A/N: What gives? (Not to sound like Mars…) Wasn't this series always about Mars as the protagonist and Kevin as the antagonist? When did it switch over? Seriously, when? Even I don't know! (Though I suspect it began when I had too much fun torturing Kevin in chapter 18 of The Reason.)
Apologies in advance for the slightly more "mature" nature of this chapter, I'm not well right now, and these things seemed funny and appropriate at the time of writing them. Or at least, that's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it…
Edward quotes Power Struggle by Sunna again.
Recap: Edward lost the plot entirely (like me with this fic, LOL) and Kevin and Mars agreed to put any differences aside until the next Chojin Crown (not a sequel). The final fight began but it looked like a two-on-one affair as Edward stayed out of the action.
Chapter 25 – Tweety Pie?!
Kiki gasped as Fargo swiped his claws at both Kevin and Mars's backs, his movements almost too quick for the camera filming them. She inwardly cursed the miniscule monitor she had to watch the fight on, squinting to focus on what had just happened. There seemed to have been a flurry of movement and suddenly a lot of blood sprayed across the ring mat, but it was not clear what had just transpired, as Kevin was doubled over, one arm wrapped around his waist, the other hooked over the top rope which he was sagging against, Mars was poised as though ready to pounce, and Fargo was lying at the other side of the ring in a mess of tangled limbs.
"Ooh, that was brutal Doc!" Mac Metaphor's voice announced from the monitor.
"The speed of these athletes here today Mac is something else," Doc replied. "We've got four heavyweights inside the ring, but they can manoeuvre as well as any featherweight. Let's check out the instant replay and slow the action down a little to see exactly just what went down."
Kiki sat forwards silently noticing that, at her side, Sprite had leaned forwards a little too to study the replay. The slowed down video replay showed Fargo's claws slicing through the air, one hand aimed at the wound Kevin had somehow acquired in his side, the other hand aimed at Mars's old scar from his DMP days. Kevin arched his back to avoid the blow, but the tips of Fargo's claws succeeded in tearing shallow gashes along his lower back, dangerously close to reopening his other injury. Mars appeared to be watching Fargo's approach over his shoulder and yet not taking action to evade harm; but as Fargo hand swung towards Mars his coat-tails flicked out behind him and he spun sharply around, slicing Fargo open across his abdomen and sending him flying across the ring.
Kiki sighed quietly in relief that the bloodshed was not from Mars or Kevin, slowly sitting back on the bench, resting her shoulders against the lockers behind her. From the corner of her eye she saw Sprite breathing heavily, and she silently wished that most of his face was not hidden behind bandages and the shade of his cap, because she was certain that he looked worried, and if that were the case, then a swift victory was assured for the Muscle League.
The image on the monitor returned to the live action, showing Mars and Kevin once more kicking Fargo out of the ring. They both turned to face the other side of the ring, ad the camera panned across to show that Edward had finally stepped through the ropes and was standing facing them. He was still eerily confident in the face of his formidable opponents, but as the camera switched to a view of Mars, it showed him grinning darkly and cracking his knuckles before slowly licking at one corner of his mouth to remove a small pool of blood that had gathered from one of the cuts Fargo had given him earlier. Kiki took a deep breath, unable to stop herself from smiling a little; but her expression quickly changed as Sprite shot forwards and pushed the button on the monitor, the image of Mars vanishing with a click.
"Hey!" Kiki protested, turning to him with a frown.
"I can't watch!" Sprite argued back. "I just can't! I know what's going to happen next, and I just can't stand it!"
Sprite stood up, wincing a little as his legs refused to straighten beneath him. Kiki began to feel sorry for him, as he had dragged himself to the arena to guard her and support his boyfriend with the same dogged loyalty she felt towards Mars; but the idea that she was missing seeing Mars avenge her name against the nasty Edward quickly changed her mood. Standing up and squaring her jaw, Kiki reached a finger towards the monitor, intent on switching it back on. However, just before she reached her target, Sprite swiped at her hand, slapping it away.
"Ow!" she squealed, retracting her hand and cradling it by her chest. "You're so mean!"
"Ugh, and you're so inane!" Sprite sneered.
"Whatever!" Kiki sighed. "But this television is going back on!"
Kiki reached for the switch again, and again Sprite slapped her hand away. She yelped out, but this time slapped Sprite's hand back.
"You dirty little vixen!" Sprite hissed, before slapping her hand again.
"Stop it!" Kiki wailed, slapping his hand again.
"You stop it!"
"No you!"
Kiki cried out as she suddenly found herself slapping aimlessly at Sprite's hands as he did exactly the same thing back at her. After several seconds of noisy and mostly ineffective slapping, they both stopped, glaring at each other angrily.
"How did you ever get to be in the DMP anyway?" Kiki asked, eying over Sprite's small, slight frame. "Geez, even I could beat you in a wrestling match! You fight like a girl! A really weak, really pathetic, really little girl!"
"Oh really?" Sprite growled. "Well how about this?"
Sprite grabbed the television with one hand and swung it around, smashing it into the metal lockers with an almighty crash. As he took his hand away, the shattered television fell to the ground revealing a large impact crater on the door of the locker from the force of his blow.
"Oh, well done!" Kiki spat. "Now how are we supposed to watch the match?"
"I don't want to watch the match, don't you get it?" Sprite roared. "God, you're so slow!"
Sprite grabbed an open locker door and slammed it shut forcefully, spinning with the swing of his arm and stumbling towards the ground. On instinct Kiki leapt forwards, grabbing her arms around his waist to stop his fall. He was surprisingly heavy as he slouched over her shoulder, groaning quietly as he gripped at the fabric of her dress and tried to steady himself.
"Hey there," Kiki said gently as he managed to right himself by grabbing an arm around her shoulders and leaning a lot of weight onto her. "You should be taking it easy right now, you've been in two big fights recently, you're not fit for this sort of behaviour."
"You're a…" Sprite began, grabbing a hand at his forehead. "A little… A really… I'd like to sit down now."
Kiki nodded, guiding Sprite back to the bench and sitting back down, lowering him at her side. Ducking her head, Kiki saw that his eyes were closed, and she took the opportunity to push the brim of his cap up and back a little, casting some light onto his features. He looked worse than Mars had after suffering the Muscle Millennium in his fight against Kid Muscle, and yet still he was trying to pretend that nothing was wrong for Edward's sake. Kiki sighed softly, touching a hand to his cheek and resting her forehead against his. She closed her eyes and hugged Sprite a little tighter, causing him to make some small noises of disgust; but he did curl his arm a littler further around her shoulders and hold onto her, albeit in a one-armed embrace.
"It'll be okay," Kiki whispered. "Edward loves you, I really believe that. If I have confidence in Edward, you should do too. I'm sure we'll both get what we want after today."
Kevin and Mars both stopped, facing Edward. He looked as detached from the fight as ever. The roof of the Kyushu Oil Dome had been opened for the event, and the once clear sky overhead was starting to cloud over a little, a cold wind befitting of the season whistling around the ring, teasing the strands of shocking ginger hair around Edward's neck as he stared blankly back at his opponents. Mars began to laugh sinisterly, cracking his knuckles.
"Something funny, scarface?" Edward asked him, tilting his head a little.
"Yeah," Mars replied confidently. "You just run outta bodies to hide behind, Eddie. You got nowhere to hide, and no more tricks to save your ass. It's endgame."
"Actually, there is just one more thing I would like to share with you before I defeat you," Edward said calmly. "And it's right up there."
Mars's grin vanished and both he and Kevin eyed Edward curiously as he pointed at something seemingly behind and above them. Neither particularly wished to turn their backs on him and both were confident that Fargo was no immediate threat and could not be poised to attack their backs again; but the sound of a familiar voice made them look back over their shoulders to confirm what they had heard.
"I have confidence in Edward, you should do too. I'm sure we'll both get what we want after today."
Kevin's jaw dropped in awed silence as the gigantic screen behind them showed Kiki hugging one of Edward's team-mates, their heads leaned against each other and their eyes closed.
"What?" Mars muttered.
Kevin turned to Mars, who looked surprisingly unaffected by what he saw. Turning back to the screen, Kevin saw Kiki snuggle closer to their enemy, both of them apparently oblivious to the camera filming them inside what appeared to be a locker room in the stadium. Behind them a locker door had a massive dent in it, and another was completely warped, the barely identifiable remains of a poster emblazoned with the words "Kevin Mask – The Reason" hanging from it.
"Da fuck is goin' on back dere?" Mars yelled.
Kevin turned to him again, finally seeing the type of reaction he had expected from Mars seeing his girlfriend cuddling up to another man and – apparently – declaring her allegiance to The Anarchists.
"Dis just ain't funny no more," Mars growled, reaching a hand up to his head.
Kevin watched as Mars lowered his golden visor over his eyes, his headdress turning yellow and spiking around his shoulders. Mars turned to Edward, the dangerous glint in his eye not going unnoticed by Kevin. Kevin looked up at the screen again, but the image of Kiki and Sprite had been replaced by a shot of Edward inside the ring, and it looked as though he was, for the first time that day, showing some emotion. Turning to his brother, Kevin was surprised to find Edward staring at the screen with wide eyes, his arms dangling loosely at his sides.
"You dirty little rat Eddie, I'ma break you into so many pieces, nobody'll ever be able to put ya back together again!" Mars roared, clenching his fists at his sides. "You just played your last stupid game kid, dis ain't da playground no more; dis is war!"
Mars charged at Edward, but Kevin found himself rooted to the spot, suddenly unable to do anything but watch as Mars aimed a clothesline at Edward that looked set to send him right out of the ring. Edward ducked to avoid the blow, but Mars – his senses heightened by his Mask of Madness – quickly brought a knee up, driving it into Edward's gut. He then grabbed an arm around the back of Edward's neck and grabbed a handful of Edward's T-shirt with his other hand, hoisting him up into the air and falling backwards, slamming Edward hard to the mat in a vicious vertical suplex. Edward's entire body literally bounced on impact, and Mars was on his feet in an instant. Edward tried to sit up, but Mars swung a kick at his head, sending him back to the mat.
Edward began to crawl on his belly towards the ropes, bringing a maniacal grin to Mars's face, his coat-tails sharpening to points at his back. He waited until Edward had pulled himself to his feet before leaping into the air and spinning around, slicing at Edward with his Swallow Tail attack. One blade ripped open Edward's T-shirt and tore a gash across his back, the other – much to Kevin's dismay – sliced into the back of Edward's mask, creating a small fissure. The chunk of black metal fell to the canvas along with a lock of Edward's hair, and Edward finally flung himself through the ropes, literally falling out of the ring to the floor below.
"Get back in here, I ain't even started wid you yet!" Mars yelled, stomping over to the ropes.
Mars grabbed the ropes and leaned over to look for Edward, his face met by a foot, the kick sending him staggering back from the ropes. A second later Fargo leapt into the ring, aiming a drop-kick at Mars's chest. Mars blocked the move with his arms, but still staggered a little from the blow. As the two then began circling around each other, Kevin backed out of the ring, deciding to let them fight alone.
"So, ya didn't get enough da first time, huh?" Mars sneered. "I dunno if you're real brave or real stupid comin' back in here to fight me."
"Ze laws of nature prefer my chances of defeating you," Fargo replied. "I am ze cat, and you are ze bird."
"I'ma bird o' prey, and I've eaten a lotta pussy in my time," Mars said, flicking out his tongue at Fargo.
"You look more like a canary vith your seely little yellow hat," Fargo said, remaining unfazed by Mars's words.
"A canary?" Mars growled in a low voice.
"Like Tweety Pie."
"Tweety Pie?!"
"And I am like Sylvester."
"Den I guess you're goin' down."
Mars and Fargo leapt at each other, both grabbing the other and attempting a throw. Both wrestlers dug their heels into the mat to hold themselves down, and the two remained locked together. Fargo smirked confidently, and Mars took too long to figure out why. Fargo's claws extended suddenly, piercing into Mars's sides, one claw boring into the old scar on his back. Mars let out an involuntary cry of pain before releasing Fargo and thrusting the heel of one hand up, smacking it into Fargo's nose, which exploded into a fountain of blood on the impact. When Fargo did not remove his claws, Mars repeated his blow twice more, his hand slipping a little on the third blow against the blood he had drawn.
Fargo held on tenaciously, his claws still embedded deep into Mars's flesh. Mars made to grab his wrists, intent on breaking Fargo's hands from his body if it was the only way to break his hold; but suddenly something caught around his neck and he fell to the mat under a sudden weight, Fargo's claws tearing through him as he was ripped away from them forcefully. Turning his head, Mars saw Edward behind him. He turned back to Fargo, relieved to see that Kevin had already leapt in to tackle the cat Chojin himself, freeing Mars to fight Edward alone.
Fargo charged at Kevin, who prepared himself for a tackle, completely taken off-guard when his opponent instead sunk his fangs into his side. Kevin winced as Fargo bit mercilessly into his wound, once more reopening it; but the pain of the wound merely drove Kevin over the edge, a distinct yellow glow gathering around him that went undetected by Fargo, who was too busy biting into Kevin's side to notice. Kevin raised his elbow, smashing it into the side of Fargo's head with crunch. He felt Fargo's hold weaken and he repeated his move, shattering two of Fargo's teeth with his second blow. Fargo dropped to his knees, and looking down, Kevin saw half a fang and the point of another tooth still embedded in his skin. Ignoring it as a minor detail, Kevin reached down and grabbed Fargo up, tossing him into the air and leaping up after him.
As Kevin finished Fargo off with his trademark Big Ben Edge, Mars was struggling with Edward, who had attached himself to Mars's back and was attempting to pull Mars's headdress from him. Mars backed up into a corner, slamming Edward's back into the turnbuckles repeatedly, but still Edward hung on. Looking across the ring, Mars saw the IWF officials assessing Fargo's condition; apparently Kevin had flung him from the ring after demolishing him with the Big Ben Edge. Even from where he stood, Mars heard the officials concur that Fargo could not continue the fight, and that the match was over.
"It's not over until we finish them both," Kevin snapped at them.
Mars hesitated, narrowing his eyes sceptically at Kevin, who was still radiating the golden energy of his Maelstrom Power as he crossed the ring towards him.
"And this little pest is still able to fight!" Kevin added, grabbing Edward's shirt and the waistband of his jeans and yanking him from Mars's back, throwing him across the ring.
"Thanks Kev, I got it now," Mars said to him, before starting towards Edward.
"No," Kevin said firmly, slapping a hand against Mars's chest to halt his progress.
Mars turned to Kevin warily silently hoping that he was not about to witness Kevin step in to defend his twisted little brother yet again.
"This is my fight," Kevin told him. "This whole mess began because Edward has a grudge against me. I have to end this, or it won't ever end."
Mars quietly nodded his head and backed off, exiting the ring and allowing Kevin to fight his brother alone. Edward began to laugh bitterly as he got to his feet, beginning a speech about how Kevin was powerless to fight him; but Kevin quickly silenced him with a kick to the gut followed almost immediately by a kick to the head as Edward doubled over. As Edward stagger from the combination attack, Kevin wasted no time in locking him into the OLAP, using all his strength to maximise the effectiveness of the move, silently glad that he did not have to look at Edward as he held him in place, making it easier for him to block out the cracking sounds and whimpers of pain his move evoked.
"Kevin!"
Kevin's eyebrows flicked into a frown at the sound of a frantic, hysterical, effeminate voice screaming his name clearly over the cries of the fans in attendance, but otherwise did not respond.
"Kevin!"
Kevin's frown deepened as he heard two hysterical effeminate voices frantically screaming his name in unison.
"Kevin, don't kill him!"
Kevin's frown shifted into an expression of curious amusement as he suddenly recognised the voice that had just made the plea as belonging to his best friend's girlfriend.
"Don't kill him Kevin, please!"
Kevin glanced at Mars to gauge his reaction to what appeared to be happening, finding his tag team partner glaring furiously down at a specific section of the audience to Kevin's right side. Following Mars's line of sight, Kevin spotted Kiki clutching the metal railings in one hand, the other clenched into a fist at her chest.
"Kevin don't overdo it!" she yelled.
"Kevin!" Edward's melodramatic blonde elf-like friend wailed, appearing at Kiki's side.
"Bollocks," Kevin grumbled, pushing a little harder on Edward, the distinct change in tone of the cracks he heard telling him he had just dislocated his brother's shoulders, and any more pressure or shift backwards would commence the process of removing Edward's arms from his body.
"Just submit Edward, it's not worth dying for this!" Sprite yelled.
"Kevin don't kill him, it's not worth it!" Kiki added. "I'm free now, let's just end this mess and all go home!"
"Hey, shut-up!" Mars yelled at her.
Kiki gasped, turning to Mars in horror.
"Whose side are you on here?" he snarled. "Ya look like shit, I bet you ain't eaten a hot meal in weeks, stop feelin' sorry for da bastards who did dat to you! You're too God-damned nice, dis is just another dumb games for dese assholes!"
Kiki tilted her head to one side, studying Mars curiously for a moment.
"Honey, deactivate the mask," she said gently.
"What?" Mars snapped.
"The mask," she said, pointing at her eyes.
Mars scowled at her, but did as she asked, his headdress fading back to a dull red and settling around his shoulders once more. His expression softened then and Kiki smiled at him.
"Do you surrender?" an IWF official asked Edward.
Edward answered with a disjointed groan that sounded a little too non-committal for Kevin's liking, and so he put a little more pressure on one arm, the sound of tearing flesh reaching his ears to confirm that he had succeeded in bursting the skin of his brother's shoulder, taking him one step closer to removing the arm entirely.
"Give up Edward, please!" Sprite begged. "It's just not worth it!"
Kevin repeated his action with his other hand, ripping at his brother's other arm, a little surprised by what he heard next.
"I give," Edward said weakly.
A second later the bell rang and Kevin gladly released his brother, turning to watch him crumple to the mat. Kevin started to approach his brother's fallen form, but before he reached him, Edward's fey friend threw himself over Edward, glaring up at Kevin with wide eyes. Kevin sighed, stepping back.
"I just wanted to tell him that this is what the Muscle League is really all about, and he was a fool to underestimate us the way that he did," Kevin growled at Sprite. "And that I hope he has learned a lesson from all of this and that the next time he fights, he does so with some dignity and in the pursuit of honour. No more dirty tricks or silly games. Wrestling is a man's business, not a child's game to be entered into lightly."
Sprite nodded his head hurriedly.
"Thank you Kevin, I knew you were a good man," he said quietly.
Kevin took a breath to answer him but decided against it, silently telling himself that he ought to just be thankful that the ridiculous tournament was finally over. Kevin turned around, finding a bloody Mars standing behind him, eying the two Anarchists with an air of contempt.
"It's over," Kevin assured him.
"Yeah, you did good Kev," Mars replied, slapping Kevin on the shoulder far too roughly.
Kevin shook his head as he sighted a bedraggled and exhausted looking Kiki stepping through the bottom and middle ropes, her appearance about as filthy and ragged as Mars's. Mars turned to see what Kevin was looking at, sighting Kiki for himself and starting a little. Kevin half expected his friend to continue demanding answers from his girlfriend about what she had been doing and saying backstage cuddled up to one of their enemies; but instead he merely smiled warmly at her, his expression softening in a positively sickening way. She sighed, pointing at Edward and Sprite, and he nodded his head at them. Kiki shook her head and Mars shrugged, and apparently their disjointed and wordless conversation had meant something far deeper than it had appeared to in Kevin's eyes, because they then grabbed each other into a hug.
Kevin felt his face twist as Mars lifted Kiki off her feet, nuzzling into her neck as she giggled and grabbed at his shoulders, both apparently oblivious to the hideous state of the other. Kevin slowly shook his head, turning back to see that Edward had been removed from the ring and loaded onto a stretcher. Kevin stepped through the ropes and leapt to the ground, approaching his brother.
"You fucking idiot," Edward cursed at him as he joined the paramedics surrounding the fallen. "You're just as bad as our father, with you're pathetic concept of honour! You should have killed me when you had the chance to, because I would have killed you if it came down to it!"
"I'm glad that you didn't kill him Kevin," Sprite whispered, touching a hand to Kevin's arm.
Kevin flipped his arm up, slapping back Sprite's hand.
"You'll regret this Kevin," Edward spat. "You'll regret being one of the pathetic good guys and sparing me. You made a mockery of me back there you should have killed me if you had to defeat me! You haven't seen the last of me, big brother! I'll be back to seek my vengeance. I will survive because I want more and I will create a bigger war. I will rule over and give you hell and then you will do as I command because I will be here when you are gone, because I… I… I was… I was… Was made… To fly…"
Edward's eyes closed and his head slouched to one side. Shifting his eyes a little, Kevin saw Sprite retract his hands from the tap on the morphine drip Edward was attached to, grinning nervously.
"Okay…" Kevin muttered, turning back to the ring.
The entire Muscle League, both the new generation and the Legends had flooded the ring and all were congratulating Mars on his victory, even though Mars was still too preoccupied with making up for lost time with Kiki to care. Kevin then became aware of someone approaching him, and turning his head, he was a little surprised at what he saw.
"He's out cold," Kevin offered, as Robin Mask slowed to a halt at Kevin's side, craning his neck to peer at Edward.
Robin nodded silently.
"You did the right thing," he said.
"I don't need you to tell me that," Kevin said stubbornly.
"I have shomething for you."
Kevin narrowed his eyes, not particularly wishing to accept anything from his father, his defensiveness spiking to an all-time high as Robin held out what appeared to be a cheque towards him. Kevin folded his arms over his chest to indicate that he had no intention of accepting the apparent gift, but Robin merely moved his hand closer to Kevin.
"Take it," he insisted. "It ishn't from me, it wash payment from Jive Recordsh."
Kevin slowly unfolded his arms, reaching a hand out towards the cheque. The moment he closed his fingers on it Robin released it into his custody, and turning it around, Kevin saw that it was indeed a cheque for £3000 from Jive Records as his father had alluded.
"Why?" Kevin asked, lifting his eyes to his father.
"Well I hope you don't mind, but they contacted me and ashked me if they could film footage of the Mashk Eshtate."
Kevin's face dropped and he suddenly began to feel sick again.
"You let a record company film my house?" he asked darkly. "Oh God, you didn't sign me up for one of those awful reality television shows did you? "Primp my Crib" or whatever they call it?"
"You're thinking of "Pimp my Ride" or "MTV Cribsh"."
Kevin sweat-dropped, a small part of him warning him that his father had just sounded more in touch with society than he was, and that definitely was massively wrong.
"No, they jusht wanted external shots of the eshtate for a mushic video," Robin continued. "They filmed it in one day and gave me that, I had them make it out to you."
Kevin nodded his understanding.
"I suppose I can live with that," he agreed. "After all, it's a just a music video, right? How much trouble could it possibly cause me?"
As Kevin made his way through Heathrow airport, trying to block out Mars and Kiki's inane babble behind him, something caught his eye in the window of WH Smith. Walking over with a small frown, Kevin saw a picture of the Mask Estate taken from the rear garden on the cover of a magazine. The magazine was apparently aimed at young women, it had a silly title written in pink bubble writing, and, to Kevin's absolute disgust, a cover shot of a particularly chirpy pop star he truly despised standing in the middle of his garden amidst a large patch of freshly planted red roses, along with the caption "Exclusive: Shots of Nick Hasler's New Music Video Filmed in and Around Richmond Park, London".
"Roses in November in England," Kevin grumbled. "Fools…"
Kevin turned to walk on but suddenly found himself engulfed by a small gathering of eager teenage girls, all grinning at him.
"Nick?" one of them whispered.
Kevin curled his lip in disgust, silently cursing Fargo for shattering his mask. After his mask had been broken, it had become too sharp and dangerous to wear, and so he had removed it for the flight home, intent on commissioning a replacement as soon as he returned to London.
"Nah, that ain't Nick 'Asler!" one of the girls said. "Look at the size of 'is arse!"
Kevin stiffened, feeling for first time in his life self-conscious about his body as a few of the girls leaned around to inspect his rear-end.
"You're right, Nick's got the tightest little arse eva!" another girl agreed. "This one's far too big!"
Kevin watched in silent horror as the girls trudged off, grumbling in disappointment as they went. After they had dispersed, Kevin found himself facing Mars and Kiki, both of who were doubled over, giggling into their hands.
"It's not funny you bitches," Kevin growled at them before marching on without them.
As Kevin finally exited the airport, it was raining, bitterly cold and nightfall was descending already outside. In front of him two groups of people were fighting over a taxi and behind him Mars and Kiki were talking nonsense to each other; the Bad Blood Tournament was finally over, and normality had just been restored.
Next Chapter: But what is normality at the Mask Estate for Kevin Mask with Mars and Kiki living with him? What is life without his mask like? What really are the best ways to annoy Kevin Mask? What was that Nick Hasler music video all about? Why does Kevin keep acquiring unwanted and uninvited houseguests? And just what is going on at the bottom of the back garden of the Mask Estate? It's time for Kevin torture galore: an awkward first date, a run-in with the law, Cockney accents abound and breaking of the fourth wall: Chapter 26 – Some Kind of Bliss.