A.N. Hey! I've got an update for you. I intended to wrap it up and post on Friday but I had a little mid-story crisis. Fortunately, I'm mostly past it, I think. I tidied up ideas in my head. I know where I want to take this story and slowly but surely getting there. I hope you'll enjoy the chapter even if I'm not completely satisfied with it. Begging for your reviews and thanking to all longtime and new readers alike!

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After several hours of tossing and turning in the on-call room bed, Derek decided to forget about Richard's warnings. It was not like he was going to put up an argument by his ailing daughter's bed; he just wanted to look, to be close to her.

Taking advantage of the lateness of the hour and the fact that most of the nurses on call were taking care of a coding patient, Derek inconspicuously made his way down the corridor and entered Bessie's room. He paused hesitantly near the door, trying to penetrate the dark surroundings. He could barely make out the bed as the shut blinds effectively blocked the light from the outside.

He stepped further and registered with fascination the blanket covering his daughter's body rise and fall regularly. She was so small, so precious. He would spent hours just standing there but suddenly, he heard a rustle followed by a subtle movement, almost imperceptible in the obscurity.

He froze in his place, almost expecting Richard and security guards jump from under the bed and drag him away in handcuffs. However, there was only a tiny screech and the still silence returned. Derek approached the source of the noise and didn't even have to strain his vision to know that it was Meredith. He picked up the unmistakable scent of lavender. She was curled up in a chair in what was probably the most uncomfortable of positions. The blanket that she kicked off accidentally was lying at her feet.

Derek let out a troubled sigh. In this room, he had what he always dreamed of, his child and the mother of his child, the woman he loved despite his yearning not to. He didn't try to kid himself, he loved her and he always would. She could cut out his heart without anesthesia and it would still beat for her.

At the same time, he was furious at her beyond all reason. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to forgive her, he wasn't sure what he should do next. He never faced a situation which left him so completely lost. How would they introduce him to Bessie? How would their lives change?

Meredith's seat squeaked again as she squirmed, bringing her legs and arms as close as possible. Derek picked up the fallen blanket and tenderly tucked it over her body but the weight of the cover seemed to stir her up from her sleep. She breathed deeply as her mind was returning to consciousness, forcing Derek to hastily back out.

When she finally opened her eyes, bringing her hand to stifle a yawn, she felt an inexplicable sense of loss. Someone's presence was lingering in the air and she knew whose presence she wanted it to be. She also knew, however, the even if he didn't hate her, as everyone kept assuring, he was angry and didn't want to see her. Fortunately, her tired mind got clouded again and was instantaneously reclaimed by Morpheus. For the rest of the night, she kept waking up only to relapse back into slumber until Bailey came for rounds early in the morning.

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Richard peeked surreptitiously into the room of Elizabeth Grey. His relations with Meredith weren't always exemplary but it didn't lessen his willingness to look after her. Not only because of the promise he made to Ellis; his concern was genuine. When Meredith left Seattle Grace, it felt like the biggest failure in his life. Never mind though, he would watch over her now. Richard realized it wouldn't be a piece of cake; Meredith was obstinate, she always looked for trouble since she was a child running the hospital off their feet. And now she had a child. Ellis Grey's little girl had her own little girl.

Richard watched with amazement as she fussed around her daughter's bed. She was a classical mommy, a complete opposite of Ellis.

She raised her eyes to notice Richard standing in the doorway.

"Chief," she sighed. "Good morning."

"Moring Meredith," he said concernedly. "I don't want to intrude…"

"You aren't, she's awake. She's a bit groggy due to pain meds but… she seems to be good."

"I'll pop in another time so you can introduce me to the lovely lady," he studied the little girl's appearance curiously. "I just came to tell you not to worry about work. Take your time, concentrate on your daughter."

"Chief, I…" she started to shake her head.

"That's an order," he stated softly.

"Oh," she took a deep breath. "Thank you, thank you so much."

"Now, how do you feel?" Richard looked at her piercingly.

"I'm good," she replied quickly, nervously playing with the watch on her wrist. "Bessie's good so I'm good. A bit sore from sleeping in one of those horrible chairs but… I'm good."

"Meredith," said Richard seriously, cocking his head.

"I'm fine, really!" she insisted. "I broke down yesterday but it was a onetime thing, not happening again."

"Has… Derek been here?" he asked cautiously.

"No, he's… he hasn't," she breathed out. "He hasn't."

"That's good, I told him not to."

"Thank you, again. He was… angry. It's not the way I want Bessie to meet him."

"Have you thought about it? How are you…?"

"Yeah, of course I have," she gave a short bitter laugh. "It's.. all I've been thinking about lately, how to tell Derek… how to tell Bessie… Only nothing goes according to the plan."

"Derek's a good man," said Richard. "He might not be thinking clearly at-"

"Chief," Meredith cut him across. "You don't have to tell me how he'll come around and we'll be one happy family. I've already heard that, multiple times."

"Oh, huh," Richard cleared his throat uncomfortably. "So… I'll… leave you to it… Anything you need, you can count on me, just ask."

Meredith took her place beside the bed. She took one of the stuffed animals Bessie was playing with out of her hands.

"Sweetie, lie back," she delicately readjusted her covers. "You can't move too much, love. We don't want any more tummy ache, do we?"

"No tummy ache," Bessie shook her head.

"I'm glad we're on agreement," smiled Meredith. "And we don't want any burst sutures that Dr. Bailey did so beautifully. You remember Dr. Bailey?"

"Tuck!" exclaimed Bessie.

"You remember Tuck? Good girl! Now, what did mommy say about moving around?" she reminded rubbing Bessie's tiny arms. "No playing for today, Cherry-pie. I'll read you a story but you need to lie back."

Meredith reached for a colourful book that Cristina brought from the house and opened it on the page with Bessie's currently favourite tale. She was just about to start reading when she thought better of it.

She grasped Bessie's palm and asked with a beating heart, "Do you remember what I told you about daddy?"

"Buddy!"

"Not buddy," Meredith explained slowly. "Daddy. I'm your mommy but you have a daddy too."

"Daddy?" repeated Bessie staring at Meredith with her big blue eyes. "Doctor daddy?'

"That's right," grinned Meredith. "Daddy is a doctor, like me."

"Like Olly?" she picked up her favourite bunny.

"Like Olly," grinned Meredith. Olly was always a doctor treating all toys with health problems.

"Daddy far far," Bessie waved her hand.

"Daddy's not far far away. Daddy's here. He's going to come to see you."

" 'kay," said Bessie and her attention was directed again to the fluffy bunny in her hand. She didn't yet feel the lack of one parent in her life. She was too small to fully understand the situation. Meredith hoped it will make easier for her to get used to Derek's presence and finally love him.

"Story," demanded Bessie, pulling at her sleeve.

"Story it is."

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Meredith was looking for Derek for already half an hour. She didn't see him since their heated encounter the previous day and they needed to talk. Yesterday, he yelled at her, he yelled that she had hidden his daughter. Today, he didn't even come to see her. Her imagination started running wild as she thought that maybe Derek did hate her and hated Bessie because of her. Therefore, she went looking for him; her daughter's happiness was at stake.

But there was no sign of him in his office, in on-call rooms or with his patients. He vanished somewhere after rounds, looking like shit as Cristina put it. Yet, he was surely at the hospital, his car parked on the same spot she left it. She was still in possession of his keys, she completely forgot about them in the fervor of Bessie's sickness and the chaos that entailed.

Where the hell could a grown man disappear without a trace? Meredith could always ask the nurse patrol, they knew everything. However, as she looked at the group of them conspiring near the vending machine, her blood boiled.

"Are you looking for Dr. Shepherd by any chance?" asked one of them.

"What?" Meredith gasped incredulously, losing control. "Don't you have something else to occupy yourselves with? Get a life and leave me and my daughter alone!"

The nurses scattered around, except for one of them, who, to Meredith's horror, turned out to be none other than Rose, the woman whom Derek picked over her.

"That wasn't exactly the wisest move," she said shaking her head slightly and Meredith's fist itched to carve bloody rings around her doe-like eyes.

"As you probably know, given the fact that the hospital isn't talking about anything else, I'm not a master of wise moves. And I don't give a damn about a couple of nurses with hurt feelings!"

Rose's face remained impassive as she assured, "They won't hold it against you."

"How generous!" snapped Meredith. "What is it? Heartbroken Single Mothers' Day?"

The nurse didn't respond to Meredith's sarcasm and said instead, "We've seen Dr. Shepherd getting on the elevator, going up," she paused hesitantly. "I'd advise you to look at the rooftop… He… likes to go there… to think."

"And you're not there consoling him?" hissed Meredith.

Rose rolled her eyes impatiently. "There's nothing between me and Derek. We're just… actually, we're not even friends. We're colleagues."

"And you want to help me because?" Meredith narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"Contrary to what you think, I don't enjoy watching people suffer and no, I'm not holding a secret passion for your McDreamy. We broke up years ago, no hard feelings," explained Rose. "I just wanted to help Derek, he's a great guy but… do what you want." She shrugged her shoulders and walked away.

Disregarding her pride, Meredith took Rose's cue and directed herself to the top of the building. As the cool wind swept her face, she felt a stab of jealousy. Rose was right, she knew well Derek's hideout. True, it was a small thing but wasn't life a series of small things put together?

Meredith's pulse quickened as she walked to him, her eyes fixed on his form. He was standing with his back towards her, staring down over the city, his hair ruffled by violent gusts of air.

"Derek."

She could clearly see his body tense up at the sound of his name, his grip on the railing tightening. What did she want to tell him? Everything. What could possibly make him forgive her? Nothing.

"Derek," she called again, this time much quieter as the distance between them shrank.

He let out a deep sigh and turned to face her. All traces of anger were gone from his features but his gaze, fixed somewhere over her shoulder, was cold, colder than the wind.

"We… we need to talk," spoke Meredith with a pleading note in her voice.

He nodded, crossing his arms on his chest, his eyes constantly averting hers.

"Derek, I'm… sorry, truly sorry…" she began.

"Save it," he said curtly.

"I am," she insisted. "I've already told you it was never my intention to hurt you."

"Right," he nodded sarcastically.

"I didn't think about you while leaving Seattle-"

"That much is clear," he barked at her. He finally looked up and Meredith saw sparks of anger in his eyes.

"That's… that's not what I meant!" she denied hastily. "I-"

"I'm not interested in any explanations," he hissed.

"Fine," she capitulated. "Are you interested in your daughter?"

"Excuse me?" he strained to regain control over the anger in his voice. "How dare you?"

"You… you haven't even come to see her," whispered Meredith.

"I needed to think things over first," he gritted leaning against the railings.

"I know you're furious at me and... good God… you have a right to be. And it's all my fault, only mine! Bessie, she's innocent here. So… you need to decide if you want to be in her life or not."

Derek shook his head with incredulity at a loss for words, "I… I can't believe you even need to ask! She's my daughter. You think I can overlook this little fact and live like nothing happened?"

"I…" Meredith stared at her hands. Derek wanted Bessie, he wanted Bessie. It wasn't wise to push him right now but she didn't have a choice. Never would she let her little girl be raised by a pair of constantly arguing parents. "Then… we can't behave like that in front of her, Derek!"

He sighed, "I don't want to fight you, Meredith. I want the best for… Bessie. I want to be her father. I need time for everything to sink in but… I want everything for her."

Meredith breathed out with relief. "Do… you want to see her?" She immediately regretted her words as his mouth formed a thin line. "That's… a stupid question, of course, you want to see her. Come… come during lunchtime, everyone will be busy, we'll have more privacy."

Derek nodded in agreement. "How… What are we going to tell…?" he was almost afraid to finish the question.

"We'll tell her you're her daddy," declared Meredith, surprising Derek. "She knows she has a daddy, she does. Only she… she's two years old, Derek. She doesn't entirely understands the concept because.."

"Because I wasn't around," Derek finished for her tersely.

"Yeah," Meredith hung his head guiltily and exhaled deeply. "Could you… at least try to ever forgive me?"

"I could if it was forgivable," said coldly Derek and turned away from her resuming observing the panorama of the city.

Meredith felt tears stinging in the corners of her eyes. She was pretty sure it would hurt less if he threw her down from the roof than said that what she broke was beyond repair. With a hand over her mouth, she quickly ran inside. The closeness to him was painful. She crashed into someone in the doorway but didn't even halt to say sorry. She was in a desperate need of a solitary corner to ease her sobbing.

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"Did I just see Grey running in tears from here?"

Derek didn't have much time to contemplate the view of Seattle as Mark joined his side seconds after Meredith. Derek shrugged his shoulders, he didn't intend to sound so harsh but didn't try much to be more civil either. It was just stronger than him.

"So, what's up with you and Meredith? You've lost me again. Are you on? Off?"

"Don't play dumb, Mark. I'm sure you've already heard she had my child."

"Yeah, uhm, congratulations?" Mark tried to sound out his best friend's mood.

"Yeah, congratulations," muttered Derek hollowly. "I should've listened to you, you were right."

"I didn't climb up here to tell you 'I told you', man. Although, I did tell you," chuckled Mark. "Now, what's the deal? Grey gave you what you always wanted so why are you both depressed? You look like McNightmare, by the way."

"Don't test my patience," Derek gritted out.

"I thought you've already lost it. I heard all about the tantrum you threw at her yesterday. She pissed you off, you made her a hell on earth. Fine, you got it out of your system. Isn't that enough?"

"Are you defending her?" Derek squinted at Mark. "You told me yourself to be careful."

"I did," sighed Mark. "But primo, I didn't know it was your kid. Secundo, you didn't listen."

"Oh, so now it's my fault? I'm the bad guy here?"

"You see everything in black and white," commented Mark. "You're not a bad guy, Derek. Neither is Meredith. It's just life; life is messy."

"You can't even imagine…"

"Then tidy it up. Do what you always wanted to do. Build a house in the wilderness for your kid and the mother of your kid, slip a ring on her finger and make more little Shepherds. She'll go for it; she had one, she'd want more."

"As if it was that easy." Derek raked his hair in silent frustration.

"Sure it is," chuckled Mark. "You knocked her up almost three years ago but you don't forget those things, it's like riding a bike-"

"Mark! I-" he trailed off. "I don't trust her. I look at her or think about her and I start wondering what else she might be keeping from me. Or if she takes Bessie and leaves when I turn my back. It's just… I don't know how many times I said this but… I can't believe she was able to do this to me, to all of us."

"It won't hurt to ask," advised Mark.

"Actually, it might. For now, I want to focus on my child, on Bessie," he smiled slightly. "I want to meet her, get to know her, protect her. It feels amazing, you know."

"That's great, man. But what about Grey? They're sort of a package deal."

"I don't know, I just don't know."

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"Mer, you're freaking out," said Izzie half-amused, half- concerned as Meredith combed Bessie's hair into impeccable waves for the billionth time.

"I'm not freaking out!" countered Meredith. "I just want everything to look perfect. It's enough that he thinks I'm a horrible person. I don't need him telling me I'm a horrible mother!" She looked around in a frenzy. "God, this place looks like Santa's workshop!" she whined making Izzie giggle.

Since morning, they were flooded with little gifts, toys and sweets, which surprised her to no end. Apparently, even if Seattle Grace community found her an irresistible topic for gossip, they also regarded her as one of their own.

"I think it's sweet," commented Izzie. "Even Nurse Debbie brought something."

"Must have been that chocolate bar past expiry date," Mer shot back ironically, smoothing the covers. "No, Bessie!" she groaned watching one of the stuffed animals fly across the room and collide against the wall near the door. "You're being a bad girl! And you can't be a bad girl when daddy's coming to see you!" She trotted to pick up the exiled toy and when she bent down she saw a pair of legs in navy scrubs appear in front of her.

Way to go girl, as graceful as ever in front of him… She redressed quickly, her hair flying around her flushed cheeks, "Hi, uhm, good… good that you're here."

Izzie cleared her throat and made towards the door, "I'll leave you two alone, I mean three." She gave Mer a radiant smile and thumbs up behind Derek's back and scooted away.

Derek's eyes swept around the room he just entered; he wondered if he didn't find himself in a toy store by some mistake. It was swamped with balloons, stuffed animals and baskets full of confectionary. And then, at long last, his eyes rested on little blond toddler sitting in the middle of the bed, the sight immobilizing him.

It was certainly not how he envisioned this moment. It was supposed to be joyous, insanely happy and instead it felt like Meredith stabbed him right in the heart again, with cold blooded purpose. A familiar urge to storm and rage at her went through his body for it was not his first meeting with his daughter. He had already seen this girl with honey locks, he shook her tiny hand, he was a step form learning the truth right then. He would have learnt the truth if Yang hadn't butted in. A memory of Meredith standing in front of her office, making up excuses for him not to come in, flashed in his mind. Derek snorted inwardly; she asked for forgiveness, having blatantly lied to him.

Meredith studied his face with growing anxiety. Somehow, he was on the brink again.

"Derek?" she asked frightfully.

"Not now," he dismissed her.

Fortunately, his face relaxed, his expression softened the longer he looked at his daughter.

"Ok," she inhaled, plucking up her courage, "come… come over." She led him to the bed. "She's not entirely herself. The pain meds make her lightheaded. Normally, she's bursting with energy."

Derek acknowledged the piece of information with a nod and crouched beside the bed while Meredith perched herself on the other side.

"Bessie, sweetie," she took her hand gently. "Your daddy is here. Isn't that exciting? See? This is your daddy!"

Bessie looked curiously at the dark-haired goofy-looking head beside her. She wasn't shy with strangers like the most kids her age but she liked to observe.

"Say something to her, Derek," Meredith encouraged him tenderly.

"Wha… what?" he stammered nervously under the watchful scrutiny of the eyes that were perfect mirrors of his own.

"Say who you are," she whispered.

"How… how should I call her?"

"Well, you might call her by her name or… I call her Angel or Sweetie, or Cherry-pie. Cristina calls her McBaby or McSpawn but I'm sure you don't want to go there."

"Doctor daddy?" squeaked Bessie, frowning her little eyebrows at Derek, completely melting his heart.

"Yes, I'm… I'm… your daddy," he breathed emotionally. "Bessie, I'm your daddy and I… love you so… so very much.

"Play?" asked Bessie, her expression dead serious.

"Of course, daddy's going to play with you," grinned Meredith, sniffing her nose a bit. This moment couldn't be going more perfect…

"Okay!" exclaimed Bessie grinning widely.

"You can hold her hand," said Meredith subtly, blinking rapidly.

"I… I can?"

"Mhm, she accepted you. Go on, she won't bite, she's cuddly."

Derek slowly moved his hand as if afraid that any sudden motion could wake him up from this wonderful dream. His hand covered her warm little fingers. Her palm was miniature compared to his but they fit perfectly. Perfect, that was how it felt to be a part of the little chain of clasped hands, smiling lips and beating hearts.

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A.N. Hoping to post the next update before Easter but no promises. Cheers, Em :)