This one was pretty hard to write, so I hope I've pulled it off. Because it's the last chapter, I might as well go whole hog with disclaimers and stuff, so here goes:

1. I don't own Bread or any of the characters. It all belongs to Carla Lane and BBC. I'm just having fun playing around with everything. :D
2. Warnings: the possibility of typos, and lots and lots of laughing. And some annoyingness.

Also, although Martina's meeting the family, Aveline isn't in this chapter, because she's living with Oswald by this stage. Everyone else is fair game.

~Epilogue, Part Two~
Infectious laughter

Nellie Boswell was pretty much what Martina had expected, only a toned-down version. Martina remembered her well- she had, in fact, once barged into the DHSS, showing no consideration for the rules of conduct or the queue, and made all sorts of ridiculous demands at the top of her voice, and it had taken her and the other two clerks together about twenty minutes to talk her down and get her to leave. She'd exited the building shouting something about tarts, and though Martina looked back on the occasion with great amusement, she refrained from mentioning it and smiled politely when she was introduced, as though this was the first time they'd met.

'Won't you, er…sit down, love?' Nellie offered, and Martina did so, taking the plate she was offered without question. Well, so far, so good. She squeezed Joey's hand under the table.

Sitting across from her, Adrian had his head down, studying his empty plate as though it were the most fascinating thing to ever have existed. As she took her seat, he raised his head a little, a pair of huge brown eyes daring to steal a look at her before returning hastily to the plate. The corner of Martina's mouth turned upwards.

'You don't 'ave ter hide from me, you know,' she said. 'I'm not gonna bite yer, if that's what you're worried about.'

She felt Joey snicker beside her and kicked him.

Adrian jumped at her words. 'No, of course not…er…sorry,' he cringed, his shoulders coming up to protect his ears. 'I was just…I…er, sorry,' he said again.

'Adrian, pull yourself together, son!' Joey chided, but he was clearly amused.

'What's for dinner, Mam?' Jack lumbered in, a painting in an ornate frame cradled close to his chest. 'Hey, Joey, look what I f-' He stopped, realising just who was in the room, and hastily hiding the painting behind his back.

'Oh, hey, Dra-er, Martina! Joey's finally worked up the courage to bring you round…I…forgot…about…tha'…that's great, kid,' and he patted her rather awkwardly on the shoulder and shuffled off out the room, trying his utmost (and failing) to conceal the painting.

Martina suppressed the urge to laugh, and, remembering something Joey had said to her, back when all the Yizzel dramas had been going on, turned to him.

'Counterfeit art?' she whispered.

'That you will never know,' he replied. 'Remember, you're not supposed to be doin' any snoopin'. You promised.'

'Doesn't count if I accidentally happen to see it.'

He looked at her, and she held his gaze for a moment, the two of them unconsciously turning it into a game of who could manage to keep a straight face for longest. Martina saw Joey's mouth twitch and increased the intensity of her stare. He always lost these sorts of games to her.

'Aw, that's sweet, that is,' Jack was back in the room, giving them some sort of disgusted look, and Martina realised that to others their competition must look like a lovers' gaze, 'but knock it off, will you- we're about to eat.'

The two broke their stare, turning back towards the centre of the table, but not before Joey had mouthed I won at her (her foot he had, she'd set him straight about that later) and Nellie came to the head of the table with a serving dish just in time for Billy to come running into the room, red-faced, sweaty and out of breath, and slam himself down across the table from them.

'I'm back, Mam, and this time I mean it!'

'Like last time,' Adrian muttered.

'Yeah, well this time I'm stayin' 'ere- I can't remember why I even left, and…' as Billy spoke, he looked around the table, his eyes passing over Martina twice before locking on her. His rant stopped short. He laughed nervously, a noise reminiscent of Adrian in the DHSS. 'Er, yeah, I've just remembered I left me toothbrush at Julie's…I'd better go get…' he started to inch out of his seat, 'it back…I think…'

'Sit down, Billy, and stop bein' ridiculous,' Joey commanded, and the authority in his voice did something to Martina. She knew he took it upon himself to mentor and take care of his younger siblings, what with their father being irregularly in and out of the picture, but she'd never seen it in action before. The closest she'd come was seeing him talk down Yizzel and his mate when he'd come to her rescue, and it wasn't quite the same somehow.

Billy sat down at once, and though for a little while he kept not-so-subtly sending dirty looks her way, he soon began to visibly relax about Martina's being here. Enough to try and steal the food before it had been dished out, anyway.

'Prayers,' said Nellie, and the Boswells immediately clapped their hands together as one. Martina took a look around and then copied them.

'We thank Thee, O God,' the Boswell matriarch began in a priestlike tone, and then was interrupted, much to her clear annoyance, by the entrance of a familiar, scruffy-looking man.

'Just passin',' Freddie Boswell said chirpily.

Nellie cracked one eye open to glare at him. 'You're interrupting prayers.'

Freddie ignored her, turning to Martina and shaking her hand quite vigorously.

'Ah, Martina! Nice to see you again,' he beamed, and Martina found it easy to smile back. Her one and only previous encounter with Freddie Boswell had been brief, but she'd found him rather friendly and easy-going- a sort of older, less complicated version of Joey, without the crocodile cunning.

Nellie stopped the pretence of keeping her eyes shut and gave him a full-on glare. 'And what do you know about it, Freddie Boswell?'

'Well, I met her a while back, didn't I?' Freddie chirped on, unaware that this was apparently the wrong thing to say. Nellie looked at her eldest as though she'd been totally betrayed, and then turned back to her husband with the clear intent of raising her voice.

'Mam,' Joey said, sotto voce, patting her hand. 'Company- remember?'

'Oh, yes,' said Nellie, flustered, 'of course…never mind, Freddie Boswell. What our son tells you is between you and him.' This was obviously a great strain, as was the smile she attempted next. 'Just…come with me for a moment…' she got up from her chair, taking hold of Freddie's arm and directing him towards the front door, 'I just want to…show you something, yeeees…'

'Someone's gonna get it,' said Billy, and received shut-your-gob looks from his brothers.

Nellie barely made it past the vestibule before her shouts could be heard echoing across the street.

Martina joined in with the siblings as they all burst out laughing, and Adrian, Jack and Billy, although unable to control their own hysterics for a few moments, all still managed to look at her strangely, as though they'd never heard of a DHSS lady enjoying herself before.

Although she knew them all reasonably well from visits to the DHSS, it was fascinating to watch what happened when you put two or more Boswells together, to study the way they each interacted with the different members of their family, who got on better with whom (a few relationships of which rather surprised her). If she'd had any sort of tertiary education, Martina thought perhaps she'd write a thesis on the Boswell species- it would certainly make for some very interesting research.

She stayed sat around the table with them for the good part of an hour, quietly observing everything that went on, from Billy's tantrums (she'd known the boy liked to complain, but even she hadn't imagined he'd leap to his feet that many times in succession, and over the most pointless issues) to Jack's successes and failures (mostly failures) in the antique trade, to all the different threads Adrian was hanging by, to Grandad's physical frailty (and the great squabble that erupted as to who had to get up and take his tray round), which she still thought was highly exaggerated.

As the evening wore on, the Boswells seemed to become accustomed to her presence there, became less and less inhibited and even began to include her in their conversations. She was given the honour of hearing one of Adrian's latest poems, a load of miserable rubbish about someone named Carmen, and, though she couldn't recall the topic being mentioned in the verse, which prompted every other sibling to at least make one comment about 'the bushes.' Nellie, who'd calmed down as soon as Joey's dad had been packed off to where he'd come from, came around and they had a surprisingly amiable conversation about her work. Martina was getting along quite well, and she was extremely pleased with herself. She even managed to say hello to Shifty when he passed through without spitting up bile, and they shared a lukewarm smile before he disappeared again.

If any of the other Boswells noticed anything strange between them, they didn't say anything.

They all ended up in the parlour, sitting around sipping coffee while Nellie attacked the washing-up, and Martina had to admit, she thought both Billy and Adrian were being brave, not fleeing from the room. Billy had even deigned to sit on the same sofa as her, though he kept as much distance between them as possible.

Joey sat down beside her, quite unashamedly putting his arm around her shoulders and kissing her, much to his siblings' horror and embarrassment. Martina wasn't exactly thrilled by this gesture either.

Not in front of yer family, Joey. I do have to retain some o' me authority with them, you know.

She didn't say this, though, and Joey, well aware of how awkward he was making things, blithely repeated his action, then again, then again, til his brothers were all squirming in their seats, not knowing where to look.

'Oh, don't be like that, Adrian!' Joey said cheerily to the poet, who was now trying to hide his face behind a paper, 'you weren't exactly the soul of discretion when you and Carmen…'

'Before you start,' Adrian cut in, suddenly cross, 'you'd better rethink any comments you make about the bushes!'

'I'm just sayin', is all,' said Joey, 'that when-'

'Joey?' came Nellie's voice from the kitchen. 'Can you come here a moment?'

With an apologetic shrug, Joey retrieved his arm from around Martina's shoulders and strolled out into the kitchen, leaving her alone with the three other Boswell brothers.

Jack and Billy both craned their necks, trying to see and hear what was going on.

'She's probably gonna give 'im her approval of you, Martina,' said Jack.

'Or not,' Billy added tactlessly.

'No, she wouldn't dare not,' Adrian said, sending an attempt at a flippant look in her direction, and Martina realised that, for the first time since she'd ever met him, he'd made a jest. Her jaw dropped just a little. Oh, she was going to have to get him back for that one.

A silence descended on the four of them, but it wasn't an awkward one, as Martina had imagined it would be. They were all, in fact, trying to make out Joey's conversation with his Mam. The fact that Nellie wasn't shouting hysterically must mean something was right, Martina decided, and turned her attention to her coffee instead.

'Eh,' said Jack, coming to sit beside her, 'I've got a question.'

She looked up from her cup. 'Go on.'

'Just sayin' I bought a picture…' Jack began, and Martina had to conceal her tiny smirk.

'And I was gonna sell it, and then…when I got it home the frame had been broken…'

Martina nodded slowly.

'If I made a claim for it, what would it count as? Property damage, or a business expense?'

Hmm. How did she answer this? She knew what she'd like to say, but then again, the situation probably wouldn't deem it appropriate.

'Firstly,' Martina said, putting her cup down and folding her hands, 'buyin' and sellin' pictures doesn't constitute business- especially if you don't declare it, which I don't recall you ever doin'. Secondly, I'm not 'ere ter discuss business- and thirdly, you wanna watch what you say around me.' She smiled evilly. 'Just because I'm not takin' notes now doesn't mean I won't remember everythin' I've seen and 'eard fer next time you come down to visit me…'

Adrian and Billy gave quite audible gasps. Jack, however, looked completely unconcerned.

'Whatever you say, darlin',' he said with a casual smile.

'You should have known that though anyway, Jack,' Billy suddenly piped up, 'you remember about four years ago when our Joey bought that…' he suddenly realised what he was saying, and who he was saying it in front of, and slammed his gob shut immediately.

Martina sat up straighter. This had just gotten interesting. 'What did Joey do?'

'Oh, er, nothing.'

Taking back what she'd just said to Jack, she assumed her sweetest, and at the same time most wicked, scheming smile. 'You can talk about it in front o' me,' she coaxed, 'it doesn't really matter what you say…'

'But you just said…' Adrian began, and she shot him a warning look. She wanted to hear this.

'Oh. Okay.' Billy looked more than eager to do so, and soon she'd heard a quite detailed and humorous account of a rather embarrassing incident which she couldn't wait to start taunting Joey about. She'd never even imagined that suave, sophisticated Joey Boswell would ever…

'Greetings! I'm back,' Joey announced, not that he'd been gone for all that long. He was beaming as he regained his place on the sofa, and Martina took that to mean the conversation he'd just had had gone well. Perhaps he'd gotten Nellie's 'approval' after all.

He replaced his arm round Martina's shoulders. 'What were we all talkin' about, then?'

Martina exchanged glances with Billy. True, she wanted to take full advantage of what he'd told her, take at least three-quarters of an hour to taunt Joey to pieces because of it- but not now. She wanted that moment to be either in the DHSS or when they were alone and she could punctuate her teasing with an un-awkward kiss or two.

'Oh, just…the DHSS, yeah,' Billy came to a not-so-helpful rescue.

Joey blinked. 'Oh?'

'Yeah,' continued Billy, 'just about what it's like, I mean. Nothing horrid- just, you know, that it must be interesting to work there.'

Martina sent him a discreet thumbs-up. She hoped he realised she intended it sarcastically.

'You know,' said Adrian, actually contributing something that helped save Billy's pathetic excuse for a fib, 'I have always wondered about that, actually. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still think it's not fair that you strip everyone's privacy down to its innermost underpants…'

Martina gave him another healthy glare.

'But it must be quite interesting to see how people live their lives, you know, what their aspirations are.'

'Mm,' Martina said in a non-committal tone. Good save.

'And it must be quite, er…good,' Adrian was digging himself into a deeper hole here, 'when you do actually manage to catch someone out at something- say, if someone, er...' he rasped, his voice going a bit too high as he realised what he was saying was only humiliating himself, 'contradicts themselves, or something…'

'Or when someone's fluffy bunny falls out of their briefcase…' Martina murmured. There. Got you back. That'll teach you to try and stick it to me.

Adrian's face immediately contorted into one of horror.

'Aw, don't be so cruel, sweetheart,' Joey said, giving her shoulder a squeeze. 'It's not his fault he's a sensitive lad.'

Adrian forgot about horror and opted to look indignant.

' 'avin' a stuffed bunny in my briefcase does not make me 'sensitive'!' he defended. 'And anyway, you can't make fun of me for that, Joey, when for years after you grew up you still-'

'-I think it's probably time I took Martina home now,' said Joey, leaping from the sofa at an almost Billy-speed. 'I think we've pestered her enough for one day, and it is gettin' late.'

He led her toward the door, ushering her out of it as fast as he could, and she never got to hear what it was that Joey did. No matter, she'd heard plenty of other interesting things this evening, and who knew? She might even go back there some other time, and hear all about the misdeeds and embarrassments Joey wanted to keep hidden. Now she'd broken the ice somewhat, she was sure the others- Billy, at least- would be quite happy to tell her.

Martina stepped onto the street, breathing in the crisp night air and feeling a great wave of relief. She'd done it. And it hadn't been half as bad as she'd imagined. Once you got past the whole Boswell issue, and the fact that they were all, in some way, clinically insane, they could all just be an ordinary family, and she found she'd liked them like this more than she'd expected to. But then again, she thought, looking at Joey, she should have learned that already.

'Right then,' said Joey, as soon as the door was shut, grabbing her round the waist and pinning her against the wall.

'Oi!'

'Gimme that kiss you promised,' Joey demanded, a pretend-lecherous grin on his face. 'I've waited long enough now.'

'You 'ad about five off me when we were in there,' she retorted, arching her neck so her head angled away from his.

'Yeah, but I had to steal those, sweetheart. It's not quite the same.'

'Stealing,' she tutted twice, 'not exactly good behaviour, is it, Mister Boswell?'

'Tormentin' our Adrian,' Joey mocked her, imitating the tsk-tsk noise, 'not exactly good behaviour, is it, Miss Martina?'

'Then neither of us deserve it,' she said, calling his bluff.

'Then perhaps we should bend the rules,' Joey honed in and pressed a kiss to the side of her neck.

She turned back to face him, intending to shoot the suggestion down, but he looked so appealing, half of his face silhouetted against the darkened street, and she was still on a mild adrenaline high from having just done the one thing she'd been most nervous about.

'Well,' she sighed, putting on what would have been a convincing mask of reluctance, had it not been for the smirk, 'p'raps just this once.'

Joey swooped and captured her lips.

'But don't think you're gettin' away with misbehavin' every time,' she added, just as he was coming up for air.

He grinned. 'Let's go and celebrate.'

'Celebrate what?'

'Oh, everything, sunshine,' he cried in dramatic jubilation, pulling her away from the wall and spinning her around. 'Everything!'

'Well then, sweetheart,' Joey said later that night, the two of them curled on Martina's sofa with half-drunk glasses of wine, 'you've lived through my fam-i-ly.'

'I know,' Martina said, smiling at him, 'it feels very surreal.'

'Mam loved you, you know,' he put his arms around her and shook her lightly, hoping she realised the importance of that statement, 'loved you! I mean, she didn't admit it up front, but she did say when we were in the kitchen that you were 'nice enough'- and trust me, sweetheart, that comin' from her is practically a weddin' blessin'.'

'I like her, your mother- when you get past the shoutin', that is. She's decent, hardworking, honest for the most part…' she pretended to scrutinise him, 'can't see the family resemblance. It must skip a generation.'

Joey snickered. 'Well, I'm glad you got on with everyone, anyway. I was hoping you would…' his voice lowered a little, 'I was really hoping you would. If you hadn't, well…I don't know what I'd have done.'

'Well, I think your Jack wasn't exactly thrilled, was he…and I might have terrified your Billy and your Adrian…quite unintentionally of course,' she added at his raised eyebrows. Joey laughed again.

'Don't worry about them, sweetheart. It might take a while to get used to 'avin' a DHSS lady around the family, that's all.'

'Oh, they were all right. By the end of the evening your Billy was quite happy to tell me plenty of embarrassing things about you…'

That wiped the smile off the eldest Boswell's face. 'You're joking…oh, no.' He ran a hand through his blond coiffure. 'Such as?'

Martina let out a very uncharacteristic giggle. 'Never you mind. I'm savin' meself some ammunition fer the next time you infuriate me at work.' She raised her glass. 'Cheers.'

'To you, my angel.' Their glasses clinked.

'You know,' said Joey, settling back on the sofa and pulling her against his side, 'it just goes to show you really are an angel. Not many people manage to put up with- let alone get on with my family and manage to make a good impression.'

'Are you flattering me again?' a note of warning crept into her voice.

'Just reminding you of my undying love.' He turned his head to the side, kissing her cheek. 'Martina, can I ask you something?'

'Ask me what?' she shifted as well, so her face was quite close to his, and Joey had to move back, much as it killed him, because her close proximity was just making him want to kiss her, and he had something to say.

'Are you happy? With me, I mean?'

'Of course I am,' she said, taking his face in her hands and kissing him on the forehead. 'What's the matter? Not gettin' insecure, are you?'

'No, no,' he couldn't resist for much longer, he had to steal a quick kiss before he went on. 'I just think…well, I feel like I could stay with you forever and be perfectly content, sweetheart. Do you think, maybe…'

She furrowed her brow. 'Joey Boswell, what are you saying?'

He shrugged. 'Oh, nothing just yet. But…maybe, someday soon, in a little while…' he took her hands in his and laced fingers with her, 'well. You know.' He didn't quite finish the sentiment, but both of them had a reasonable idea of what he was trying to say.

Joey had made so many fake proposals over the course of their acquaintance, great, dramatic appeals that were meant as a joke. If he considered asking her for real, he wanted it to be sincere. And he wasn't going to do it just yet- it had only been six months, or thereabouts, but he did want her to know how he felt, that he was considering it, that it might be on the cards soon. And he wanted to know, in a covert, roundabout sort of way, the sort of answer he might be able to expect when he did.

Martina faced him full on, looking him in the eyes.

'You know what? I think I do know.'

It was strange, but he knew that the thought would have just annoyed her a few months ago. She wouldn't have thought it was serious- and if it so happened that it was, well, she would have been horrified. But now the idea he was putting across pleased her immensely. She wasn't the sort of person to go gushy and admit that that would make her happy- very happy indeed, and that, like he'd said, she thought she'd be content to stay with him indefinitely. So she said none of that, but her smile and her eyes conveyed everything Joey had hoped for. He slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer, and he felt her sigh as she settled her head against her shoulder.

'Dear little Money Angel.' He stroked her hair. 'Seems so long ago since I made up that name.'

'Mm.'

'If anyone'd told us at the time we'd be sittin' 'ere now…'

'I know.' She sighed again, running a hand over his shoulders. 'I think if anyone had tried, I'd 'ave 'ad 'em sectioned.'

Joey chuckled. 'You.'

'You know somethin'? I suppose I can't thank Mister Wilson enough, really.'

Joey tensed- he knew what she meant, but still, the thought of the trouble she'd been in on that night made him shudder nonetheless.

'It's 'is fault we're sittin' 'ere now,' she clarified, giving his shoulder a calming rub.

'I know, sweetheart, I know.' He didn't like to dwell on the fact that their whole relationship had been fraught with danger, but she did have a point. If Mister Wilson hadn't started throwing his weight about Martina wouldn't have run to him in the first place. And speaking of danger, Joey was suddenly reminded of another set of crooks, who Martina had somehow taken care of all on her own.

'You know what else? You never did tell me what you found on Yizzel's mate.'

'Oh, didn't I?' Martina reached into her pocket, withdrawing a business card and holding it out to him. Joey read the first line, and then collapsed into laughter.

'Is that 'im? Is that 'is name?' Joey snorted and snickered until he was out of breath, burying his face in her neck until his uncontrollable giggles had subsided. 'Fancy tryin' to be a gangster with a name like that! No wonder he never tells anyone- he'd never live it down! No-one would ever respect him!'

'Keep readin'. It gets better,' Martina pushed him off her, drawing his attention back to the card. 'Wait 'til you see what the job is!'

It took a full ten minutes for Joey to gather himself this time, his infectious laughter taking hold of Martina too. They held each other, sides aching, tears in their eyes from the hysteria and grinning like idiots.

'I s'pose Yizzel probably knows, though,' Joey mused after he'd found the composure to speak again, 'he'd have to, wouldn't he?'

'Yeah,' said Martina, in a perfect imitation of Yizzel. 'He'd have to.'

And that set them off again.

Well, Joey and Martina are happy and I think we'll leave them there. I tried to tie off all the loose ends- hope I got them all :D There wasn't all that much about Shifty/Celia's wedding, but then I suppose it wasn't really that important, and anyhow, I don't like writing about either of them that much. Not only that, the story would have been miles too long.

This chapter was probably one of the hardest to write, but at last the story is done! I still haven't had enough of Joetina though, and I've got several new Bread fics planned, some short and some long, which I shall start doing soon and get up whenever I have time.

Until then :D