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Chapter Twenty-Five: You Know It's Nothing New

Gibbs gazed into those green eyes for a long time, realizing that they were far too close, far too intimate for the situation they were in. But he simply couldn't help it and maybe it was because he had been drinking far too much tonight but as he breathed in the faint scent of Tony's aftershave, felt Tony's shoulder against his own, he wondered what would happen if he just leaned in a little bit closer and kissed him. But then, he inwardly shrugged. He wouldn't do this to Tony, he really didn't deserve that. He tried to remember what exactly they had been talking about but his thoughts were all over the place, were all hazy and he couldn't recollect their last topic.

"You got that?" Tony suddenly asked and if Gibbs wouldn't have been that devastated, he would have actually laughed at the attempt of imitating him.

"Got what?"

"That I don't hate you," Tony replied, furrowing a brow.

"Got it," Gibbs replied, suddenly remembering what they had been talking about.

"Good," Tony replied, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Gibbs took a deep breath, trying to get a grip on himself, trying to focus on anything other than Tony's scent in his nostrils.

"You okay?" Tony finally broke the weird mood and backed away ever so slightly as if he had just realized what they had been doing.

"I think so," Gibbs replied thoughtfully.

He saw Tony nod now, running a rather shaky hand through his hair.

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there any chance of you staying with the team?"

-x-

Momentarily taken aback, Tony rubbed his hand over his face, not sure where this was coming from. Gibbs surely couldn't expect him to stay, not even after tonight, which, granted, had made some things clearer but had not resolved anything. If anything, Tony was even more confused, though he could understand the guy a bit better now. But Tony knew that it wouldn't probably change anything, he would still be miserable in the morning, would still have trouble accepting that Gibbs was just his boss and nothing more and Gibbs would still be afraid of making a mistake – that was if he could even remember anything from tonight.

Sighing and locking eyes with him, he finally answered. "I'm not sure that would be a good idea."

He could see Gibbs nod curtly, his face falling even more now before he looked around, his eyes fixing on the bottle of bourbon that was standing a few feet away on the workbench. He shakily stood up, gripping the wooden frame hard and then walked over to where the bourbon was standing. Or tried to. He stumbled over some invisible obstacle on the floor and Tony got up just in time to catch him.

"We should probably get you to bed, Boss," Tony suggested.

"I'm fine," Gibbs mumbled.

"Clearly," Tony replied as Gibbs struggled against Tony's arms but was not able to free himself.

Draping one of Gibbs' arms over his shoulders, Tony slowly led him up the stairs and into the bedroom. He sighed inwardly as his glance reached the far left corner, where lying on a chair were his sweats which he had apparently forgotten the last time he had been there. Tony shrugged off the thought as quickly as possible and helped Gibbs sit down on the bed. The older man looked at him for a moment, his cheeks slightly flushed and Tony knew that Gibbs would be embarrassed tomorrow morning but that wasn't his problem after all. Tony made quick work of Gibbs' shoes and socks and then stopped his actions as his boss tried to stand up to get rid of jeans but was having difficulties doing so.

Sighing again, Tony waved Gibbs' hands off and quickly opened the belt and then the jeans, desperately trying not to breathe in the scent of sawdust, bourbon and the traces of old spice. Just as Gibbs stepped out of the jeans, he stumbled again but Tony caught him in time, his arms coming around the other man's hips. He felt Gibbs lean into him for a second and felt him nestling into his neck before his drunken mind apparently gave him a shout and he jerked away almost immediately, leaving Tony standing there with a heartbeat that was working overtime all of a sudden.

Once he had finally gotten him into bed, Tony quickly retreated to the bathroom, searched for some aspirins and filled a glass with water. He settled them on the nightstand and with one last look at an apparently already asleep Gibbs, he stepped out the door. Just as he was about to pull the door close behind him, he heard a faint mumble that sounded suspiciously like his name and he turned around, wondering if he hadn't only imagined it. But Gibbs' eyes were open again, even if barely so, so Tony made a step backwards.

"Yeah?"

"Stay here tonight?"

Tony's breath hitched in his throat for a moment before he reminded himself to breathe. He had expected a lot of things tonight but not this. He knew that he couldn't possibly stay here, though his body was screaming at him loudly to do so. But Gibbs was as drunk as he had never seen him and he probably wouldn't even remember the conversation tomorrow but Tony would and he could not do that with clear consciousness. Somewhere in the back of the mind, he knew that he probably should stay, though. After all, Gibbs wasn't exactly emotionally stable tonight, though Tony knew that he wouldn't do anything stupid – not anymore at least. So, he subtly shook his head, damning the thought of sharing a bed with Gibbs again out of his mind.

"You know what, I'll just sleep on the couch downstairs."

Blue eyes locked into his again and then, Gibbs curtly nodded and turned around in the bed so that he was facing away from him and Tony stood there for a few more moments, trying to memorize the picture as he was sure that he would never see him like that again in his life.

-x-

Gibbs turned around and immediately regretted he had done so as his brain was literally shifting in his head. He groaned and slowly sat up, glancing around ruefully. He saw a glass of water and some aspirins sitting on the nightstand and he gratefully took two at a time. Carefully, he got out of bed, having no recollection of how he had even gotten there.

Tony.

Gibbs groaned again, trying to remember whether the younger man had brought him to bed. Flashes appeared in front of his eyes, Tony helping him get rid of his shoes, standing in the door still, shaking his head.

Jeez.

Rubbing his hand over his face, he slowly and carefully made his way downstairs to the kitchen, hoping that after a cup of coffee, everything would start to look up. Snippets of his conversation with Tony in the basement appeared in front of his inner eye and he felt himself blush ever so slightly. At least, the kid knew the truth now, even if Gibbs hadn't had the intention to talk to him like that. Oh damn, had he actually cried, too? Taking the first sip of his coffee, hoping that it would actually help settle his stomach and not make it worse, Gibbs was still in deep thoughts about how explain all of that to Tony. Did he even have to? At least, he'd still have a day before seeing him at work on Monday. He surely would have found the right words till then…

"Morning."

Gibbs all but choked on his coffee before he turned around, seeing Tony casually leaning against the doorframe, a sly smile on his face. But as he looked a little closer, he could see the sadness in the younger man's eyes and Jethro briefly wondered if he had said something that had hurt him after all. Besides, what the hell was he still doing here?

"Morning," he finally replied and gestured towards the coffee maker. "Want some?"

Tony just shrugged and remained standing there, apparently considerate about keeping a safe distance between them. "Sure."

Gibbs quickly poured him a cup and sat down on the kitchen table. Reluctantly, Tony followed his lead. They sat in silence for quite some time and just as the older man was about to get another coffee, Tony finally cleared his throat but besides that remained silent, his glance fixed on Gibbs' face.

"You stayed the night?" he stated the obvious, at a loss of what else to say.

Tony gave him a half smile and shrugged, apparently unsure of how to answer. But why was that so hard to do? Simple question, simple answer, right?

"You asked me to."

Oh.

"I did?" Gibbs asked before he could help himself. "I… I shouldn't have."

Tony stopped him with a wave of his hand, shrugging again.

"It's okay. Was probably for the best, you were pretty out of it last night."

"Yeah," he trailed off, rubbing his temples in an attempt to ease the headache.

"Don't worry about anything. You didn't do anything stupid," Tony slightly grinned at him, as if he was actually enjoying that for once, he wasn't the one with the hangover.

"Didn't I?"

"Well, you did talk more than usual but I wouldn't call that stupid."

"Look, Tony," Gibbs said so seriously that the grin on Tony's face was wiped away almost immediately. "Thanks for coming over like that. You really didn't have to but I'm… glad you did."

Tony just nodded again. "Listen, it was nothing. I knew you had a hard time dealing with the case and everything. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. It's the least I could do."

"No, Tony," Gibbs replied, feeling his insides clench at the mere notion of Tony thinking that it was his duty to care for him even after everything that had happened between them. "It's no matter of course and I really don't expect you to do stuff like that for me. Not if it's too much for you. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or anything."

"You needed someone, I was there. End of story." Another shrug and a half-hearted smile. "You feel better now?"

"Dunno. I guess."

"Okay," Tony looked at him again. "And listen, I want you to know that I understand where you're coming from now. I still don't agree with you but I get it, okay? So, no hard feelings."

Gibbs gulped, realizing that Tony actually meant what he was saying. Was he really over this whole thing just like that? No hard feelings? Really?

"Thank you."

-x-

Tony felt himself shrug again for what seemed to be the tenth time in the last couple of minutes. Maybe it was his way of saying it was okay with him. But was it really? It had taken Tony all of his courage to come to this house last night and even though, he knew that he had made the right decision in coming here, in hearing Gibbs out, he still hadn't slept one second that night, unable to draw his thoughts away from a lost Gibbs sitting on the cold floor in the basement, unable to draw his thoughts away from the realization that the older man had thought that he would die in that car chase, unable to draw away his thoughts away from Gibbs's face against his neck in the bedroom. He wanted to tell him that, wanted it with every fiber of his freaking being but he had come to the conclusion that it would make no difference. None of that would make him rethink his decision of not wanting a relationship. None of that would make him want him back, so Tony had decided to just keep it to himself, deal with it on his own, no need to worry the other man even more.

"No problem," he finally replied.

Gibbs nodded again, the lines on his forehead deepening. He really looked like he had gone to hell and back. But well, last night hadn't been exactly easy for him and Tony knew that. He was just genuinely glad that he was apparently feeling better, despite his obvious hangover.

"I should probably get going."

"Tony," Tony stopped at the door and turned around as he heard Gibbs' timid voice. "You got two more days of work left?"

He shook his head, realizing only now that he had forgotten something really important the day before. That damn case…

"I guess a few more. Was too busy with the case to actually hand my resignation to Vance. Is that a problem?"

A ghost of a smile appeared on Gibbs' lips, suddenly irritating Tony to no end.

"No, no problem. You really are sticking with your decision, don't you?"

"I don't think I have any other choice, Boss. We'd be too distracted and we can't risk each other's lives or Ziva's or McGee's."

Tony flinched internally hearing his own words. He realized only now that he was using Gibbs' reasoning which didn't actually make any sense. And for what - Just to hide his true feelings? That he couldn't as much as look at the guy without his heart breaking all over again? Hoping that the older man would let it slide for the moment, Tony continued.

"I was miserable those last weeks and maybe it actually is time to move on, you know. Not just from… this thing… but also from NCIS. I'm sure as hell going to miss everything about the team, I'll miss Abby's creepy music and Ducky's long monologues. But as I've said before I want to stay in the area because I really can't live without you guys and that does include you, too. You know that, right?"

"And how are we supposed to do that, Tony? Meet each other at a coffee shop once a week to catch up? I don't think I can do that."

Tony tilted his head now, trying to catch his eyes again but Gibbs's glance was fixed on the empty cup in front of him. He felt his heart sink, realizing that he was probably right. They would never do stuff like that, especially not after everything that had happened.

"Got another suggestion?"

"No, Tony," Gibbs' voice came out strangled causing Tony's heart to sink even more. "All I know is that once you're done with the job, our paths will not likely cross again and I'm not sure that I want that."

"I don't want that either," Tony replied, his voice only above a whisper, causing Gibbs to finally look at him again.

"Then, don't leave."

"I have to. You know I have to."

Gibbs gave him a sad nod before his attention was back on the cup in front of him and Tony got the hint, turned around and left the house.

-x-

Still fighting his headache, Gibbs pulled over at Ducky's house a couple of hours later. He wasn't entirely sure why he was even there but he knew that the doctor was really mad at him, so he had decided to pay him a visit, make him understand – or that was what Gibbs had been telling himself on the way over there.

"Well hello, Jethro," he was greeted by the ME at the door.

"Hey Duck. Got a minute?"

"Of course. Can I offer you anything?" Ducky asked while he led the way to the living-room, where Gibbs sat down on one of the recliners.

"No, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," Ducky observed. "Have you been drinking?"

"Yeah, last night."

"Did it help?"

"Getting over the case? Yeah, it did. Getting over everything else? No."

"That's what I thought," Ducky replied thoughtfully, a sympathetic look on his face. "I take it that you have taken Anthony's resignation not that well?"

"No. But he's right, we simply can't keep going like that. It was all so wrong those last couple of weeks."

"Did you two talk about it at all?"

Gibbs nodded, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Last night and this morning."

"Anthony came over last night?" Ducky replied, a weird kind of smile on his face, something that looked suspiciously like pride.

"Yeah."

"And here I thought the boy was just as stubborn as you are."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Jethro," Ducky started, that smile still not vanished. "Don't you see it? Young Anthony still cares a lot about you. That much in fact that he actually had the guts to come over to your place, make sure you were doing okay while he was surely fighting an inner battle."

"Yeah, okay, so?"

"You really don't see it, do you?"

"See what?" Jethro replied, rubbing his temples as if it would make him understand what the hell Ducky was talking about.

"What did he tell you about his reasons to leave? Did he tell you that you were right about being distracted from work, about jeopardizing your and Ziva and Timothy's lives?"

Gibbs just nodded, wondering how on earth the doctor knew all about that.

"What does that tell you now, my dear Jethro?"

"That I was right?" Gibbs asked, getting more confused with every second that passed.

"No, you weren't. He just wants you to believe you are to make it easier for himself. Jethro, no one comes over to your place only weeks after you broke up with him just to make sure you were okay. No one gives you the same reasons for resigning you gave him for breaking it up."

"I don't understand," Jethro slowly said, trying to grasp what the doctor was trying to tell him.

"Jethro, maybe Tony doesn't even realize what he's doing. But he still cares a lot about you. So much, in fact, that he's willing to give up his job, his friends and frankly, his only family just to make you feel better, just to make you happy. His resignation doesn't have anything to do with him thinking that you two have made a mistake."

Gibbs stared at Ducky for a moment, trying to process everything that he had just said. Could he actually be right? To be honest, Gibbs had never even considered the possibility before.

"Are you actually ready to let him give up all of that for you?"

"But… he doesn't have to do that. I told him, he doesn't have to."

"But he is stubborn, Jethro, of course, he will go through with it. You did not do anything to make him stay."

"How am I supposed to do that, Duck? I told him, I don't want him to leave the team but he refused."

"That is because he doesn't want some flimsy attempt. He wants the real thing, he wants the truth."

Gibbs remained silent, wondering why nobody seemed to understand that he wasn't lying, that even though the way his girls had died and Tony's hunched over body were playing into his decision, he really was thinking that distractions like that would hurt someone in the end.

"The boy still wants you, Jethro, whether or not he is aware of that fact and he's smart enough to know that quitting his job is the easiest way out. But if you really want Anthony to stay, you have to come clean to him. So ask yourself the question, my dear Jethro, why you don't want him to leave the team. Is it because you don't think that Timothy is ready to be Senior Field Agent or that Ziva isn't ready to lose yet another friend? Or is it because you cannot stand the idea of not seeing the boy day after day, is it that you want him within reach all the time or is it because you know that he is the best bloody thing that happened to you since Shannon and Kelly."

"What are you talking about?" Gibbs whispered now, feeling like he had just been dipped into ice-cold water.

"Answer me just one question. Can you honestly tell me that you don't want to be with Tony? Really, really, don't want to be with him?"

Gibbs first reflex was to just answer with 'yes'. But then he suddenly remembered Tony lying in bed with his hands around him, remembered his head resting on his shoulder, snoring slightly, remembered the kiss at the lake that day that still made him tingly inside even now.

Damn.

Though Gibbs hadn't said anything, his silence was apparently enough for Ducky, who had stood up, so the younger man quickly followed suit.

"That's what I thought," Duck finally said as they were already standing by the front door, a soft smile on his face. "Take your time to make up your mind but don't be too late. You're close to losing him, you know that."

A/N: Thoughts? Suggestions? Let me know what you think, please! ;)