Thorns
The Marauders' Era
Chapter 25: Tessa's Tears
Late February 1977…
"For the love of—Time out! TIME OUT" Edgar shouted to Madam Hooch, swearing as she blew her shrill whistle, finally consenting to his call. Edgar Nott waved his hand, calling all of his team into a huddle.
Tessa shook her head angrily, her hands shook as she steered her broom over to her team's huddle.
"What the hell is going on out there, Rosier!" Edgar demanded, his clear blue eyes hard. "We're getting slaughtered by Gryffindor! Where's your head?!"
"I-I need to sit out, Edgar," Tessa admitted, unable to look Edgar in the eyes. In all her years of playing Quidditch, no matter the weather or the injury, she never asked to sit out. "Put Rowle in for me." Tessa's dark blue eyes were hard as she stared Edgar down.
Edgar paused to take another look at Tessa. She was absolutely pale. Something tight formed in Edgar's throat before he nodded once. "Fine," he said, his voice subtly softer. "Go to the infirmary, Tessa."
Tessa nodded once. Behind her, she heard Edgar call for Rowle to join the game. Before she began her descent downward, she had to pass the Gryffindor team. James flew over to her; he also seemed to notice she wasn't well. "Tessa, are you all right?" James' eyebrows furrowed with concern. "Did I hit you too hard?"
"No, it's not that," Tessa paused mid-sentence, her pale face paled even further, "I'm going to be sick." Tessa quickly lowered her broom and hit the ground running. She got as far as the locker rooms before she threw up just outside the door that led to the Quidditch field.
"Tessa? Tessa? I know you're in here."
The sound of the toilet flushing gave Tessa's hiding place away. Lily pushed open one of the doors in the Prefect's bathroom to find Tessa sitting next to the toilet, wiping her mouth with tissue paper.
"How did you find me," Tessa asked as she looked up at Lily. Lily's green eyes were filled with concern as she sat beside Tessa.
"Easy, you hide when you're sick."
"I do not hide," Tessa protested, but quickly stopped talking when another wave of nausea hit. She leaned over the toilet once more, feeling the sour feeling in her mouth. She heard Lily fumble to the sink and return. She felt Lily's steady hands pull back her long hair and place a cool cloth on the back of neck. Tessa would have thanked her friend, but a powerful wave of dry heaves rendered her unable to communicate.
"You do hide," Lily insisted. "Remember when we all celebrated the end of our O.W.L.s and had a Prefect party? You drank so much that it made you sick—Remus and I searched all of Hogwarts for you, only to find you throwing up over the balcony on the fourth floor. I figured the Prefect's bathroom was big and private enough for you to lock yourself in."
Tessa leaned back against the cool wall and moved the towel from her neck to wipe her mouth.
"I sent Sirius to the infirmary," Lily said. "He came running when I did. We probably have about ten minutes before he finds out I duped him—so you have eight minutes to tell me what made you sick."
"I ate something foul yesterday," Tessa lied. "Probably the venison. It looked rather questionable."
"Liar," said Lily. "I had the venison, and I'm perfectly fine." Her eyebrows furrowed. "I'm not going to pry you for information, but if you need me to keep a secret from Sirius, I can," Lily promised.
"You're a good friend, Lil," Tessa smiled, rising to her feet. "Will you walk me to the infirmary? And bring that rubbish bin, will you? If we see Sirius, just tell him I don't want him to see me throw up because I'm vain, or something like that."
"Will do," said Lily; she knew in this moment, Tessa didn't need questions.
As they exited the Prefect Bathroom, sure enough, Sirius rounded the corner, looking concerned. "Tess, are you alright?"
"I'm fine, Sirius—just a little stomach flu," Tessa smiled in what she hoped was a convincing manner. "Lily's walking me to the Infirmary. Go back to the game, I can't bear to have you see me throw up."
"Tess, I don't care if you're—" Sirius started.
"Really Sirius, it's embarrassing enough having Lily see my like this," Tessa said with a frown. "Go back to the game, James needs a cheerleader."
Sirius and Lily made eye contact when Tessa slowly walked off. Lily shrugged a shoulder and Sirius frowned. Tessa hated anyone seeing her in a state of weakness, but she was hiding something…and Sirius wanted to know what it was.
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It took the threat of throwing up on her that made Lily finally leave Tessa alone in the hospital wing. Tessa sat with her feet over the side of one of the hospital beds, her legs bounced with anxiety as she rubbed her vial between her fingers waiting for Madame Pomfrey. She was alone, and in that moment, that was exactly what Tessa wanted.
Finally, the kindly looking witch arrived. Her usual kindness was still in her eyes, but her mouth was set in a hard line reserved for students who did something stupid. Tessa was used to this face because she so often accompanied the stupid students to the hospital. She was not, however, accustomed to being on the receiving end of the stupid student look. She did not like it.
"Miss Rosier…" Madame Pomfrey started, and all Tessa's blood rushed to her ears, and pounded loudly, making it hard to hear. She heard nothing except for one word with two syllables:
"Pregnant."
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The sun was setting as Tessa walked back to the Slytherin dungeon from the infirmary. She walked without seeing, allowing her body to lead her where she needed to be.
"Tessa."
Tessa turned to see Edgar, his brunette hair wet after a shower. She forced a smile.
"How are you feeling," asked Edgar. His movements were stiff. Every interaction between the two was stiff at best, saying only what needed to be said.
"Fine, Edgar," Tessa nodded. "Just food poisoning. How was the game?"
"We lost," Edgar grumbled. His clear eyes searched Tessa's face with a concern that made her heart ache—not for the feelings she didn't have for him, but because now, everything was different. "Tessa I—"
"Tess."
Tessa turned again to see Sirius, his grey eyes narrowed at Edgar. Sirius walked up to Tessa and kissed her temple. "What did Madame Pomfrey say," asked Sirius as he stood between Tessa and Edgar.
"Er," Tessa glanced at Edgar. "I've been training too hard," said Tessa. "Yes, I thought I gained too much weight during winter holiday and I noticed I began to fly differently. I told my captain, which happens to be Edgar, and he thought it'd be a good idea for me to lose weight as well."
"What, I—" Edgar began to protest, but the look in Tessa's eyes made him stop. "I never thought Rosier would go to the extreme," Edgar said, smoothly covering his blunder.
"You let this crazy girl diet?!" Sirius yelled, absolutely livid. "She doesn't need to diet—she's tall, but she's still the lightest on your team, are you mad?!"
"Sirius, that's enough, it's not Edgar's fault, really. He just told me there were ways I could drop 10-15 pounds (4-6 kgs) really fast. I'm a perfectionist, so I tried it. Then this morning when I tried to eat, my body rejected the nutrients and it made me nauseous. I cost Slytherin the game, but you should be happy, Sirius, Gryffindor beat us!"
"It's not worth it if you hurt yourself in the process, Tess," Sirius said through gritted teeth. "Nott I could kill you for allowing her to do this!"
"Sirius, enough," Tessa hissed angrily. "It's not Edgar's fault, it was my own stupid fault. Just mine." Tessa looked at both boys who stared at her as if she had gone mad. "Now if you don't mind, I need to rest. Made Pomfrey gave me nutrients and fluids, and it's making me exhausted."
Edgar and Sirius watched as Tessa left without looking back. Tessa thought she could leave them both behind, but she forgot Edgar was headed toward their Common Room as well.
"Tessa!" Edgar called after her as Tessa made her way up the stairs to the girls' dormitory, once in the safety of the Common Room.
Tessa took in a deep breath and exhaled before turning to face Edgar. Edgar's clear eyes were wide with confusion. "I don't know why I lied for you, Tessa, but I hope you have a pretty damn good reason to hide whatever it is you're hiding. Black was ready for a duel out there!"
"I know, Edgar, I'm so sorry," Tessa said, shaking her head. "I didn't mean to get you in trouble."
"I don't care about that," said Edgar, shrugging his broad shoulders.
Tessa sighed deeply as she backtracked down the stairs. The Common Room was empty except for her and Edgar. She crossed the black and white marble floor and stopped in front of Edgar, craning her neck to look up at him. This was the closest she had been to him since they broke up. For a moment, she wished things could go back to how they were—maybe to her second year when things with Sirius weren't complicated and Edgar was just a silly crush. Tessa reached up to touch Edgar's cheek, and she smiled slightly.
"You know," said Tessa as Edgar's clear blue eyes intently searched her dark blue gaze, "I know that under your sleeve is a tattoo that brands you with your beliefs—beliefs I absolutely find repulsive—wait, hear me out. In spite of all that, Edgar, you're one of the good ones. Truly, I know you've always meant well. Thank you for lying for me. A Slytherin never forgets the ones that helped them along the way." Tessa dropped her hand and stiffened when Edgar reached for it, holding it steady in hers.
"You don't owe me anything, Tessa," said Edgar, his eyes bright. "If for a moment we can forget our beliefs," Edgar chuckled slightly—and Tessa smiled, how could they forget something so serious?
"Tessa, I will never want to stop giving you the world. Maybe not in the same way I wanted to when we were together. Every year I see you laugh and smile and fight for the ones you love, in a completely honest way and without care to whatever happens to you. You're amazing, Tessa. Really, If ever there comes a day when you need a friend, regardless of where our beliefs place us, I'm your friend."
"Edgar," Tessa squeezed Edgar's hand once, before she pulled it away. "Thank you."
Finally, Tessa climbed the stairs to her dormitory. She was surprised to see that she was the only one home—she figured all the others were at Hogsmeade or dinner. Silently she went into the bathroom and ran a shower before she stepped in, allowing the soothing hot water to ease away her tension. Before she forgot, Tessa waved her wand in a circle above her head, "silentium," she murmured.
Sliding down against the shower wall, Tessa knew she had 30 minutes of encased silence—she could hear everything, but if anyone entered the bathroom, all they would hear is the shower running. For the first time that day, since Madame Pomfrey told her she was pregnant, Tessa yelled out as loudly as her lungs would allow, and sobbed very hard.
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Avoiding Sirius was an absolute nightmare the following three days. Tessa attempted to remain as discreet as she could about her avoidance of him, but by day three of her cold shoulder towards him, half the student population whispered that Sirius Black was back on the market and Tessa Rosier was single again.
During supper, Tessa busied herself with homework at the Slytherin table when a shadow fell over her textbooks. Tessa glanced up just as Sirius was sitting down—a hush fell over the Slytherin and Gryffindor tables.
"Are you lost," asked Loretta, raising an eyebrow at Sirius. As always, She and a few of the Slytherin upperclassmen sat near Tessa.
"What are you doing, Sirius," Tessa asked carefully, her eyes narrowed.
"Can't a boy enjoy dinner with his best girl," asked Sirius, offering a charming smile.
Tessa glared at one of her friends who sighed dreamily. Tessa frowned, the thing about morning sickness was that it wasn't confined to mornings—it happened at all hours of the day, and today was particularly bad.
"I happened to notice you weren't eating," said Sirius, "probably studying hard for Charms, eh?"
Tessa leaned forward, "what are you playing at, Sirius," she hissed.
"Nothing at all, Princess," said Sirius. Instead, he pushed a plate toward her; the plate had a chicken leg and a side of mashed potatoes on it as well as a wrapped piece of chocolate. "I just figured I fix you a plate since you were so busy." Sirius' grey eyes fixed steadily on Tessa.
Tessa glared hard at Sirius, hoping she felt the burning wrath of her anger—if he did, Sirius continued to smile charmingly, as if immune. With an impatient sigh, Tessa gave Sirius a mocking smile before she took up a fork and ate a bite of potatoes. "Yum," she said sarcastically. "Happy?"
"Only if you finish it," said Sirius.
Tessa groaned and put her fork down. She slammed her textbook shut and rose to her feet. "I don't have time for this, Sirius. Now if you excuse me, tonight is my night for Prefect duties and I need to go get ready." With a final glare, Tessa turned and swung her long legs over the bench and stormed away. She barely made it to the Great Hall's exit when she felt her feet go from under her.
"SIRIS BLACK, PUT ME DOWN AT ONCE!" Tessa demanded as Sirius swung her over his shoulder. Tessa's face burned with humiliation as cheeky catcalls, laughter, and jeers erupted around the Great Hall. Tessa fumbled for her robe's pockets, as she held tight to her textbook.
"Looking for this, Princess" asked Sirius, waving her wand at her. Tessa wasn't sure if she should be impressed or alarmed by his pick-pocketing abilities. "Do you really think I wasn't prepared for you to hex me?"
Sirius carried Tessa all the way to a vacant spiral, stone staircase before he put her down. Sirius folded his arms over his chest, an eyebrow raised as he watched Tessa push back her long hair, recovering her dignity as best she could.
"Tess, I've seen you lie before, and you are doing a horrible job of it these days," said Sirius. He frowned when she refused to answer. "Tess…" Sirius leaned forward and touched Tessa's chin, tipping her head up to meet his eyes. "What are you scared of?"
"I'm not scared," Tessa said, jerking her chin out of his hand, ignoring the hurt expression that flashed in his eyes. It was so rare that they withheld physical touch from each other that it alerted Sirius to the gravity of Tessa's secret.
"You're fooling me, then," said Sirius. "Because I think you're scared of something and you're coming up with bloody horrible lies and avoiding me to cover it up. I don't know why you're scared of me." He frowned, and Tessa had to look down at her hands to keep herself from blurting everything out.
"I'm not scared," Tessa insisted, her voice small.
"Fine," said Sirius, "you aren't scared. But I swear, I will find out whatever it is you're hiding from me, one way or another." Sirius' words were harsh and threatening, that's why Tessa jumped when his fingers gingerly smoothed away her hair and kissed her forehead. Tessa glanced up to watch Sirius lope away, hands in his pockets.
"I'm not scared," Tessa murmured once he was out of earshot. "I'm bloody terrified."
"Spit it out, Remus," said Tessa when they were on their final rounds of the night. Remus had been quieter than usual the entire night, and Tessa felt his side glances and watched him open and close his mouth as though he had something to say but decided not to.
"Nothing," said Remus, holding up his hands in defense.
"You're Sirius' best friend so you're never not up to something," Tessa said through narrowed eyes. "He sent you to spy on me, didn't he?"
Remus' silence was a confirmation.
Tessa sighed as they patrolled the halls, Remus opening staring at Tessa now as they ended their rounds on the fourth floor.
"We're all worried about you, Tessa," said Remus, ever so gentle. "Lily is worried, but she won't say anything—Sirius tried, but she's a steel trap. Prongs says he no longer sees you practicing quidditch as much as you usually do. And Sirius, well, it's quite annoying living with him when he has his mind set on something. He paces and mumbles to himself a lot."
"Let him pace all he wants then," said Tessa, her voice sad. "Don't worry about me, Remus. I'm fine."
"Clearly you're not, Tessa," Remus said, more frustrated this time. "You've gone to a dark place, and this is worse than the years after you learned occlumency. You locked everyone out then, and you're doing it again now. Are you having visions again?"
"No, nothing like that," said Tessa—and she wished it was as easy as that.
"Whatever it is, you know we'll find out, right," said Remus, his tone neutral as they went to Tessa's favorite spot—the fourth floor balcony.
"Is that a threat?"
"No, it's the truth," said Remus with a smile. "If I couldn't hide my furry little problem from Padfoot, Prongs, or Wormtail for very long, then I'm sure it's only a matter of time before your issue is discovered too."
Tessa sucked in a deep breath, her stomach twisted into knots as they entered the large balcony.
"Fine, I'm pregnant, okay? Madam Pomfrey and Lily are the ones to know. And now you."
Remus' eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Before he could say anything, it was another voice that spoke from behind a stone pillar.
"Pregnant?" Sirius stepped out of the shadows, his face pale and his grey eyes unfathomable.
Tessa paled as well, she turned to Remus, a mixture of irritation and betrayal in her heart. "You tricked me," said Tessa. She knew he was up to something that entire night, and she fell for it.
"It was time, Tessa," Remus said quietly; she hoped he registered the anger in her eyes. Remus walked over to Sirius and touched his shoulder before exiting the scene, leaving the two of them in silence.
"Y-you're—"
"Yeah."
"Pregnant." Sirius uttered the word flatly. Neither he nor Tessa made a move toward each other. They stood rooted to their spots as though a cavernous drop lied between them.
Sirius shook his head, his face stormy with emotions. "How long—"
"I-I'm not sure, Tessa said, biting her lip. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. "Since January it seems."
"And you didn't know until—"
"I had a feeling something was wrong," said Tessa, "When I first threw up."
"We were always careful," said Sirius, shaking his great black head. His grey eyes were pleading when he looked at her. "What happened?"
"The night you were at my parents' house," Tessa murmured. "And I didn't take the pill. I went to take one the next morning, but I forgot them at school. I thought it would be okay because we were always careful, and I thought traces of the potion would still be in my system because of how regular I was, but—"
"But pregnant," said Sirius, not even bothering to be grammatically correct. His eyes then narrowed. "Does Edgar know? Is that why he lied for you?"
"God no," Tessa said quickly. "Madam Pomfrey and Lily were the only ones who knew until just now."
Sirius took a step forward, and then another, closing some of the distance between them. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know, Sirius, I—"
"Don't you trust me? Are you scared of me or something?"
Tessa took a quick step forward, if she and Sirius reached out their hands, they would be touching, but neither of them did.
"Sirius, it has nothing to do with trusting you, but more to do with knowing you," said Tessa. She pressed a hand to her forehead and took a breath, willing herself not to cry.
"What does that mean," asked Sirius, his voice raw with emotion.
"Because you're just like me," Tessa said, her dark blue eyes glistened with tears. "You're like me, Sirius—you know I never wanted kids. You know I don't like the idea of marriage because of this bloody pureblood rubbish. Sirius, I'm terrified, and knowing that you and I have the same thoughts doesn't comfort me!"
Sirius stared after Tessa, and by the lack of color in his handsome face, Tessa knew she was right. He didn't want this any more than she did.
"So what now," asked Sirius.
"What do you mean?"
"If you don't want this, and I—"
"Am I getting rid of it? To be honest, I thought about it." Tessa bit her bottom lip. "You know, in our world, there isn't a safe potion of spell for that kind of thing—to do something like that could be dangerous for me. Lily told me there are procedures that can be done by muggle doctors but—" Tessa shook her head. Gently, she put her hands over her stomach that was still flat, she wondered how long it would take before she showed.
"I can't do it," said Tessa, searching Sirius's impassive face. "I thought about it, I've considered it because my reputation is at stake, but I just can't do it. I won't."
Sirius remained stony and silent, though his eyes were fixed on Tessa, it was like he didn't see her. Tentatively, Tessa reached her hand out for Sirius. When she did so, it was like a shock ran through Sirius and he flinched from her touch.
"Tess." Sirius' eyes widened a fraction when heartbreak flashed across Tessa's beautiful features.
"I can't right now, Tessa," said Sirius as he shook his head. He took several steps backward before he turned his back altogether and left her alone on the balcony.
That's fair, Tessa thought as she swallowed back the tears in her throat. If Sirius kept something as life changing as this from her she would react in the same way. But still, the lonely hollow feeling that pumped through her veins made her dizzy. As she sat against the balcony wall, Tessa took a deep breath, and as she exhaled, for the second time that week she sobbed.
Author's Note:
My computer lives! Oh man, that was such a scare! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm excited to share this story with you readers! For all of those that have reviewed, favorited, and followed, you guys are rockstars! Thank you so much!
Your reviews are love.
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