I'm not sure what's going on here. I'm not sure if he's trying to get out of this thing with some bullshit excuse, but my feelings are real for him and he does not get to decide what I get to do with them. I mean, we kissed. And it was magical.

Are we not on the same page about that or what?

He says we are, but if he's just trying to make me feel better, he can spare me. I'm a big girl. I can handle rejection.

"When we kissed that night, did you feel something or not?" I straight up ask him. It might come as a surprise to him, but anyone who really knows me knows that when I want or need to know something, I go all in. I'm not shy. I'm not. "tell me that. Did you feel something that night you kissed me?"

Troy looked at me. His blue eyes into my brown ones. And then he nodded slightly. "Yes."

Yes, okay. He did. "And now you're standing here, telling me that you don't want to pursue anything because I deserve better?"

"I just mean I have a lot of shit going on. You know that."

"Yeah, you might," I agree with him. He does have shit going on and I know life isn't exactly easy for him, but still. I'm into him. "But I also know that you're kind, you're funny, and you care a lot about people so tell me why someone wouldn't want that in someone?"

He looked taken aback. And I loved it. I loved how he thought he could just make the decision for me. "You're probably gonna be disappointed."

I smile at him, "you probably will be, too."

"Are you serious right now? Are you really standing here trying to convince me to give this a chance with you?" he asks with a slight laugh.

"Is it embarrassing?" I laugh along, "but yeah, I mean, I guess so. Because all I know is that when I'm around you, I get butterflies in my stomach and I felt sparks when we kissed. And I can't stop thinking about it."

This is so crazy. I've never been this forward with someone, ever. And it is slightly embarrassing, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, right?

Troy looks at me, doesn't say anything for what feels like forever, and then smiles, "Okay."

Okay? So, yes, let's give this a try? It wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for. I wanted him to maybe pick me up, twirl me and kiss me. Or tell me he felt sparks, too. But that's just me living in a fantasy world. His "okay" is actually more than enough.

"Okay," I repeat after him and give him a smile.

Now what? Do we leave and go hang out? Do we kiss? Is he going to take my hand and lead me to the back and are we going to hang out with all his friends with me by his side? I didn't know what to do. What was going to happen from here on out. All I knew is that I was incredibly happy that this all didn't blow up in my face.

Troy looked like he didn't know what to do, either, which was adorable. "We should probably head back inside."

"Yeah," I agree with him.

But before we did, he ran to his car really quick, grabbed a sweater and then came back to me. He stood in front of me in silence for what felt like a minute and then he slowly grabbed my hand. He grabbed my hand and led me through the house all the way to the back. And not on purpose, but he let go to grab a water bottle from the cooler and then we sort of just made our way to Chase and Sophie who were laughing with some other people. People I didn't know. But I guess I'm going to get to know them, right?

This is Troy's world. And I have to be okay with it. The partying. The drinking. Everything.

And typically, I don't want that in a guy, but there's something in Troy Bolton that is just pulling me in so badly.

It might all backfire on me. He could cheat on me while he's drunk someday. He could very well decide that I'm not someone he really wants to date. I don't know. So many different things.

But all I know is that whenever I'm around him, I feel something for him deep in my soul, as cheesy and weird as that sounds, and all I want to do is talk to him. Because talking to him is nice. He's funny. He's kind. And he's not what he seems at all. Unless, he's putting on a show for me. Time will tell, obviously, but for right now, I just want to date him and see where things go.

He's not my typical guy, no, but deep down, he's this nice, genuine person.

I know that. And I know he knows that, too.

My very first date with Troy.

He asked me last night after the party if I wanted to go to dinner with him and I was all for it. I mean, having to wait a week before going on our first official date felt like too long. I wanted to see him right away.

So here we are, across from each other at one of my favorite restaurants in all of Orange County, Bluewater Grill.

"What does your family usually do for Christmas?"

I smile at the thought of Christmas. It's in a week and I'm so, so excited. Christmas is my favorite time of the year. "We celebrate both days. On Christmas day, my dad's family comes over and we have brunch and open presents and just make it an all day thing. But on Christmas Eve, we go to my grandma's, my mom's mom, and have dinner. I have a big family so it's always a good time."

He looked intrigued. Maybe he didn't have a big family. "And you get presents for all your family members?"

I chuckled as I grabbed my iced tea, "God, no. I'd be so broke. No, we do secret Santa. It's pretty fun."

"Oh, yeah, we do that with my family, too."

"Yeah? What do you guys do?"

"Same as you guys," he smiles, leaning forward in his chair a bit, "except the opposite. My dad's family first, who we go to, and then my mom's family comes over on Christmas day. I don't have a huge family, but enough for it to always be a good time."

I'm happy to hear that. I mean, I definitely don't feel sorry for him. I feel sad, yes, but not sorry. So many kids go through divorces and all of that so for me to feel sorry for him is a bit much. But I am glad he has family and that Christmas seems to be a happy time for him. He did say it's always a good time so that's good.

Troy looked around the place, never having been here, and I was sure he was wondering about it. But I assured him it's SO good. He likes seafood, he just doesn't eat it regularly like I do, which probably isn't good.

"You're gonna love it," I assure him, "trust me. Best crabs legs I've ever had and I'm a bit picky with them."

"I hope so," he laughs a bit, looking back at me, "or I'm picking the place next time."

Next time? Okay, I know that probably just came out, but I feel giddy just thinking about it. We've been on this date for, like, thirty minutes... from the time he picked me up until now, but I think it's going good. I mean, Ive laughed countless times already and the conversation is good. It's flowing. There's no awkward silences. And usually, within twenty minutes of a date, you can tell whether or not there will be a second one, you know?

And I feel like there will be. I can't see why not.

I smiled at him as I put my chin in the palm of my hand, "be my guest."

Conversation flowed for another 10 minutes or so while our food was being prepared and the minute it came, I couldn't help but stop talking immediately and fawn over my lobster. Gah. I feel like such a weirdo, but I've seriously been craving this place FOREVER.

And it sucks because not a lot of people in my life like seafood. Well, my brother, but he's off at school most of the time.

"Sorry," I felt a little embarrassed, "you guys don't understand how long I've been wanting to eat this."

Troy laughed and shook his head, "no, no, it's fine. It's nice to see someone be as enthusiastic about food as me. I mean, when I'm at Mastro's and the waiter brings me my steak, I'm checked out for the rest of the night."

I don't know if he's making fun of me or not, but it made me smile. "So, let's just sit in silence and enjoy this?"

"I don't know if I can," he tells me looking right at me, "or maybe I can."

Gaaaah. Chills. Butterflies. The way he's looking at me... I just can't explain it. Troy, he's just, no, I honestly just can't explain how he is. He's not shy. I had him pegged for a shy guy even if his looks said otherwise. But I did. I thought he was this shy guy, but he's not. He complimented me when he picked me up. He basically just said he could sit here in silence and just stare at me because well, he thinks I'm attractive? Ahh. I think he was just going through some stuff and he was angry and that translated to shy. But he was probably like that with his friends and family as well.

We didn't eat in silence, though.

I asked how school was and where he's thinking of applying to colleges and although he didn't seem stoked on talking about it, he answered me. And surprisingly, four out of the five schools he's applying to, I am, too.

"No east coast schools for you?" he asks me, cracking open one of his crab legs, "I don't know why, but I had you pegged as someone who wants to get the hell out of here. Am I wrong?"

"Not necessarily," I shrugged, "I mean, I've never been that girl who dreamed of moving out. But I've dreamed of having that full college experience. Moving into dorms, becoming best friends with my roommate, coming home for holiday's, all that. But now that it's so close, it's the last thing I want to do. I love my life here. And, I just can't really see myself going far."

Troy was too busy chewing on his food to answer, so I grabbed my drink and gave him some time.

He washed down his food with his water and nodded, seeming to agree with me, "I'm the same way. Growing up, I had always wanted to go to Harvard. And then Stanford. But now, UC Irvine is looking like the winner. Or UC San Diego... I don't know. They're all good schools, it doesn't really matter."

"How come you don't want to go away anymore?" I asked him. I wanted to know.

"My mom," he shrugs, "we butt heads, but at the end of the day, she's my number one. And leaving her just seems so crazy. Especially since she doesn't have anyone. My dad doesn't have anyone, either, but it just feels different. I feel like I shouldn't leave her and I mean, my sister left. So that's also why I feel like I shouldn't."

Awww. I didn't know their dynamic, but I always felt something was off. Like, they'd enter church and it would seem like they had just finished fighting or something. And then his mom would confide in my mom so I knew there was shit going on.

So hearing this was nice. Hearing that his mom is essentially his best friend warms my heart because family is everything to me.

"UC Irvine is a really good school, anyway," I smile at me, "so you can't really go wrong."

"I know," he smiles back.

Ugh, I like Troy Bolton. I really like him.