Chapter 25: Jurassic Park

While Grom was busy punching in Cenarius' face in…

A goblin zeppelin was flying around, fro some reason. But no one could ever have guessed there was a spying orc in it, mostly since units don't appear in the baskets, and it was, even though it's impossible, a raider, on a wolf, in a flying zeppelin.

So the zep keeps spying on the humans when suddenly, it gets attacked by… PTERODACTILS! (The chapter IS called Jurassic Park, you know).

"MAYDAY, MAYDAY! OUR ZEPPELIN IS BEING ATTACKED BY AN UNKNOWN CUSTOM MODEL! I'LL CRASH LAND IN THE CAMP!" screams the raider into the walkie-talkie, even though he has no idea what the hell it is. The zeppelin crashes near a fortress in ridiculously large explosions, probably due to the fact that a zeppelin is made of HIGHLY INFLAMMABLE GAS.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! The raider comes out of the burning wreckage while some random panicking reporter keeps screaming: "THE HUMANITY! THE HINDENBURG… IT'S IN FLAMES- OH THE HUMANITY!"

"…right… anyway, Warchief Thrall, we noticed there were humans guarding an entrance to a cave!" informs the raider.

"Geez, what a waste of typing space, I guessed that, the author gave me another logic then Blizzard's! What could they be doing there, if they wanted to get owned by us in a ridiculous yet bloody and costly fight, they had a lot of opportunities…" answers Thrall.

Suddenly, Cairne Bloodhoof steps in the camp.

"Cairne, what the hell are you doing here? Weren't you eating grass somewhere on a farm in Texas?"

"At first I didn't want to come you know, but then I realised this might be a great opportunity to see you killed by traps in a dungeon! So I just had to come! Other then that, the taurens are the coolest thing that ever happened to the orcs, we couldn't leave you with your wimpy grunts and trolls!" says Cairne. "Besides, I'm always paid handsomely by my sponsors to crack a joke or two: Grandmother cow-woman's fresh cow milk, a good source of calcium for any young tauren!"

"Your race is so horrible… you base yourself on COWS?!" complains Thrall.

"HAIL THE SACRED COW-LORD!" screams the tauren chieftain into the air.

A giant golden spirit bovine drops from the sky and smites Thrall with its holy hooves, then raises back to cow heaven.

"Wow… god is a cow… who knew?!"

After a few more minutes of arguing and needless violence…

"… Putting aside the fact your cows are inferior bovines, we noticed pink-skins in the region…" says Cairne.

"Those pink-skins are called humans, though I admit the pink-skin idea is pretty funny, and they're our enemies from Lollyron… I say we slaughter them now and ask questions later!" suggests Thrall.

"There are pterodactyls to the north of here. If I remember my movies right, they love chopping pink-skins to pieces in bloody special effects or leaving them to the T-Rex… I say we forget about them and move on with the story!"

"GOOD IDEA!" screams the horde of avid Warcraft fans.

30 minutes later…

After totally owning what blizzard dares call a human base, Thrall and Cairne stop to watch the living troops flee into the cave… then they follow them. What else? Just because it's a cinematic, doesn't mean characters have to talk, you know. Well… okay, most of the time that's what happens, but this time there really was nothing to say. The only thing that was interesting (and that you probably missed) was the giant Donkey Kong throwing barrels at an Italian plumber in flashy red clothes.

Next Chapter: The Oracle (not the matrix black woman, the rambling prophet from Chapter 1!)