A/N: All right, peoples, here's another chapter. The next chapter of Undeniable is up too, since I update them in tandem. I want to thank everyone who voted for me, and ask them to keep voting, since I think you can once a day or something like that. Anyway, my author's notes are always extremely short or ridiculously long and this is starting to look like the latter. I don't have much to say besides what I've already said so go forth, read and vote!

I would also like to say sorry for not replying to people's reviews like usual. I will start back up like normal when I get home.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any Ashlee Simpson songs. I also own the knowledge that Ashlee Simpson doesn't have a brain for letting her husband name her son Bronx Mowgli.

In Which Home is Where You Are

the sky is fallin, and it's early in the mornin'
but it's okay, somehow

- ashlee simpson, better off

-

"Nessie?" I heard vaguely. "Nessie, honey, wake up."

I felt a warm hand brush my hair back from my face and my eyes fluttered slowly open to see Jacob leaning over the bed beside me.

"Good morning," I said, a little sleepily, but still managing a smile.

"Morning," Jacob returned quietly, but his smile was half-hearted. "You about ready to get up?"

My eyes slid over Jacob's body to see he was dressed in blue jeans and a t-shirt, not his clothes from last night.

"Sure," I said, pushing myself into a sitting position, my bones feeling weak but rested. "Why are you already dressed?"

"I, um . . . I was wanting to go see . . . Billy."

I felt as though an electric shock had been delivered directly to my spine. I was awake now, completely. Was Jacob waiting on me to wake up? For how long?

"When is it?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," he confessed. He opened his mouth to add on to that sentence, but I was already out of the bed and halfway to the bathroom, backpack in hand.

"You should have woken me up, Jake!" I called as I dressed hurriedly, pulling on the first bra, jeans and t-shirt I laid hands on and leaving my pajamas in a heap on the floor. "You can't miss it so I can get my beauty sleep!"

I was already striding back into the room, pulling my hair up into a messy bun as I went. I threw my shoes on without bothering with socks or tying them and quickly collected the black bag, holding my other hand out for Jacob.

"Come on, Jake, I'm ready – let's go," I urged, waggling my fingers at him.

My heart pounded nervously in my chest. It was already my fault Jacob wasn't there in person, that he didn't even get to tell his father goodbye, and he was not going to miss his last chance for closure because of me. Jacob looked at me with a mixture of endearment and concern, but he led me swiftly out the door anyway.

As soon as we were a few hundred yards into the wooded area, I gripped Jacob's hand even tighter and broke into a distinctly inhumanly fast run. Jacob kept up with me easily, of course, and a minute later we were several miles in.

"Is here okay?" I asked, breathless not from my run, but my nerves.

Jacob fell silent and I knew he was listening carefully for any signs of human life. Or vampire life, but I didn't want to think about that right now. After a few long moments he nodded and reached to pull his shirt over his head. He handed it to me and I slung it over my shoulder like always. Then Jacob kind of just stood there for a second and he looked . . . scared.

He opened his mouth and it looked for a moment as though he were going to say something, but then he turned on his heel and strode towards a thicket of bushes a few yards away. I couldn't let him go looking like that to face his dad's funeral, something I couldn't even attend with him, so I dashed after him and caught his hand.

Jacob turned around to look at me in surprise and I could see how he had begun to let his face fall once he had his back to me, could see the sadness and despair creeping into his features. I reached up quickly and wrapped both my hands around the back of his neck, pulling him down to me with every bit of my strength. I pressed my lips to his firmly, and while he seemed taken aback at first, his lips melted quickly into mine, kissing me back. After a few seconds though, I knew I had to pull away.

"Don't be scared, my Jacob, okay?" I whispered, and kissed his full lips again quickly. "I love you, and I'm going to be with you the whole time."

Jacob's eyes fluttered closed for a moment and he leant down further and brushed his lips lightly against mine. "I love you too, Nessie. Th – thank you."

He pulled away and retreated to the bushes to phase and I turned my back to him and began to make myself comfortable on the ground. Jacob didn't trot to me this time like he usually did, but walked slowly, subdued, and kneeled until his huge head was resting gently in my lap.

I scratched behind wolf-Jacob's ears gently and tried not to look at his eyes because I knew he was seeing things that were hard for him. He began whining slightly after awhile and I clutched at his fur tightly, but I had no other idea about how to help him.

After maybe an hour, Jacob rose suddenly from my lap, still whining piteously and scratched at the ground. He tilted his head back and let out a low, deep howl. One that wouldn't carry far enough for any surrounding humans to hear it, but enough to express heart-wrenching sorrow. I could feel my heart tearing at his pain.

When I rose to my feet to go to him, he turned and loped quickly back to the bushes and I reflexively closed my eyes to give him time to phase. I gave him about fifteen seconds before I opened my eyes, which should have been more than enough time for Jacob to phase and pull his jeans on but he still wasn't back.

"Jake?" I called hesitantly, taking a few small steps towards the bushes he had disappeared into.

I heard an unfortunately familiar shaking exhalation and next thing I knew I was running to him, and I didn't care whether he was dressed or not. He was though, sitting with his feet planted flat on the ground and his bare back braced against a tree, his face in his hands like the night before last. It felt like so far away – so much had happened since then. Jacob hadn't even had time to mourn Billy; I had kept him from that. I felt incredibly guilty.

"Oh, Jake," I said softly, kneeling beside him and wrapping an arm around his bare shoulders, hotter than usual since he had just recently phased. "I'm so sorry."

He looked abruptly up at me and his eyes were wet. I didn't know what to do. I had been with Jacob while he cried before, only a few nights ago, but I didn't know if I would be able to keep myself together if I had to watch the tears fall in front of me.

"My Dad, Nessie," he said, sounding for all the world like a lost little boy. I realized this was the first time I had ever heard him refer to Billy as his dad. "My Dad."

A solitary tear escaped from the corner of his eye and began to weave its way down his cheek and I couldn't take it. I leaned forward and pressed my lips right against the tear, stopping it dead in its tracks. I could feel Jacob's warm cheekbone and the wetness from the tear against my lips. I pulled back to see another so I leaned in and caught that one too.

"I'm so sorry, my Jacob. I'm so, so sorry."

I cradled his face gently in my hands, reaching with my thumbs to wipe another few stray tears. Jacob kept trying to turn his head, hide his face from me, but I wouldn't let him.

"Stop it, Jacob," I told him, softly but firmly. "Don't hide from me. It's okay to cry if you need to, but don't hide from me."

He stopped struggling in my hands, but averted his gaze, lowering it to the knee of my jeans and keeping it there. Two more tears slid down his cheek.

I wanted to comfort him, but I wasn't sure how. I had done it before, but now I was at a loss. Before, he wanted me close, and now he seemed not to. I tried to tell myself that it was just because he was upset, but it still stung. I wanted to cradle him against my chest like I had done last time, but I already knew he wouldn't be as compliant as he had been. So what to do?

I made a split-second decision, standing up and throwing one of my legs across him and sitting down until I was straddling him. It was a tighter fit than usual, his bent knees caging me in, trapping me between his legs and his chest. It was better though, because it made it more difficult for Jacob to avoid me.

As I settled across his hips, Jacob's hands rose to rest on either side of my waist, a reflex reaction. I leaned forward a little and placed my elbows on Jacob's shoulders, cradling his head gently in my forearms. He was tense for a few seconds, but then he leaned in and buried his face in my neck. I could feel the moisture from his tears on my skin, the heat of his breath too and I forced down my body's reaction.

I felt Jacob's hands release my waist, replaced a second later by his arms wrapping tightly around me, pulling me flush up against him. I knew Jacob was strong, but I was impressed then by his strength, how tightly he held me. I could feel the muscles in his arms against my back and sides, taut and warm, and felt ridiculously safe. I felt as though nothing could reach me here.

But I wasn't the one who needed that comfort. Jake was, and I couldn't give it to him.

"Do you want to go home, Jacob?" I asked softly, knowing he would know which home I meant. The one that was wherever he was. "Or do you want to stay here?"

"Can we stay?" He asked in a voice that was entirely too small to be coming out of such a large person. My heart broke for him all over again.

"Of course we can, Jake," I soothed, scratching my nails lightly on his scalp, something that was quickly becoming habit. "Whatever you need. Tell me what I can do for you. What can I do to help you feel better?"

"This helps," he said gruffly, and pulled me a little tighter, making my back arch in order to be closer, bow against him. "You don't know how much this helps."

I wanted to believe him. Jacob brought me comfort simply by his presence, so maybe I did that for him too. I hoped I did.

I tried to put myself in Jacob's situation, to pretend I was him. What would I want? If I had just lost my father, what would be the only possible thing that could make me feel better? Make me forget for even a few seconds?

And then I knew. Once again, so simple that I missed it.

"Jacob?" I asked softly, and it was a second before lifted his head from my shoulder and looked up.

His face was tear-streaked and I couldn't stand it. I leant in and kissed his full lips once quickly, pulling back before he had time to respond. When I went in for another, Jacob was ready and he kissed me back, slowly but not unwillingly. Soft, close-mouthed kisses that were nice and sweet but driving me insane. I didn't know how Jacob kept himself under control, but it probably had something to do with the fact that the person he was kissing wasn't half as amazing as the one I was.

After a few more of these kisses, Jacob pulled back a little further than he had been and didn't immediately return. My eyes fluttered open.

"Don't – don't do this for me," he whispered, his arms loosening their hold on me, sliding back until both of his hands were resting gently against the small of my back. "Don't do this just because you're trying to make me feel better."

"Shut up, Jacob," I whispered back and kissed him again, but he wouldn't respond.

I parted my lips slightly and kissed him again, let my tongue trace along his bottom lip, requesting entrance. Jacob's lips opened slightly, seeming more like a reflex than a response, but I took advantage of it. I let my tongue flit lightly into the small space between his lips, then kissed him, pressing my bottom lip into the exact place my tongue had been.

Jacob responded then, his control breaking or maybe he just realized he wasn't going to win this one, and he began to kiss me back. We kissed like we had last night, slowly but deeply, since we were in no rush. We had all the time in the world.

After awhile, I felt Jacob's legs move behind me, straighten out. He moved us slowly, in stages, until we were lying on the forest floor, his body pressing down on top of mine the way I liked best. When I tried to lie my head back against the ground though, my bun pressed uncomfortably into the back of my head and I had to break the kiss.

Jake wasn't breathless, since we weren't exerting ourselves, but his heartbeat fluttered faster than usual. His face was still pink but I could hardly see any trace of the tears and I was happy. He looked down at me in confusion as I began fidgeting under him, trying to free my arms and lift my head to undo my hair.

I pulled the hair-tie out quickly and pulled my hair out from under me, throwing it up past my head, not caring how it looked. It was more comfortable and now I could get back to kissing Jacob, but when I reached up to his neck to pull him back down to me, he wouldn't comply. He just continued to look down at me, something I couldn't read in his eyes.

"You're so beautiful," he told me, his eyes taking in my face and my hair spread all around me and apparently it was not a bad sight. I felt myself turn pink. "I can't believe you're mine."

"I think the same thing sometimes," I returned quietly, straining up to kiss just under his jaw. "You're beautiful too, Jake. I hope you know that."

Jacob gave me a small smile, and it was the best I could hope for under the circumstances. At least he wasn't crying anymore. He began kissing my neck then, and if I could have thrown my head back, I would've. My hands reached up to thread through his hair and pull him closer, but he held himself firm, chuckling against my skin.

"Patience, Nessie," he whispered.

My stomach clenched at his words and as I remembered my dream, how he had said the exact same thing. Then I remembered how I had showed him some of my dreams and my face went red, but luckily Jacob didn't notice since his attention was otherwise occupied. Did he see that when I showed him? Was that why he used those particular words? I couldn't bring myself to care too much at that point because Jacob had just ran his tongue lightly along my pulse point and it felt so good and for a minute I couldn't think of anything at all.

I gasped as he continued, his tongue flicking out in surprising places and forcing me to moan and clench my legs tightly together.

"Your skin tastes good, Ness," he whispered after awhile, and my stomach clenched again.

Why did he have to say things like that? Was he trying to drive me crazy?

My hands slid from his head and downwards, reveling in the feeling of his hot bare skin under my fingers. I hadn't been this close to Jacob when he was without his shirt since before we had cleared everything up and it was very different, knowing that you were allowed to touch. I ran my hands along his shoulders and traced my fingers across his collarbone, trying to distract myself from Jacob's teasing, head-spinning kisses on my neck.

I let my hands travel down further to explore the planes of Jacob's chest, how hard it was and yet soft at the same time: strong muscles overlapped with velvet skin. This did little to distract me from my frustration; it only helped to build it up. Now I wanted to know how it tasted, if Jacob would like it if I ran my tongue along the path my hands were taking.

My fingers brushed gently across Jacob's chest, the muscles in his torso tensing as he hardened under my fingers like I had done under his last night. His kisses on my neck faltered and he let out a shaky breath, but this one was much different than the ones before it. I took page from his book and did him like he had done me, brushing my fingers over him again, stronger than before.

"Ness – " he whispered huskily, his nose tracing its way up my neck and towards my jaw. Maybe he was finally heading back to my lips.

"Does that feel good?" I asked, brushing my fingers over him once more and he let out a sharp breath that I could feel against my skin.

"Yes, that feels good," he said, a little tightly, and I felt a surge of pride at being able to make him feel the same way he made me. To tell the truth, it felt good for me too. Touching him felt almost as good as having him touch me.

I was a little surprised at how similarly his body worked to mine. He was male and I was female, he was huge and I was small, he was dark and I was light – complete opposites. Yet the same things made us feel good.

I ran my hands back up Jacob's shoulders, loving how wide and strong they were above me. I left one hand resting lightly against his neck and the other to trail down to the opposite side of his chest. I traced my fingers lightly around my goal for a few seconds and Jacob's breathing became irregular.

He pulled back to look at me, his mouth slightly open, and I chose this moment to run my thumb directly over his nipple. I wanted to see his face as I caused him pleasure, no matter how small, and it was worth it. His mouth fell open a little more and his eyes darkened and I needed to kiss him.

Jacob seemed to have the same thought because in the next instant his lips were crushed against mine.

"You – are so – amazing," he muttered between hard, passionate kisses that I had to work to keep up with. "I can't – believe – "

I didn't find out what Jacob couldn't believe, because he decided then that he didn't want to pull away anymore. His lips were strong against mine and one of his hands tangled fiercely in the hair behind my ear. I felt more of his weight ease onto me as he shifted all of his weight to one side, the elbow of the hand that was in my hair, planted firmly in the forest floor. He used his newly free hand to grip my waist tightly, squeezing and releasing, sliding slowly further up with each motion. He made it to my breast in record time and I gasped in pleasure against his lips.

If I had known I would get this sort of reaction, I would have done it a long time ago.

He squeezed me almost roughly, and I was shocked by the reaction it drew from me. I liked the rough kisses better than the slow ones so I guess it should only make sense that I liked the rough touches better too. Jacob's tongue slipped past my lips at the same time he ran his thumb firmly against me and I was so used to gripping at Jacob's shirt that my fingers automatically curled forward but all I grasped was skin.

One of my fingernails scraped past Jacob's nipple and he moaned loudly into my mouth, an amazing sound. The pressure between my legs was at a record point and I needed something again, the mystery something that wasn't so much of a mystery anymore. There had to be another alternative besides sex, though – people just didn't walk around like this all the time, they'd go insane.

My legs, as they were apt to do in situations like this, seemed to want to wrap themselves around Jacob and just as I was contemplating if I could get away with doing it, Jacob's lips disappeared from against mine. Or between mine, I should say.

"Nessie," Jake whispered, brushing his lips along my cheekbone in a way that made me want to make very embarrassing sounds. "We need to stop now."

I groaned; I had been expecting it.

Jacob kissed me again, passionately but with an air of finality, and I knew there would be no arguing the point.

"Not because of you," he said against my jaw, which surprised me. "But because you said you trusted me to stop . . . when it was time to stop."

Oh. I blushed at Jacob's implication. So this was too much for . . . him? The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Jacob, or force him to test his control

"I'm sorry if I shouldn't have . . . " I let myself trail off. Was there really a term for it?

"No, Nessie," Jacob countered. "Don't be sorry, you didn't . . . you didn't do anything wrong."

"You always say that," I told him, reaching up between us to run a finger along his lips, something I realized I enjoyed last night. "I just . . . I just like making you feel how you make me feel."

Jacob's lips were gorgeous: dark and full and so, so smooth. Besides kissing them or having them kiss me, touching them was the next best thing. My stomach clenched pleasantly as Jacob kissed my finger softly and I sighed.

"Neither of us did anything wrong, Ness," Jacob said quietly after a long moment, and I was glad to see he included himself. "We just have to know when to . . . stop."

"It's hard," I admitted.

"You have no idea."

It was easier knowing that it was hard for him too. Jacob pushed himself up onto his knees, then stood up and I just kind of laid there for a minute, admiring his body from this new point of view. He looked, if it was possible, even taller from down here.

He offered me his hand and pulled me up, catching me around the waist to steady me once I was on my feet. He pulled me into a tight hug and his skin was warm and smooth against my cheek. Jacob released me and cast his gaze around and it took me a few seconds to realize he was looking for his shirt. We found it a few yards away where it had apparently fallen from my shoulder in my haste to get to him.

I watched him shrug it on with a little disappointment, sad to see his muscles go. At least he didn't look so sad anymore, but I needed to make sure.

"Do you feel better now?"

His face fell a little and I wished I hadn't mentioned it.

"I'm . . . okay," he said. "It'll take awhile, but I'm better. You help so much."

He stepped easily into his shoes and offered me his hand. When I took it, he pulled me around to face him and picked something from my hair.

"Leaf," he said, twirling the bright green plant between his fingers before blowing it out to the ground. "You have half the forest in your hair."

I took my hand back so I could run both of them through my hair. Jake was right. Ugh.

"I need a shower anyway." I tried to shrug it off.

Jake pulled a few more pieces of wildlife from my hair before he took my hand again and tugged me in the direction from which we came.

"Come on, Ness, let's go home."

Coming up:

His eyes were dark and I knew what was coming, my heart beginning to beat wildly in my chest. Every time he kissed me it felt like I was winning a prize; but now, like this, like I had just imagined, was too good to be true.

Wait – it was too good to be true.

"Jacob," I managed breathlessly once his lips were inches from mine, my heart flying up into my throat. "Did you – did you see - ?"

He nodded slowly, his eyes darkening even more and there was no doubt in my mind that he had.