A/N: A saddie, (I know, not a word) but a goodie. Here's the next installment. Enjoy!
"Hey, honey."
Renesa's ears perked up at the greeting. She immediately pushed off the wall with the bottom of her foot, rushing straight to Stephanie and flinging both arms around her neck. Stephanie brushed Renesa's hair aside and rubbed her back in soothing circles, pressing her eyes shut as she soaked in all the love and warmth that radiated from Renesa. Still, this wasn't how her vacation was supposed to end; it was intended to be a conclusion to one of the best weeks of her life.
Rhode Island, as a whole, had been like a little slice of heaven. Stephanie and Paul had spent most of their time hidden behind the cottage walls, in the bedroom, where they had reconnected over and over and over again. Their trip had been rapidly headed toward a close when Stephanie received a call from Renesa. She had grinned while picking up the phone, thinking Renesa would want the scoop on how she and Paul were getting along in Watch Hill, but was instead horrified to find out a true legend in their business, Dusty Rhodes, had passed away.
It wasn't a shock to Stephanie in the general sense, as she had known Dusty was ill for a long time, but Renesa, being a newcomer, wasn't as aware of those details. She had taken the news hard, having come into fairly close contact with Dusty during her time with the creative team — and even sporadically during childhood — and her tears had been easily detectable over the line as she shared with Stephanie that they wouldn't be seeing their old friend ever again. Stephanie often said Renesa's was the only soul more sensitive than hers. On this day, that belief was proven true.
Although her emotions were generally in check, Renesa remained shaken, even physically trembling in Stephanie's arms. Cupping the back of Renesa's head for a moment, Stephanie stroked her hair. "You have to calm down, Renny. You're okay. Just relax and breathe."
"I don't mean to be dramatic, because I realize my time with Dusty wasn't as extensive as other people's, but it's so eerie, being here without him and seeing everyone crying. So many people's hearts are broken, and mine is, too. He was always so nice to me, and he saw the most special parts of my personality," she shared. "When I was a kid, he would buy me candy and let me hang out with Cody whenever we both happened to be at a show. He also knew I was super self-conscious about being new to this company, and in creative meetings, he used to tell me I was his new girl on the block, but that he loved me and knew someday I'd fit right in with you. He'd put his arm around my shoulders and say, 'You're nothin' but a little Stephanie in the makin'. Other folks may not see it yet, but I do.' He believed in me."
"He was a special guy," Stephanie agreed, nodding her head.
"And when I look around, I see all these people who had similar, but unique, connections to him, and they're all so heartsick. It's difficult to watch."
"And it just makes you feel helpless that there's nothing you can really do, doesn't it?" Stephanie asked.
"Yeah," Renesa said, nodding against Stephanie's chest. She didn't dare raise her head, afraid that if she parted from her sister, her legs might give. Renesa wasn't interested in collapsing in front of her peers, so she held onto Stephanie for dear life; poor Stephanie, who always carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. "I just want to go home or something."
"No," Stephanie urged, "running away never helps. You have to stick this out with me. We'll do it together."
"Everyone is so sad, and it's rubbing off on me," Renesa shared. "Like, earlier, I had gone into catering and was doing okay, but then Renee came in with Dean, and she was sobbing. She was super close to Dusty, and she was so upset, Steph, so I just hugged her like you and I are hugging right now, and the whole top of my shirt was soaked from her tears when we finally pulled apart. I didn't even know what else to do. What do you say to somebody who just lost someone important?"
"Sometimes there isn't anything to say at all," Stephanie shrugged, still patting Renesa's hair down. "Sometimes the best thing you can do is offer a hug and a shoulder to cry on. I'll bet you helped Renee this morning way more than you even realized."
"I hope so."
"I'm sure of it," Stephanie said. She tugged away gently, forcing Renesa's head up so she could get a good look into her eyes for the first time that day. "Did you eat in catering earlier?"
"No. I just sat."
"Okay, well, you have to eat. We all do. Why don't you grab your coat and come out with me and Paul? We passed a little diner a short ways from here, so we can unwind, get some food, and come back together as a unit. We can do this, Renesa. We're strong."
"I know."
"Okay, then, come on."
Stephanie slipped her arm around Renesa's shoulders and led her away.
Seth was in reflective mode that Monday, lying perfectly still on his back, with his arms bent behind his head. He had stared at the ceiling until it became blurry, deciding then to close his eyes and soak in reality for what it was. Dusty had been a huge part of his career, both in creating his success and in ensuring his continuous progress. Seth was forever grateful for Dusty's advice and expertise, and he imagined not a single day would pass where he wouldn't think of Dusty in some way.
Not much in the mood for whatever was being cooked up in catering, he had avoided leaving his private locker room, instead, basking in the silence. It allowed him to mentally prepare for the show that night, even though he technically didn't have a match on the card. Most of his role would be using the gift of gab he had honed since birth, playing it up by cutting down the crowd in every manner possible. In spite of the day's sadness, Seth found his lips curling upward into a smile as he imagine the chorus of boos that would rain down upon him.
Then, like a roller coaster, he took another drastic turn, his smile morphing into a scowl. This time, Zahra was the culprit. When Renesa had left him behind in Texas, his heart couldn't stand it, so the next morning, he had called Zahra to break things off for good. Granted, a telephone call wasn't the best delivery method, but Seth hardly saw her in person anymore, and he didn't want to hold off even one more day. If Renesa needed him to be a completely free man before they could proceed as a couple, he was willing to do as she asked.
His ultimate fear, however, stemmed from realizing he may have missed a golden opportunity. Renesa's trust had been broken, and without that, he had nothing else to go off of, nothing to build with her. Seth cringed and draped his arm across his face, covering his eyes as he pined over her, this woman he hadn't even known anything about merely one year prior. Leave it to a McMahon to come in and steal his heart before he even knew it was happening.
"Ah, Renesa," he sighed to himself. "You're drivin' me crazy, girl."
Seth jumped when he was yanked right off his train of thought, a stern series of knocks sounding at the door. He pushed off the sofa and jogged across the room, turning the knob and smiling softly when he saw her waiting on the other side. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes heavy with loss, like she were a little girl in need of someone to hold her hand and guide the way. Without a word, Seth stepped back and opened the door wider, ushering her inside with the wave of a hand.
Only upon turning around did Seth realize his visitor had barely moved an inch, standing lost in the center of the room as he shut the door. Sighing, he rounded her stiff body and pulled her into a hug, kissing the crown of her head as she held him around the waist. "I'm sorry for coming here like this. I was with Dean earlier, but he has a ritual of going out for a run before each show, so he went, and I can't expect him to stick to me like glue all day anyways, but I just needed someone right now. Roman was busy, and most of the girls are out having lunch together."
"It's okay, Renee," Seth said, soothing her as best he could by stroking her back. Her wispy blond hair splayed itself out along the front of his shirt. "You're always welcome here, no explanations necessary. Where did the girls go for lunch?"
"I don't know. Somewhere nearby, but I didn't get the details."
"You should have gone. You have to eat."
"I know," Renee said, releasing a huffy breath. "I've just been so upset, and I'm horrified for Dustin and Cody. They were both so close to their dad, and I'm sure no matter how hard this is for me, it's ten billion times harder for them and the rest of the family. I hate that it had to end this way. I knew Dusty was sick, but I was so sure he'd pull through."
"We all were. Nobody was expecting this so soon."
"I'm just really upset."
"I know," Seth said, kissing her golden hair. "It's okay, bud. We'll all make it through somehow, like we always do."
"Yeah," she whispered, shuddering against his body.
Seth held Renee until the shaking lessened, encouraging her to take a walk with him, which served two purposes. Renee would be able to clear her mind if they were actively moving around, and they could also try to find Dean because, as much as Seth wanted to help, he wasn't skilled in taking care of other men's girlfriends. It wasn't his thing. As he led her down the hallway, chomping thoughtfully on a piece of chewing gum, he spotted her.
Renesa's shoulders were slumped, her arms crossed. Stephanie spoke vividly to Paul mere steps away, pointing to a stack of papers attached to a clipboard while Renesa stared at the floor tiles, looking uneasy and uncomfortable being there. While Renesa and Dusty had had semi-limited contact with one another, Seth was aware they truly connected when Renesa joined the writing team, and his heart went out to her for the loss. It wasn't about the length of time Renesa and Dusty had known each other; it was about the major impact he had managed to make on her life during said time period.
Eventually, Stephanie took notice of Renesa's lack of engagement in anything happening around her, and she reeled her in by the shoulders for a side hug. Renesa seemed to take comfort in that, dropping her head onto Stephanie's collarbone as Paul came up on Renesa's side and grabbed her free hand, patting the top of it with his palm. Seth continued his stroll with Renee, noting the exact moment when Renesa's head popped up and she spotted him. Her gaze pooled with instant recognition and desire, and the change in expressions was so abrupt that Paul turned around to follow her line of vision.
He nodded to Seth, but glanced back at Renesa, looking between the two of them a few times, like he had made some sort of connection without actually being told. Simply put, Paul was onto them, but Seth wasn't sure that mattered anymore, since he and Renesa were apparently no longer close to becoming a "thing". Paul's hazel eyes narrowed the slightest bit, but he said nothing, instead nodding softly while Stephanie spoke to him about a subject Seth was still too far away to overhear. Forcing himself to stare straight forward as they passed by, he led Renee out the doors and waited with her at the back of the arena until Dean rounded the building, around 10 minutes later.
His sweatpants flapped against his legs in the Ohio breeze, and sweat poured down the sides of his face and onto the hem of his shirt, soaking it through. He slowed to a stop and puckered up, stealing a brief kiss from Renee. "How you doin', baby?"
"Better," she said, motioning to Seth, "thanks to him."
Dean jutted his hand out to shake Seth's, but he waved him off, clapping his back instead. "It was nothing, man. You'd do it for me if the situation were reversed and my girl was upset. We're all family here."
"Thanks, bro. I've gotta shower so we can go grab some grub before the show, but, yeah, I appreciate you for what you did today," Dean complimented. "See you 'round?"
"You will. For sure," Seth said.
He pressed a gentle parting kiss to Renee's cheek and spun around, eyes widening when he found her waiting. Seeing Renesa outside the arena wasn't unusual, but the real mystery was in what she was waiting for. A friend, a taxi, a limo? Or was it him? If there was one thing he despised, it was the act of presumption, so he held his judgments for a moment, wanting to hear the truth straight from Renesa's mouth.
Her arms were still crossed, but this time she wore a more welcoming face as she stared him down, licking her lips tentatively the closer he came. When he checked behind him, Seth found that Dean and Renee were still canoodling on the walkway, and he was thankful for their distraction, not wanting them to question why him and Renesa were together so often. Everyone wanted answers, and Seth was ill-prepared to give them, barely knowing for himself which way was up or down. He came to a halt in front of her, eyes softening when he noticed the redness lining her eyes and the flush in her cheeks.
She had been crying.
"How are you, Ren?" Seth asked, as tenderly as possible.
She rubbed her nose with the back of her balled fist and looked out at the parking lot. "Do you have a car out there somewhere?"
"Um...yeah," Seth said, frowning. "Why?"
"I need somewhere private to talk to you."
"Look, Ren, it's a rough time right now. I am sorry for the way things left off with us, and I want nothing more than to make it right, but maybe now's not the time. You're clearly upset, and so am I. A lot of people are, because today's a really sad day, and I don't want to make you feel like we have to talk about us," he said. "Today is so much bigger than that. We'll make time to square everything out later, if that's cool with you."
"I just really need to do it now."
"Why now?"
"It's important," Renesa sniffed, rubbing at her nose again, this time with the side of her curled index finger. She broke eye contact, her hair whipping against her face in the breeze, and Seth melted when he caught a whiff of her perfume, the sugary notes making him want to kiss her all over again. He shook his head free and motioned to the building.
"It's probably more private in my locker room than the car, y'know, seeing as how people are constantly coming in and out of the parking lot."
"Yeah, but Paul and my sister will probably see me if I go into your locker room, and I don't want drama with them right now. I don't want drama ever. I just need to talk to you, Seth. Please."
"Yeah," he shrugged, scratching the back of his head, "sure. Follow me."
Renesa stepped off the curb and walked behind him, studying his rock hard body up and down as they cut through the lot, working their way around various vehicles: small, large, and in between. The drone of an airplane overhead brought Renesa out of her haze, and she looked up for a few seconds to catch sight of it, wishing she were headed somewhere else, too, far away from the sea of heartbreak she was met with every time she stepped foot in that solemn arena. Not much had changed since she and Seth had been apart, Renesa realized. He still arrived early and parked in the very back of the lot.
Seth opened the front passenger door and waved Renesa in, but she shook her head, opening the back door and climbing in there instead. Before he could object, she had shut herself inside. Arms hanging limply at his sides, Seth checked out their surroundings before rushing around the vehicle and opening the opposite door, joining Renesa in the backseat and shutting them inside together. What happened next he should have seen coming like a speeding train, but he hadn't, mostly because he assumed Renesa was too disheartened to try anything involving physical contact.
As it turned out, she was willing to make a move on him because she was upset. Emotional distress could lead people to do crazy things sometimes. She dove across the backseat, her lips pressing into his in a flash. Seth moaned and cupped her butt, massaging both cheeks as she held onto his neck for balance and writhed against his body in pleasure. Renesa sighed into his mouth and broke away from his lips for a moment, only to expose her neck so he could kiss her there.
Each time his mouth came down on her silky skin, she shuddered and let out a purr. Lost in the excitement, Seth played along, rubbing his hands all over her and leaving no patch of skin untouched by his lips. But then, the guilt rose up, because even as he held her in his hands, Seth knew this wasn't Renesa. This wasn't the woman he had met on her first day of work, nor was this the woman who had left him solo in San Antonio a couple weeks prior.
This woman he held was broken, scarred by the loss of someone near and dear, and he couldn't look himself in the mirror the next morning if he did something he knew she wouldn't have wanted, had she been of sound mind. A smack echoed in the car as he pulled his lips off of her, gingerly caressing the small of her back. "Hey, let's go back inside."
"Why?" she asked, petting his upper left thigh over his clothing. Seth gulped, blinking furiously as tiny sweat beads appeared along his brow. "You obviously don't want to stop."
Through gritted teeth, he said, "I don't. If I had my way, you would already be my girl, but this isn't right. This isn't fair, to me or to you. You wouldn't be out here with me like this if it weren't for what happened to Dusty. You're upset, confused, and hurt, and that's understandable, but you can't use sex to, like, cover up your grief or whatever you're trying to do. This isn't the way."
"Okay, Crossfit Jesus," she smirked, rolling her eyes. "I think you're taking the Jesus part of your nickname just a little too seriously. First you say no to sex, then you're going to be telling me the jeans I'm wearing are too tight and revealing and that I need to go change. Just quit it. You know you want this."
Renesa cupped his cheeks and leaned in, but Seth turned away sharply, locking onto her wrists and bringing her hands down. "Stop, Renesa!"
"You stop!" she countered. "You're being ridiculous!"
Renesa advanced on him once more, but Seth didn't respond, his lips lying dormant as she attempted to engage him in a kiss that never came. Grunting lowly, she managed to free one of her hands and yanked on Seth's ponytail to take control of him, but Seth grabbed her by the hips and dragged his legs inward, hoisting her off of his body altogether. When she landed on her side of the backseat alone, the gravity of her actions must have come crashing down on her, because her eyes filled with sheer horror. Hugging her arms around her body, Renesa turned sideways and stared out the rear window, not saying a word.
Seth bit down on his tongue and closed his eyes, picturing the most unsexy woman his mind could conjure up, all so the heat raging between his legs would stop blazing. When he felt himself shrink back down to size, he took a breath and checked on Renesa, who was still looking out the window in a daze. She jumped when he placed his hand down on her thigh. "You okay?"
"No," she muttered, and he could tell without seeing her face that she was crying again. Seth scooted closer and gathered her in his arms as best he could, holding her against his body. She lowered her head onto his chest and he massaged her scalp. Speaking through the tears, she added, "You probably won't even want to talk to me anymore after this. I bet you think I'm psychotic or something."
"Psychotic for what?" Seth asked. "For feeling normal human emotions? You're not a robot, woman. This is an upsetting time for a lot of people. If anything, the fact that you're reacting this strongly to Dusty's loss is a testament to how much he touched the lives of the people around him. That's what's really important, when it comes down to it. That's what matters; not all the trivial shit people worry about from day to day."
"I've been so empty inside today, and I guess I just wanted to feel something, so that's what I was trying to do by bringing you out here with me."
"That's normal. It's gloomy in there, I'll admit," Seth said, casting a darkened glance at the outside of the Quicken Loans Arena. Seth kissed her head, then resumed stroking her hair. "You mean a lot to me, Renesa, and I don't want to screw things up between us anymore than I already may have. I did break up with Zahra for real this time, and I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know if it was appropriate to bring up with everything that's going on today. I figured we'd talk later on, but I'm trying to be better for you so that maybe we can be together eventually. If we're going to do that, I want it to be right, and this," he motioned between them, "this isn't right."
"I know that now," she mumbled into his chest, still allowing herself to be held as she swiped at leftover tears.
"You already told me that when...if...we're ever together sexually, you want it to be special. You want it to mean something and be the right thing, and we both know the backseat of a car was never what you had in mind. If I had done what I wanted to do just now, we would have had sex, but you're important to me, and I knew this wasn't what you really wanted. This was just you acting out because you're hurting, and I couldn't let it go down like that. You know I want you more than anyone, Ren, but I want you when you're actually ready for me."
"I know."
"I couldn't live with myself if we had done this and you woke up the next morning regretting it. I'd just lose it if I made you feel that way. If I thought you were 100% ready, I would be all over it, but you're not even 10% ready right now."
"You're right."
"So, it's not a rejection of you. It's just a rejection of doing things the wrong way."
"Okay."
"We're in agreement, then?"
"Yeah."
"Good," Seth said, rubbing her back in circles and resting his chin on top of her head. "Hey, and just so you know, this doesn't change anything between us. I still love you. But not like l-o-v-e. More like l-u-v."
Renesa got a genuine laugh out of that one, wiping the remainder of tears away as she lifted her head. The sight of her smile warmed him from the inside out, like a sip of chicken noodle soup on a snowy winter night. "I l-u-v you, too."
Seth leaned in and pressed his lips to the center of her forehead, his mouth smacking against her as he pulled away. "I should get back inside. I have to start getting myself ready, and you have meetings to get to, I'm sure."
Raising her arm, Renesa glanced at her wristwatch and cringed. "I'm already a few minutes late."
"It's okay," Seth reassured. "They're probably more lenient today because of what people are going through. I'd imagine they'll even let some people opt-out of the meetings altogether if they're in really bad shape. Vince is a tough boss, but he's not heartless."
"Definitely not," Renesa agreed.
"Give me one more hug for the road," Seth requested. He held his arms out and she went to him, wrapping her own arms around his neck just as she had with Stephanie earlier. When they pulled apart, Seth encouraged her with a nod and wink. "You should go back first. I'll head in a few minutes after you get in there so we don't look too suspect to anybody."
"Okay," she said, reaching for the door handle and pausing. "But...I...will I see you again?"
With the softest eyes anyone had ever regarded her with, he answered, "Renesa, you can see me whenever you want to see me. I would never deny you, unless we're working or something, but aside from that, I always want you around."
"How about tonight?"
"Did you want me to just pick you up out here and we'll go from there?"
"Yeah."
"We can have some dinner and go back to the hotel to talk," Seth said, reaching up to cup her cheek. "How does that sound?"
"It sounds like exactly what I need."
Seth smiled warmly. "Good. You get back in there, and keep your head up, girl. It hurts right now, I know, but it'll get better. Just hang in there."
"I will," she promised. The back door creaked as she pushed it open, climbing out of the sedan and straightening her jeans. She ran her hands over her hair to make sure it wasn't too terribly out of place and bent down to look at Seth. "Thanks for everything today. You saved me from myself."
"No need to thank me. Try to have a good rest of your day."
"Okay."
"Bye, Renesa."
Still hunched over, her lips eased into a smile, and his heart soared when she next addressed him. "Bye, Colby."
Seth watched Renesa's retreating form the entire way, until she disappeared inside a door.
He grinned so hard it hurt.