Fifty Shades of Post-Partum
To my readers: Thank you to the reader who pointed out that Seattle no longer has its own basketball team. Normally, I don't like to be so sloppy in my research. I have modified the story to reflect this.
Chapter 21: Magic (Part 3)
I don't know if I will ever get used to socializing with Grey and his family. Gail and Sophie don't think twice about it, which is good. I can see for myself how good this has been for Sophie. She always seems to be in a better mood when she is here. But I guess that I feel like an enlisted man visiting the house of his commanding officer. And I can never put down my role as guardian. It is difficult to sit still and make pleasant conversation when I really want to be in my office monitoring the security cameras.
Presently, Ryan is in there. Sawyer is lurking somewhere nearby here in the house. It is a relief that Ana has no objections whatsoever to his role as close protection. But the security challenges never end. Since the breach by Ms. Kavanagh a while back, we have begun constructing a small, inconspicuous gatehouse out front. If she could get in, anyone could and there is no way that I am going to let that happen.
When it is complete, it will be staffed twenty-four seven. In order not to freak out the neighbors, the outpost will be inside of the walls. Anyone who wishes to enter that does not have the code will have to show ID to verify who they are before the guard will open the gate for them. The sentry on duty will have a daily list of expected visitors. But anyone who is not on that list or the official "guest list" will not enter without my approval. And if I'm not available by cell phone, tough. No one is going to talk their way while I'm in charge.
For once, I have not had to deal with accusations of paranoia. We all cringe to think what would happen if the press got wind of Ana's present health issues. Even now as I look out at the Sound through the glass wall, I am thinking about ways to secure the waterfront. My latest idea is the least inoffensive to Grey.
He wants to build a boathouse anyway. I would like to turn the second floor into another command center with twenty-four seven coverage. We could unobtrusively put in security cameras guarding the shoreline, in case any "unfriendlies" decide to breach the perimeter in that direction. Grey makes fun of me whenever I use the terms of military security. But in my head, I am free to think anyway that I want.
Suddenly someone sits down beside me.
"Still working on it," comments Carrick Grey. "Always thinking of bigger and better ways to secure the property. This isn't the Green Zone, you know."
I can see that he's laughing at me.
"Not even close," I reply. "But you can't fault me for doing my job."
"Yes I can," he says. "Today you're off the hook. Why can't you just relax and enjoy yourself like your wife and daughter?"
I look over at my daughter, who is leaning on her dog Magic as if he were a pillow as she listens patiently to Teddy explain the finer points of his railway extension. Gail is chatting away with Grace Trevelyan as if they are old friends. Well, since they collaborated with Ana to help her have a little fun during Teddy's pregnancy, they have certainly gotten closer.
For today, Carrick and Grace have insisted that we address them by their first names. I can't bring myself to address Grey that way, but then again, he never calls me anything but Taylor. Okay, sometimes he calls me Jason, but I prefer it this way and he respects that.
Gail is presently holding baby Phoebe on her lap, who is hanging onto the doll that Ana gave her. Despite their obvious affluence, they have limited the gifts for the children to one a piece. Of course, the railroad extension cost a couple of thousand. I'm glad that Ana doesn't want the playroom cluttered up with a lot of stuff that the children never look at. Of course once the whole set up is moved back in there, chances are that nothing else will fit.
But it really is amazing how many toys an only child can accumulate. When we were cleaning out Jeannine's house, Sophie swore that she felt no attachment to any of the toys there. Most (in mint condition) were given away. Gail did save a few that I thought she might want to keep as memories. They were the best up ones, so we figured that those were the ones that she actually played with.
Right now, Ana and Grey are cuddled up together on the couch listening to Gail and Grace as they discuss holiday recipes. It is incredible how many different ways that there are to make the same dish. Ana has said almost nothing since we walked in except for Merry Christmas. It is more like she is an observer than a participant, but it is a lot better than if she were shut up in her room.
I know that pretty soon, Gail and Grace will be leaving to finish cooking. Grace put the roast beef in the oven earlier, before we got here. Sophie helped cook dinner last night, but we convinced her that two cooks in the kitchen at a time were enough. Needless to say, Gail was very uncomfortable with the idea of Grace cooking dinner for us. But Grace said that if they had come to their house then she would have doing the cooking. So they are doing it together.
Carrick makes another attempt at conversation.
"Taylor," he asks. "How are you enjoying being a full-time father?"
"It's not what I expected," I answer honestly. "I suppose that when Jeannine and I were divorced, I never had more of an expectation than I would be a weekend Dad. But she was so stingy with Sophie's time that I was somewhat l less than that, more like the child support font with occasional visiting privileges. Much as I missed my daughter back in those days, this is not the way that I ever wanted to get full custody. I might have loathed Jeannine, but I never wanted her dead. Even more so now that I have seen what it has done to Sophie."
"No," he replies. "I can't see you as that kind of a vindictive person. But that's not exactly what I meant."
"Well," I admit. "My choice of career and present job doesn't leave me much time for the Dad stuff. But it's not Grey's fault. He is constantly been offering me more time off to spend with Sophie. He's even offered to hire more staff to cover my hours. But, well, seven years of working as his close protection makes it difficult for me to step back from that."
"What do you mean?" he asks curiously.
"Well, I have become very familiar with his habits and the way that he does things," I reply. "I know this house, Escala, and Grey House like the back of my hand. No one that I could hire could ever achieve that level of knowledge."
"Surely Sawyer could spell you sometimes," he suggests. "He's been with you for over four years now. He must have built up the same degree of knowledge."
"I'm sure that he is," I say. "But Sawyer is Ana's close protection. He would feel no more comfortable leaving her with someone else as I would Mr. Grey. And in Ana's case, finding even a temporary replacement would be a monumental task. Ana needs him and that is where Grey and I would draw the line."
"Why is that?"
"Ana trusts Sawyer more than even me," I explain. "And she was very difficult in the beginning about accepting our protection. There were many times that we had to resort to covert surveillance to give her the illusion that she wasn't being watched. But that changed after the Jack Hyde business. After that, she finally accepted the fact that she could be a target for kidnapping."
"What about the children?" he asks.
"They will be easier because they will grow up surrounded by close security," I say.
"And when they go to school?"
"The plan is that they will go to Sophie's school," I reply. "They have an excellent security system in place already. Naturally, I investigated the place thoroughly before i sent her there. I even hired a couple of guys to try and breach the perimeter. It was a no go. That place is locked down tight. And since the attack in Sandy Hook a couple of years ago they have tightened things up even more. We don't have to worry about that. We will be able to drop the kids off in the morning and pick them up without sending our own security people in with them."
"I can't believe that you have thought that far ahead," he comments. "I mean, I'm not surprised that you have, but the level of detail is extraordinary."
"That's my job," I say simply. "But guarding the Greys is more than just a job for me. I genuinely care about this family. We have been through a lot together and we are going through more right now."
"Ana really views your wife as a good friend," he says.
"Yes, she does," I say. "And that makes our job a lot easier. She and Gail have an easy-going relationship. Her level of trust in Gail is useful. She never tries to hide anything from her."
"And she adores Sophie," he adds.
"Yes," I say smiling. "She regards Sophie as one of the family, perhaps even to a greater degree than she does Gail. I was concerned when Sophie began spending so much time here with Teddy. I was afraid that she was becoming a little babysitter when she should be out playing with her own friends."
"What changed your mind?"
"It's more like, who changed my mind," I answer. "It was Sophie. Teddy is like a little brother to her. And he of course loves her. Between him and Magic she has a rather large quantity of devotion and unconditional love, the kind that only a small child or a faithful pet can give."
"How did you convince Christian to let Magic in the house?" he asks curiously. "I know that he is very much opposed to any kind of pets, even a goldfish.
"I didn't," I reply. "I would have known better than to ask. Sophie went to Ana and Ana couldn't resist those big, blue eyes. The pooch was in the house before Grey even knew it. By then it was too late. Magic is pretty harmless. In fact, he is almost useless as a guard dog, but he has made an excellent companion for her. He sleeps on her bed every night, which I really don't like, but chasing him off is futile."
"When you come back to check he's right back where he started?" he asks.
"Something like that," I say. "Have you ever had a dog?"
"We had a golden retriever while I was growing up, named, very unimaginatively, Goldie," he replies. "After we married, Grace never wanted a dog because we work such long hours, but it would be nice to get one someday."
"I can highly recommend Labs," I say. "They're very friendly and mellow, but their hair isn't as long."
"Good point," he says. "That old Golden retriever shed like anything."
Grace and Gail get up to make dinner, and Gail passes Phoebe to Ana. Unconsciously, Carrick and I move closer to Christian and Ana. Grace almost immediately returns with a bottle for the baby.
"May I feed my little grandbaby?" asks Carrick, holding out his hands.
With a sigh, Ana hands her over. I am immediately concerned by her lack of interest. Usually, she is reluctant to let go. I know that now that the baby is on bottles instead of nursing that she misses that intimate contact with her. I hope that nothing is changing in her mood. Neither Carrick nor Grey pick up on this detail. I think that they are both just happy that she is downstairs and mingling with company.
Despite the fact that she has spent hours in bed over the last couple of days, she looks like she hasn't slept in months. Even as the conversation moves on to the topic of the Seahawks and their playoff chances, there is still little or no response. This is not a good sign either.
The old Ana would have rolled her eyes and gone to talk to the women in the kitchen or gotten down on the floor with the kids. Now she is staring off onto space. She obviously wants to be somewhere else, but that may be the football talk. It could also be that she is slipping back into her lethargy. I am glad that Grace is here to monitor that new medicine.
One of the frustrating things about the warnings on side effects for all these anti-depressants is that they contradict one another. One sentence says "may cause drowsiness" and the next says "may cause agitation and sleeplessness." Then there are "may cause weight gain" and "may lose appetite." When I brought up the matter with Dr. Tyler, she just said that the warnings refer to extreme symptoms and that they have a different effect on different body chemistries.
But that is one of the reasons why Grace is here. I trust her to monitor Ana's symptoms and interpret them as necessary. I haven't told Grey, but I do have the Audi SUV on standby in case we need to make a hospital run. None of us want another ambulance here and these precautions must be taken.
And right now, I have no desire to spoil what looks like a relaxed mood. Ana is curled up under his arm and his children are happily playing by the Christmas tree. In their Christmas finery, Teddy and Sophie look like something out of an old fashioned Christmas card. As I see the light from the fireplace reflecting off of Sophie's golden hair, I am very proud of her. She is really a little angel. All too soon, our peaceful afternoon is broken by the call of the two chefs to come to dinner.
The dining room has been beautifully set with a lovely Christmas dinnerware set. The only thing that mars the perfect picture is Teddy's high chair, which sits on a plastic sheet. The table beneath his plastic plate is also covered in plastic. I cringe at the thought of watching him eat, but then realize sadly that I do not remember Sophie well enough at that age to know if her table manners were equally bad.
As everyone sits down at the table, I notice that Magic has, as usual, followed Sophie and is sitting under her chair. Before Grey can object, Ana shows a little bit of spirit and tells him that Magic is welcome. I inwardly groan. Sophie is seated directly next to Teddy. There is no doubt that Magic is going to have lots of opportunities to partake of the meal without begging.
The indulgent grandfather is on the other side of Teddy and next to Ana who sits at the foot of the table. Grey sits at the head with his mother beside him, then myself and Gail beside Ana. Phoebe is close by in one of her many carriers, content to look around because she has just been fed.
Conversation flows easily around the dinner table, with Grace and Gail tripping over each other to complement one another for the meal. Carrick and Grey have switched from football to basketball, so now that conversation is all about the Trail Blazers. There is still some bitterness that since the Sonics left town a few years ago and now they have been forced to switch loyalties to an out-of-state team. Personally, I don't know why they bother.
Sophie is eating with perfect manners as always. I notice that she has shifted a little closer to Grace to get out of the line of fire. She was very pleased when she and Gail picked out her pretty dark-blue, velvet dress with white lace around the cuffs and collar.
But Magic has just about died and gone to doggie heaven. Originally, he had laid down facing Grace. But as soon as he sniffed the action under Teddy, he turned around. There will not be anything to clean up from the plastic sheet tonight. The dog is even lapping up the gravy. I just hope that all that table food doesn't make him sick later.
As dinner continues, I surreptitiously keep an eye on Ana. Grace insisted that Sawyer eat a proper meal in the kitchen, even though it means that he won't have Ana in his line of sight. If he doesn't cut this obsessive behavior out soon, I am going to ask Grey to have him talk to Flynn.
Maybe I'm hyper-aware of it, but it's almost like he's feeling guilty the way a soldier would who had messed up a battle plan. It is impossible to convince him that he did not mess up on that awful night. Let's face it. No one would have predicted Ana's movements that night. The best that anyone could do was to rescue her in time. And we did.
Right now, Ana is picking at her food. This is another bad sign. At least at the last couple of meals, she actually ate something. Presently, she is cutting up everything on her plate into very small pieces and moving it around. Occasionally she puts a tiny scrap in her mouth, but that's it. And after hardly eating anything all day, she must be hungry.
When it's time for dessert, Gail brings in a wonderful Black Forest cake. I must admit that I am touched. That is my favorite dessert, although I can't imagine that it would be a hardship for anyone to eat it, with the cherries, rich chocolate cake, and white cream. However, that does not account for Ana, who basically mashes hers up and doesn't eat a bite.
I notice that someone has finally realized that Magic has been chowing down on Teddy's droppings. He gets a very small piece of cake that he quickly destroys, but not a crumb touches the ground. After all, chocolate is poison for dogs. I would hate to have to use the SUV on standby to take the dog to the emergency vet clinic.
After dinner, I hunt Grace down in the kitchen and insist that Sawyer stay with us long enough to hear the conversation.
"Grace," I say. "I am concerned about Ana. Have you been watching her closely?"
"I'm not sure of why you're concerned," she replies. "She seems better to me."
I immediately move into my security mode.
"She has been present, but she hasn't really been engaging with everyone around her," I explain. "After you two went to cook dinner, she zoned out completely."
"Christian and Carrick were discussing football," she says drily. "I would have zoned out during that."
"But she didn't move a muscle when Carrick wanted to give Phoebe her bottle," I reply. "And at dinner, she hardly ate anything. She just pulverized her food and pushed it around. She hasn't eaten much today."
Grace is thoughtful at my words.
"You really are very observant, Taylor," she answers. "I knew that she was quiet, but I was so happy that she was present that I didn't notice how little she was truly engaging with those around her. And I was so busy talking at dinner, that I didn't notice the food thing."
"Do you have this, Sawyer?" I ask quickly. "Consider yourself on yellow alert."
"Yes, sir," he says, rapidly leaving the room.
"You sound as though you are fighting a battle," comments Grace.
"In many senses we are ma'am," I say stiffly. "And it is one fight I have no intention of losing."
However, I am glad that Grace had a chance to relax tonight. I know that she views Ana as another daughter and that she has been under a great strain for the last couple of weeks. And I know that not having Shonda here adds to the stress. However, she was definitely showing signs of battle fatigue when she left. She needed that leave very much.
More than anything else, I know that today's celebration was something of an illusion. Lucky for them, I stopped believing in illusions a long time ago. But just because I am cynical, it doesn't mean that they shouldn't feel a little bit of the magic of Christmas. Reality is waiting around the corner tomorrow or the day after. And they all need a break from that.