Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
24. AN IMPASSE(?)
My eyes opened to a blindingly white ceiling. With the ceiling to floor window by the bed with cozy chairs and medical equipment between them, I was obviously in the hospital. I was propped up on a surprisingly cozy bed, the rails on both sides a very clean white, with soft fluffy pillows, that I'm sure didn't belong to the hospital, beneath me. Yeah, with that annoying beeping I'm sure was my heart monitor in the background and the tubes hooked up all over me, I couldn't be anything but alive.
Exactly how painful would it be for me if I just took them out? It looks so easy in the movies, but I always questioned whether or not it hurts.
"Don't even think about it," an exasperated voice sighed. My heart monitor stuttered a bit at my excitement as I looked to the source, sore cheeks lifting to smile.
"Jasper?" I barely had to turn my head to see him, his face just a few inches from mine, his chin resting on the edge of my pillow. Seeing as I couldn't, he closed the short distance and brushed a soft kiss to my lips, the gentle affection in the action making my chest ache.
"You have no idea how happy I am to see ya awake and lookin' at me with those gorgeous green eyes of yours," he confessed quietly, lovingly brushing my bangs behind my ear. My breath stuttered as I try to hold in a sob and move to sit up...or at least try to.
"Jasper," I barely manage to choke out, limbs shaking in my effort to move before he moves me to sit me up himself. "I'm so sorry-"
"Now don't start cryin' on me now. They'll have my hide if they think I made ya cry," he kissed my lids as he settled back in his seat after propping me up with little effort.
His expression suddenly turned serious and I recognized it as his 'major' face, or rather, the expression he wears whenever he gets into a more disciplined, militaristic mentality.
"The rest of our coven is here, along with your mother Renée. Esme called her, right now she's getting something to eat."
"What's the cover story?" I blinked curiously when Jasper grimaced at my question.
"After seventeen years of helping your sister...you were finally infected with her terrible luck," he scowled. "You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window. I'm sure you've mentioned Isabella tripping down quite a few sets of stairs in her short lifetime."
"That's true," I mumbled, my own lips forming a grimace at the plausible but unsavory cover story. The last thing I wanted was to share Bella's luck. She could keep that, thank you very much. "The damage?"
"A broken leg, three broken ribs, one cracked, some fractures in your skull, you're littered with bruises, and you lost a lot of blood. They gave you a few transfusions. I had to stop myself from snappin' at them 'cause they made ya smell all wrong for a while."
"I can imagine," I murmured, wondering how strange it must have been to scent my blood mixing with other people's. Creepy.
"How...how did you know I could do it?" Jasper asked quietly, his hand seeking out mine, fingers twining gently together. It didn't take a genius to know what he was referring to.
"Because I love you," the simple answer had him snap his gaze to mine in disbelief. I only smiled at him. "Because you love me. Because I trust that you would always put my continued health and safety before anything. Because I have faith in your absolutely unbelievable control over your thirst and mastery over your gift. Jasper, I've never once doubted that you could do anything but succeed in whatever you do."
My chest grew warm when Jasper let out a short huff, as if his own emotions made it difficult for him to breath properly, and buried his head in my lap, nuzzling into my stomach.
"It's really that simple for ya, isn't it, darlin'?" Jasper murmured, not looking like he was moving soon.
"Yes," I replied softly, using my now free hand to run my fingers through his hair, the other shifting to rest on the back of his cool, scarred neck, tracing the barely there scars I could see in the light and feel under my fingertips.
"I could barely think beyond the thought of losin' ya, of bein' the one ta kill ya myself because I wasn't sure if I'd be able ta stop," he confessed, one hand tightening to a stone fist where it rest on the bed. "I don't think you really understand just how angry it makes me that you keep puttin' yourself in this life-threatenin' danger just to protect that girl, your sister, because she just don't matter to me if it comes down to only keepin' one of you safe. At the same time, I can't exactly be angry at ya for doin' all ya can to protect your family, even if it means puttin' yourself in danger, especially because I'd kill for my coven to protect them. Hell, I even get why ya didn't tell me about any of this, the car accident, Port Angeles, now this. If I'd known exactly what you were plannin' I woulda locked ya up somewhere and let the others deal with the consequences."
He closed his eyes, one hand lifting to cover mine where it had moved to cup his cheek.
"Madeleine," he started in a whisper, "nothing else matters more to me than keeping you safe."
"Jasper," I barely managed to breath out, his single minded devotion to me, even putting me before his own family, made my chest tighten almost painfully with the intense emotions such a confession wrought upon me.
"You know, for a vampire, I remember quite a bit of my human life," he started, eyes still closed. "Maria questioned me endlessly after I got a reign over my thirst, havin' turned me because I was a military man and wantin' that experience, but I remembered a lot of my childhood as well. As a kid I remember dreamin' about wantin' to be a pirate."
I couldn't help myself. I laughed. Not hard because the action was a bit painful, but I managed. "A pirate? That's adorable."
"Don't laugh," he huffed good naturedly before sobering as he continued his story. "It was only after years of serving under Maria that I realized the reason I wanted to be a pirate as a kid was because I wanted freedom. The freedom to do what I wanted whenever I wanted to, selfish, like most kids are before they grow up. I thought I had left that selfishness behind when I chose to join the army, then again when I joined the Cullens and deciding to do all I could to protect them in return for them selflessly helping me get used to this new lifestyle, for takin' me in as one of their own, but...just this once, just this one selfish desire... I just want ya safe."
I stayed silent. I didn't know what to say. What could I say in the face of his heartfelt confession? Apparently, I didn't have to mentally flounder very long when Jasper lifted his head slightly and cocked it to one side, as if to hear something better.
"Your mother is returning," he informed, returning his head to my lap, wrapping his arms carefully around my waist and nudging me to continue combing his hair with my fingers, eyes closing in bliss when I complied.
A few seconds later, I could hear my mother as well, sounding tired and upset as she spoke to someone, likely a nurse. I just slumped where I sat, taking comfort in the vampire curled in my lap, knowing the coming conversation was likely to be exhausting and already feeling tired myself.
The door opened a crack, and she peeked through.
"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," was the first thing I said to her in the way of a greeting. Of course my joke immediately relaxed her as I intended, her expression exasperated as she approached me.
"That's the first thing you say to me, Madeleine Hannah?" She sighed, eyeing Jasper who was feigning sleep in my lap. "He never leaves, does he?"
"Nope!" I replied cheerily. She only shook her head and bent down to hug me gently.
"Maddy, I was so worried!"
"I know. I'm sorry for worrying you, but everything is fine now," I comforted, using the hand not combing through Jasper's hair to rub my mother's back softly.
"I'm just glad to finally see your eyes open." She sat on the open recliner, my bed fairly occupied.
"How long have they been closed?" I asked curiously, not having thought to ask, the query not nearly as important as everything else that had happened.
"It's Friday, princess, you've been out for a while."
"Huh." Three days. The incident had happened on Wednesday.
"They had to keep you sedated for a while, princess - you've got a lot of injuries."
"Looks like Bella's luck finally rubbed off on me in a spectacular way," I half joked, half complained.
"Maddy!" She called in reprimand, though her lips reluctantly twitched in amusement. "You're lucky Dr. Cullen was there. He's such a nice man...very young, though. And he looks more like a model than a doctor..."
"You're such a gossip, Mom," I sighed in my own exasperation, smile affectionate as she giggled.
"The rest of the family is just as attractive, and equally charming."
"Tell me about it," I smirked.
"I know you told me about how close you got to your boyfriend's family, but I didn't realize they already treasured you so much."
"I'm irresistible," I sniffed haughtily, setting my mother off again.
"Maddy!" She giggled, giving my arm a light, harmless slap.
I shrugged, choosing to divert from the obvious topic for the moment. "Where's Phil?"
"Florida - oh, Maddy! You'll never guess! Just when we were about to leave, the best news!"
"Phil got signed?" I assumed.
"Yes! How did you know! The Suns, can you believe it?"
"That's great, Mom! Phil must be over the moon," I grinned, genuinely happy for my stepfather.
"And you and Bella will like Jacksonville so much," she gushed while I froze at her words. "I was a little bit worried when Phil started talking about Akron, what with the snow and everything, because you know I hate the cold, but now Jacksonville! It's always sunny, and the humidity really isn't that bad. We found the cutest house, yellow, with white trim, and a porch just like in an old movie, and this huge Oak tree, and it's just a few minutes ffrom the ocean, and you'll have your own bathroom, well you'll still share with Bella, but -"
"Whoa, whoa, back up a bit," I interrupted hastily. "That sounds great and all, but I've never given you any inclination that I want to move again, Mom! I live in Forks."
"But you and your sister don't have to anymore, silly," she laughed. "Phil will be able to be around so much more now...we've talked about it a lot, and what I'm going to do is trade off away games, half the time with you and your sister, half the time with him."
"Mom," I sighed, tiredly recalling just how little thought she puts into the thoughts and opinions of others, always choosing what she wants with little consideration to everyone else. "It's not that I don't love you anymore, but I've lived with you for the first seventeen years of my life and had dreamed of being able to live with Charlie since you got together with Phil. He's a great guy, but you and him don't need two nearly grown girls taking your time from having a relationship with him if you don't need to. I know you love us and want us to be with you forever, but we've already grown up, we'll be eighteen soon. What's the point of robbing Dad of the little time he'll have with us before we go to college? What's the point of transferring us to a new school for the second time in a year when we're so close to graduating, when we've finally settled into our new house and school?"
"You...you both want to stay in Forks?" She asked, bewildered and heartbroken. The idea was inconceivable to her. Then her eyes flickered to Jasper. "I - I know you've always wanted to - to stay with your dad with some form of permanence, but you're talking as if Bella also wants to stay in Forks."
"I'm not the only one who found a big reason to stay. Jasper may not be my only reason like Edward is for Bella, but-"
"Edward? The youngest brother? That boy is with our Bella?"
"Yep!" I chirped, finding her disbelief as amusing as I'd found Dad's.
"Is he as in love with Bella as this Jasper is of you?" She asked almost worriedly.
"I'd say so, the love may be fundamentally different, but I'd say the intensity is about the same," I vaguely answered.
"I saw the matching rings. They're very beautiful...and look custom made." I heard the unsaid 'expensive' in her statement.
"They're promise rings," I said fondly, eyes gazing lovingly at the ring still on my finger, watching it disappear and reappear from Jasper's soft locks.
"He's...he's already thinking about a life with you? Marriage, kids, a house together?" she gasped.
"My Jasper is a very mature, decisive man. He knows what he wants in his life," I said, nodding along with my own words in further affirmation. Renée sighed.
"Just like you, huh, princess?" She smiled at me a bit sadly. "You always did know what you want, didn't you? Always so firm where your sister was timid and unsure. Bella's overly cautious and she thinks you're reckless like I am, but I know both you girls inside and out. You've always been the most mature out of the three of us even if it didn't seem like it."
She was quiet then and I didn't trust myself to speak for fear of my voice giving away my emotions. Renée may not have been a perfect mother, but no parent was perfect and at least she made an effort to try. She loved us as much as she could and I loved her in return for her efforts, I couldn't do anything less.
"It's probably for the best that you stay with Charlie, after all." She sniffed a bit, dabbing at the corners of her eyes with a sleeve. "I know I've never exactly been mom of the year and your sister has a lot to learn about being considerate," she let out a warbling laugh then, "about as much as me, huh? Charlie's always been so good about thinking of others and that's what you need. Your future husband there is probably even more amazing at it if he managed to snatch you up."
She stood then and I couldn't stay silent anymore. "Mom-"
"I'm sorry," she suddenly interrupted. "I'm sorry for all the times I may have hurt you and Bella," she continued more softly, "and thank you for still seeing me as your mother and loving me as one."
"You'll always be my mother," I replied in a shaky whisper. Renée grew teary eyed again as she leaned in to give me another gentle hug.
"Phil's supposed to be calling soon and your sister probably wants to have her own talk with you." Ah, so someone told her we fought. "I'm glad you're okay, princess," she kissed my temple. "I'll see you later." She gave one final wave before leaving the room.
I slumped as soon as the door closed behind her, Jasper reluctantly sitting up from his position, not even realizing I had been tense throughout.
"That was..." I trailed off, at a loss for words.
"Unexpected," Jasper finished helpfully. I nodded in agreement, the word the tamest I could think of.
Not a second later, a nurse came bustling in to check all the tubes and wires attached to me and checking the paper readout on my heart moniter.
"A bit anxious about waking up in the hospital, sweetie?" She asked gently.
"That and my boyfriend gives some toe-curling kisses," I replied cheerily, giving the nurse an exaggerated wink and making her chuckle.
"Well, tell him to ease up a bit, at least until you're out of the hospital," she chided us both in mock severity.
"Yes ma'am," we chorused.
"I'll tell your RN that you're awake. She'll be in to see you in a minute."
As soon as she closed the door, Jasper chuckled and shook his head.
"Do you have to charm everyone you meet?" He asked. "Just a second ago you were emotional about your mother, but as soon as the nurse came in, you started flirting," he accused.
"With you or the nurse?" I asked cheekily. He snickered, but didn't get a chance to retort as another nurse purposefully strode towards me, eyeing us both sternly when she saw our amusement, though her lips pursed as if holding back a smile.
"Lizzie told me you were a little charmer, that it's no wonder you've snagged such a handsome man," she commented as she turned to the monitors.
"Just charming?" I breathed as if deeply wounded. "I must seriously be off my game," I lamented, making Jasper muffle his laughter behind one hand and the nurse chuckled again as she tapped the IV feed.
"Cute," she said dryly. "I suppose falling down two flights of stairs and out a window could account for your damaged 'charms'."
"Speaking of damaged," I started only to pause when I spotted Bella and Edward silently enter the room, as if summoned by my words. It took more effort than I expected not to laugh at the multi-layered irony.
"You ready for more pain meds, sweetie?" The nurse asked sympathetically, not having noticed the new guests yet.
"Yeah, but they might have to wait a bit." She turned to see where I was looking and nodded in understanding.
"Hmm," she gave the two newcomers a stern gaze, making them visibly nervous. "Well, I'll just leave you all to your talk, but remember it's better if she doesn't get too stressed. She needs to rest," she emphasized the last word before turning back to me. "Hit the call button when you're ready," she ordered firmly.
"Will do!" I grinned, giving a silly salute and making her laugh as she left. There was a short awkward silence after she left. At least until Bella finally found the courage to speak.
"How are you feeling?" she started awkwardly, voice stilted.
"Like shit, but thanks for asking," I replied sincerely.
"Madeleine," Edward frowned in disapproval, only to get a growl from Jasper for his audacity to try reprimanding me for how I spoke to my own sister. Seriously, the fuck?
"What did you expect me to say, Mason?" I scowled. "Did you want me to lie and say 'peachy-keen, Mindy Mopes-a-lot! Doesn't hurt a bit!'" I scoffed. "That'd be a bit hard to swallow when I've been laid up in a hospital bed, unconscious, for the last three days." I rolled my eyes at his frown.
"If you're gonna be here while they talk, then don't interfere," Jasper barked sharply to Edward from where he had moved to unobtrusively sit in the corner. Obviously unhappy, Edward complied and joined Jasper in staying silent in one corner of the room.
Looking more nervous than before at Jasper's seeming bad mood, Bella returned her skittish gaze to me. "Er, Rosalie told me about why you said all those things in the field, about what you did," she started quietly.
"Rosalie? Told you...quietly?" I asked skeptically.
"Well...more like shouted," she admitted sheepishly, shivering. "I thought she'd rip my throat out. It looked like she really wanted to."
"That makes much more sense," I sighed, leaning back against the pillows more firmly.
"Thank you," she whispered quietly into the more comfortable silence, "for...for taking my place." She took in a shuddering breath. "I can't believe you'd do this. You...you could have died and the last words I said to you, I yelled at you and...and I-" she ran a shaking hand through her hair, starting to get hysterical as she realized just how this could have turned out.
"Bella," I said quietly, firmly, catching her attention. As soon as she looked up, I leaned forward and did the last thing she expected.
I soundly slapped her.
"Ow!" She cried as I hissed in pain, the movement hurting despite not putting my full strength into it. "What the heck was that for?!" Bella asked in outraged disbelief, completely snapped out of the depression.
"Now we're even," I told her, as if it should have been obvious. "Honestly, you're such a drama queen. You always say I'm dramatic. Pot, meet kettle."
I laughed at her gobsmacked face before wincing at what the action cost me in pain.
"Haha haha, your face," I pointed. "Oh, ow, ow, ow, okay no more laughing." Bella only groaned and started rubbing her temples as if to stave off a coming migraine.
"I'm sorry," she continued, abruptly bringing the conversation back to a more serious vein. "Rosalie went very in depth as to my less than acceptable reaction to finding out about your ability. She pointed out that I was self absorbed and selfish...among other things and I had a lot of time to think over it when I thought you...while you were asleep and realized she was right."
Now I stared at Bella in wide eyed disbelief. "You...you reflected on your actions?" I breathed with an almost insulting amount of shock. Not that anyone could blame me. Seriously, did I land in the Twilight Zone? First my mother apologizes, now Bella?
"I can't even be offended that you're so surprised. I haven't been a very good sister to you recently." I could feel the skepticism wafting from Jasper without the aid of his gift at that last word; recently. "And I can't fix what I've done, but I can apologize for unintentionally hurting you."
I suddenly felt very, very tired when I finally understood just what was going on. Oh, I see.
"So I just wanted to say, officially, I'm sorry for putting you in this situation by not believing in your ability and for any hurtful things I might have said about it before that."
She's only apologizing for the fact that I was hurt by the stuff she specifically said regarding my gift, not anything else. She's insinuating I'm just over sensitive about it and that it's the only thing she needs to apologize for.
She hasn't reflected at all. She still thinks she's done nothing wrong. I could only laugh breathlessly at the revelation, it was better than crying in my disbelief and disappointment.
"Don't worry about it," not like you really care, "you were ignorant of my ability." And continue to be ignorant of your own flaws. Well, one out of two isn't bad. At least Mom's apology was honest and sincere.
"Thank you," she sighed, seeming relieved the 'fight' we had was over with. She didn't even realize I hadn't really accepted her apology, or even forgiven her. I just told her not to worry about it. "Now can you please tell Edward that neither of us is leaving Forks?" She scowled at her boyfriend. "He's been encouraging me to accept Mom's invitation using your accident as an excuse to defend his argument that he's too dangerous to be with."
Nope. Nope nope nope nope. I very well filled my quota of bullshit for one day. That Bella just totally flipped the conversation to push her problems on me and having the audacity to call my run in with James an accident and Edward using it as an excuse to further his own agenda. What the fuck was wrong with those two?
"Please, Jasper, for all that's good and holy, call someone to sedate me again," I pleaded to him, feeling very exhausted and ready for oblivion. Jasper only nodded and silently approached to press the button.
"Yes?" the speaker on the wall squaked while Bella looked at me in shock.
"We're ready for more pain medication in here," Jasper informed shortly, almost curt.
"I'll send in the nurse," the voice replied, a bit more attentive to the tone Jasper used, but still sounding a bit bored.
"A-Aren't you going to say anything about-"
"Bella," I cut in sharply as Jasper settled me into a resting position on the bed again. "I'm not sure if you remember but I am currently laying in a hospital bed because I have three broken ribs, one broken leg, a cracked rib and skull, am recovering from massive blood loss, and am covered in bruises. I just woke up after three days and I am still tired and in a fair amount of pain."
I breathed in through my nose as I relaxed myself against the bed, ignoring how red Bella was turning from embarrassment at my reprimanding.
"Please, be a good little sister and leave Jasper and I well away from you and Edward's stupid domestic."
Bella made a startled noise in the back of her throat, struggling to find something to say. She didn't get a chance of recover as the nurse returned and readily injected the medicine into my tube.
"Here you go sweetie," she smiled, "you'll feel better now."
"Thank fuck," I sighed, closing my eyes.
"Language," she chided teasingly.
"I could use Spanish if you prefer. Or maybe Japanese or Korean? Oriental languages always sounded more graceful to me," I winked at the nurse, making her laugh.
"Cheeky," she muttered as my lids started to droop, the drowsiness kicking in almost immediately. "That ought to do it."
"Thank goodness for small mercies," I slurred out sleepily, Jasper chuckling as he took a seat by my bedside and slid his hand in mine.
"Sleep, darlin'. I'll be here when ya wake up," he murmured softly.
"Love you," I yawned.
"Love ya, too, darlin'." I felt a brush of lips against mine right before the blissful, welcoming darkness took me again.
AN: Surprise! Bet you thought you'd seen the last of me! At least for a while, but no! I totally killed all of this chapter in one day so lucky you! I had finished he previous chapter the day before yesterday but only posted it today after my editor's thumbs up. Lucky for you guys, she's done the same for this one the same day I finished! Honestly, we're both so excited that Twilight: Maddy Remix is so close to being completed! Just two more chapters, both epilogues of sorts and likely to be fairly short, but after those two it's on to New Moon!
Anyway! As always, thanks for reading and reviews are always appreciated! Until next time! ,(=u=)/