Skyskater's Daily Note: The last chapter was extremely random, and this one shall not be QUITE as random, but...all my chapters are random.
Please, if you haven't already, go and check out Solicitors if you like humor and/or The ER if you enjoy angsty romance and/or The REAL Fairy Tales for more Hitsugaya Crack. Everybody's so focused on this story that I am tempted to end it so that you can read my other stories.
Daily Advice: I will not end this story until I am done with my freshman year in high school. What do you think about a new guide for sophomore year? Vote on my profile!
Lovely. I mean, this is just lovely. People say that my IQ is slipping, and they wonder WHY? Let me tell you why: The cause of all this noise and commotion is coming from the room over. In Urahara's shop, where I have the misfortune to live. Not like I would live anywhere else: Ichigo's house is already overcrowded, Orihime serves weird food and I do not feel comfortable with someone whose chest makes up at least 50 percent of their body mass (I don't live with Rangiku, it doesn't count), Keigo and his sister are both insane, Chad is...Chad and his family is probably racist against all Japanese people even though Chad himself is semi-Japanese, and Uryuu is gay. Really.
Yes, I can understand that a guy like him would tend to make a lot of noise when he is trying to persuade someone to buy something, but in all fairness, I think he's being a very bad salesperson. With the economy what it is now, I'm very very surprised that he has managed to keep his shop and home. And his black Lexus, which as I must unfortunately say, has seen better days. I had to go over some of the scratches I gave the paint on the car on that one church trip over with Sharpie. I don't think he noticed. However, he says that he should patent permanent-marker hash on the black market as the new form of drug. I am not even joking. There are so many things people get high off these days, like strawberry quick or that one drug where you put shit in a balloon, set it out in the sun, and inhale the fumes. I mean, SERIOUSLY! Jesus Christ!
And if life couldn't get any worse, I have a D in math. Yes, a D. Hey, think of it this way guys. At least it's not an F, right? Or an F- which would just be downright degrading.
I must retract that last paragraph. Life has gotten worse. The noises are getting louder, and even though I am trying to shut them out of my brain, I have the sneaking suspicion that Urahara is not actually trying to sell anything to a customer...in fact, it sounds as though he is doing something highly inappropriate with Yoruichi. HAS HE NO SHAME?! There are children and primitive cannibals in this house (aka me and Renji) and a certain gay couple (aka Yumichika and Ikkaku) who might get bad ideas in their heads!!! Oh wait. I forgot. Yumichika's straight. Seriously. He's so obviously gay, that it makes him just plain up straight. Can't get much straighter than that guy. I have no clue what Rangiku is doing, and I do not think that I want to know. The last time I walked in on her without knocking, it was...let's just say that I got pretty owned by Gin, who, in case anybody is wondering, used to be Rangiku's past lover. Hence I have a fear of Gin.
So ANYWAY, I am trying to concentrate on my math homework, but I clearly cannot because there are very loud sounds coming from the other room. I mean, okay, so you can confuse sex for something else. I mean, if the guy's giving someone a massage, then I could be totally mistaken, in which case I should apologize profusely to them both but will not. Algebra is really hard. Especially for someone like me. Especially if someone like me had bad working conditions, like Urahara's Shop/Apartment thingy. If my grade slips and I get an F in Algebra, then I am gonna blame Urahara and Yoruichi for it.
I mean, it's not like Soul Society cares, right? All they want me to do is...wait. I can't even remember why I'm down here in the first place. So, let's just say that I am probably down here for a very noble cause that I cannot remember at the moment because I am trying to do Algebra homework.
And I have snapped. Journal, yes, I have SNAPPED. I mean, when you are a young boy that is not sexually active in any way whatsoever and feels uncomfortable when sharing a room with someone whose chest makes up 50 percent of their body mass, then you clearly cannot work in conditions such as I am in now. Seriously. These are like the factories in Communist China! (Once again, the China diss. Skyskater is Chinese so nobody take offense to this. I mean that in the best of ways.) Or in the Middle Ages or whatever with the cotton mills. I can't even remember what time period that is, but I know the cotton mill was some really great invention to America except girls kept getting their aprons and hair stuck in the cotton mills and then bye bye went that apron or that strand of hair.
So I walked down the hall to Urahara's Shop. Okay. You would have thought that with my past experiences with Rangiku and Gin, that I should have knocked. I did not. Why? I cannot recall at this point because I am having a major brain dead episode.
So I pushed through the beady curtain thingy, you know, like the one in Get Smart? If you haven't watched that, it's pretty funny. So anyway, I pushed through the beady curtain thingy, and...um...for the sake of journalism, I suppose I shall write it down here, but YORUICHI AND URAHARA WERE HAVING SEX! GODDAMN!
Well, okay, actually, they were being filmed having sex for a pornography TV show or something like that, and even though I walked in and made several loud interjections, something to the like of: "HOLY SHIT DUDE! YOU CAN'T BE DOING THAT!" they still continued filming. Oh God. I am embarrassed that I would ever be in a pornography video.
Aw, shit. I cannot believe my luck. We're all gathered around the TV, right, and Urahara flips to the porn channel, which I suppose everybody in there wants to watch, BUT me. I wanted to excuse myself, but Urahara grabbed my wrist and said, "No, no, Hitsu-chan, you gotta stay for this one! You're in it, remember?"
Which caused a whole chain reaction of chaos:
Yumichika: "Wait, you were in a porn video? Wow, Hitsugaya-taichou, I have to admire you for that. Although I think that you should have let me do your make-up and everything, so that you could be beautiful, like me!"
Renji (in Gruntspeak): ...I thought you weren't sexually active yet?"
Rangiku: "AWWW...our little baby boy is growing up!!! So next time you, me, and Gin can have some fun together!"
Ikkaku: "Mother of Christ, excuse me now while I go and put this on TiVo."
Byakuya: "Dannnnngggg....I didn't even know humans could stretch that way."
Rukia: "To ask, or not to ask, that is the question. Aw, who cares. I don't think I want to know anyway."
Ichigo: "...This isn't the porn video where I make out with that stripper girl, is it?"
Yoruichi: "So this is the one where you came in and basically screamed your lungs off, is that correct? Hello? Hitsugaya-taichou, do you concur?"
Anyway, I was pretty surprised that Yoruichi used the word concur in the right context. But then the video came on, and...well, um, there they were, having sex on the floor (they're very vocal, I must say) and then, oh God, I just walk right through that beady curtain thingy and I'm yelling, "HOLY SHIT DUDE! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" And I suppose they made me play the role of jealous boyfriend or whatever, but still.
Excuse me. I need to go write my will and epitaph for them to carve on my grave.
Tuesday
November 11
Urahara's Shop/My Temporary Home
Hitsugaya
This should fulfill Evil Demon Warrior Bunny's challenge of Hitsugaya walking in on Yoruichi and Urahara having sex. Yep. Except I'll bet that he/she didn't intend for it to turn out this way. LOL. I turn things to my advantage, what can I say?
ALSO, NO FLAMES! OR ME AND SHIRO-CHAN SHALL VIDEO TAPE YOU HAVING SEX AND PUT IT ON THE JAPANESE PORN CHANNEL AND IT WILL BE CREEPY BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING!!!!
Later!
Skyskater
And Shiro-chan