A/N: I'm back and I wrote over 8,000 words for this chapter. Luckily I was able to write during my mini vacation. I hope you enjoy this chapter; I have gone over it so many times I finally decided to put it out there. Thank you to all of you who follow, fav. and review.
Disclaimer: I do not own Pride and Prejudice, all rights and characters belong to Jane Austen.
Ch. 24
She tried turning, but there was something holding her down. She opened her eyes and saw John sleeping. She couldn't help but smile, he was lying above the covers, his hair was disheveled and his lips were slightly opened. She wanted to touch him but didn't want to wake him, so she stayed lying there just looking at him.
"So does this mean we are dating or seeing where things go?" She asked him.
"If you like we can call it seeing where things go. But I'm going to call you my girlfriend and I hope you will call me your boyfriend."
"It is not that I don't want to-"
"I know you don't need to explain, we will go at your own pace." He said kissing her forehead.
She nodded, and relished being in his embrace. She felt her eyes getting heavy and she yawned. The next thing she knew he was picking her up. She just wrapped her arm around him and snuggled into his embrace. She felt him place her on the bed and pull the covers over her. He tucked her in and kissed her lips and forehead.
She carefully lifted his arm and got out of bed. She felt cold and frowned. If he slept over the covers, he must be cold. She wrapped the covers over him like a burrito. Her clutch was on the nightstand and she got her phone out, it was 7. She looked at him and placed a kiss on his cheek. He smiled. She pulled out her phone and took a picture of him.
Anne woke up when she received a message. She thought it would be Lexie, who was supposed to text her last night to let her know how Jane's date with Charles had gone. To her surprise it was Will asking if Lexie was fine. She jumped out of bed and called him immediately.
"He-"
"What do you mean is Lexie ok?! What happened?!" She demanded.
"What! Isn't she with you? She said that she was going to go to your house."
"What do you mean William?! How can you not know where she is! She was with you last night! What happened, you didn't just leave her by herself did you? Ugh why am I asking you?" She said hanging up on him.
"Anne? Hello?" He couldn't believe she hung up; he would have been mad if he wasn't happy that she replied. But now he was worried. What had happened, where was she? If she wasn't at Anne's, was she at John's? For some reason the thought unsettled him. He decided to call Anne back later; she was most likely tracking Lexie down.
"*Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, Everything that's wond-."
She was almost out the door when Anne called her. She answered it quickly and turned to see John jump up. She smiled apologetically and he just gave her a sleepy smile and held his hand out to her, she made her way to him.
"Lexie! Lexie?! Are you listening to me? Where are you?" She asked frantically.
"Yes, sorry Anne, I was distracted." She lied next to him and he placed an arm around her. "What were you saying?"
"Where are you?"
"I'm at John's house; I will be there in about an hour or so. I'll let you know."
"Ok, but I expect some details."
"Of course, I'll read you the whole book."
"Fine, love you, I'll see you later." She said somewhat skeptical.
"I love you too." She hung up. "Sorry I didn't mean to wake you up." She said looking up at him, he kissed her forehead.
"Is that why you were sneaking out?" He said teasingly.
"I was not sneaking out; I shouldn't even be in here." She said looking around for the first time. His room was a little messy; there were no posters on the wall, or pictures. It seemed like an older man's room rather than a teenage boy's.
"Why shouldn't you be in here? You are my girlfriend." She frowned remembering what Jenny told him the first time she came over.
"You make it sound so natural. How many of your girlfriends have been in your room? Shared your bed? Or stayed the night?" She asked hurt. Jealousy. She tensed; it was an old familiar feeling, something she had not felt since she was younger.
He sighed. "Do you really want to know? Is it important, will the answer change the outcome of our relationship?" He said taking his arm off of her and running a hand through his hair. He wasn't sure how she would react, he didn't want to lose her; he only had her less than a day.
"First of all we only started dating last night, well this morning technically. Second I may be your girlfriend but I'm sure your family is under the assumption I slept in Nicky's room. Third I'm not sure if I want to know, my mind wants to know but my heart is afraid of the answer. Is that weird? I don't think that has happened before." She sighed. "I do not believe it would affect us….but you said I wouldn't lose you as a friend. Why are you smiling like that?"
He had a smug look on his face mixed with a goofy smile and his disheveled hair didn't help. He grabbed her face and kissed her passionately which she returned. He pulled away and hugged her to his chest.
"You said that we were dating and you called yourself my girlfriend." He let out a deep breath and just held her. "No girl has ever stayed the night..." He held her tighter. "I'm not going to lie to you Lexie, I never could. I have had three girlfriends but I've been with ten girls." She tried pulling away but he only allowed her enough space so he could look into her eyes; she had gone into her shell. "Please don't shut yourself in Lexie speak to me, please." He pleaded.
She was going to say something but there was a knock at the door. It was Nicky, she was telling him through the door that Lexie was gone and it sounded like she was crying. John let her go, allowing Lexie to stand up and fix her dress and appearance before she opened the door.
"Lexa!" She jumped at her. "I was sooo sad, I woked up and you were gone and I thought I did something bad-why did you leave?" She said sniffling.
"Nicky, I'm sorry sweetie, I went to the kitchen and I got lost. John found me and he was showing me his room." She was happy for the distraction. I have to get away, have to think.
"Oh ok, can you help me pick my clothes and do my hair? Oh! And my makeup?" She said pulling Lexie out of his room and dragging her back to hers. Lexie didn't turn to look at John, she just left. He had to fix think of a way to fix it.
Anne was looking out the window waiting for Lexie. She saw John's car pull up but Lexie didn't get down right away. They spoke for a while and then John leaned in and kissed her. Lexie certainly had a lot to tell her and she hopped that she would. Lexie had been opening up little by little, but it seemed to only happen after something bad happened. Then it hit her that was what was different about Lexie. She never opened up at all, no matter what, she always kept it in and they had to ignore the fact that something was wrong.
She was too busy lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice Lexie enter the living room.
"Anne Darlene Ruth De Bough! In all the years I've known you, I never thought you would be the one to spy. That seems so beneath you." She said giggling with a big smile.
"Lexie! You know better than to call me by my full name!" Lexie came running up to her and gave her a big hug, spinning her.
"Oh Anne I'm soo happy!" She broke out laughing.
"I assume we have Mr. Drake to thank for this?" Lexie nodded with a big smile on her face. "Would-Do. Do you want to talk about it?" She asked hesitantly.
Lexie went on to tell her mostly everything starting with John's letter and Saturday until this morning.
Will had been trying to reach Anne but she wasn't answering, so he figured the only way he could not be ignored was to come and visit. The maid informed him that Anne was in the living room with Lexie. She was going to show him in but he told her not to; the door was open slightly and he could hear them.
"Wow!"
"I know, I didn't get to speak to him until he dropped me off. He told me that I was different. I'm so worried Anne! What if things don't work out? He said we'd still be friends, but how do you go back to just being friends? Remember how I said Will made me feel the day of the accident?" Anne nodded and Will decided to not make his presence known.
"You said you don't know how he made you feel, that you felt confused. But he made you feel safe and you wished to be back in his arms; correct?" Will held his breath in; he couldn't think, he felt himself turn red.
"Yes, well I know it's only been a couple of hours and I've 'known' him for a week. But he makes me feel safe. I know I do not into specifics of the things I have told him, but-maybe it has to do with the way he held me when I momentarily broke down on Sunday? But the way he looks at me, makes me melt. When we touch, I shiver. When we kiss-" she said looking into the distance.
"That good?" Anne asked giggling.
"When he kisses me…I feel, alive? I do not know I've never felt this way. But yes really good. Most importantly he makes me happy." She laughed. "Is that how it is for you and Hurst?"
"Yes, he makes me feel the same. If I were you, I would just enjoy the ride and be happy." Lexie's face fell. "I thought you said he made you happy?" She asked worriedly.
"He does," she said quietly. "What if I can't stay happy? Or make him happy? What if he finds someone better? Someone who doesn't have an illness, who's family isn't an embarrassment?" She said worriedly and started pacing.
"Lexie-"
"Anne let us be realistic; he is very handsome, intelligent, and funny. Not to mention very wealthy he can have anyone he wants." She said slumping down on the couch.
"Yes and he chose you. A handsome, intelligent, funny, sweet and rich guy chose you Alexandra Bennet. Not to mention he has accepted you even though you take the pills, with your social status and your family. He is like William but better."
She stood up and paced again. "Oh my, Rose! What if he wants to meet my family, can you imagine how Rose would react? How would he react to her? He's seen how she is and I told him more or less, but seeing and knowing is two different things." She said quickly and stopped. "Wait how is he better than Will? I do not like that you said that! That makes me feel more insecure. If Will cannot like me why would someone who is better?!" She said hallow.
It was quiet for a minute Will was surprised that she would speak to Anne in such a way. She saw Anne's face fall.
"Oh Anne please forgive me! I do not know what came over me. Please forget I said such a horrible thing. I know, believe me I know that you did not mean anything bad by it. It is just that my thoughts get the best of me. Please forgive me, I know you… This is why I do not let you in Anne. This is why I am worried, I am losing control." She said quietly.
"It is all right Lexie; we are kindred spirits after all. I know you are scared and worried." She went over to Lexie and sat her down, just holding her. "I was worried with Hurst as well. But he makes me feel the same way John makes you feel. Sometimes I still worry but when I am with him, it is just the two of us. I can feel that he cares for me as much as I do for him." She patted her head. "What I meant was that you felt no one like Will could like someone like you, remember?" Lexie nodded. "But John has proven you wrong. He is handsomer than William, he is funny, he is richer than him and he is a good man."
"I see what you are saying; I remember thinking I had to change."
"Yes, John accepts you with all your faults, where William condemned you for them." Will cringe, Anne was right.
"Will is a good guy Anne, I know he is. That is why I forgave him." He smiled a small smile.
"Just ask yourself is risking this happiness your feeling right now, worth the heart ache if things don't work out with John? Why not be happy now and make happy memories? You said you would still be friends."
"Anne I don't think I could bare to lose him, I don't mean as a boyfriend, as a friend in general. Not after everything I've told him. He is still here; he wants to be with me. He told me he loved me Anne. Me. Can you believe it? I can't." She sighed. "I want to be with John, he makes me very happy; I want nothing more than to make him as happy as he makes me. All I could promise him was to give him a chance. I'm just afraid that we won't be able to go back to being friends."
"Of course I can believe he loves you Lexie! What is not to love?" Lexie was about to say something. "Lexie you know you are loved. Dr. Stone, Hurst, Mary, myself and now John love you. Five is not an ideal number but it is something. You know if you make it seem like it is not enough you will be calling yourself a hypocrite!"
"You are right of course. I feel like I love him as I do all of you, but it is deeper. I want to tell him, but I am afraid if I tell him, something bad will happen and he will leave."
"I think the best thing to do is take things slow. I believe though that he is a good guy and that he deeply cares for you."
"Thank you Anne," she hugged her. "Oh my we've been talking for hours about me. What about you and Hurst?"
"I believe we should save that story for later. How about you spend the night? I have to get ready and you have to get ready."
"Ok, but tonight we will talk?" She asked excitingly she enjoyed talking to Anne.
"Yes, now your room is ready; would you like to Hurst and me to give you a ride?"
"No enjoy your day, John would like to take me as we planned yesterday but I can take the bus. I might ask him for a ride to my house to pick up my bag." She said hugging Anne and kissing her on the cheek. She walked away and Anne called out to her.
"Lexie? Thank you so much for opening to me, it means a lot, it truly does. I was worried about talking about Hurst to you, I did not want to make it seem like I am boasting."
"Anne! I would never think such a thing. You know I am happy for both of you."
"Yes Hurst explained your reaction, he said his hearing would come and go."
"Yes! Beyond the moon. Now I will leave you because I have been in this dress all night."
"Well that is good to know." She said jokingly.
"Anne! My word! You know that he can just lift up the skirt right?" Lexie said with an affronted look on her face and then she raised an eyebrow and smirked; Will almost collapsed.
"Alexandra Bennet! Damn I wish you had a middle name. Please tell me you kept your panties on." She asked in shock.
Lexie burst out laughing hysterically. "Anne, oh my!" She tried breathing, but couldn't "I- I can't breathe." She laughed and Anne couldn't help but join in, Lexie's laugh was rare and contagious. "I-I-" She inhaled and kept laughing. This laugh was different from the one he heard at the hospital. She regained her composure. "Yes of course! You know better than that!" She giggled. "Just so you know though, you can still have sex without taking them off. Do not worry Johnathan was the perfect gentleman. You do not need to worry about him."
"Should I worry about you?" Lexie shook her head no to Anne and giggled.
"Should I worry about you and Hurst?" Anne giggled and shook her head. "Ok, then I'll let you get ready for your date. I know he likes to see you in the color yellow or green. I remember in a majority of the pictures he's taken of you those were his favorite."
"Thank you I will go through my closet. Oh Lexie? That dress looks amazing on you."
"Thank you for convincing me to buy it. Love you!" She said walking backwards.
Will quickly took three long steps back; he was happy he was tall. Then turned to make it seem as if he had just gotten there; That was weird, what's up with me?
She walked out the door and saw Will. "Good morning Will," she smiled brightly at him. "Thank you for last night and again I am sorry. If you will excuse me, I must get ready. Anne is in there. I will see you around, have a good day." She smiled with a worry free look on her face.
He was shocked she didn't even allow him to speak to her. She looked different. Her smile. He entered the living room.
"Hello Anne," she looked up at him.
"Fitzwilliam," she said and smiled when she saw him square his shoulders. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"If you answered your phone, you could have saved me the trip." He said a bit angry. He could not believe Anne thought John was better than him. Her own flesh and blood.
"You make visiting me sound so horrible and my mother is not even here. Why did you come?" She replied with the hostility.
"I was worried about Alexa." He said nonchalantly.
"Why she is not your friend!" She said angrily and then sighed. "Look William, I am no longer angry with you. Lexie is the happiest I have seen her and I believe you are responsible." He looked puzzled and was about to say something. "That is all I will say, as you saw she is more than fine. If you will excuse me, I am sorry you made the trip but I need to get ready. You may stay for a while if you like; the cook will make you brunch." She stood and gave him a small hug.
He just stood there, surprised and angry. He came all the way over here and was treated rather rudely by his cousin. He was worried about Alexa and she didn't even care that he bothered to come, nor did Anne. The maid came and he asked her for some tea. He sat down and started to think about all he overheard.
Alexa was with John, she was happy, the happiest Anne had seen her. Apparently Lexie did not like her mother. The maid returned with tea and he froze, not bothering to thank her. He realized that Alexa liked him? That he made her feel safe and she wanted to be in his arms. He did not know what to think. He remembered that she mentioned taking the bus; maybe if he stayed until she left he could offer her a ride. Surely she wouldn't decline his offer. He sat and waited, contemplating everything he overheard.
She got dressed and looked at herself in the mirror. She did not like what she was wearing, she changed and again, nothing. The only thing she had left was her uniform. She decided to combine the skirt with the purple shirt she wore last weekend. It was a little chilly so she put John's sweater on; liking how big it looked on her. She put on eyeliner and lip gloss. Now her hair, she stared at it and she wasn't happy with it. She sighed and put her hands to her face. She was never concerned about such things. She had always been content with how she looked. Now she was worried she didn't look nice enough. Her hair had always been the same and her clothing a little loose fitting.
She was happy that she was going to see Dr. Stone. Speaking with Anne was a big help but Dr. Stone would help her understand things better. She grabbed her clutch and made her way downstairs Anne would be gone by now so she decided to take off early; she would still have time to walk around downtown. As she passed the living room she heard her name.
"Oh Will, is Anne still here? I thought she left." She asked looking around.
"No. Yes, she left but she mentioned you needed a ride." He lied.
She looked at him skeptically and he averted his gaze. "I have no idea why she would say such a thing, but no thank you I do not need a ride. Have a good day." She said walking away.
"Well I'm about to leave myself, it would be no trouble." He was surprised she declined his offer.
"The thing is I'm not going to my house, I have a meeting at 2 in the city and I was just going to walk around until then. Thank you though." She smiled waiting for his goodbye.
He looked like he was about to protest and Lexie saw him go into his mask. He was trying not to show his anger.
"However, seeing as how you assumed I needed a ride and waited, I will accept your offer." She smiled brightly at him when he looked at her surprised.
They were sitting quietly he was trying to think of what to say, he knew what he wanted to say but did not know where to start. He also didn't want to give anything away that he eavesdropped on her conversation; she already caught him once.
"I am sorry about yesterday." He said thinking of the first thing.
"Why?"
"Caroline shou-"
"No, why are you sorry? You did nothing wrong."
"I am just sorry in general."
"Oh ok," she said like it was a foreign concept to comprehend. "Well no need to feel bad, again you did nothing wrong. John likes to believe things happen for a reason." She said dreamily. Her phone rang; she looked at it and got happy. "Please excuse me." She told him.
"Hello?- Hi John!- I am great, you?" She giggled, "I am on my way to my appointment- Yes, and I told you I could take the bus, besides I need I ride to my house to pick up items for school if you would like to volunteer- I wouldn't have wanted to make you wait. I never know how long I will be there- Ok I'll call you when I'm ready- Though it's only been a couple of hours, I miss you too. Ok bye!" She was smiling brightly when she hung up, just hearing his voice made her smile.
The way he called her darling, when he told her he missed her even though it had been a couple of hours since he saw her. When he told her that he loved her but understood she couldn't say it yet.
He looked at her; she was glowing. "I did not know you and John were dating." He said angrily, he did not know why he felt jealous but he did.
"Is it that hard to believe?" She said indifferently.
"Yes. NO! That is not what I meant, what I meant was-" He couldn't believe he kept offending her.
She started laughing and covered her mouth when he looked at her. "I am sorry," she said composing herself. "But you should have seen the look on your face." She cleared her throat and fidgeted in her seat. She broke out laughing again and covered her mouth. She giggled, "Again I apologize I do not know what came over me." She composed herself. "I know what you meant, when I told Jane he was my friend he was. Now we are dating."
"That is good, you seem happy." He cringed.
"Relax Will, I took no offence. I am happy. Why shouldn't I be? John is what every guy should be." She said looking out the window.
"You mean rich?" He asked angrily.
She squared her shoulders. "Though most people care for such things I do not. John is funny, smart, passionate, compassionate and a good man. He makes me happy, the happiest I have ever been. His bank account or inheritance has no effect on me."
"The happiest you have ever been? Surly there must have been other times in your 17 years of life."
She tensed and then relaxed. "There was the day I got Aries and then there was... oh when Anne and Hurst started dating. You know about that right? I mean you saw the pictures Gina took. Just a fair warning it is low key. Where was I? Oh yes feeling this happy… nothing else. Do you mean to tell me that you would only date someone who was as rich as or richer than you?"
"No of course not, I would have to like the person in order to date them. I am sorry; I do not mean to offend you." She nodded. "Well what about all the awards you've won?" Trying to keep the conversation going.
"I forget you've been to the house." She sighed. "I worked hard to get those awards, work being the key word. I am a disciplined player and although it is not hard for me to learn something, I still work hard to get perfect 100's. I am proud of my awards, though I wish they were not displayed. They mean more to James and Rose than they do to me."
"James and Rose?"
"My creators." She replied curtly.
*They'll never be good to you, bad to you, They'll never be anything, Anything at all. She sighed, "Speaking of the devil." She muttered under her breath and inhaled sharply.
She had felt herself getting angry already and did not want a repeat of what happened with Caroline. She thought of John and reached for her neck and instantly became happy. The phone rang again and she turned the volume off. The phone kept vibrating and Lexie would look to see who it was but she never answered it. After a while of silence, Will tried to speak several times but could not think of the right thing to say; Lexie noticed.
"*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable? That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence."
Will internally frowned, then thought for a while and he smiled. "Is that another quote?"
She giggled, his smile grew. "Yes, I am glad you figured it out, it is from Pulp Fiction."
"Is that your favorite movie?"
"Hmmm….it is up there, but it is not my favorite. Good quotes though. My favorite movie would have to be between Tangled and Shaun of the Dead. But then again, The Wall is an awesome movie and album. I suppose I do not have a favorite, it is like music; each a masterpiece in its own right. You?"
"My favorite movie?"
"Yes or do you not watch movies either?" She asked curiously.
"Of course I watch movies." He answered curtly.
She looked at him expecting an answer, when he did not give one she looked out the window. He honestly did not watch many movies, most of them he watched because Georgie would ask him to or make him. He was actually embarrassed of one of his favorite movies; he did not want her to laugh at him. They arrived downtown and Lexie told him where to drop her off.
"Thank you for the ride Will, I will see you around. Oh please do not mention my relationship with John to anyone." She pleaded. He looked at her, she was clearly happy, her hair was down, the eyeliner and purple shirt brought out her eyes, she was pretty.
"Of course," was all he could say.
She smiled brightly at him. "Thank you Will, you have no idea how much it means." She touched his arm and he felt a tingling sensation. He just nodded.
She unbuckled herself and when she opened the door, "Lexie!?"
"Yes?"
"A Walk to Remember that is one of my favorite movies."
She smiled her bright smile again, she seemed to be glowing. "Yes, that is also one of my favorites. The Notebook is another, the novels were both written by Nicholas Sparks but I have never read them. I am more of a music person. Thank you for the ride, I'll see you later." She smiled her big smile at him and waved good bye.
He watched as she walked away, he was shocked that he told her. Do I really care if she liked me, or what she thought about me? He sighed, she had like liked him but now after he hurt her he knew she couldn't. John accepted her, she and Anne said it themselves. Having read about her personality disorder he knew that it was a major thing. He had rejected her friendship with Georgie, threatened to take Anne away and terribly insulted her. It is as if he knew exactly what to say to hurt her. He said all the right, wrong words to her. He truly had misjudged her, she was a good person. He thought of the day at the hospital as he drove away.
Lexie was glad she decided to accept Will's ride. She was now 30 minutes early and she decided to try a bigger experiment than using eyeliner. Now she had to try something more drastic, in her mind anyways. Her hair, she had only ever gotten it trimmed and only ever styled it the same; side braid, bun, half ponytail, or loose. She took a deep breath as she entered a hair salon. She looked around and saw that it was not to full and she walked up to the counter.
"Hello mam, I was wondering how long it would take to get a haircut right now?"
"It depends on how long the customer ahead of you takes." The teller replied rather rudely.
"Then may I ask how long the other people have been waiting?" She asked politely.
"I don't know, as I said it depends how long the customer takes up of the stylist time." She replied annoyed.
Lexie looked behind the teller and saw that a majority of them were talking while the customer just listened.
"Well you see I have a meeting to go to and-"
"No you can't go ahead of anyone else." She interrupted.
"Of course I would never suggest such a thing, I was only asking because had intended to come back. But now that you are being rather rude I do not intend to. You do know that time is money for some people, that they have places to be, maybe not everyone but yes some people have things to take care of. Thank you for your time, have a good day." She answered nicely while holding her chin up and gave a small smile.
She was walking out the door and she heard a lady call out.
"Excuse me miss?"
She turned, "Yes?"
"Hello, I am sorry about that, as you can see I have only five stylists and there are quite a few people."
"Yes I understand, I only asked the receptionist how long it would take, I tried explaining that I had a meeting to get to. I had the intention of asking her for a styling suggestion so that I could know what to ask for instead of wasting the stylist's time. I intended on returning but now I find I do not wish to spend my money here, I am sure if the stylist spent less time speaking you would be able to attend more people, as I said time is money and there are some people like myself that want to be in and out." She said politely.
"Please let me cut your hair right now for free."
"No thank you that would not be fair to the people in front of me, but if you have any suggestions, I have never had a haircut just a trim. I just want to try something that would make a difference, like noticeable if that makes sense. But I wish to keep the length? Does that help?" She asked hesitantly.
The lady smiled sweetly at her. "Yes, how would you feel about layers?"
Lexie blushed, "I am sorry I do not know what that is."
"Oh it's technically what it sounds like."
"Ok, I can Google that; anything else I am worried I might not like it."
"How about bangs?"
"Ok, I know there is different length ones and the styling has something to do with them, do you have any suggestions? What do you think would look nice on me?"
"I think you would look lovely with Taylor Swift bangs."
"Ok I will Google her too. Thank you for your time."
"Wait, please." She walked around the counter; the receptionist had her head down. She came back handing her a card. "Here take this it is a coupon for a free haircut."
"Oh no, I could not accept, I believe in paying for services rendered."
"All the more reason I would like for you to have it. Please come back when you do have the time, it does not expire. I will personally cut your hair." Lexie thought about it.
"May I at least leave a tip?"
"Yes."
"Ok, thank you so much. I will try to be back before you close if that is alright."
"We close at five today."
"Ok thank you, I am Alexa." She shook the ladies hand.
"Amy."
"Dr. Stone!" Lexie smiled and hugged her.
"Lexie! It is good to see you, make yourself at home. How are you today?"
"I have very big news, I am over the moon happy, but my thoughts are getting the better of me. I also feel. Literally, I cannot control my feelings; I have so much I need to tell you, do you have the time?"
"Of course Lexie, that is what these meetings are for, Ok?" Lexie nodded. "Good, now would you like some tea?" She nodded again.
Dr. Stone served her a cup and sat down across from her. She didn't have a notepad and pen; she wasn't working today. She knew that Lexie needed someone to talk to. Lexie told her everything she told Anne, the events that took place and her fears.
"Lexie," she said cautiously. "John sounds like a nice boy."
"But?"
"Well I do not like how he told you to get into the car and sit down to eat. Though I am grateful he did not leave you in the city; especially after the dream you had. I do not want him to pressure you into anything you are not ready for."
"I see what you are saying, but at the same time it took the work out of guessing and worrying what to do. He told me what he wanted me to do, it was my choice to comply or not. Does this mean you would not like to meet him?"
"Well I would like to see the source of your happiness, but I do not think it would be for the best."
"Yes, I can see what you mean, but I am positive he knows that we are talking about him. I will end up telling him either way. Do you mean ethically?"
"Yes, I do."
"I understand I am sorry I suggested it. It is just that you are important to me; I would feel honored if he met you. But maybe after I get better?"
"Yes maybe."
She tried to sound happy. She wanted nothing more than to help Lexie get better; she had defiantly improved since their last meeting, this was the first time Lexie spoke of getting better. She had also opened up not only to Anne and herself but John. She only got acquainted with him last week. Lexie was evidently happy, she did want to meet him, but it would be best not to. Lexie had already told her that she would come again after she got better. She knew that even if Lexie was not her patient, she would still be a part of her life and the thought made her happy.
"You-would not mind if I still wished to visit you afterwards?" Lexie asked as if reading her mind.
"Of course not Lexie, in fact I am happy to hear that you wish to continue to see me." Lexie smiled brightly. "As for your fears, I have to agree with Anne take things slow, it is natural for you to be skeptical and cautious. You have never been in a relationship before, and I am afraid that you will be questioning everything about yourself and your actions. I am afraid there is nothing to do about that. As far as feeling goes, I can see how you feel it would be a bad thing, but if you wish to stop taking your medication you are going to have to get used to it. If you begin to feel overwhelmed do what you did earlier think of what makes you happy."
Lexie nodded she understood, and still wished to discontinue the medication. They spoke for a while longer, Lexie told her about wanting to get a haircut and what had happened. Dr. Stone expressed that she was proud of her and thought that John had a good influence on Lexie from what she had gathered. She thought that it would be a good thing to try bangs, if she did not like them she could always grow them out. Lexie called John that she was ready and gave him the address. Dr. Stone told her the side effects that she might experience and gave her a new prescription. The doorbell rang and Dr. Stone went to answer the door. It was John, she called Lexie telling her that John was here. She watched as Lexie came into the room glowing with happiness and went to hug him tightly, John also seemed to be glowing. They said their goodbyes and Lexie hugged Dr. Stone and thanked her.
"You should have called me when you were here." Lexie told him as soon as they broke their kiss.
"I thought I would be a gentleman and escort you from the house to the car."
She kissed him. "I missed you."
"I missed you too. I was wondering if you would like to have dinner at my house before I drop you off at Anne's. I would like to tell my family that we're dating." Lexie's smile faded. "Do you not wish to tell them?" He asked hurt.
"It is not that… I am afraid that they will not approve." She looked down but held her head up.
"You know that they like you, I know they like you and you like them right?" She nodded. "Then where is this coming from." He caressed her face and she leaned on his palm.
"They like me as your friend, not your girlfriend. Your girlfriend, who happens to take depression and anxiety medication not to mention, has a personality disorder."
He hugged her and kissed her forehead. "They will not care about any of that, all they will care about is how happy we make each other. We do not have to tell them about the medication; can't I just tell them we are together?" He asked smiling.
"Do you really believe they would be happy for us?" He nodded. "Ok, we can tell them. But I would like to tell them about the medication, I do not wish for them to find out later. Would that be alright?"
"Yes, anything you want." He kissed her passionately and broke away when he felt he was going to lose control. He looked into her eyes, there was a glimmer and he could see the specks of yellow. She smiled at him and leaned into his chest. "To your house then?"
She nodded and gave him a peck on the lips. "Oh actually, are we going to your house afterwards?"
"Yes."
"Ok, would you mind waiting with me while I cut my hair? I was going to do it when you took me to Anne's but the shop closes at 5."
"You're going to get a haircut?"
"Well just bangs, it is an experiment of sorts. Dr. Stone says it helps with my disorder, like the eyeliner. It was a change and nobody noticed, or if they did they still ignored me. Well Rose did criticize me, but other than that. So I decided to do something more noticeable. But I wish to do it after I leave the house. Just a warning, you might have to wait a while, I ignored her call earlier. Does that sound ok?"
"Yes, of course."
John got upset at the mention of Will. Lexie told him that Will gave her a ride and how she was going to get a free haircut. Although he was glad she stood her ground he was visibly upset but did not say anything.
"Did I do something that upset you? Do you not think I should have spoken that way to her?" She asked worriedly. John looked at her and saw that she scratched her thigh leaving four deep red marks.
"No, I believe you did the right thing and you were polite, it is just…" She turned to face him and reached to hold his hand. He picked it up to his lips and gave it a lingering kiss. She blushed and smiled. "I got a little jealous that Darcy gave you a ride."
"I see, I was not going to accept but he waited thinking I needed a ride. He knows about us though." She said quietly. He turned sharply to look at her. Lexie couldn't read the look on his face. "You called me when I was in the car with him." He didn't say anything and turned to look at the road.
"You spoke to him about us?"
"No, not really. I spoke to Anne and Dr. Stone about us. The only thing I told Will was that we were dating and that I am happy, I told him I cannot remember ever being this happy."
"Really?" He smiled his gorgeous smile.
She leaned over and kissed him quickly. "Really."
"Lexie will you please speak to me, please tell me what you are thinking." He asked as they entered the car. She said nothing. "I am sorry if I upset you I just wanted to tell you the truth."
She nodded and looked away; she didn't want to face him. "I am-I-feel." She sighed, she had to try. "I am not upset that you have been with others, your choices are yours. I-I am upset because of how you make me feel." She could not see the hurt look on his face.
"When you kiss me I feel… I cannot explain it. When you touch and hold me I feel this shock throughout my body. I wish nothing more than to just be happy and stay with those thoughts. But my thoughts get the best of me. All I can think about is that you must have made the others feel the same way. And I can't stop but think of how they must have made you feel. I cannot compare to them John." She said quietly and turned away more.
"I have never been with anyone, nor have I ever thought about it. I can't give you what they've given you." She felt a tear escape. "I think it would be better if we were just friends." She had to control her emotions, the hurt, the pain. She wanted to be with him she really did, but she knew he deserved to be happy.
He looked at her and reached out to touch her but she shied away from him. He just placed a hand over hers. "If that is really what you want Lexie, I will honor your wishes but I'd like you to know that none of those girls compare to you." He picked up her hand and gave it a kiss. "I have never felt this way before."
"That sounds like a line, a cheesy one." She said angrily.
"It doesn't make it any less true. Last night I was going to take you to Nicky's room, but I just wanted to be with you longer, I wanted to hold you. I wanted to wake up and see that it wasn't all a dream. When I told you that I love you I meant it. You are the only girl I have ever said that to besides a family member." She turned to look at him and saw that he was being sincere.
"When I said that we would go at your pace I meant that too. Even if you do not wish to take it that far, I will respect that. I just want to be with you. You make me happy, when I hold you or touch you I feel a sensation go throughout my body. When we kiss…." He leaned in to kiss her, showing her how true his feelings were. He wanted nothing more than to run his hands throughout her body and feel her but didn't want her to think bad, he pulled away. "You take my breath away when we kiss." She smiled trying not to laugh. "I know cheesy right?"
She nodded and he hugged her. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a small box. She didn't notice she was just happy to be in his arms, breathing in his scent. "You take my breath away too, you make me happy."
He gave her another passionate kiss and took a necklace out of the box. He pulled away and gave her a quick kiss putting a necklace around her and clasped it. "You are different than any other girl I've ever met and I mean that in a good way. I got you this for your birthday, but never gave it to you."
She looked down and picked up the charm it was dragonfly, her favorite. The necklace and the charm were silver with a small emerald in the middle as its head. "Do you like it? I did not think you would like gold, so I got you white gold. I chose the emerald thinking of your eyes."
"How did you know?" She asked still looking at it.
"I remember that you wrote a report about them and how passionate you spoke of them. I also remember Anne drew one on the inside of your binder."
"That was in 8th grade! I seem to remember someone calling me a nerd and weird for liking an ugly insect." She raised an eyebrow at him.
"Forgive me?" He pouted and she kissed him.
"I already have. I love it but I can't accept this, it looks like it cost too much." She said looking for the clasp.
"Please keep it and wear it. I knew you would not accept if from a friend, but from a guy who is madly in love with you? As a symbol of my love and friendship… Wear it to remind yourself that you have me."
"I don't know what to say."
"How about…Thank you John you are the best boyfriend ever. I love it as much as I do you?" He smiled and frowned when an absent look came into her eyes.
He lifted her chin so she could meet his gaze. Her eyes found his; her eyes lit up and a smile came across her face. She felt warmer and sighed softly. She was leaning into him; she licked her lips and was closing her eyes, she was going to kiss him. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. She did not have lust in her eyes, she had love. Lexie was different, she did not care that he was rich, nor did she want to be with him, for the sake of saying she was. She felt the same way he did. She kissed him passionately putting all of her love into the kiss. She was showing what she could not say.
She pulled away breathing hard and caressed his face. "You are the best boyfriend ever, thank you very much. I-" She faltered.
"Tell me when you're ready. I will wait, I will be here."
A/N: The last part in italics happened before John dropped of Lexie at Anne's in case there is any confusion.
*Lesley Gore-Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows
*Marilyn Manson - Mechanical Animals