Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

Warning: No lemon ahead.

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For want of a horse

Chapter 25 – To fight a lost battle

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Haru sighed and wistfully watched a group of young children at the playground running and laughing. For a long time he remembered the times from when he was a child, meeting Rin at this very place, always at the swings which she loved and he despised. He remembered the sound of her carefree laughs, the gleam in her eyes when her mother came to pick her up.

Rin had loved her parents dearly and had always tried to please them, even when she always had the feeling that what ever she did was not enough. But still she had tried with the desperate, naïve hope of a child.

And he remembered when this hope was broken, how the gleam in her eyes had died and her laughter had become a memory for a long time. He had always stayed by her side and she had always let him stay.

Until four month ago, where she had left for university in Tokyo, leaving him raw, desperate and hurt. She had asked him to try living without her, to find happiness in someone else.

And he loved her enough to do as she wished, only to find that he couldn't do it. Living had become nothing more than existing in this past few month. Haru knew that his friends noticed the strange look in his eyes, they noticed how he grew much more silent than before and they were worried.

But for now there was nothing he could do about it beside telling them not to worry which of course wasn't helping matters. All of them had a pretty good idea of what had happened.

His past relationship with Rin was not so much of a secret anymore and although no one knew the details, they also knew that something had happened between Akito and Rin. And so they didn't push Haru, didn't question him, but they were just there. A silent support which, Haru admitted, felt good.

Only Yuki knew about Haru's situation and knew -if not in detail- the contents of Rin's letter. Haru had been unable to keep everything inside and since Rin wasn't there anymore and had asked him to live on his own, he had turned to his friend, who –unlike his parents- understood about the pressure from their goddess, although the rat didn't know about their goddess real gender.

Haru sighed again and almost jumped in surprise as a small boy suddenly called out to him.

"Onii-san… Are you okay?" The young one looked up at him curiously and Haru had to smile when he nodded.

"I'm fine, don't worry. What's your name?" He hadn't have to ask for his last name. This playground was on Sohma property, so the little one was most likely a son of one of the distant relatives that lived here.

"Ken."

"I'm fine, Ken-chan. Look, I think your mom is calling for you." He watched as the boy ran to his mother, laughing and waving before being embraced tightly. Haru watched them walk away, wondering what his life would have been like if he hadn't been born as one of the juunishi, maybe not even as a Sohma. Maybe he would have had an easier life, but he most likely wouldn't have known Rin and so, he decided, it was better this way.

"Haru, there you are." Haru turned around and smiled at Yuki. "I've been looking for you. What are you doing here? Hiding away?" Haru shook his head no.

"No, I was just thinking." Yuki frowned.

"You are doing this a lot lately."

"So you tell me that you wouldn't? In my situation?" Yuki looked at him before he sighed.

"You are right. I guess I would think about everything just as much, maybe more if that's possible." Haru gave a short laugh.

"No, I don't think it is… Every moment I think about her, when I sleep I'm dreaming about her… Sometimes I think I'm going crazy." Haru pushed a hand through his hair and blinked into the sun. Yuki sighed softly and decided to better change topics.

"So, what do you want to do for your birthday? A party maybe to cheer you up?" Haru smiled softly, but shook his head no.

"I'm not in the mood for a party right now. Honestly, all I want is to see Rin again, but I guess she wouldn't have me right now. Not with the promise I made… Let's go back, Yuki." Haru turned and started to walk home, while Yuki started after him for a moment thinking.

They went the whole way without saying a word. Only the occasional sound of a sigh from Haru interrupted the heavy silence. They reached Haru's home soon and Yuki waved at Haru's mother who was bustling around in the garden.

"Haru, I don't know how yet, but I'll try to find a really good gift for you. I promise."

"You don't have to, Yuki."

"I know, but I want to. You were there for me when I was doubting myself, now please let me help you." Haru sighed.

"It's just, that I don't think anyone could help me. Helping me would mean dealing with Rin and I'm just afraid that she will get angry with me if everyone tells her to take me back…" Yuki looked down onto the ground.

"You are right, I guess… Don't think too much about it, okay? I'll see you the day after tomorrow for your birthday then. Can I bring a few family members?"

"Of course. Momiji and Hiro will be here anyway. So bring Kyou, Honda-san and maybe Shigure-sensei." The rat nodded, then waved at the younger boy and left.

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"Good morning, Haru-chan and a very happy birthday to you!", his mother chirped as she came rushing into his room, holding a large cake in her hands that she obviously had baked herself. It was easy to tell, because if his mother couldn't do one thing it was baking a cake. So even if she was always eager to bake cakes for Christmas and birthdays, they always turned out rather… unique in shape. Not that they tasted bad.

"Thank you, mom, but you didn't have to…" He didn't come any further as his father came into the room as well.

"I don't have much time, but no one can stop me from congratulating you. Happy birthday, Haru. And have a nice time today. Don't come back too late tonight, okay?" His father winked at him and left in a hurry.

"What did he mean? I'm not planning on going anywhere today."

"Well, who knows. Maybe there are a few surprises ahead." His mother winked as well and Haru shook his head in confusion. "Ah, by the way, Yuki is downstairs and waiting for you. Get ready so you can at least eat one piece of the cake, okay?"

"Yuki is here? Now? So early? What the hell…" Now he was completely confused, but got up nevertheless to take a short shower and dress before walking downstairs.

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"There you are finally. I thought you'd never come. Hurry, we don't have much time left", Yuki mumbled with his mouth full of birthday cake and shoved a plate with a big piece of cake towards him. Haru sat down and looked at him curiously.

"What do you mean we are in a hurry? Are we going somewhere?" Yuki nodded in answer.

"Yes. And we better leave now. The car is waiting outside. Come on." He pulled Haru to the door, plate in hand and everything and quickly put on his shoes. "Thank you for the delicious cake, Sohma-san. We'll be back tonight." Yuki bowed politely and pulled Haru outside.

"Have a nice day, Haru-chan!", his mother called after him and Haru could only wave before he was shoved into the car.

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"Can you finally tell me where we are going?", Haru asked as he sat down in the first class seat in the train. He looked around uncomfortably as some of the well dressed business men looked them up and down. They really didn't look like first class passengers, but as juunishi they had to travel that way, because in the first class there was much more space and the risk was just lower.

"No, sorry, birthday boy. You'll just have to wait and see. Maybe this can keep you occupied." With that Yuki took a wrapped gift out of his bag. Haru smiled despite his frustration.

"Thank you." It was a book motorcycles. Haru grinned. He had always dreamt to one day have a motorcycle when he was old enough to take his license. With a sigh he started to look through the book after he made sure that Yuki wouldn't say another word and had made himself comfortable with a book as well.

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"So let's see. Where are we?" Haru stepped out of the train and looked around, finally spotting a sign that read 'Tokyo station'.

"Tokyo? What are we doing in Tokyo?" Yuki didn't smile this time and just looked at him, watching the display of emotions in Haru's eyes. Hope, fear, sadness and finally something like resignation. Yuki took a deep breath.

"Well then." He looked around shortly, then grinned. "Happy birthday, Haru." With that he walked away and left Haru standing on the platform.

"Hey! Yuki, what…" And then he felt something. A prickling sensation in his stomach.

"Happy birthday, Haru. Long time no see." The ox whirled around and stared at her as if she was a ghost. Behind him stood Rin, leaning against a pillar, observing him with a unreadable expression.

For a moment Haru felt as if all the oxygen had been pumped out of the station and Haru actually feared that this all was a dream and he would wake up in his bed, having his mother greeting him again with a big smile and a self-baked and as such misshapen cake.

"Rin…" Her name came out in nothing more than a rusty whisper and she smiled at him shortly, before she pushed herself away from the pillar and closed the short distance between them.

"Happy birthday." She hugged him then and he was utterly lost. Without further questions what exactly had led to him having her in his arms again, he pulled her into a tight embrace and reveled in the familiar feeling of her body, her familiar scent that engulfed him.

"Rin…" Again her name was nothing more than a whisper, but he could feel her smile against his neck.

"Surprised?"

"You could say so. What… Why?" She stepped out of his arms and took his hand, pulling him with her out of the station.

"Yuki called me some days ago and asked if it was okay for him to bring you here… Honestly, I tried to talk him out of it, but he can be really persistent. Told me how very quiet you've become and everything." She looked at him then and he didn't meet her eyes, suddenly feeling very ashamed of himself.

"Haru, it's okay. You don't have to be strong for someone else's sake. And certainly you don't have to be ashamed for feeling that way." He glimpsed at her then and she smiled at him. For a long moment neither one of them spoke a word and Haru just followed her lead before he completely lost his orientation.

"Can you at least tell me where we are going or is this some surprise as well?" Rin smiled at his words.

"My place. No surprise this time. It's right over there." She let go of his hand and pulled a key out of her bag. Haru followed her into the building, climbed up the stairs until they reached a door with a name tag that read 'Sohma'.

As soon as Haru stepped into the apartment he knew it to be Rin's, and he could have told so even without knowing where they were going. The apartment was utterly and undeniably 'Rin'.

Rin followed him silently as he inspected the rooms and sometimes touched a thing that he recognized from her room in Kagura's home. She smiled when he almost shyly asked her if he could enter her bedroom as well and smiled with him when he saw the stuffed animal, the cow he had given her, on the bed.

"So, you want some tea? Or maybe coffee?", she asked to interrupt the suddenly heavy silence.

"Since when do you drink coffee?"

"Since I go to university. You'll get addicted to it soon enough as well. Just wait and see." She winked at him, before she went back into the kitchen and prepared herself a cup of coffee and him some tea. With a sigh he sat down on the couch in her living room and looked around again.

"It's a nice apartment. I like it." She smiled at his words.

"Thanks. So… How have you been?" She leaned back comfortably and blew into the steaming cup.

"Not too bad, I guess. It could be worse, but…" He was silent again. Suddenly he didn't know what to say anymore. This woman before him was Rin, but in this moment he felt as if he saw her for the first time. She seemed more relaxed and Haru knew it was because she was finally away from Akito's direct influence. But this Rin seemed mature and more grown-up than his Rin had ever been and suddenly he feared that he had no place in her life any longer.

Rin watched him closely as if looking directly into his soul and he knew that she could tell his thoughts to some extend. He sighed when she stood up and looked out of the window.

"So, how are you? How is university?"

"It's fine, much more interesting than school, but it's a lot of work as well. Right now I'm working on a…" She was interrupted by her cell phone ringing.

"Sorry", she said before she picked it up. "Hello?… Ah, Ryu-kun. What is it?… Tonight? No, I'm sorry, have a visitor… Yes, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye." She hung up and sat down again.

"A visitor?", he said softly and didn't look at her. "Is that what I am?" She sighed heavily at his words.

"Of course not, Haru. But Ryu doesn't have to know about my personal life."

"Well, if he asks you to meet him tonight and you'll see him tomorrow anyway, I think he knows much more about your life here than I do." They were silent for a moment.

"Who is he anyway?", Haru finally added and looked at her. After she stared at him for a moment, she grinned.

"Are you jealous?"

"Jealous? Me? No way, it's just…" He sighed again. "So, maybe a little. Okay, okay, I am. So please tell me. Who is this guy?" Rin laughed softly.

"Just someone I have classes with. No one special, although he may have a crush on me."

"Can't blame him for that", Haru mumbled and stared angrily into his cup.

"Anyway, we do study together and… Don't look at me like that. It's not me and him alone. We are six in total, so there. As I said, he doesn't have to know about my personal life, because he is no part of it. Unlike you. Okay?" Finally he nodded when he saw nothing but honesty in her eyes.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to…" She stood up and sat down beside him, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

"I know. It's okay." He looked at her hesitantly and she smiled before she kissed him on the mouth, a soft and chaste, but still reassuring touch of her lips against his that set loose a hurricane. After a moment they broke apart and looked at each other.

"Rin…" His voice was trembling this time, just like he was and she nodded, before she stood up.

"Let's take this to the bedroom." He stared at her for a moment for her being so direct, but then it was typical Rin as well and he smiled and followed her lead.

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"Take care, Haru. And try to remember what I told you… or wrote you." Haru sighed heavily.

"It's hard. And I mean really hard."

"Yes, I know. Just try to get on with your life." He sighed in desperation.

"Don't you understand, Rin? Without you, there is no life for me worth living for." She touched his cheek softly.

"Do you best and if you can't go on anymore, come and see me. I'll even pick you up on the train station so you won't get lost on the way." She winked at him and he finally smiled and nodded, because he knew that he wouldn't get her to agree to something more.

"Take care, Rin. And tell this Ryu to keep his hands away from my girl."

"Will do", she laughed and smiled at someone behind him. Haru turned around.

"Hey, Haru. Ready to go?" Yuki stood behind him and smiled at him knowingly.

"Yes, kind of…" Haru turned back to Rin again and hugged her tightly. "See you some time in the future then." Rin smiled softly in answer and nodded. Then Haru stepped back and both boys waved shortly before they stepped onto the train. There was no need to say more, because Haru had already said goodbye to her at Rin's apartment.

The train pulled out of the station and Haru sighed, before he smiled at the rat.

"Thank you, Yuki. It was the best present you could have given me."

"I'm glad", Yuki answered before he pulled out his book again and let the ox to his thoughts.

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End of Chapter 25

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AN: I apologize for the delay of this chapter. I visited my parents over the New Year, so I had no chance to upload this chapter. University isn't helping either.

But as I said before: I won't give up on this story and I will finish it if it kills me, so you don't have to worry.

However, please note that the next chapter won't be out until I've got all my exams done. The last one will be on valentine's day, much to my dismay, and I promise to work on the next chapter right the next day, okay?

Translations of the Japanese terms:

Onii-san: Basically means "older brother", but can also be used by kids or young people of both genders to address an older boy which you are not blood-related to. The term for "older sister" would be onee-san, which means, if a boy or girl of i.e. 14 years want to talk to me (26), he/she would call me onee-san. Hehe!

Anyway, please tell me what you think and leave a review, ne?

Until next time, Joey-chan