We reached York a week and a half later. The army stopped ten miles away, hidden behind a set of hills in the forest. The camp fires were kept low and spread out so that no one from the city would be able to see the Viking camp from their walls. The forest outside of York was thick with foliage and the leaf canopy was so thick that the sunlight came through in thin beams of light.

Ivar had acquired a crutch, made somewhere along the way from Mercia to outside of York. The sons of Ragnar were all in an attack on York, and they all left the morning camp got settled to go scout themselves.

When they returned, all four of them surrounded me immediately. "When is the next Christian saint day?" Sigurd asked.

"Father once told me that the best time to attack a Saxon city, is on a day where they celebrate a Christian saint day." Ubbe explained when I stared blankly at them. "We plan to invade York on the next Christian saint day when they are all in church or drunk. You are our only Saxon around; so we knew you would know."

"I could tell you if I knew what the date was." I told them. "I know the days that occur in springtime, but I can't tell you which one is happening next or when."

They looked at each other for a moment before looking back to me. "Is there a way you could find out?" Sigurd asked.

"Not without going to the city and asking around." I said, only half joking. Hvitserk suddenly got a glint in his eyes. I caught onto his expression before anyone else saw it and I raised a finger at him. "That's insane. No, Hvitserk."

But the more they thought about it, the more the brothers wanted me to go directly into York to find out what saints day was coming up. Ivar was the only one who didn't want me to go.

"It is the only way we can find out, Ivar." Ubbe said exasperatedly after almost two hours of arguing about it.

"There could be other ways." Ivar insisted.

After this long of arguing, I was willing to just do whatever I could to make it stop. And me going into York was the best idea that had been made. I looked to Ivar and waved a hand towards Ubbe. "It is the easiest way to find out. Granted it is risky-"

"Exactly!" Ivar said, snapping his fingers.

"Let me finish." I cut him off as well. "It's risky only because of how odd it'd be that a stranger who speaks and sounds Saxon would be asking these questions. If I was a proper Christian, I'd already know and have plans for it."

"Then you go to the cathedral and ask one of the priests." Ubbe finished. He turned to his younger brother. "I understand why you are worried, Ivar, but I think we have all known Runa long enough to know that she will not abandon us."

Ivar jaw tightened but he made no further comment. With the matter seemingly settled, Hvitserk looked at me. "You cannot wear that though. You look too Viking."

He had a point. These clothes had been Helga's, and they still fit loosely. I'd stand out wearing Viking clothes. Hvitserk made me promise to wait for him and then he ran off. Ubbe shook his head. "I'm going to make sure he doesn't get himself killed." Sigurd didn't need a lot of prompting to leave after them.

I immediately looked to Ivar. "Why shouldn't I go? I'm still going, mind you, but I want to know why."

"It is like, releasing a house pet into the wild." Ivar said quickly, doing right on his promise to try and open up more. "The pet would not survive long because of the protection they had been getting from the house."

"You think I'd die in that city?" I asked. "I have lived in a city before, Ivar."

"It's not just that." Ivar continued, shaking his head slightly. "Growing up, my mother had a house cat, a gift from Father before he disappeared. This cat loved being my mother's pet; it purred when she pet it and it slept in her bed a lot. But then one day, I went into the woods with my brothers and, for a reason I could not begin to tell you, we brought mother's pet cat with us. When the cat got its paws on the ground, it ran off. Ubbe and Hvitserk had chased after it, but it was gone. We never saw it again and mother was upset that we lost it."

I stayed silent after the story, finally getting what Ivar was trying to say. Quietly I said, "You're afraid that if I go back to the Saxons, I'll run off and never come back. That it why you seemed surprised when I came back from meeting with Queen Kwenthrith."

"Floki was a true friend," Ivar said, no longer looking at me. "When he left, I knew that all I had left was you. Sigurd has never loved me, and Ubbe and Hvitserk have no excess of love for me. You're my last true ally in this camp, and if you leave I don't know what will be left of me."

"Ivar, if I was going to leave you, I could have done it already." I said. "My place is beside you and your brothers so long as this war goes on."

"And what about after that?" Ivar asked, finally turning and locking his gaze with me. "Are you going to leave your homeland for me? Are you going to stay and do who knows what? You said it yourself when you thought you would die, that there was nothing left on this island for you."

I shook my head at him. "You can't put that pressure on me, Ivar. It's not fair."

Ivar let out a bitter sounding laugh and threw a hand towards me. "None of this has been fair."

I flinched at what he was suggesting and left the tent, not feeling bad this time about leaving.

I walked around camp for a long while before I realized who I was looking for. Hvitserk was talking to a cluster of shieldmaidens, all of them looking fairly annoyed. Hvitserk caught my eye and quickly left the group of women for me.

"What was that?" I asked, my voice sounding thick.

"I was asking where I could find a Saxon dress." He replied. "You need a disguise. Why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying!" I snapped, and immediately tears started to leak. I wiped them roughly away as Hvitserk sighed heavily.

"My brother is a piece of shit, isn't he?" Hvitserk asked, putting his hands on his hips. I opened my mouth to respond but all that came out was a hiccup. Hvitserk snorted at me and grabbed my hand. "C'mon; let's go find you a disguise. That group of ladies were apart of a hunting party and they told me about a little farm that may have what we need."

I let Hvitserk take me through the camp and into the empty forest. When he was convinced that I would follow him, he dropped my hand and we walked in silence for a very long time.

"Here." Hvitserk said, his voice a quiet hiss. He got to the edge of the tree line and squatted, grabbing a fistful of my sleeve and yanking me down with him. I gave him a glare which he ignored and instead he pointed through the bushes to a small farm. Though the word farm was generous; the sole building doubled as home and barn, with a pig sty connected. There was a small field behind it where a man who looked to be close to the age of forty was working.

I scanned the area and two young boys were leaving their home to go into the woods. A woman who had to be their mother watched them leave before walking around the house to go to her husband in the field.

"She looks to be around your size." Hvitserk said. I glanced at him and Hvitserk's eyes were running down the length of my body. He nodded once. "Yeah, she's around your size, alright."

"Hvitserk!" I hissed at him, feeling my face heat up.

Hvitserk ignored me again. "Look, Runa, I'm going to run inside and grab some clothes for you-"

"That sounds stupid-"

"-and you're going to keep lookout-"

"I'm not doing anything!"

"-start howling like a wolf if either of them start coming into the house-"

"How about we come up with literally anything else?"

"-and I'll run back out-"

"Hvitserk-"

"Be right back!"

Hvitserk ran started running like mad before he could finish his sentence. I bit back the scream of surprise and terror that went through me as Hvitserk darted into open land as quick as a flash, not even looking at the couple in the field.

My heart was hammering in my chest as Hvitserk disappeared inside and my eyes darted between the field and the woods where the sons disappeared. What if the sons came back? Hvitserk would be in full view of them and then they could easily go to York and alert the guards that Vikings were close.

The husband and wife were speaking to each other, pausing in work to talk. I looked back to the woods; what were those sons going to go do? I looked back to the house. How long did it take to grab clothes?

A sudden scream from inside the house made my heart drop.

When the husband and wife turned in alarm to the house I did what Hvitserk had said and cupped my hands around my mouth and howled like a wounded animal. The husband looked in my direction while the wife started to run towards the house. I howled harder as Hvitserk suddenly burst from the house, a tight bundle under his arm. He entered the forest at where the sons entered it. The wife ran inside as the screaming continued. The husband gave the forest one last look before running after his wife.

I left the tree line and hurried away from the scene. How was I going to find Hvitserk again? How was I going to find my way back to the camp?

Hvitserk suddenly crashed through the underbrush and he threw the tight bundle of tawny and red clothing at me. "Got you a new wardrobe, Runa." He said breathlessly, a panting smile on his face. "I think you'll look good in red."

"You-" I couldn't even finish my sentence. I closed the gap between us and started wacking Hvitserk with my hands, slapping his shoulders and trying to slap his face. Hvitserk started laughing breathlessly even more as he ducked away from my blows.

"That was a stupid thing to do, Hvitserk!" I said, emphasizing each word with another hit.

"I got the clothes, didn't I?" Hvitserk asked, finally ending my attack by grabbing onto my wrists and holding me still. "You are welcome, by the way."

He held onto my wrists for a beat too long before letting me go. "Come on. Let's get back to camp. You may get to go to York later today."

I walked behind him for a while before he stopped and wrapped an arm around me and walked with me at his side. "I'm still cross with you." I snapped.

"I know." Hvitserk replied, sounding not bothered at all. He looked up at the sky when we were able to get into small clearing. "It's not even noon yet. Would you be willing to go to York today?"

I didn't think it over very long before agreeing. When we got back to camp, Hvitserk brought me back to his tent. "I'll get the others in the war council tent. Meet us when you're ready." He left and I hurried to get changed.

The dress Hvitserk found was a tawny and red-brown and it fit loosely around my shoulders and waist. It was a little too big, but it would do. I quickly pulled the loose material back onto my shoulders as it drooped off and bound the tawny head wrap around my head as I pulled my hair back and tied the wrap around my hair in a way that kept it out of my face and gathered behind my head. I looked like a common woman who could just be coming in from the fields.

When I entered the council tent, the sons were waiting for me. "Your hair is gone." Hvitserk pointed out, a smile on his face.

I lifted the corner of the tawny wrap to reveal my dark hair. "Still there." I replied. "It's also still back here." I reached back to where my hair was gathered and held it up an inch. "My mother used to tie hers back like this whenever she worked. It'll be easier to go by unnoticed if I look like I actually do something."

"You do do something." Ivar said.

"Her job is talking." Sigurd pointed out.

"Hurtful, Sigurd." I said, pulling the material back onto my shoulders. Ivar's eyes were tracking the movement and he shifted in his seat. "But, if you want the information about York, I should probably get going. I will be back sometime before sundown. If I'm not, please don't do march the army in there right now."

Ubbe smiled at that and he and Hvitserk and Sigurd wished me luck as I started to walk away. Ivar didn't say anything, and I didn't wait long enough for him to. Before leaving camp, I convinced a shieldmaiden to lend me a basket and spare cloth and I collected a random assortment of mushroom and berries as I entered the woods.

The walk through the forest was lonely this time around, but once I got onto an actual road, I found myself waiting for any sign of civilization. I followed the dirt road as the trees got sparser and I saw the hint of gray walls.

York was a massive city. The gates were closed when I approached and for a moment, I forgot how I would go about getting inside. A guard looked down at me from high above. "State your business!" He called down.

I held up my basket. "Looking for the market!" I called up in Saxon, doing my best attempt at the Northumbrian accent. It worked, as the gates opened wide for me and I strolled inside.

It was like stepping back in time to when I lived in the busiest part of Winchester with Constance. Like Winchester and Tamworth and even Bamburgh, it smelled of piss and shit. Townspeople called out to each other, the market seemingly right on the other side of the gates. I looked around, seeing the side door that would lead the where the archers were. Somewhere in there is where the mechanics to open the gates would be.

York was a nice city; I found myself liking it a lot more than other cities I had been in. I kept walking to the cathedral, knowing with every step that these people would be attacked in a few days, depending.

Inside the cathedral, I got my answer to what day was coming up soon. I recognized the decorations for Ascension Day. The priest was speaking in Latin, sounding like he was practicing for tomorrow. He was young looking; how long had he been a priest? Behind him was a large cross with a statue of Jesus Christ nailed to it. I swallowed hard at the sight of Jesus Christ; did he know what I was doing? Did he care?

A trio of nuns walked past me, the older one giving me a polite nod while one with very dark eyes blinked at me for a moment. Her eyes were a very similar shade of brown to mine, so dark they looked sort of black.

If I went back to Aethelwulf even still, he could put me back up for marriage. Pitching me differently to suitors, though I couldn't imagine what kind of man would want a wife who had traveled with Vikings and "was probably savaged by them". The realistic option, the one I could see Aethelwulf being completely fine with, was sending me to a convent. It was a thing that happened to some highborn widows and third or fourth daughters of lords.

I tried to imagine myself as nun, being sent to the convent. I couldn't exactly vow to remain a virgin, seeing as that had been thrown out of the window. But I could make a vow to remain chaste for the rest of my days. Seeing as I was technically highborn, daughter and sister of kings, I'd be given light work, writing religious manuscripts or weaving or embroidery. My hair would be sheared, as most nuns kept their hair. This was the life Aethelwulf would send me to, if I went back to him.

I followed the three nuns and gently tapped one on the shoulder. The girl with eyes like mine turned and looked at me and I nodded politely to all the nuns as they looked to me. "Excuse me," I started. "But I've been away from the city for a long while, and I've lost track of the days, silly me. When exactly is Ascension Day being celebrated?"

The head nun smiled kindly at me. "In three days, my dear. Where have you been all this time, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I have been helping my older brother with his land." I lied so easily. "They live far beyond the hills. You tend to lose track of time out there."

"Understandable." The head nun replied. Her two younger nuns left the conversation and spoke in low voices. I felt my heart beat a little faster as the head nun gently grabbed my hand and ran her thumb over my hand. "Will we be seeing you at the service?"

Without thinking, I nodded and flashed her a smile. "Most definitely." The nun let go of my hand and I wondered if she happened to feel the lack of calluses there.

I left the cathedral. I could go back to the Vikings now; Ascension Day was in three days, and they needed to know that they had three days to prepare for an attack.

A sudden caw made me flinch and drop the basket full of mushrooms and berries. I looked to see a large raven staring at me with beady eyes. I narrowed my eyes at it as it took to the air. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that was either Huginn or Muninn.

The sun had gone down by the time I made it back to camp. I almost alerted the Vikings guarding camp, but they relaxed when they saw me. I found the shieldmaiden and returned her basket to her. The sons of Ragnar weren't in the council tent, and they weren't around any of the fires.

Ivar wasn't in his tent either when I finally made it back. I let out a groan of annoyance and started to undress, just to get back into comfortable clothes that didn't try and fall off my shoulders every five seconds.

There was a sudden movement at the tent entrance as I was half undressed and Ivar stood there, leaning heavily on his crutch and staring hard at me. My shoulders were completely bare and my hair was wild looking after a whole day of being held back. The laces keeping the dress on were completely undone, and the dress was only being held up by my hands.

"You came back." Ivar finally said, his eyes going from my hands holding up the dress to my face. Something told me he wasn't just talking about my day trip to York.

I didn't say anything in reply. I just let go of the clothing and let the dress drop to around my ankles, revealing myself completely to Ivar. His ice blue eyes widened as he looked down to my breasts and groin area.

Maybe it was because I had spent today mad at him and also thinking about what life would be like as a nun, or possibly the pent up frustration of having shared the same bed with Ivar for over a month and nothing happening, but I wanted him to fuck me.

Ivar started forward slowly until he was close enough to the bed to be slightly supported by it. He tossed his crutch to the ground and it fell with a clatter. Without breaking eye contact, Ivar reached and started to remove his braces. I frowned slightly, starting forward to help.

"Don't." Ivar growled, and something in his voice made me stop. He gave up on the braces and instead sat himself down on the bed before reaching out and grabbing onto my wrist and pulling me into the space between his legs. He pulled the wrist he was holding onto down until my hand was on his crotch. Our faces were close to each others now and Ivar used his to push my face upwards, to better face him.

"Do you feel that?" Ivar practically growled at me. "Back when I tried to fuck a slave, I thought I was cursed, because no matter what, I could not get hard." His voice clipped when I grabbed at him. He lost the upper hand but he still tried to hold onto it. "And now here I am-"

I pressed my forehead harder against his, pushing his face back some. My hand remained holding on to his manhood as it got firmer beneath his breeches. I made eye contact, having no idea where this need, this drive was coming from, but not questioning it. "I want you inside me, Ivar." I said in a low voice.

Ivar's arm suddenly swung and he knocked me onto the bed. With the agility that I kept forgetting he had, Ivar crawled on top of me and began kissing my breasts, alternating between kissing and biting. I made use of my hands by yanking at the string holding his breeches up. Ivar would only let them down low enough to expose himself, but at this point I didn't care that he was still nervous about his legs. When barely any contact was made, I used my left leg to kick against the bed and flip myself over, turning Ivar over with me so that his back was on the bed and once more, I straddled his waist and let him inside me.

It was a whole different experience. Every movement and decision we made seemed to be fueled by pent up frustration and built up lust. I stayed on top of him and my hips moved of their own accord, driving into his hips as he moved himself as much as possible to thrust himself deeper inside me. And every time I tried to lean up to be more in a sitting position, one of Ivar's hands would shoot out and grab a fistful of loose hair to pull me back down so that he could continue kissing and biting my neck and chest, getting increasingly harder and sloppier the longer it lasted.

When Ivar's seed finally came, I felt it shoot inside me and I gasped loudly and high pitched. Ivar laughed airily at the sound of it and I rolled off of him and felt his penis slide out of me, the excess of his seed dripping down the inside of my thighs. I laid down right beside Ivar as he stared up at the roof of the tent, looking sweaty and tired but he still had a smile on his face.

Ivar turned his head to look at me after a long moment of silence. "Do you want to do that every time we have a fight?"

Without thinking, I started laughing, feeling light and tired and sweaty and for the first time in a long time, happy with myself.