Hey! We're so, so sorry that this chapter is so overdue! Things became very busy and chaotic for both of us, as there were a lot of college assignments that needed doing this month, plus Thanksgiving and all. We have about a dozen other very good excuses if you want them - though why you would, I'm not sure.
There are no warnings for this chapter.
Disclaimer: We don't own Supernatural.
"Safe and Sound" - Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars
He was sure he imagined it when Sam's hand twitched slightly on the hospital blanket. The movement was so small it could have just been a trick of the light or an oddly-timed blink.
But then it happened again.
His eyes widened, and he would have smiled if he still wasn't so worried. "Sam? You with me, dude?"
Bobby leaned forward in his seat on the other side of the bed, almost comically mirroring Dean. "Kid?"
The young hunter let out a low moan, turning his head to the side to try to escape the harsh glare of the fluorescent hospital lights. "D'nn…?" His eyes slowly started to open, then slammed shut again at the light.
"I got it," Bobby muttered, crossing the room and flipping the switch. The room was still reasonably lit from the broad window taking up almost a whole wall of the small room, but it was dim enough that Sam could open his eyes and take in the world around him.
"Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty," Dean teased, giving his brother's hand a gentle squeeze. He glanced over at Bobby, a mischievous light glinting in his eyes. "See? We wouldn't have had time to get done shaving 'm anyway."
It took a moment for Sam's mind to catch up with the most recent events, but it was obvious when it did. The long, relaxed lines of his body went taut with stress, and he tried to jerk upright. "D-Dean-?!"
"Whoa, easy, kid," Bobby chided, reaching out to grab Sam's shoulder and ease him back down to the bed. But Dean got there first, and Bobby pulled his hand away, taking the baseball cap from his head and twisting it- a habit he'd picked up over the years. "Slow down before you hurt yourself."
"Yeah, dude. 'S me," Dean confirmed with a small smile. "How you doing?"
Sam swallowed hard as he looked around the room, not answering the question. "Where am I?"
"Hospital," Dean answered, knowing full well that wasn't what Sam had meant. He chuckled lightly at his brother's bitchface. "In the real world."
The slightest relaxation. "...Everything's okay?" Sam asked, as if he were expecting it not to be true. And really, Dean couldn't blame him.
The older brother raised an eyebrow. "Well, 'everything' is a strong word. What the hell happened back there, dude?" You tell me, Sammy. Is everything okay?
"I… I don't… I don't know," Sam admitted quietly. "I-I'm sorry, I don't…"
Dean scrubbed a weary hand over his face. "Do you remember anything?"
He got a tired nod in response. "Not all of it, no, but… I generally knew what was going on. To a point." Dean didn't have to ask the follow-up question, Sam already knew. "He's out, if that's what you mean."
It was a good thing he'd been so vague. At just that moment, a nurse knocked on the door, smiling at the small family. "I'm sorry, sir," she said, now looking at Bobby, "but one of the forms you filled out looks like it's got a few gaps. Do you mind coming down to the desk and fixing it?"
Bobby gave a beleaguered sigh, standing and slapping his worn cap back on his head. "Balls… It's always with the forms, isn't it? No matter how much paperwork you make a guy do, there's always something wrong." He rumbled irritably as he cracked his back. "Fine, I'm coming." A calloused hand clapped Sam gently on the shoulder. "Good to hear your voice, boy."
Sam offered a wane smile in return as the nurse led Bobby from the room, then closed his eyes again, sinking back into his pillows.
Once Dean was sure the pair had passed earshot, he resumed his line of questioning. "But you got any idea how?"
The younger brother wearily forced his eyes open again, giving a slight shake of his head and wincing at the motion. "I just woke up, suddenly, and…" He grimaced as he tried to come up with the memory but kept falling short. "I'm sorry, honest."
At that, Dean wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry. "Sam?" He shook his head, closed his eyes, and then opened them as he pulled his brother into a tight embrace. "Shut up." He felt Sam nod into his shoulder and just pulled him closer, afraid if he let go his brother would vanish like smoke between his fingers. "That was the dumbest move you've ever pulled, you do know that, right?" he asked into his brother's long hair, not even caring that this could possibly go down in history as one of the biggest Winchester chick-flick moments ever recorded.
Sam snorted a soft laugh. "Not as dumb as selling your soul to bring me back to life."
"Dumber," Dean stated firmly.
"...Maybe."
Dean finally sighed, letting Sam go and holding him at arm's length as he lowered him back to the bed. "How're you feeling? You need any more painkillers? Water?"
Sam gave him a small, obviously forced smile. "Water would be nice. Thanks."
Water. That was something concrete he could get for his brother, some way to help. "Yeah, yeah, no problem," Dean said, grateful to have something real to do. He stood and made his way to the bubbler, quickly returning with a paper cone of cool water. "Here, drink slow, see if your stomach can take it first," he advised, helping Sam raise the cup to his lips with a trembling hand.
When it was clear that Sam was going to be able to keep the water down, Dean let him finish the cup, putting it to the side when he was done. He hated to continue to question his obviously wiped brother, but...
"So you don't remember anything from the Matrix?" Damn, he really was an awful big brother. But Sam seemed to understand the necessity of the questions, because though he sighed, he forced his eyes to stay open, forced coherent sentences out. A swell of pride formed in Dean's chest, but- again, not the time.
"I, um, I remember," Sam started slowly. "Not all of it, but… Whenever 'Jared' was having a headache, or directly after he woke up, I was awake. Sort of. It was like watching some stupid, twisted movie, just in first person."
Dean nodded his understanding. "So like possession. You were inside... just... watching. Not in control."
"Yeah, for some of it," Sam confirmed. "There are still these big blank spaces I can't really remember anything."
"You, ah... you remember Scott?"
As soon as he'd asked, he wished he hadn't. A dark look swept across Sam's face, although his brother tried to play it off casually. "Yeah, bit hard not to, considering." Dean wondered if Sam also remembered that Ruby had gone by 'Jess' in Lucifer's dream world, but he knew better than to bring that up.
"He was a good kid," Dean said quietly, looking away. I'm sorry, was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't quite make himself say it.
"Yeah," Sam agreed, a bitter note to his voice. "Always wanted to know what it was like to have a normal life. Guess I… guess I know now." He scowled. "Or at least Jared does."
Dean frowned at the hostility in his voice. Jared may not have been real, but… "Y'know, Jared was actually a pretty cool guy. I mean, despite the whole "locking me up in a mental hospital" thing."
"He was an idiot," Sam countered. "He almost got us all killed."
"He was a civilian forced into a nightmare," Dean corrected gently. "He was doing his best." When he saw that Sam still wasn't on board, Dean decided to make the conversation a little lighter. "And besides, he appreciated my music." He managed a goofy grin, despite the guilt that was rising in his chest at the subject. He'd ruined the man's life - even if some would say that Jared never had actually one.
"As I said," Sam grinned back, clearly relieved at the mood change. "Idiot."
In response, Dean -gently- threw a spare pillow at his head.
Sam tossed it back at him, rolling his eyes but still smiling. "That's immature."
"My music rocks!"
"Uh-huh."
Dean made a face at a memory. "He liked your gross health food."
Sam raised an eyebrow. "Nothing wrong with my 'gross' health food. And it's not like I'm going vegan or anything, I just don't eat triple bacon cheeseburgers three times a day."
"You eat salad. Rabbit food. You know what he tried to make me eat on waffles?" Dean waited for Sam to shrug before continuing. "Strawberries. Friggin "strawberries."
"Those are good on waffles," Sam told him with a laugh.
"Dude!" Dean exclaimed, pretending to reel back in horror.
"They are!"
"Least I got some decent syrup into Scott before we broke the hallucination world," Dean said in satisfaction. "Jared'd probably been forcing that crap at the poor kid for nine years."
Sam rolled his eyes. "And it would have been good for him too. It's called being a parent, Dean. You can't just feed a kid shit every day."
Dean snorted. "Yeah, good for him like a broken arm. I'm the best thing that ever happened to that ki-" he stopped short as he remembered what, exactly, his presence had done for Scott in the long run. "Well. Maybe not."
"He wasn't real," Sam said quietly after a short pause. "So it's not like it matters."
They both knew that was a lie.
Dean swallowed hard. "It was my fault, Sam," he whispered, finally saying what he'd been thinking for weeks. "I brought Alastair there. To Scott. To you. Scott... He was a copy of you, Sam. The kid you shoulda been if our lives hadn't gone to hell. And that's twice now I've lost that life for you." He closed his eyes, unable to meet Sam's.
His brother sighed. "Dean… You couldn't do anything to stop this. It was never real, just a trick. Like a djinn dream. You didn't lose anything, because there was nothing there to lose to begin with."
"Yeah, whatever, Sam," Dean sighed, shaking his head and standing to pace back and forth across the small room. "You don't get it. I saw you. I talked to you. I…" His voice broke. "You were happy."
Sam struggled to sit again. "Look at me, Dean." It took a moment, but at the tone in his voice, Dean slowly turned.
"What?" he sighed, pushing a hand through his short hair.
"You couldn't stop me from going down the road I did," Sam told him, quietly, calmly. "You couldn't have gotten me that perfect childhood. But you damn sure did the very best you could to make sure I got as close to it as possible." He gave a sad half-smile. "You know, you deserved that, too. A 'real life.' You still do, but… I guess things don't always work out the way we want them to." He shrugged a little as he met Dean's eyes. "There's no good blaming yourself for it when it was out of your control."
Dean sat down heavily. "Yeah. I know. I just... seeing Jared, the life he had… I remembered what I could never give you."
"But you've already given me way more than anyone else ever has, Dean," Sam protested. "You took care of me all those years we were growing up. You sacrificed any semblance of your own childhood to give me the most normal one you possibly could. And I know I don't thank you for it nearly enough, but.. you were always there for me." He smiled sadly. "You still are."
The chick flick moment had Dean swallowing a hard lump in his throat. "Yeah, well," he managed gruffly, deflecting the emotional scope of the moment. "Maybe you're right. I mean, I did change your diapers." He flashed a cheeky grin which only widened at Sam's groan.
"Jokes aside, though," he said, shaking his head, "we gotta figure out what all this means. I mean, we knew Lucifer was already out there screwing shit up for us, but now we gotta worry about Crowley, too?" He scoffed. "This is so above my pay grade, dude."
"You say that like we actually get paid," Sam said with a snort.
"And where're all the hot grateful chicks you're supposed to get for saving the world?" Dean complained jokingly. It was a conversation they'd had many times in the past, and its familiarity was a soothing balm on the strain of the past few weeks, and when Sam chuckled lightly it made a burst of warmth erupt in Dean's chest.
"Good to have you back, Sammy," he said softly. Sam tried to return the smile he offered, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Everything alright?"
Sam sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "Well, at least we know it'll work…"
Dean was lost. "What are you talking about?" he asked with a frown. "We know what'll work?"
"I took control in the dream, remember?" Sam looked Dean dead in the eye, face hard with determination. "I can take control again. Meaning my plan could work. Dean, we have a chance to get Lucifer back in the Cage."
No. "No, Sam," Dean practically growled. "We agreed that wasn't in the cards. It's not a damn debate."
"But it'll work," Sam insisted, his stupid defiance shining in his eyes. "And I'm the one who broke the final seal. This's a sacrifice I'm willing to make, and I'm the only one who can-"
Dean silenced his brother's stupidly logical arguments with a death glare. "Now hold up. We still don't know if it'd even work. Just cause it did in the dream doesn't mean it will in real life. And you won't have Cas helping this time, either. I ain't throwing away my brother's life on some stupid suicide run that might not even get the job finished."
"Dean… I have to," Sam said after a moment, looking away. "I-I'm the only reason Lucifer's out in the first place. I let Ruby…" He cleared his throat when he couldn't finish the sentence, the pain and guilt too fresh. "This is my mess. I'm going to clean it up."
"Well, in case you forgot, I'm the one that started all this," Dean countered. "In Hell, with the first seal. So if we're playing the blame game, pass the whiskey, cause there's plenty of guilt to go around."
"Yeah, you started it." Sam laughed darkly. "And I finished it, remember? You said it yourself."
"What're you talk-"
Dean stopped short as the memory hit him. In the dark of night, with Jared in control… He'd just been so friggin frustrated, so angry… "Sam…" he said quietly, knowing he couldn't take it back. "I didn't mean…"
Sam scoffed. "Yeah, you did. You only felt like you could say what you really thought because I wasn't there to hear it." But before Dean could protest, the accusing tone dropped from his voice, replaced by one so defeated it was somehow even worse. "And you were right. About all of it." Sam swallowed, but his voice was firm. "This is my fault, Dean. Don't try to tell me that it isn't because you feel bad for telling the truth. I messed up, and this is all on me. So it's on me to fix it."
Fuck. Out of all the things from the dream world Sam could've chosen to remember, out of the happiness and laughter and stupid cliche Lifetime Family Moments, he chose that? The most biting, angry words Dean had said to him in… he didn't know how long. But Dean had said them, and there was no apologizing or taking them back. He just had to move forward.
"Yeah, well, this isn't the way, Sam." He stared at his brother, unwilling to break eye contact, needing Sam to see that he was telling the truth. "It isn't, I swear to God."
Sam was finally the one who looked away first. He didn't answer.
"And what if it does work, huh?" Dean pressed, leaning forward in his seat. "What then? I'm supposed to just let you…" He shook his head, unwilling to even say it. "No. We are not doing this, Sam, that's final." He tried to convey authority with his voice, using the tone Dad had once used to have him and Sam snapping to attention. But he was reaching for a power over his brother that he no longer held, and they both knew it.
"Dean…" Sam struggled for words. "I'm not more important than all the other people on this planet. We can't let this go down. And this way, I'm the only one who suffers."
He was the only one- "What about me, huh?" Dean stood and wheeled around to glare at the wall, his eyes wet but still sharp with anger, running a hand through his hair. He turned around again to look at his baby brother. "I don't get hurt by this? You might think it's all about you, Sam, but news flash- it's not."
"You know what you'd do?" Sam asked, meeting Dean's challenging glare with one of his own. "You'd move on. Like a normal person who loses their brother. Like you would have last time if you'd actually tried, instead of just selling your soul and digging us deeper into this frig-"
"Shut up, Sam!" Dean snapped. "Don't you dare think I won't-"
The flutter of wings interrupted him, and at that moment Castiel appeared, as always giving the disconcerting impression that he'd been there listening for a while. "Hello, Dean. Sam." He inclined his head slightly in greeting.
"Cas!" Sam seized on the distraction. "Are you alright? What the hell happened?"
The angel didn't answer his question, instead squinting at him like he was trying to look straight into Sam's mind. "You're injured." He glanced over at Dean. "Lucifer has left him."
Sam nodded, at this point too tired to care about Castiel's typical lack of human etiquette. "Yeah, he's… ah, gone." He smiled a little. "All me."
Castiel gave a weary nod, clearly relieved. He relaxed ever so slightly, but even that was an improvement. "I thought it would work. I... well, I'd hoped."
"So are we ever gonna get some sort of explanation, or…" Dean trailed off, raising an eyebrow at Castiel. "Cause that'd be real nice, not gonna lie."
There was a moment's pause where Castiel sized up the two young hunters, and then he nodded again, sinking into the chair Bobby had left open. "Jared said yes to Lucifer, and Sam pushed him out." Both brothers waited for more, but Castiel seemed content to stop there, as if that should have been all the information they needed to fully understand.
Sam glanced over at Dean, and sighed on seeing his brother was as lost as he was. "What do you mean by that exactly?"
Cas blinked in confusion. "Jared said yes to Lucifer," he explained very slowly. Then he looked to Sam again. "And then you pushed him out." He shrugged. "You weren't... precisely... Sam Winchester when you consented to be Lucifer's Vessel. It was good enough to allow him in, but not enough to keep him there when you finally surfaced and tried to push him out."
"So a cosmic loophole?" Dean asked to clarify. "You tricked him?"
Cas seemed to consider, then nodded, almost smiling. "Yes, I suppose you could say that."
Dean's face split into a wide grin. "You're freaking awesome, Cas." Beside him, Sam was grinning too.
"I didn't do anything," Cas said with a look at Sam. "He did all the work. I merely helped by lending my Grace."
"Still." Sam smiled at the ground and then looked back up. "Thanks, Cas. That almost ended really badly. You did real good."
The smile slid from Castiel's face, replaced by his usual solemn mask. "Lucifer has been growing bolder," he said grimly. "The end is coming faster now."
"Well, aren't you just a ray of sunshine?" Dean muttered as reality came crashing back. He knew Castiel was right, but he had been enjoying a rare few moments of actual happiness, and to have them interrupted stung.
Castiel looked at him strangely, blinking and tilting his head to the side. "No. I am an Angel of the Lord."
Sam laughed quietly at his familiar confusion. "It's an expression, Cas."
"I still do not understand," Castiel said seriously, though he nodded and accepted the answer. "But we have bigger concerns. Where is Crowley?"
"The demon dude? Wants to take over Hell?" Dean paused uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck. "We, ah, don't know?" Not that he wasn't planning on finding the son of a bitch and ganking him as soon as possible. Crowley'd put him through way too much in the dream world, no matter how helpful he claimed to be.
The angel let out an irritated sigh, turning to stare out the window with a frown. "I understand that your alliance with the demon was a necessary evil, Dean. But he is not to be underestimated."
Sam glanced at Dean, taking in his guilty but defensive expression, and immediately stepped in to play the mediator. "Look, we can hunt him down later, alright? Yeah, he's bad. But right now? We can only take on one big bad at a time, and between Crowley and Lucifer, I know who's keeping me up at night."
"As I said, do not underestimate him," Castiel warned, his expression grim. "He is far more powerful than a typical demon, and growing stronger even now." He paused. "However, I don't think he will try to make a move until Lucifer has been resealed in the Cage. He is manipulative and powerful, yes, but also a coward. He will not attempt to overthrow a regime, simply take power after one falls."
Sam turned to look at Cas. "Well, what would you suggest we do about it?"
"We will deal with the new threat as it comes," Castiel said decisively, although he was clearly not satisfied. "For now, the both of you are safe?"
Sam gave the angel a smile, but Dean could tell that it was forced. "Yeah." In reality, Dean had a feeling that they'd both need a little time to get over everything that had happened. More than a little time, and way more than a little booze.
The angel sighed. "I suppose that is the most we can ask for."
"We'll…" Sam looked up at Dean, biting his lip. "We'll worry about how to stop Lucifer later, alright?"
Castiel always seemed to know more of what was going on than anyone was willing to say directly. He gave a sad smile and nodded, clapping a supportive hand on Sam's shoulder. "We will, Sam. He looked up at Dean, warm reassurance in his eyes. "But for now, rest." As he spoke, he sent a surge of healing Grace to both brothers, getting two relieved sighs. "You have more than earned it."
Bobby walked back into the room, muttering under his breath quietly about paperwork. Dean couldn't help but chuckle quietly at his expression.
Castiel looked up as the older man entered the room. "Hello, Bobby."
"Castiel?" Bobby glanced at him, blinking once. "Since when did you get here? Not that I'm complainin', mind you."
"Well lookat this," Dean drawled, grinning. "It's a right old party."
"Looks like it." Bobby chuckled as he crossed the room to ruffle Sam's long hair. "You're just lucky you woke up when you did, kid. That brother of yours was plotting to shave your head."
Sam shot Dean a glare. "Hey! Thought we agreed that hospitals were a no-prank zone!" The older hunter just laughed apologetically, shrugging.
"'S not fair when one of us's unconscious." Sam muttered, touching his hair as if to reassure himself it was still there. "Still." He smiled genuinely. "Really missed you, dude."
"You're telling me," Dean agreed, shaking his head at the memories of all the weeks he'd spent wishing for his brother by his side.
Castiel looked at Bobby for a few moments, and the old hunter nodded knowingly. Dean frowned a little at the silent exchange between his father figure and Cas. "What are the two of you-?"
Cas reached over, putting one hand on Dean's shoulder and the other on Sam's. Warmth started to spread through his body, starting at his core and spreading out to his limbs. Everything was getting heavy… limp.. relaxed… It didn't take long for Dean to realize what had happened, and he did his best to shoot a glare at the angel before his eyes closed against his will. "Hate you, C'ss..".
"I know," Cas replied, and Dean could hear the smile in his tone. Right now, he was too tired to care, and he let himself drift off into sleep.
"They'll be angry when they wake up," Castiel said in mild amusement as he tried to readjust Dean into a more comfortable sleeping position, finally giving up and actually lifting the hunter fully to settle him in bed next to Sam. It was a tight fit, but the two seemed to curl closer together, if anything.
Bobby chuckled at the sight. "Ah, it'll do 'em both some good. They need rest, and if you didn't do anything about it, they'd spend the rest of the night havin' a damn chick-flick moment to last eternity. This way the idjits actually get some sleep." He shook his head fondly. "Wish I had a camera."
Castiel smiled at the brothers. He had never meant to get so attached, but now that he was, he couldn't imagine letting either one go. "Do you think they can do it?" he asked, looking at Bobby.
"Definitely," Bobby answered, looking over at him. "I've known these boys their whole lives. If anyone can do it, if it's even possible to stop this thing, the Winchesters'll find a way."
"But at what cost?" The question hung heavy in the air between them as they looked down at the sleeping men- children, really, in the grand scheme of God's Plan. Bobby didn't give an answer. Castiel hadn't expected one.
Again, we apologize for the lateness of this chapter! There's only the epilogue left now, which we promise will be on time. Thanks for reading! - Mimzy and Pixie