Chapter Twenty-Five

Take Me Back

There was a startled cry on the other end of the classroom, and a sharp, "Evans?" followed shortly after. Lily stood, sighing wearily, and made her way to the frantic Hufflepuff's desk to help him prune his Flutterby bush. She had recently become renown for her exceptional talent on just about anything that could be written about, which had meant she had also become a target of questions and pleads for assistance during class. It'd started not long ago, amidst the NEWT craze.

As soon as Lily was good enough of a distance away, James immediately piped up with curious enthusiasm. "So, I heard you lot had a run-in with Death Eaters last week."

Peter paled instantly. His head had healed up fantastically from the week before, much to my relief. I'd nearly fainted at the sight of him when we'd reached Madam Pomfrey that day.

Remus raised a suspicious brow at James. "Where did you hear that from?"

"Gracie."

All of the boys, aside from the oblivious James, turned and stared at me incredulously.

"I didn't!" I shrieked defensively. "I was just – well, all right, I was telling Lily – but he was eavesdropping!" I pointed at James in accusation.

He chuckled slightly at my sudden inflation. "She didn't tell me the rest of the story, though, because Lily wouldn't let her. So. What happened?"

"Dumbledore told us not to talk about it," Peter whimpered, rubbing his forehead where'd he practically split it open the week prior.

"He's just afraid of it catching wind and unnecessarily worrying people is all," said Remus.

"Well, who do I have to tell?" James asked. "No one except Lily, and she already knows. If she's reliable, then aren't I?"

I coughed loudly in disagreement, to which I received a sharp look from James.

"All right, I don't suppose it really matters..." Remus trailed off, glancing to Sirius for confirmation. He shrugged, so Remus continued. "There was a group of Death Eaters in Dufftown. They won't have published it in the Prophet, likely, because everyone's trying to limit panic these days... The Death Eaters, though, they were attacking muggles. So we held them off for a bit, and when the Aurors came, we disapparated."

"You fought the Death Eaters? You fought them?" James hissed, trying to keep his voice level and inconspicuous, though I could attest that it was not working very well. "Well, how did you do?"

Sirius scoffed. "We all got the Cruciatus curse."

James's eyes went wide. "Blimey."

"And Peter here nearly got a concussion," Remus said, nudging the poor guy on the shoulder. "Then Sirius, the prat, ran off, and Gracie chased after him, and apparently they managed to get some sort of success on the Death Eaters there."

"Good job, mate!" James roared, clapping Sirius on the back.

"Hey!" I cried. "I stunned a bloke, too! Let's not forget that!"

"Oh," James said, turning to look me over, then shrugged his shoulders slowly. "I suppose that's impressive."

I gasped. "James Potter!" He cracked a mischievous grin at my reaction, but I wasn't finished. "You're an awful, mean person, and I'm going to tell Lily that you transfigure into a stag just to watch her sleep–"

"What? No! Gracie! You wouldn't!"

"Try me."

"I was kidding! You're brilliant, bloody brilliant. Those Death Eaters never stood a chance against you. Absolutely not."

I huffed and straightened my posture. "You've never been more correct in your life, James."

He snapped a twig off his Flutterby bush irritably and muttered under his breath, "Blackmailer."

I only winked at him and returned to my own work. I highly doubted James had ever even considered using his animagus form to sneak into the girls' dormitories – I mean, who would have ever thought of doing that, other than Sirius?

My stomach suddenly twisted at the memory of that day, when I'd found him in the girls' lavatory. I focused on the trembling Flutterby bush before me, but I couldn't really push the thoughts from my mind. It had proved to be impossible, and I should have known better by now than to try to push it away. That generally only resulted in a head-ache, after all. But I kept seeing Sirius dash off into the crowd in my mind, and every time the outcome was different. Sometimes I followed after him, sometimes I lost him; sometimes he won, and sometimes he... didn't. I could still hear the villagers' screams in my ears, could still feel the Cruciatus curse under my skin...

It was something that never really wore off. It was in my bones, like an illness. I guess that's just what terror does to you. Stays.

Meanwhile, James had skipped on from the Death Eater talk and was now divulging about his own holiday. "Well, it wasn't any good. That Vernon bloke was an arse. He kept going on about his car, his bloody beautiful car, like he was trying to impress me or something. But what do I care about a car? I can apparate or Floo whenever I please, and honestly, I don't even have to work when I graduate if I don't want to. Much less work at a drill company. I told him that, too. Well, he didn't take it very well."

"Really?" asked Sirius. "Sounds like you couldn't have been any more charming."

"There was a slight argument in the restaurant. Lily's sister took her fiancé and stormed out. Her sister's just absolutely lovely, did I tell you?" There was so much bitter sarcasm in James's voice that you could have filled a jar with it. Then James's face twisted guiltily, and he glanced somewhere across the room. "Lily started crying when I took her home. I apologized a thousand times, but she said it wasn't really my fault."

Remus snorted. "Not really your fault, but still your fault."

"Yeah, well." He shrugged. "I dunno if there's anything for me to do, really. I've got Quidditch practice tonight, though. Reckon it'll help blow off some steam. Lily looks all right today, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, surprisingly brilliant after having her heart broken to pieces."

James slapped Sirius on the arm.

Months continued to pass. Slowly, but that was the way that time usually passed, when you wanted it to just hurry the hell up. With the passing of months came warmth, though, and a sweet spring, and the blossoming of a pleasant summer. It was the very end of May, and NEWTs were closer than they had ever been (of course). NEWTs seemed to have taken priority; first studying, then breathing, then eating, and sleeping, if it was really necessary. And sooner than any of us could ever believe it, it was the last day of freedom. The very day before NEWTs.

Needless to say, it was destined to be terrible.

"You shouldn't have yelled at him, Gracie! I thought you two had sorted things out," said Lily crossly.

I exhaled loudly. "No. Evidently not."

"What were you two even going on about? How do you always find something to argue about?"

"I just told him to stop thinking out loud because not everyone needs to know what's on his mind all the time," I answered stiffly. He had been contemplating who he was going to take to the leaving ball with James for the past couple of days, and made no effort to rein the conversations in so I couldn't hear. In fact, it was almost as if he got louder when I got close just so that I could hear him.

"Weren't you two having that same discussion the day before?"

I sighed with distaste. "Probably." I couldn't exactly recall the details, but the day prior had gone about more the opposite, with him telling me I oughtn't speak where the entire school could hear me. I'd just scoffed and walked away that time.

Mary frowned, a deep, thoughtful line between her brows. "It seems like you've both got some major jealousy issues going on."

"What?" I choked. "I'm not jealous of him."

"Not necessarily jealous of him," she corrected. "Jealous of the girls he's talking about. And vice versa."

"I'm not," I stated with conviction. I lowered my eyes to my homework so I wouldn't have to meet her eyes, and perhaps that way the lie wouldn't be so clearly plastered on my face.

She shook her head, eyes resigned to her own work. "Okay, if you say so."

Suddenly, Lily slammed her book shut and stared at me in horror. "I forgot about the game! There's a Quidditch match—James is playing! I promised him I'd go! Oh, I can't miss it. Will you both please go with me? I'm so sorry!"

"It's all right," Mary said, closing her own book so fast it was as if she had been waiting for someone to say something earlier. "Transfiguration isn't proving to be too enthralling. I'd be happy to."

Lily looked at me for my answer, and I shrugged, beginning to collect my things as well. "Well, I'm certainly not staying here alone."

A small smile found its way onto her face. "Thanks. I'll try to make sure we sit far from Sirius."

I was going to tell her that it was fine and that she didn't have to, but the longer I thought about it, the more appealing the idea got.

The three of us rose from our cozy spot in the library and moved in unison for the door. Lily was enthusiastically telling Mary about the likelihood of Gryffindor winning the Quidditch Cup this year again—"It's only Hufflepuff, after all"—while I walked in silence. I was trying to internally memorize Transfiguration theorems and simultaneously clear my mind of Sirius, but neither notion seemed to work out very well.

"Oh, hello Kenneth," Mary greeted cheerfully. I brought my eyes up at once, finding the slim figure of mention. He grinned in that charming way he did as he jogged the length of the corridor to catch up with us.

"Hello, Mary, Lily," he said, nodding to them both. "Hi, Grace. I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment? It's a bit… ah… urgent."

I glanced momentarily at Lily and Mary for the okay. Lily looked wary, like she always did when Kenneth was around, but she didn't seem too upset about it. "I'll catch up with you both later," I told them.

"All right, see you later," Mary said, smiling wide again.

Lily just shot me a look that very distinctly said watch it, then followed it with a smile. "Bye!"

I had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes as they walked off and disappeared from sight. Lily had been overly suspicious of Kenneth since I'd started talking to him again; she didn't hate the bloke, of course, but she very obviously preferred Sirius and was not happy with me for…well…that situation.

I turned my eyes up to Kenneth curiously. "What's going on?"

"Sorry to tear you away from your friends. You don't mind, do you? I just needed some… er… girl advice?"

I raised a brow, my curiosity continuing to grow, but shook my head in reassurance. "No, I don't mind. Happy to help!" I answered with more pep, finding a smile.

"All right, good. So I, um… well, I desperately need a birthday present for Ruth."

"A birthday present?" I laughed suddenly, without restraint. "This is your dire situation? Oh, Kenneth." I sighed. "Of course I'll help. Let's go to Hogsmeade, then."

It was a fair bit late to go to Hogsmeade, but it was Sunday and the sun was still up, so we had time. The street was fairly empty as a good majority of the students were at the Quidditch match.

We went into Zonko's upon Kenneth's insistence.

"Well, I don't suppose it's a bad idea." I stared up at the sign, then glanced at him. "I mean, it's low-key. Very friendly." I pondered on those words, then decided they sounded too familiar and kept talking to regather my nerve. "Well, how do you feel about her anyway? Do you fancy her?"

Kenneth rubbed the back of his neck. "Erm. Yes?"

"All right," I said with a convinced nod. "This is the place to go, then. Because you definitely don't want to come on too strong. Not at first. You haven't asked her out, right?"

He shook his head.

"Then you should look for things that say, You're cute! I fancy you! But I'm not a creep!" I explained, spreading out my hands like it was a slogan on display.

That got a sheepish laugh from Kenneth. "That's a lot for something to say, don't you think?"

"No, let's go," I answered, shoving him forward into the store.

We both entered the joke shop and ventured off in opposite directions, scanning the aisles for something that said, You're cute! I fancy you! But I'm not a creep! Such a thing was a tough find in a joke shop, though, and after a lifetime of searching (more accurately five minutes), I stopped in front of singing cards and stared in decisive contemplation.

My gaze drifted to Kenneth, who'd wandered to the far end of the aisle. He peered in close at one of the items and then jerked his head back as quickly as possible, as if something had jumped out at him. He was laughing manically as he went on to look at the others. Without really thinking about it, I watched him and the way he moved, getting lost in the memories of spending Saturday afternoons with him on the grounds and nights kissing him in the cold. But he'd said he fancied Ruth. Despite Lily's worry—and my own, partially—he hadn't really fancied me at all. Well, wasn't that a blow to my self esteem? But then again, I should have known. He was always with Ruth. In Potions, in the Great Hall, probably even beyond that.

And, if I really had to admit it, ever since we'd started talking again, I could tell things weren't the same, at least in that regard. He was a hell of a good looking bloke, but I didn't fancy him in the slightest; honestly, it was a bit relieving to know that we didn't have to go through that again.

"Grace? Find anything?"

Woops. I'd been staring. I blinked quickly and then spun to the stack of singing cards and grabbed the first one I could get my hands on. "Uh, yeah, how about this?"

He took it from me and opened it. It suddenly began to yodel at the top of its synthetic lungs: "Have a holly, jolly Christmas! It's the best time of the ye—" He slapped it closed. "Um, I think we're in the wrong season."

"Oh." Woops again. I turned back to the shelf and picked another one out. "Here."

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, you smell like a hippogriff and you look like one, too!" Kenneth closed the card and eyed me suspiciously.

I laughed, tossing it back onto the shelf. "Okay, I'm sure there's something decent here. I've just got rotten luck."

"All right…"

About five minutes of searching and tossing later, he found one that was tolerably decent, and took it to the till to pay. It'd sung something sweet, but I hadn't heard the entire song. I'd hoped he'd succeeded in the "But I'm not a creep!" part of the plan, but I was going to leave that up to his own judgment.

"D'you mind if we drop by Honeydukes for a moment? Ruth's got a soft spot for Canary Creams, so I thought I'd get her some," he said, shooting me a sly grin.

"Oh, sure."

"Great, you're the best," he said, looping an arm over my shoulders in a distinctly friendly manner. When we walked into the store, he dropped his arm and said, "Here, I'll get you something, too, while we're here. You ever try the Pumpkin Fizz?"

"No," I said, scrunching up my face. "What's that?"

"It's wicked good, honest." He scooped up a few Canary Creams in a bag and then wandered off to another end of the shop, grabbing two tins. He went to the till and paid speedily, striding back over and leading me out of the store. "Here."

I took the tin warily, but he gave me an assured nod and sat down on a bench. I joined him, opening it and letting the scent waft slowly up to my nose. "Smells like pumpkin," I announced.

"Well, that's a shocker." He rolled his eyes in good humor.

I brought it to my lips, taking a gracious gulp, and scrunched my face up again as the bubbles tickled my throat and burned my nose. "Oh, Merlin, what is this?"

"Pumpkin Fizz," Kenneth claimed fondly, cracking his own tin open and drinking with a smile. "You don't like it?"

"I'll get used to it." I took another swallow to prove it to him, but that time was worse and I suddenly began choking desperately for air. I regained my composure within seconds, though, in the middle of his fit of mad laughter.

"Maybe not right away, then."

"Yeah. Probably not." I eyed the tin viciously.

Kenneth slouched casually on the bench, balancing his bag of gifts for Ruth one on thigh and his Pumpkin Fizz on another. His gaze drifted somewhere off in front of him, eyes idly following villagers and Hogwarts students scurry to and fro in the warm summer air. I found myself watching, too. Funny how busy the world was outside of ourselves and we never really took the time to notice.

"I forgot to thank you," Kenneth said, all of a sudden. "I would have been completely lost if it hadn't been for you. It would have been a disaster. So, thanks. Sorry you didn't get to see the Gryffindor match, though."

I shrugged. "Honestly? I don't like Quidditch that much." I laughed, then, relaxed. "You're welcome, anyway."

"Any way I can repay you? Lend an ear, maybe?"

"Oh, you don't need to. You got me this, after all." I waved the strange beverage at him.

"Well, that might have been different if you'd liked it." He frowned. "Come on, there must be some lucky bloke you've got a fancy for that you desperately need advice about."

I shook my head insistently.

"What about that Lupin? You're around him a lot, aren't you?"

"Oh, no. He's just my friend."

Kenneth cocked a brow. "Didn't you say that once about Black?"

I tensed instantly, looking to the ground for distraction. My face trickled with heat, but I couldn't do anything but try to ignore it. "That's…erm…different."

"Really? How so?"

"Ah," I said, meeting his eyes. "I…dunno."

"Well, what about him? I don't really see you with him as much anymore."

"Oh." My jaw tightened slightly. "We had a bit of a falling out."

"You did? Well, that sounds like something I could lend an ear for."

I sighed, tilting my head to check his sincerity, and then sighed again as I began to try to formulate a quick explanation in my head. "We fancied each other and everything, well, more or less, really, I suppose… but he decided that our friendship was more important than a relationship, and it screwed with things." I slouched my shoulders.

"Mmh." Kenneth regarded me intently, nodding his head. "Go on."

So I did, however much against my will it may have been. I explained the entire situation—and succeeded in leaving out the parts about how Kenneth's existence had increased complications—ranging from our initial disagreement to the proceeding pitiful arguments.

"I guess it's better this way," I said finally, gaze drifting to the darkening sky. "Did you realize how late it's getting? We should get inside soon."

"We have time. Don't change the subject, Grace." He smiled as if he saw through the cracks in my plan. "You haven't tried apologizing?"

"Well, that's not as easy as you make it sound," I said, breathing out heavily.

"It isn't?"

I didn't respond.

"Just try it. And don't put it off, either. Do it tonight."

"But he's not going to—"

"No, you just don't want to. Who cares what he does? You're already not speaking to him anyway. Isn't it worth a shot?"

I grimaced. "You're like a male Lily." As odd as that was to say. "Fine, I might. I'm not promising anything. Can we go inside now?"

"All right, stubborn."

We ended the night walking back into the castle and then finally parted at the stairs. We hugged before we both went our separate ways, and it was an odd feeling, like a final closure to whatever we had been before. My stomach felt slightly uneasy, though that could have been a combination of stress, lingering irritation with Sirius, and that lovely Pumpkin Fizz, but it could very well have been the fact that my hug with Kenneth lasted moments too long. It was necessary, though, because when would I ever talk to him again? I felt as if it should have been more important, more memorable, because we would graduate soon and what would happen after that? It was almost hard to look at him and really see him for what could be one of the last times.

I gave him a final smile as we parted. "Thanks for everything. Even that Fizz stuff."

"Thank you," he corrected lightly, a smile on his face, as always. Just another feature of his face, of course. Like it'd always been. "Bye, Grace."

"Bye, Kenneth."

The Gryffindor common room was alight with excitement. It was like a pulsing, radiating heat that encased each and every end of the room. The thrill was infectious, almost as if you could catch it just by being in a fair proximity.

"WOOOH! GRYFFINDOR!"

The Qudditch Cup was thrust into the air, and bobbed up and down with the mad cries and victory cheers. I wondered absentmindedly if the team was really supposed to have the Cup out, or more specifically, have it soaring through the air; but, hey, it wasn't my problem, was it? James was somewhere amidst the mob, a target for the yells and claps on the back, as well as the rest of the team that had been lost in the vivacious crowd.

"It's not like it's a surprise, honestly… I mean, we were against Hufflepuff…"

"Did you see the Slytherins' faces at dinner?... Bloody priceless, I'll tell you that…"

"Ravenclaw actually thought they had a chance…"

"YEAH! GRYFFINDOR! WE WIN EVERY YEAR!"

"Gryffindor! Gryffindor! GRYFFINDOR!"

It was beginning to sound more and more like a cult in the common room. I sighed, pawing my way through the crowd delicately, scanning for Sirius. I didn't know what had compelled me to do it, or even why I had decided to do it now, but we were in the last weeks of school, and with the Quidditch Cup tonight and then NEWTs starting tomorrow morning, it had just seemed ridiculous not to smooth things over now.

Kenneth had been right, if anything. It wasn't as if I could possibly make things worse. I was going to drive myself mental if I just graduated and went off my own way without even trying. It would tarnish the memories I'd had throughout the entire year, and I couldn't have that. Honestly, my seventh year had been the best by far. Aside from this. I could have done without this.

I spotted him standing not too far away, and edged my way to him. "Sirius!"

He turned. I hadn't noticed who was around him. The atmosphere was too thick to breathe, and his face was the only thing I could focus on. He acknowledged me slightly with a simple nod of his head.

"Look, I just wanted to say—"

"No," Sirius said suddenly, shaking his head with insistence. "Just take a sodding drink or something. I'm not in the mood to be chided."

I frowned at the bottle he'd pushed into my hands and promptly pushed it back. "Sirius, you know I don't drink. I just want to talk to you."

He definitely wasn't drunk, though he did look particularly out of it. "No, no you don't. You never want to talk; you just like to correct me. I'm not hearing it. Might as well go talk to the wall."

My face burned furiously. "You git," I cried breathlessly. "I was trying to apologize to you, but thank you for letting me know what a waste of time that would be."

I didn't wait for a proper response and instead left as swiftly as I could. It was a lot easier getting through than it was getting in, and when I'd reached the girls' dormitory, I collapsed on my bed without another thought.

It wasn't very long until my thoughts all swarmed around my head and attacked, burying me beneath a mound of anger and resentment. Sirius Black was the most tiresome, arrogant, pompous arse to ever walk the planet. He was intelligent, and so naturally that meant he was gifted and all-knowing and no one else stood a chance in the world against him. And he was witty, and so obviously that meant that he could get away with whatever he very well pleased. And he was good-looking, so he could criticize every other living being for their own flaws. He was stuck-up, selfish, overconfident, rude, cruel, and unrelenting, and I was completely done with him.

It should have been a relief, a final conclusion to a long seven years of friendship. No more wondering, no more trying, just the end and that was it. But it didn't settle me in the slightest, and suddenly my pillow was just a mass of feathers suspended in the air around me, and my inkwell was shattered glass and liquid on the floor, and my books were open and bent and sprawled out all over, and Leo was hiding in Lily's bed because I was evidently incredibly unstable, and nothing, absolutely nothing, was right at all.

I took silent note of the catastrophe around me and inhaled deeply. I wasn't crying, though perhaps that would have been slightly more ideal. I walked to Lily's bed and gingerly removed Leo from her covers, stroking him in between the ears gently and carrying him back to my own bed.

I let him scramble on top of my blankets and make himself comfortable, and only watched with a small, wry smile as he kept his eyes glued on me, perhaps in case I had another spontaneous fit of rage.

The dormitory was far from ravishing, unfortunately, and with slow steps I moved about with my wand and put things back into order. The feathers flew back into my pillow and the fabric mended itself before my eyes. The inkwell was whole once more, and the books closed and stacked themselves in a pile on my nightstand.

I released a content breath and returned to my bed. When I closed my eyes, I drifted off instantly, maybe the only thing that had gone right the entire day.

Well, never mind.

It'd felt as if I'd only closed my eyes when I was jerked awake again, a pair of familiar eyes before my face. "Gracie, Gracie, wake up."

"I'm awake," I groaned groggily, rubbing my face over and over. "What is it, Mary? What time is it?"

"It's, er… nearly midnight," she replied sheepishly, meaning I'd only been asleep for maybe two hours. "But it's important. I was coming back to bed and I nearly tripped over Sirius. He asked me to get you down."

"Wait, what?" I blinked rapidly. "That doesn't make sense, what are you saying?"

"He's apparently been waiting at the bottom of the stairs all night throwing things at our door, but everyone else is asleep and so no one heard him. And he saw me, and begged me, honest to Merlin, to get you to come down."

I rolled over, practically suffocating myself with my pillow. "Tell him to get back to bed."

"Oh, please, Gracie," Mary whined, nudging me in the shoulder. "I don't want to tell him. I promised that I'd get you. I'd feel bad otherwise."

"Well, shouldn't you feel bad for waking me at twelve o'clock? We have NEWTs tomorrow, Mary!"

"You're already awake?" she supplied with a timid, yet hopeful, shrug.

I groaned again, loudly, so that she would know that any compliance was one hundred percent against my will, and climbed out of the safe haven that had been my bed. "Go to sleep, Mary, for Merlin's sake. You're a bloody night owl."

"I know," she said with a sigh. "I hope everything goes okay with you and Sirius."

"Mmh." I didn't even think of an appropriate response. "I'll be right back, and you better be asleep when I do or I'll stupefy you."

She giggled and skipped over to her four-poster bed, dramatically diving behind the covers just for my sake.

I rolled my eyes halfheartedly and opened and closed the door with a quiet click. My mind was just fuzz, and I didn't think twice about it when I got to the stairs and saw Sirius standing near the bottom, leaning against the wall and staring off into the distant fire. It lit just a portion of his face, the warm tones playing tricks on his skin. When I walked down, I hadn't even thought about how abnormal all of this should have been. It wasn't until I'd reached him and finally met his gaze that my chest tightened and everything came crashing back.

"Hey," he said weakly. "Mary got you?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Tell her thanks for me," he said absentmindedly, gaze drifting slightly and then re-directing. "Look, Gracie, I'm sorry. I don't have any clue what I'm doing. I don't even know how I have enough intelligence to hold a wand. I'm hopeless."

It felt natural to just say it's fine to such an apology, but I couldn't. It was odd, anger to calm, but the whole thing was odd. The whole world was odd. If I ran away from things that were odd, I'd just end up killing myself from running. So I did what I knew I had to, despite any lingering anger or hard emotions. "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. You had a good point. And you didn't deserve all that lashing out... What you said, it does…make sense. We've always been such good friends, why throw that away?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, I'm sorry for that, too. It doesn't make sense. I don't care why it won't work, because frankly, I've already gotten the bad end of the deal, haven't I?" His gaze was ferocious, but not in a frightening way. More like a way that compelled me to keep looking because I couldn't bear to tear myself from him. "There could be a million reasons for something like this to not work, but I know there's at least one really, really good reason that it would, and that's all I care about."

I felt my eyes widen just barely and began stuttering for coherence. "What—what do you mean?"

He pressed his lips together tightly. "I don't want to say it. It's embarrassing."

I laughed, loudly, ridiculously, so odd and natural in the same conflicting moment. "What is it?"

He took a deep breath, rubbed the back of his neck, and shifted his standing position. "I'm going to say this, knowing perfectly well that things between us may not change. Maybe you don't even want them to, after all of this. I know that, and I'm saying this anyways."

"Okay," I murmured uncertainly.

I don't know if I'd expected what he was about to say. I don't know if I ever could have, really. Things of this nature, could they ever really be predicted?

And so he said it. He looked me in the eyes, light, glassy grey locking my gaze, and said it.

"Gracie, I love you."

I think that it would not be surprising to say that I didn't have an immediate appropriate response. I don't think I even had a proper coherent thought following this. I was struck, just absolutely struck, and before I could even begin to process all of the many internal things that were going on, he started talking again.

"You laugh at my jokes even when they're a thousand years old. You run everywhere and you're always panting because somehow you're so absurdly out of shape. You're stupid, and it makes me smile. You stuff your mouth when you eat, like an animal. You dance to class when you're happy. You're...you're so many things that I can't even think of."

"Sirius..."

"Wait, I've still got some left," Sirius said, smiling softly. "I don't mean it as a joke, or even to be friendly. I've known it forever, just not exactly what it was, really. I know it's just a couple of words, and maybe to you it doesn't mean anything. I might not love you just the way you want me to. I don't blame you, either, if that's how you feel. I mean, look at us. I've screwed things up more often than not, and it's my fault. But...I love you. And I want you to know that it's killing me to go on like this because I just feel so damn feminine, Gracie, but I'm doing it because I love you. And yeah, maybe I don't know just how a person goes about something like this just yet, but I love you with everything that I have, and the best that I know how." He paused for a moment, then smiled sheepishly. "Okay, now I'm done."

I stared, silent and dumbfounded. The words were slowly sinking in, hitting me at different times and different lengths, and soon enough my eyes were filling with tears but I still had no idea what to say.

"Don't worry," he said lightly, laughing in spite of himself. "You don't have to say anything."

I hugged him instead, and I buried my head in his shoulder to stop the tears from betraying me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in tight to his chest, and we stayed like that for a while, with our breathing slowly falling in sync.

I wiped my eyes after some time and pulled myself away. "Wait, Sirius—okay, I'm not just going to—wait." I squinted my eyes shut, reoriented myself, and started over. "I'm sorry, too. I messed up. It wasn't just you. You're right, I wanted more from you than you could handle, and then when you didn't agree with me, I was just bitter. And then I just bottled it all up and whenever you did anything, it was like you were reminding me of it and you just aggravated all that pent up anger and I would blow up. And I'm sorry, because you didn't deserve that. Because all those things you said about me, you're the only one I can really be like that with. And you're special to me. But I'm not going to elaborate on that, just because there is something nice about a little mystery." I grinned mischievously.

He frowned. "That's not fair."

"Wait, I'm not done, shush. I don't want to lose you, okay? So, whatever that entails, let's just make sure that we're never far. Because I... well." I blinked. "Oh, Merlin, how did you say that so easily? That's hard."

Sirius laughed easily. "What? I love you? You can't say it?"

I pouted. It wasn't that I couldn't say it, and it wasn't that I didn't mean it, either. It was just that it was so incredibly sentimental that I was afraid to.

"Okay, I'll help you." He grabbed my chin, and I scrunched my face in protest, but he did not relent. "Slowly, repeat after me. I."

I laughed loudly at the ridiculousness of it all, and he moved my chin for me. "I..."

"Love."

"Love..."

"You."

I hesitated, beaming, and said, "You."

"Now say it all together."

I tried to bite his hand, but he yanked it away, grinning as if he'd expected it. I just rolled my eyes and stood up straight, letting the words flow together in my head. Well, if he'd said it, I could, couldn't I?

This time, I expected it. And this time, so did he.

"I love you, Sirius."

He sighed, though still with a small smile. "I know. That's why all of this happened. Because we love each other but we're both far too stubborn."

"Let's start over."

"What? You mean say all that again?"

"Sirius," I exhaled. "No. I mean, let's just start all this over again, and go about it the way it should have happened. All right?"

He nodded. "I can do that." He moved in slowly and pressed his lips to mine. I could tell he'd meant it to be a quick kiss, but there was no way I would have that.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close in and kissing him with fervor. Sirius didn't seem to have a problem with this, either, and returned his arms to their familiar spot around my waist.

Turns out that I'd been wrong about that day. It had definitely not been destined to be terrible.

A/N: So, school has started for me, and I will tell you that while it wasn't entirely horrible, it will definitely be one HECK of a year for me. Sigh. It was good though. Nice to see all of my friends... and all of those other people too. Eh. Anyway, sorry if this chapter is not too great? I feel like it's as haphazardly written as ever. Gr. Well, that's all. Leave a review and thanks for reading, lovelies!