Oh. My. God.

"Stop it, stop!"

Loretta was pushing her way through the church and reached the altar.

"What on earth are you doing?" Keezer yelled. It echoed through-out the silent church; everyone was deadly still, watching. It was like a dodgey episode of Eastenders. Grr, I couldn't have a soap wedding!

"Please stop," Loretta called, staring at Monty.

"Go away Loretta," he hissed awkwardly.

The vicar's eyes buldged bigger than ever.

** KEEZER'S P.O.V **

I knew this would happen! She has some stupid idea nailed into her thick head that if she came back, Monty would get with her. And then Emmett could get back with Rosalie. But what about me? I'm meant to be her friend!

She's not even dressed for a wedding. She's wearing grey tracksuite bottoms and a black hoodie. Her hair is a mess and her face is mucky.

I knew Monty's words even before they escaped from his mouth-

"Go away Loretta. Get out of my life."

The vicar coughed feebly. "Excuse me, child, do you have a reason why these two should not be betrothed ..."

"Actually yes." Loretta said loudly, looking rather pleased with herself.

Oh no.

Loretta don't say it.

Please don't say it ....

** ROSALIE'S P.O.V **

I was getting annoyed now. This ugly little chav comes in and tries to wreck my wedding.

"Come on then, you little cow!" I hissed at her. The vicar looked like he was going to faint. "Say it!" I snatched her wrist and twisted it.

"Yow!" she howled. She broke free of my grip. "Fine, I will say it!" she growled. "Monty was cheating on you."

I snorted.

"Nice try."

"He was!" Loretta spat.

"With who then?" I taunted. Loretta hesitated for a moment. She darted Monty a half- scared half- defiant glance then said- "Me. Monty was cheating on you with me."

No, no he couldn't be. What a liar! That's not true. At all. It can't be. Can it? I let go of everything. I blanked out.

** KEEZER'S P.O.V **

Rosalie's eyes glazed over. She seemed to be on another planet.

"Rose?" Monty said worridley. Her body fell lifeless and Monty caught her just in time.

"Monty ..." she breathed. "Is it true?"

"No!" He helped her back up and looked into her eyes. "No! I was seeing Loretta, thats true. But I broke up with her before I was with you. I promise." Rosalie half-smiled. Then she turned back to Loretta. And slapped her full aross the face.

** ROSALIE'S P.O.V **

It did end up slightly like an Eastenders wedding, but only the actually ceremony. After being slapped, Loretta sulked off. Good riddance! What a LIAR. Do you know how I know she was lying? Because I looked at Edward. My good, kind, honest brother. I looked at him and it was written all over his face – she's lying.

The ceremony went quickly after that. The vows were short and sweet. Everyone congratulated us afterwards. I cried, Esme cried, Bella cried, Alice cried, and even Keezer looked slightly emotional – until she began throwing 'crappy cake' at the guests and got sent for a walk round the church grounds with Emmett!!

I have to say, I'm not angry with her. I'm actually beginning to like her. Ew! Need to fall out of that habbit quickly!

** EMMETT'S P.O.V **

"... and then he got me right here-" Keezer pointed to her cake – splattered dress. I laughed – she had pink frosting on her nose! I gently wiped it off.

"Eat it," Keezer teased. "Go on, dares ya!" I laughed and put some in my mouth ... YUCK! I spat on the ground. Me and Keezer had been sent away for a walk in disgrace of throwing human food at everyone.

"Sickly," I mumbled. Keezer laughed and slid her hand into mine. It felt so easy.

"Keezer, I love you."

"I love you too." We stopped walking and I was relieved Keezer had a straight face – we were at one of those rare moments where both of us were serious.

My pocket seemed to feel heavier. Although I could barley sense there was anything in it at all. Just a ring. In a box. But everytime I thought of proposing, my legs would wobble and my brain would fuzz and I knew I'd end up saying something like - "Me you marry will?"

Typically me.

"Keezer ..." I began. "Will youu ... I mean won't you ... please can you ..." I reached in my pocket to get the ring out... oh no. Please no.

My hand is stuck.

My hand it stuck in my pocket! Why me!?

"Argh!" I moaned in fustration.

THEN THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING HAPPENED.

I yanked too hard.

The pocket ripped – my trousers ripped – and fell down.

I was left standing in my pants, holding the little velvet box. Keezer looked at me then went into hysterics.

And then, to make matters worse, some nun came out of the church. Saw me in my pants. Screamed. And ran back inside.

Keezer kept laughing.

"Oops." I said eventually. She laughed harder still.

Ok, so it wasn't going to be a romantic walk in the snow senario for a proposal. So what?

"Keezer," I said, smiling at my gorgeous girlfriend, who was still laughing. "Will you marry me?"

She hiccuped. "I think you could be the first vampire ever to propose in his pants!"

We both laughed this time – she threw her arms around me and hugged me tight.

"Course I will."