"Oh man, did I mention I was really full?" Gillian complained as she stared up at the ceiling.
Cal was lying on his side and he was watching her. He noticed one thing hotel rooms had in common. They were always light. Aside from the glow of yellow coming under the door... the curtains were never dark enough and the streetlights seemed extra bright. Or maybe it was because in cities there were other lights too; shops, billboards. There was a nice one of a lingerie ad right opposite their room's windows.
"Maybe you should have skipped dessert," Cal offered.
Gillian's head turned towards him. He could see her expression clearly. It was mock disgust. "You're kidding right?"
Cal nodded. "Yes I was kiddin'."
Gillian gave him a slight smile. Her hand reached out, cool fingers on his arm. "You're so cute."
"Boys don't do cute darlin', we do ruggedly handsome."
"That too."
Cal gave a slight smile.
"Cal?"
"Yes luv?"
"Are we ok?"
"Sure."
"That didn't sound very convincing."
Cal paused and thought about his words carefully. "It's not that I don't trust. It's that I need assurances."
Gillian turned slightly on to her side. "How can I assure you? I promised..."
"I know. But... I don't know what to say. Actions speak louda than words?"
"You need me to prove it to you?"
"Sayin' it and doin' it are two different things."
"They are," Gillian agreed.
Cal could see her face fall. He reached out and placed two fingers under her chin to tilt her eyes up to look at him. "Too honest?"
She shook her head. "No. Truth hurts right?"
"Somethin' like that. Which makes me hate to ask..."
"Go on."
"Do you want to be with me?"
Gillian's eyes widened slightly. "Of course!"
Cal didn't ask it to read her face; he couldn't see smaller muscles in the crappy light. He just needed the assurance.
"You know I love you Cal. I want to be right here with you. I'm sorry you had to ask. I'm sorry I did that to you."
Cal let her chin go. He wanted to tell her it was all right. But he still wasn't quite sure of that. And it sucked for him more than it did for her. She felt a guilt over her actions; and Cal felt a guilt over his inability to get over it. Yet. He hoped it was yet. "I wish I could lie to you darlin' and promise everythin' will go back to normal. But I wouldn't be bein' honest with you or myself."
"I know," Gillian said in a very meek voice. "I'm glad you're honest with me."
Cal actually felt relieved at her words. "It's all right to tell you this?"
"Yes," she nodded. "I want to know. Then I know where I stand. If you can't see a way to even thinking about forgiving me than I'd rather know..."
"I can definitely see a way to forgivin' you luv. I just need time to... forget."
She nodded. "I'm really glad to hear that. And considering you've been so understanding for me I think it's safe to say I can be patient and do the same for you."
Cal gave a slight smile. "Good to know."
PJ
For the first time in a week they actually snuggled in bed. They didn't sleep as far away from each other as they could get. Cal didn't feel loath to touch her. They met in the middle, arms around each other. It was comforting and a sense of that normal Cal had so been looking forward to, but it was hot. The hotel room was heated and Gillian's body warmth woke Cal early in the morning. He threw back the covers as best he could; Gillian was lying on his other arm. He spread his legs to find cool mattress. Gillian shifted slightly; her hand trailed lower and started stroking him through his underwear. Cal, half asleep, took a second to register what was happening. "Mm," he half moaned as he woke up a little more.
Gillian didn't respond and Cal couldn't decide whether he liked what was happening or was being pushed too soon. Didn't he tell her that he didn't feel comfortable last night? He took her hand and pulled it gently away. She still didn't respond and he hoped he hadn't insulted her, hoped he hadn't set them back a small step. "Gill?" He whispered very gently. He didn't know the time, but it just felt early. Indecently early. "Don't be offended."
Still no response. Cal shifted his head, trying to see her face. His arm was feeling uncomfortably dead so he used that as an excuse to move fully, to shift and turn and Gillian's head came away from his shoulder as he woke her up. She gave a slight frown, cracked bleary blue eyes at him and shifted to use her pillow as a pillow instead of his arm. She resettled, closing her eyes again, the frown disappearing. It was then that Cal realised she had been asleep this whole time. She had been stroking him in her sleep. He wondered what she was dreaming about. The curiosity was a turn on, more than her hand had been. He watched her face while she slept but it was peaceful and calm and gave away absolutely nothing.
Cal settled back on his pillow. His eyes burned with a compounded fatigue. He wondered if Lewis was all right with his aunt, uncle and cousins. The little guy was unsettled at the moment; all the doctor's visits and his mother taking a long weekend... The worst was that Cal couldn't communicate with him very well. He couldn't explain because Lewis didn't understand. Words were no good to him, he couldn't hear them, and he was too young. The only comfort he could give was in the form of very conscious gestures; hugs, lots of hugs, and the time he had spent with him in the bath.
When Cal woke again it was because Gillian was disentangling her legs from his and climbing out of bed. "Is it time to go?" Cal asked sitting up slightly to see the clock next to the bed. It was nine thirty now. Check out was at ten. They would have to move it to pack and shower on time.
"Late check out," Gillian told him, turning back and kissing his mouth briefly. Cal was startled by the gesture, because she hadn't done those kinds of things in so long; a week. Cal caught a surprise expression on her face too as she turned away. She had done that sub-consciously. Out of habit. Great habit. He liked that habit a lot.
Gillian went into the bathroom and Cal reached for the TV remote and clicked it on. He channel surfed while he waited for his wife to come back. He found an old Audrey Hepburn movie; Sabrina, if he remembered correctly. It had just started. When Gillian came back she gave the exact reaction he had been hoping for. "Oh I love this movie!" And she jumped on the bed and snuggled up into his shoulder again, hugging his arm tightly. Cal kissed the top of her head as he settled in to watch the movie. He liked it when his wife was hanging off his arm.