After the last two heavy-ish fics, here's something a little lighter based on the "Fixin' It with Soos" shorts. As always, hope you enjoy! - SGA
"...All right little dudes, almost done. Just like I promised, I'd have this back up and working in no time." Soos paused and grinned at his audience. "Remember, when something breaks, who can fixit?"
He cupped a hand over his ear as the eager cheers of the little three-year-old twins filled the den. "Uncle Soos can fixit!"
"That's right! High-five, guys!" The handyman held up a meaty palm for them to excitedly slap, then he went right back back to work putting the final touches on his latest challenge. The children fixedly watched on in bouncy anticipation. "Okay, so check it out. I'm making this baby bigger, better, and even more…."
Even with all the extra Pines visiting for their annual summer vacation, it was a pretty low key afternoon at the Mystery Shack. While Soos and the tykes were bonding in the living room, in the kitchen the others were enjoying lunch with an old friend.
"Ooooh, happy happy baby! Getting so big and healthy since I last saw you!" Candy raised Phoebe high into the air with an adoring coo. The child waved her chubby arms with a gurgle, and the woman's already massive grew even larger.
Mabel giggled with delight. "She just gets cuter and cuter every time! Don't you just want to hold her forever? Just look at those big shiny baby eyes, teeny tiny ears, button nose…"
"Don't forget, fat baby arms!" Candy fawned.
"Oooohhh, they are the chubbiest!" Mabel gushed. "Squish! Squish! Squishy squish!"
As she munched on her sandwich, Wendy reminded her obsessed sister-in-law jokingly, "Don't forget, you have your own kid. Two of them, in fact."
"Uh-huh! Mabel scored a total jackpot in the cutie lottery!" She grinned and yanked an invisible lever. "Ka-ching!"
"Speakin' off, where the heck are your rugrats anyway?" Stanley wondered out loud.
"Can't you hear them?" Dipper asked as he scratched Waddles IV behind the ears. "They're in the living room."
The old man turned up his hearing aid, and immediately grimaced at the sound of all the laughter. "I am officially disconcerted."
"Relax." His twin brother sighed into a glass of lemonade.
"It's Soos, and he's alone with Mabel's kids. You do the math." Stanley was never one to put things gently, least of all to his brother. "Look, I love the guy, but it's-"
"Ford's right, chill out." Wendy crumpled her napkin and tossed it at him. "He's awesome with them."
"I stand by my words." He said steadfastly. "It's something waiting to happen. May not be trouble, but it's something.
"C'mon Grunkle Stan, he's just helping repair-" Dipper's was cut off by the horrible shrieking peal rent that suddenly rent the air, giving them all a massive start. For a couple moments, everyone waited on edge in tense silence, even Waddles. The dead quiet broke a few moments later when approving cheers rang out from the living room.
"Again!" They could hear Finn shamelessly beg. "More!"
"Moah!" His sister repeated. "Moah, please!"
"Ha, you guys liked that, huh? Well if you think that was great-"
"Uh, Soos?" Wendy warily called. "What was that?"
"Don't worry, we're cool! I was just testing out the-" There was anothering shrieking whizz, followed by another, topped off with what sounded suspiciously like a tiny explosion.
"Toomuchtoomuchtoomuch!" Gladys shrieked. She and her equally panic-stricken brother were bolting into the kitchen and latched on tightly to their mother's legs.
"What's wrong, hun-buns?" Mabel awkwardly stood up and began dispensing with comforting pats.
"My bad, tiny dudes!" Soos apologized loudly. "I think I just-"
He was cut off by a sharp bang, which he followed up with a startled yell. All of a sudden it was as if a full-scale artillery barrage was roaring off in the living room. While everyone's eardrums were violently assaulted, acrid smoke started to rapidly fill the first floor.
"Abandon shack!" Stan cried. "Old men first!"
"Candyyyy, protect!" With a valiant cry Candy clasped the baby in her arms tightly close and sprung into action.
"What's going on?" Ford was forced to move with the speed of a man a third of his age as he jump to avoid the tiny streaks of fire rocketing their way.
"I'm going in!" Dipper covered his mouth and bravely entered the fray. His twin sister meanwhile tried to take command in the increasingly smoke-filled kitchen.
"This way, babies! The back door is...babies?" Not only were her children suddenly nowhere to be seen, but even her pet pig had abruptly vanished. Mabel whirled around just in time to catch a flash of movement out the window. A moment later everyone could see the faithful Candy frantically booking it to a safe distance, meanwhile carrying all three Pines children at even and even bearing Waddles IV dangled awkwardly over her shoulder.
"Oh wow. She's good." Stan couldn't help but remark, right before another tiny missile flew in and fizzled mere inches from his feet. "WAIT FOR ME!"
In his haste he ended up stuck, with his front dangling outside and his legs dangling back inside the kitchen. " I instantly regret this decision!"
Moving fast, Wendy flipped over the table. Together with her sister-in-law she took cover from the tiny missiles. "What's going on in there?"
"It's okay!" Dipper assured over the racket. "Looks like it's mostly just some smoke-"
A particularly loud crackling bang rent the air, and he immediately began singing a different tune. "Nevermind! I need reinforcements!"
"Dipper?" Mabel called.
"Dipper's down! I'm down!" He started crying frantically. "Dipper down!"
"Dude, what's happening-"
"DIPPER DOWN!"
"Oh for…." Ford groaned as he marched on in to handle the situation literally head on. "Why is their-"
He was almost immediately swallowed up by smoky chaos. "He was right!"
"Grunkle Ford, what-" Mabel tried to call out before he let out a yell of genuine panic.
"REINFORCEMENTS PLEASE!"
Mabel and Wendy looked grimly to one another, took deep breaths and then charged headlong into the chaos. For the next minute, the den was a confusing maelstrom of terrified screams, earsplitting whistles, constant bursts of spark and flame, and acrid grey clouds so thick that no one could see their hand in front of their face.
By the time the smoke started to settle, the living room resembled a miniature warzone. Coughing hard, Mabel blindly felt about in the gradually clearing fog of chaos until she stumbled across something large and soft to the touch.
"Soos?" She prodded what felt like a tubby belly. "Soos? You're not dead, are you?"
"Oh man, I hope not. I don't think I could handle being a ghost." He answered honestly while he shambled back onto two feet. Their visibility quickly improved when someone opened the front door, and a rush of fresh air circulated inside.
"All okay?" Candy cautiously re-entered the Shack, and slowly craned through the doorway. Two little heads joined her as the tiny twins took a wary look for themselves.
"Think so." Dipper then saw that he had spoken too soon. "WENDY!"
His wife immediately turned around. Luckily for her the sudden movement quickly extinguished the small fire that had been burning at the end of her hair. "What? What is it?"
"N-nothing. Just….uh….we're fine." He assured, even as he fussily checked her over for any lingering flames.
"One two three, oopsy daisy!" Mabel hauled her great uncle back up from where he had tumbled over a chair. Without everyone successfully accounted for, all eyes now turned to the handyman behind all the chaos.
"Uncle Soos? Isit over?" Finn asked.
"Yeah, little dude. Don't worry, it's okay." He reassured. An absolute sucker for ritual, Soos looked about until he located a badly scorched poster. "All right, so…..on a score of one to ten on the Awesometer here, what did you think about all that?"
"Wait...really?" Dipper groaned.
"Gotta follow protocol, dude." He said sheepishly. "So, on a scale of-"
"Really?" Dipper repeated.
"One out of ten." Wendy didn't need much time to make her decision.
"Seconded." Her husband agreed.
"Five. For effort!" Mabel tried going easier on her well-meaning friend. Something whizzed by and gave her a spook. Hastily she revised her score. "Four and a half."
"Wait. An awesometer?" Candy puzzled confusedly at the chart. Ford just mumbled grumpily to himself as he wiped his ash-covered glasses as best as he could.
"Can we give a negative score?" His brother was still hopelessly trapped back in the kitchen, "Negative three!"
Soos honorably accepted the all-time low rating with an understanding nod. "That's totally fair. Looking back, trying to jazz up Hungry-Hungry Hippos with that many fireworks was a pretty bad call on my part…"