I swear the entire city stopped moving the second I said that. Everything seemed dead quiet. I couldn't even hear anything from below us and for a second my heart froze at the possibility that the entire Lodging House had just heard my proclamation. I practically breathed a sigh of relief when applause and laughter broke out below, with calls of cheating in there as well.
I knew Jack and Race had heard my declaration though. Somehow I would have to convince them that I was "on their side".
I didn't wait for Spot to respond with something and instead said,
"You suspected it, didn't you?"
Maybe playing to his ego would help a bit.
"Yes I did. You acted a bit strangely sometimes and were always curious about the Black Kings," he replied.
I could practically hear in his voice that he also wanted to say "I thought you were a spy and still do think that".
"Yeah I didn't really know how to act around Newsies," I replied, grinning, "My curiosity about the Black Kings was cause I wanted to know how much everyone else knew so that I wouldn't give myself away by spouting off facts that even you guys didn't know. It wouldn't have looked very good"
"That's why I asked Medda," I continued, "I figured she would be able to tell me and not get suspicious or over protective. You remember when I asked her, right? You sent out one of your little Brooklyn birds to listen in,"
I had wanted to call him out on that for a while and now was the perfect opportunity.
"That's right. I didn't trust you," he replied stiffly.
"And still don't," I finished casually, gazing out across the city.
"Why did you join the Black Kings?" Spot asked abruptly.
"I was almost eight years old and living out on the streets. I had no home, no family, most of the time no food and I lived in constant fear of someone noticing the little girl huddled up against the brick wall. And someone did finally notice. His name was Shade. At the time he was only a year older than me and still deadly. His older brother was Viper and at the time the leader of the Black Kings. I don't know if Shade took pity on me or just noticed how well I avoided the eyes of most people but he came over and started talking to me. I was terrified of him at first but for some reason I agreed to his offer to join the Black Kings. After that I went through intense training to become a Black King. At some point though, when I was about eleven, Viper was overthrown as Kings often are and replaced by Night who, as you know, is still the leader of the Black Kings. Shade of course was also kicked out and told never to return," I explained calmly.
"But he did," Spot said suddenly, throwing me off guard.
"Yes he did," I replied, completely surprised until I remembered that Spot had already had his suspicions about Shade talking to me in the recent meeting with Break.
"That's who you were talking to in the alleyway that one time and who you were scared of," he concluded.
I nodded my head.
"Yeah. He showed up out of nowhere and took me completely by surprise. That guy has just gotten even scarier," I said with a small (fake) shiver.
"What did he want to talk to you about?" Spot asked.
I knew I had to be careful about how I answered because Shade would take great pleasure in tearing my explanation to pieces and telling the real truth to the Newsies.
"Well at first I just asked him why he was back. Honestly I didn't really want to know, it's never been any of my business and still isn't. He also wanted to know how I was doing away from the Black Kings. Told me to watch my back because I wasn't safe. As if I didn't know that already. He just takes pleasure in watching me squirm," I grimaced.
"I see. And what happened after Viper and Shade were kicked out?" Spot asked.
"Everything fell back into the old routine basically, except now Night was the leader and Holler was his second-in-command. I ran around in the shadows, carried out jobs, spied on people. You have to understand, the Black Kings were like a life-line to me. They provided shelter, food, security, and a way of life. In return, I did whatever was asked of me.," I replied.
After a small pause Spot spoke again.
"So why did you leave the Black Kings?" he asked.
I considered the question for a moment, knocking the ash off the end of my cigar.
"I was tired of it," I replied simply.
"Tired of it?" Spot replied.
"You don't know what it's like. I lived in the shadows. I rarely went out during the day. They really didn't let us. If I did go out I was in all black with a bandanna around my face. No one knew me. No one saw me. It was if I had ceased to exist. At first I loved that feeling. It was like a newfound freedom. You had no attachments to anything besides that gang. You moved without being noticed. It was almost intoxicating. But as the years went by I lost that sense of freedom. Instead, to me, freedom seemed like being able to walk down the middle of the street in broad daylight with nothing on your face and not caring. It was a dream I practically started having. Then my friend Break (I could practically hear something go off in Conlon's brain at the mention of Break's name) started talking about leaving. He despised the gang far more than I did. He would talk about what life would be like outside of the gang and the way he made it sound…it sounded perfect," I explained
"So what happened?" Spot pressed.
"I left. One day I just gathered up my little belongings and slipped straight out the door," I replied.
"Just like that?" Spot asked, sounding doubtful.
"That's somewhat of the downside of teaching people to disappear. Once it's become second nature, it's not that hard to simply do that one day and never come back to the gang. How can you find someone that's as good at hiding as you are?" I replied, amused.
"Did Break disappear too?" Spot asked.
"Yeah. He was the one who came up with the idea in the first place. He left after me though. I've only seen him once or twice since then. I wish I could see him more but he got a job down at the docks and it takes up a lot of his time," I sighed, pretending to seem disappointed.
"He works down at the docks?" Spot questioned.
"Yeah, that's what he told me. He says he likes the feeling of the sun all the time finally. I'm happy for him. I'm glad he also got over his hate for the gang," I smiled faintly.
"Hate?" Spot asked.
"Yeah. Break absolutely hated the Black Kings before we left. He also started talking about plans to take them down. I told him it wasn't worth it though, especially if we were both leaving. And besides, it seems like you guys are doing a good enough job as it is," I explained.
I knew what Spot was thinking in his head. He thought that I didn't know that Break was still with the Black Kings. Which would be proof for Spot as to why Break had originally said he didn't want the Newsies to tell me that he was still involved with the gang. Spot thought that I thought Break was spending his days down at the docks. That would prove that I was "clueless".
"Has anyone ever come after you to come back to the Black Kings?" Spot asked.
"Of course. Even if I did disappear I still stayed in Manhattan. This is the home territory for the Black Kings," I replied.
"Then why didn't you go somewhere else? Like Harlem or the Bronx? Or even leave New York?" Spot inquired.
"I actually went over to Brooklyn the first few months after I left. Staying in Manhattan then would've been stupid, they probably would've found me after only a few weeks if I was lucky. But eventually I just wandered back over to Manhattan. I guess I'd lived here so long that I couldn't bear the thought of living anywhere else," I replied with a shrug.
"So when did those other guys find you?" Spot pressed.
"Well the first time was happened only a week after I joined. There was someone outside talking to me the night you found me outside with a cigarette," I said.
I could practically hear Spot say "I knew it" in his head.
"It was one of the people who had been assigned to track me down. They tried to get me to come back but I told them no. The reason I lied to you was because explaining that there had been someone there would have inevitably led to me explaining my not-so-great past. And the last thing I want to get out is what my previous employment was. Sorry about that," I explained, glancing at Spot.
Spot didn't say anything so I continued.
"The second time was a few days ago when I came back with that bruise. I hadn't run into the Delancy brothers; I'd actually been surrounded by a group of Black Kings. Funny thing, only one out of the four of them had actually recognized me," I laughed out loud.
"Apparently you guys are doing a damn good job of harassing Night because the Black Kings are desperate to get their numbers back up," I continued to explain, "They were threatening me, telling me I'd better come back "or else". Bullshit. They have absolutely nothing on me, nothing to threaten me with,"
"So what did you tell them?" Spot asked.
"If I had said yes, I wouldn't have this bruise, now would I?" I asked, smiling bitterly, "They didn't take that too well so I tried to get out of there but one of them managed to knock me right across the face before I could cleanly run away"
Spot was silent, seeming to think everything over in his head. I stood there patiently, noting that my cigar was almost gone. We'd been talking here for a while now.
"How'd you decide to join the Newsies?" Spot asked suddenly.
I figured I'd throw in a sob story now to try and get compassion and also to really twist the knife in Jack's growing wound about leaving me to the streets.
"I was just walking around one day, looking for a job and trying to avoid my old employers. It was a beautiful day outside and I was enjoying everything. Good weather will do that to you. And for some reason, I got it in my head that maybe my brother was walking around on these very streets and I just didn't know it. I stopped at a corner where I saw a Newsie yelling out the daily headlines. That Newsie was Race. I immediately remembered how much my brother had loved the Newsies and I harbored some small, misplaced hope that he might be there. For some reason, I started walking over towards Race, intent on asking him about a boy named Francis. There was a group of boys standing not too far from him. I think it was Jack, Blink, and Crutchy. Of course, the Delaney brothers ended up getting in my way and picking a fight so I ended up beating them. That's when Jack and the rest of them came over and Jack offered me work as a Newsie. I was happy. I thought my life was at a new point. I was starting over," I reminisced, trying to seem somewhat wistful.
"You thought you would see your brother?" Spot asked.
I knew in his head he was thinking: well, actually, you did.
"Yeah I did. It's just…" I trailed off.
"Just what?" Spot asked.
"I could never understand why my brother walked out on us. On me. As far as I remember he loved us. I remember this one time when we both took cookies out of the cookie jar in the kitchen and our mom caught us but he gave this whole speech on how we were testing her parenting skills and that she had passed and was a great mother. We both escaped punishment for that and got to keep the cookies," I said, chuckling a bit at the memory of the cookie incident.
Spot even cracked a smile at the story. I knew he was picturing a young Jack Kelly being a smooth-talking con artist.
"I just… I just thought that he cared about me. That he wanted to come back and see how I was doing. To take care of his little sister. I wanted my brother and he wasn't there when I needed him the most," I managed to get out, my voice catching a bit at the end.
Spot didn't reply and I knew that he was torn between telling me and letting Jack tell me himself. Whenever Jack decided to man up and get it over with.
"If we had a battle with the Black Kings, would you join in?" Spot asked abruptly.
I thought about that for a second before replying.
"No, I wouldn't. First, Jack would never let me. And second, I'm done with wars. I've seen too many of them already. I'm just…I'm tired Spot. I've already done too much for other people. Some of it stuff that I'm not proud of. I just want it to stop," I answered.
Spot paused again before speaking.
"And how do you expect me to believe that everything you said was true?" Spot challenged.
"Frankly, I don't give a damn. I don't care if you trust me or not. I didn't join the Newsies to gain anyone's trust. I joined so that I could walk in the sun and earn money without having to do things I didn't want to," I said firmly, throwing the rest of my cigar on the ground.
"Jack deserves to know everything you've told me," Spot stated.
"Yes he does. I'll tell him eventually. For once in my life though I want things to actually be okay for a while," I replied, somewhat harshly.
"Fine. You let him know," Spot replied.
"Are we done here?" I asked quietly.
"Yeah. That's everything," he responded.
I ground what was left of my cigar under my shoe and started walking over to the fire escape. I paused right before I jumped down, though, and looked back at Spot, who was staring at me.
"I'm not proud of that time in my life Spot. But I did what I had to in order to survive. Any street kid would do that," I said.
Spot said nothing and continued to stare at me.
"Also," I started to say, "maybe we can have another one of these story times soon. I want one from you"
"About what?" Spot asked, his eyes narrowing.
"My brother. You know something. I could see it in your eyes every single time I brought it up," I said, and I swear I could hear a muffled gasp from the fire escape.
Spot said nothing in reply so I ended the conversation.
"Good night Conlon. And thanks for listening, even if you did force it," I said, before jumping down on the fire escape.
Some of the girls were already in bed and asleep so I went over to my bed, slipped off my shoes, and crawled under the covers. I didn't know what would be the result of this conversation and honestly I felt sick to my stomach thinking about it.
/
Spot's POV
I stood there long after Actor had gone back inside, thinking over everything she had just told me. She had revealed her entire life story to me. Everything. Some of it I already knew from Jack. But all of that Black King stuff I had no idea about. I knew she was good at lying but everything she had just said seemed extremely truthful. Especially the parts about her brother. She had absolutely no idea that Jack was her brother. I had wanted to tell her so badly but I knew that Jack should be the one to explain it to her. Honestly, I'd love to hear his explanation of why he left her all alone on the streets.
And the stuff about Break too. She didn't even know that he was betraying the Black Kings. He wasn't working at the docks, he was off selling out secrets. Not that I disliked him for that or anything. He could keep telling us about anything he wanted to as long as it was important.
I wanted to help her. I wanted to let her know that her life had just gotten better, that it would continue to get better. I just wanted that sad, depressed look out of her eyes. They had put that look there. The Black Kings. And destroying them would take that look away for good.
I waited until Jack and Race finally climbed up the fire escape and onto the roof. They had been on it the entire time, listening in on the conversation between Actor and I. I was curious to see Jack's reaction since he had been mentioned so many times and rarely in a good way.
"Well… that was something," Race commented.
His wit had failed him after listening to our conversation. I didn't blame him at all though, it had been pretty shocking.
"Yes it was," Jack said, seeming a bit out of it.
"You need to tell her Jack. You heard her, she wants to know about her brother," I said fiercely.
"I know. I will. I just…I can't believe I let that happen to her," he stated.
"Well it did. You can't change that but at least she's in a better place now," I replied firmly.
"You're right. I'll tell her tomorrow," Jack said, seeming confident.
"That'll be good," Race said, patting Jack on the back.
I nodded in reply.
The three of us walked over to the other fire escape and descended to the window that led to the guys' bunkroom. My head was practically spinning from everything I had just learned. All I wanted was a good sleep to clear my head.