he finds out." Merle was picking at the grass around his boot.
"Everything's gonna work out, it's gotta.." I said quietly. "Ain't that what yer always sayin'? Jus' keep goin' forward through the fire. That's what Daryl an' I gotta do. Jus' walk over the coals, be like a walk in the park. Once the tough shit hits the fan, it'll be smooth sailin' from there."
"S'what you think." Merle snorted. "Think this's gonna be easy? It's gonna be hard, girl. Ain't nothin' 'bout growin' up easy, then ya add a baby in the mix.. Daryl an' you got ya work set out 'head of ya. But... I know y'all will do aight. The two of ya are like the damn waves an' sand. Can't have one without the other to make a good beach, now can ya?"
"Guess not, never thought of us like that." I giggled. "Guess we do make a good beach, huh?"
"Yer a good girl, Katie-E." Merle glanced over at me. "Don't ever let go of ya self, an' don't ever let my brother lose himself in this shit hole world."
"I won't. Swear."
I awoke with a start, not quite sure where I was. In ya tent, ya idiot! My mind screamed, and I sat up, looking around my dimly lit tent. It must have been morning, and I unzipped the flap, poking my head out. A small fire was glowing down by the camp area, and I saw what looked like Carol, sitting by the fire. She appeared to be cooking. Stretching my arms over my head, I felt numb to the cold morning, as I stood and stepped out of my tent.
"You're finally up." Carol said cheerfully, as I made my way towards the fire.
"Huh? How long I been out?" I asked, plopping down in a lawn chair.
"Two days." She said, stirring the eggs in the pan in front of her.
"What?" I nearly yelped the word, but I didn't feel the emotion behind it. "Two days?"
"Two days." Carol nodded. "We figured you needed the rest, you've been through a lot the last few days.. We all have."
"How's Beth?" I asked, remembering overhearing Lori saying she was still not very responsive.
"She's about the same, not really talking to anyone. She won't eat... Hershel's been trying to work with her, so has Maggie." Carol explained. "She's just gotta get over the shock of everything. She'll pull through. We all do."
"Yea.." I muttered, fiddling with my fingers. Rick and Lori came out of their tent, and T-Dog climbed down from the R.V., as the aroma of eggs filled the air.
"Eggs are ready!" Carol was smiling lightly, scooping servings onto plates. Feeling sick at the sight of the food, I crept away without a word. Back to my tent, I crawled inside and laid down on my sleeping bag. Pulling the covers over myself, I shivered at the cold running down my spine. Whining caught my attention, and I saw a shadow outside of my tent.
"Come on, then." I whispered, unzipping my tent flap. Dixie climbed inside the tent with me, snuggling up to my back. Even with her beside me, I felt chilled to the bone. Sitting up, I grabbed my bag. Digging through it, I found the little black box I had grabbed from the desk drawer in my old bedroom. The velvet covering was soft under my fingers, and the sight of the box caused a lump in my throat.
Running my fingers over the box softly, I could see those blue-green eyes so close to mine. The expression on his face showing nothing but love. Then, it was like blowing out a candle, and the image of his face was gone. Opening the box, I pulled out the small ring enclosed inside, and slipped it onto my ring finger. Where it belonged.
Laying back down, I put my hand to my chest, curling up in a ball. The ring hadn't been on my finger in years, but it felt as if I'd never taken it off. It gave me comfort, and my mind eased a bit, throwing me back into happier times. Back to the farm, back to my parents, back to the boys... Back to Daryl.
I felt at ease with the ring on my finger, it was like I was back where I wanted to be. But the realization that I would never be there again was strong in the air around me, Daryl reminding me every time I looked into his eyes. This world was not somewhere I wanted to be. I wanted to go. Go back to the way life was like before everything fell apart.
This really what I want? Run, run, run... What if, in the end, it all comes down to optin' out anyway? How long will the farm last? Can't keep runnin' forever.. The whole world's gone. Fort Bennin'. The military base's gone. What could possibly be left that'd help us? Nothin'.. Everything ya know, everyone ya love.. 'Ventually it'll all be gone anyway, right? What's the use o- Footsteps were coming towards my tent, and Dixie sat up, looking at the flap.
"Evelyn?" Rick's voice floated through my ears, and I wanted nothing more than for him to just go away. "Brought you some breakfast."
"Give it to Lori, ain't hungry." I called, snuggling deeper into my blanket. I was so cold, my teeth were chattering. It wasn't even that cold outside..
"You gotta eat somethin'." He said, waiting a moment for me to reply. I kept quiet. "You haven't ate anything in three days."
"Ain't hungry!" I called, a little louder this time.
"Okay.. Okay." I heard something gentle in his voice, and I relaxed a bit as he walked away. I didn't have the energy to argue or even get back out of the tent. All I wanted to do was sleep. I wasn't hungry, I was just tired. Tired.
"Why don't ya come an' git me then, huh, tough guy?" I called, grinning at Daryl.
"Oh, yer jus' askin' for it, now." He smirked, and I ran off toward the pond. His footsteps here thudding lightly behind me as he caught up to me quick. In a last ditch effort, I ran straight out into the water, diving below the surface. Swimming as fast as I could, kept forward, until my lungs forced me to surface. Taking a breath, I looked around for Daryl.
Suddenly, I felt myself being pulled down, and I took a breath quickly as I went under. The grasp on my leg was gone just as quick as it had been there, and I surfaced again. Daryl popped up about two feet away, a grin on his face. Wiping my face, I splashed at him. "JERK! Tryin'a drown me?"
"Naw, I let ya go didn't I?" He chuckled and I wrinkled my nose in disgust.
"Such'a jerk." I muttered.
"Ya asked for it." He argued playfully, as he swam over to me.
"Almost gotta 'way." I teased, a sly grin coming over my face.
"Ya wish." Daryl snorted. "Way faster 'an you."
"Pshh, please." I rolled my eyes. "Maybe so, but I got skills."
"Skills?" He started laughing.
"What'er you laughin' at?" I lurched forward, planting my palms on his shoulders. "I'm smaller 'an you. Can git away when I'm in the right places."
"Still catch ya, 'ventually." Daryl smirked again, his hands on my hips.
"Yea, yea." I looked over at the trees. "Look at that, would ya?"
"You an' them sunsets.." Daryl shook his head slightly.
"Daryl?" I looked back at him, my face curious.
"Hn?"
"If you could go anywhere, where'd ya go?" I asked.
"Ocean, far 'way from here. Maybe an island or somethin'." He said, looking out at the sun setting behind the trees. The pond water was cool, the evening still warm from the hot day.
"Would ya take me?" I asked casually, looking him in the eyes when he turned back to me.
"'Course. If ya wanned to come." Daryl said softly.
"Anywhere I'd follow you." I whispered, leaning down to kiss him. He kissed me back, his hands running up my back. I still had my hands on his shoulders, and in that moment, he was the only thing keeping me afloat as we kissed. He pulled me closer, his stubble prickling my face, as he kissed me harder..
Sitting up, I looked around the tent. Everything was bright, and I just wanted to turn off the lights and go back to wherever I had been. Rubbing my eyes, I laid back down, my mind drifting back to the dream I had been in. Remembering that day made me sad, because it had been such a wonderful evening.. And it had turned into a sad, sad memory.
I just didn't get it. If Dad made 'em break up with me, an' he said he never stopped lovin' me or carin'... Why don't he now? What happened after I left that jus' wiped it all 'way for him? 'Cause I dunno how to do that, I've tried. I'm tired of tryin'. Tired of everything. Jus' wanna sleep. Jus' wanna go.. Far 'way from this place.. Jus' go..
"Evelyn? Hey, you up?" Railey unzipped the flap on my tent. "Evelyn!"
"What?" I snapped, lifting my head.
"Lori's makin' you lunch." She replied flatly, sitting down by the tent opening.
"Can't ya shut that thing?" I growled, rolling back over onto my side. "Too bright.."
"You need some sun." Railey said surely. "What's goin' on with you, anyway? Never told me what happened to your face either. Been sleepin' for days.."
"Shane." I mumbled, not looking up.
"Shane? Well, what 'bout 'em?" She pressed, and I sighed loudly.
"Elbowed me in the face. It's really a long story, an' I jus' don't wanna talk 'bout it." I said, closing my eyes.
"What do you wanna talk 'bout, hm? 'Cause ya ain't been talkin' at all. I don't know these people, Evelyn. All I know is you, an' your in here hidin' away from everybody. What's goin' on?" Railey asked, and I knew she wasn't going to leave me alone without assurance that I was okay.
"I'm fine, Railey." I tried to speak softly. "Jus' tired, been a long couple of days.. Jus' need rest."
"Two days later, an' ya still that exhausted? Maybe you're sick or somethin'.." She sounded worried.
"Ain't sick." I sat up, looking at her. "M'fine, really. I jus' need some time, that's all... Time to work through some stuff, gotta work through it 'lone. Figure it out on my own."
"All right, then.." She stood up and stepped out of the tent. "You're sure?"
"I'm good." I nodded.
"'Kay, then.. Check on ya later?" She asked, and I nodded again, before laying back down. Reaching by my pillow, I took my handgun from my bag, and turned it over in my hands. The metal was cold, like the inside of myself. Still sitting up, I spun the chamber, watching the bullets inside spin. Spin, spin, spin...
Okay so Evelyn is obviously having a hard time dealing with all of the baggage.. Hopefully something will come along and get her mind off of Daryl for a while. He needs to step it up !
Thanks again for all the patience you guys have had with me on updating so SLOW. I feel awful about it.
Don't forget to find me on twitter ! This whole week I am going to be taking in Questions from my readers ! Tweet me your questions, or message me them so I can get your Fanfic screen name ! I will answer them on twitter by next Friday or Saturday, so that gives it a week ! Ask away yall !
And as always, thank you so much for the amazing support on this story. Every Read/Review/Favorite/Follow is amazing ! Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU !
~Kaila G.