((Author: Oh man... where to start. First of, let me apologize once more for the wait. There's been a lot of personal stuff going on with school starting up, family events, and so on that has been and still is taking up most of my time. The main one at the moment being that I'm currently getting passed around the hospital like a rag doll where one thing or another is doing it so that the treatment I'm getting is getting forced on the back burner. The most resent one really came as a heavy blow for me and while I can logically understand their reasons, it doesn't change the fact that it left me pretty devastated and distraught. So there might be a while before I post again as because of this, all my rps are on pause because I simply can't get in the right mind set for the characters.))

Chapter Twenty Five

What We Want isn't Always what We Want

*~ Nightly ~*

Alice had run to her room and shut the door before placing Klonoa onto the floor and crumbling up against the door. She cried hard into her knees, tucking them close to her face.

"I want them back," she sobbed as Klonoa whined for her to cheer up. She rose wearily and lay down onto her bed, before closing her eyes and crawling deep inside herself, leaving a hollow shell of herself back in reality. "I want to see my mom and dad again..."

Janus nodded, and hurried towards Alice's room. He raised his hand to knock, and then decided it was better not to. He heard Klonoa yip as he approached the door. "A...Alice? Are y'... can... can I come in? P-please?"

Alice was laying limply on the bed, silent tears slowly falling from her unmoving eyes as Klo whined and scratched that the door.

"Go away," She called out as she stared blankly at the wall. "Leave me alone..."

"Alice... c'mon Alice. Don't... I... I have some good news... I wanted to tell you... Lemme in, please?" The boy leaned against the door, knowing he could just open it, but really wanting her to let him in first. He waited a long moment. "I... Please, Alice. Please?"

*~ Nightly ~*

"I'm glad I'm not a parent, old friend. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my child... I... I don't know how to help her. She just need to calm herself down, and I'll be damned if I want to wait for it! I don't want her angry at me... and I don't care if my House's damned motto is 'Patience' - I want her to forgive me now..."

Mikeal patted Aleks shoulder.

"You can't force her to forgive, Aleks. If you force her to forgive, it will only ruin what the two of you have built over the years.," he looked at him and sighed. It was hard to give advice to his elder when he had no knowledge about rising Fledglings. "but I can tell you not to leave her alone in the moment. She needs you close to her. Alice..." He thought back to the young girl he had spoken to, how she was. "She tried to be strong on the outside often, but she's not that strong at all. She's lost in the moment and doesn't know where to turn."

Mikeal sighed and loosely hugged Aleksandr.

"I'm sorry there isn't more I can offer you of help, Aleks. Your own Sire may be better equipped to help you with this, but from what I, myself, know is that if anything she shouldn't be alone right now..."

"...you're right, Mikeal. I can't force her... I don't want to push, that's all... She needs to do some things herself... including forgive me... but... No. Thank you." Aleksandr got up, and started walking towards Alice's room. "So where's Janus? You didn't leave him alone, I hope?"

When they got to the other end of the hallway upstairs, and Aleksandr could see the boy leaning against the door, he had his answer. "Ah..."

Janus was looking at the doorknob, frustrated. "Alice? Please?"

Alice took her pillow and covered her head.

"GO AWAY!" She yelled, he voice holding every bit of pain she had inside her.

Mikeal sighed at this and looked at Janus.

"She's refusing to talk to you?" He asked, knowing the answer. He turned to hear the panicked yips of Klo and frowned. "I think you're needed Aleks."

He pulled Janus to the side and patted the boy on the should. "You tried Janus. you tried, but i think these two need to make up first before we can help at all."

Janus frowned, and nodded. "Um... Sorry, Lord Aleksandr..." Looking at the door longingly, he backed away, letting Mikeal lead him.

Alek sighed, and lowered his head.

"Alice... I'm going to come in. Open this door. Please. Or I'm going to come in anyway... This..." Aleksandr's face twisted. Like he even had the right to say this. "...this is your only warning, Alice."

Alice hugged the pillow close to her head as she cried harder. Although he hadn't meant to, his words had reminded her of her father when he would talk to her. He would yell the same thing through the door.

"FUCK YOU!" She yelled through the pillow at the door. Klo was starting to cry himself but for other reasons. The pup need to go outside and didn't want to wet the room, he had been trained not to. "GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"

*~ Nightly ~*

Mikeal quickly lead Janus to the ballroom, not wanting to bother Aleks and Alice. He knew this was going to be trying for the both of them, and he didn't want to stress Janus with their disagreement either.

"We'll give them some alone time,' He explained although he knew the boy had already guessed it. "say, how would you like to fence a bit? I'm sorry Alice would love to see it when she and Aleks are on good terms again. Sound like an idea?"

Janus nodded. "I... yes. I'd... I'd like that." He looked around. "No swords here, though, are there?"

"Janus, although I'm not as good as Aleks is at magic, I can do something," Mikeal mocking scolded the boy and held out his hands. It took him a moment, but he soon held to rapiers in his hands with protectors on the ends. He tossed on to Janus and took the fighting pose. "Now, show me what you can do."

*~ Nightly ~*

Aleksandr opened the door, and closed it behind him. "...thank you for not locking it, Alice."

The man sat down on the straight-backed chair on the other side of the room, and looked at the girl on the bed. "...I... There was only one reason I did what I did, Alice. ...do you know what that was?"

"..."
Alice kept her head under the pillow curling her knees to her chest seeming small then she was.

"To spite me," She answered as she turned her whole back to him. "I heard what you said, about ripping his arms off and beating him with them... you fucking hypocrite. It was in my right to hurt him and you refused me that!"

She suddenly wished she had locked the door. She wanted to be alone and hurt by herself, not have someone around trying to heal it.

"Get out," She growled under the pillow. "Leave me alone."

"I said I wanted to heal him. Not that I would... and that's exactly why I didn't bring you - hurting... revenge... doesn't solve anything. He would have tried to kill you, Alice. I didn't bring you because - what was the last thing you did before I left? You stormed off like I wasn't even there. You were blind with rage... I... I couldn't risk it... risk you... you'd only be hurting more now, even if you survived..." Alek shook his head. "I used powerful magic to bind him... make him helpless... make him start afresh. I brought the others with me to prevent me from hurting him... I..." Alek's face tightened.

"I couldn't let you hurt yourself like that. My job is to protect you."

"It was my LIFE!" Alice finally rose from the bed and threw the pillow at Aleks. "My life Aleks that he showed up and fucked with! you don't get it! I trusted him. TRUST him! He was my fucking neighbor that I joked with everyday after school!" She was still in tears. "we invited him to over for dinner Aleks. He would sit next to my mom at the table."

She started crying harder. "You don't know anything! GET OUT! NOW!"

She was pushing him away the best she could but somewhere inside something was screaming to Aleks in side his head 'Don't leave me alone'.

*~ Nightly ~*

Janus' eyes widened. "...I... Wow!" He grabbed the weapon, suddenly excited again. He tried to ride that wave, not letting the tension get him down. He assumed his stance.

"Hey, Mikeal? ...um... thanks for holding me back in front of Mr. Valentine... I... um... I sorta lost control..."

Mikeal smiled fondly at the boy.

"It was nothing, Janus," Mikeal answered. "I would have done the same in your place."

*~ Nightly ~*

Her voice was like a hand squeezing his heart. She was in so much pain. "...I..." Alek stifled a shudder, covering his mouth. His eyes were watering.

"...I can't..." The man's shoulders tensed, and he leaned forward - not leaving his chair, but looking as though all he wanted to do was scoop the girl up.

"Alice... I... know... I knew all about him... I... Couldn't let you get hurt... I needed... I need... to keep you safe. I..."

The man covered his face, unable to speak anymore. Something rather like a sob rose from his lungs.

Alice looked horrified at him, seeing she had brought him to tears. Her heart twisted painfully as she recalled putting her own parents into tears the day she left. She wanted to see them again, to say 'I love you and I'm sorry' to them and hug them. She wanted it back so badly, and yet here she was. Hurting another whom cared for her just as much.

She hoped of the bed and ran to Aleks, pulling him close, wanted to stop both of their pains.

"Please don't cry," she pleaded. She was getting more upset by his distress. "Please don't cry."

Her inner voice was small in his mind, but it was crying hard, soundly like a small lost child in the darkness of his thought.

'Don't leave me here alone,' was all it kept wailing.

Alek blanketed the girl in a bear hug. "Its hard to stop crying... I... I love you, little Alice... and I never, ever want to hurt you... I... Oh please, Alice... please forgive me..." The man's strong hands went limp, he depended entirely on his trembling arms to keep her against him. "I... I can't apologize for trying to take care of you - but I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you... what... whatever I can do... I promise... I..."

The man rocked her slightly, stroking her hair.

Alice went limp in his arms herself, not having the strength anymore to stand. She was tired. Emotionally exhausted and spend. She didn't hear anything that Aleks said, just that he kept asking her for forgiveness.

'He took Janus with him but not me. It was me that monster killed, not Janus. It wasn't fair,' she argued with herself. 'Why did he let Janus go?'

But as she stood still, holding her Sire and letting the flood of emotions race though her mind, Alice knew in her heart why he hadn't let her go with them. Because it was her attacker. Mathews had not only used her and brutally torn her from the world she once knew, he had left scars on her that ran deep and invisibly to the physical world. Would she have been able to stay calm facing him again? Janus didn't know the man, and he had lost his cool so how would she have been?

Alice wanted to think of herself as being able to face the man, leveled headed and ready to tackle him to the ground like some super hero from the Marvel and DC comics, but she wouldn't have. Not really. Victims rarely face their attackers with the wished for decorum or bravo they longed for and most likely, Alice would have flown for Mathews throat only to have her own get ripped out. No, it had been best that she stayed behind and vented her anger as she had.

She just didn't have to be happy about it.

'He only did what he thought was best,' She thought and breathed in a slow and measured breath. She knew she could forgive him. She already had. 'He's only human... well, sort of at least.'

'You're right,' she hugged Aleks close to her, her eyes drooping with exhausted. "I forgive you... I forgive you Aleks..."

"Thank you, Alice." The man rose, the girl still in his arms, and laid her down on her bed, hugging her tightly. "...thank you..." He kissed her forehead, and smiled down at her, rubbing the tears from his eyes. "You... you should get some rest. Come find me when you wake up, okay?"

...How can I make up what I did to her? She misses home... of course... we all miss home, really... but... What can I do to make this more like home?

Aleksandr thought about the spell books in his library. Maybe... Maybe he could do something else - he closed the door softly behind Alice, and let her sleep.

He didn't notice Klonoa run between his legs out the door as he did so.

"...sleep well, Dear Alice..."