Hei hei!

I'm back with a new chapter, enjoy!

Even when it's already February, I do want to wish you all a happy new year. I hope you all achieve the things you long for. Work hard but enjoy life and do the things you love! But who am I to give you some advice!

Some information regarding the timeline of this story: There isn't a real timeline. I mean, I do try to keep up with the duration of Bridget's and Franky's relationship and the events they encounter. But I don't take into account the actual year or month. That being said, I tend to incorporate the necessary information when needed.

Disclaimer 1: I don't own Wentworth or the characters.

! Please read - Disclaimer 2: This chapter is not a happy and joyful one. It contains content about (possible) sexual abuse. So, if that may trigger you in any way, please do not read this chapter. I will make sure to indicate, in future chapters, when this subject will come up again.

Two months had passed since Bridget and Franky had been to Sydney, but one could say that a lot of things had happened during that time…

For the first time, since the start of their relationship, the couple was going through a rough patch. For sure they had known some small disagreements here and there, nothing serious but this time was different. Since seeing a therapist Franky had been making a lot of progress when it came to expressing her feelings and thoughts aloud. As time went on the younger woman had slowly been opening up about her past and the horrible things she had done or seen in- and outside prison. Bridget, who loves Franky to dead, had always been very understanding. Because of her training as a psychologist she knew that working through trauma takes more than just a couple of meetings with a therapist. But this Wednesday, Franky had suddenly decided to quit therapy, stating that she was done with it. Bridget had gently probed about why her girlfriend had come to that decision, but the younger woman refused to talk about it. That night Franky had spent the night on the couch, even when Bridget had voiced multiple times that there was no reason why they couldn't sleep in the same bed. The next day Franky had left the house early in morning, while Bridget was still asleep, only to come back home when it was already after 12pm. That pattern had repeated themselves for three days straight, before Bridget had raised her voice and demanded what had happened.

It was currently 12 pm on Friday night. Bridget was still watching some TV, despite the tiredness she was feeling. Today marked the third day of Franky's strange and hurtful behavior and to be honest the older woman was done with it. Bridget thought that they were past this running and hiding from each other when things became difficult, but it seems that that was just an illusion…

Just a few seconds ago Bridget heard how Franky entered the house, trying to be as quiet as possible.

"Stop." Bridget exclaimed, stepping in front of Franky before she could head up the stairs.

"I want to…" Franky murmured, pointing toward the stairs with her index finger.

"No, you're not running away again. What's going on?" The older woman asked loudly, seeing the tired look on Franky's face.

"Nothing is going on." The younger woman uttered, not in the mood to talk.

"Don't lie to me Franky. I though we were far past the lying and pretending." Bridget stated, raising her voice yet again.

"I don't want to talk about it! I don't want to think about it!" Franky responded just as loudly.

"About what? What happened?" The older woman pushed, seeing the frustration in her girlfriend's eyes.

"Nothing Gidge, nothing!" Franky yelled, the air leaving her body all in once.

Bridget could see the pain in her lover's eyes, thinking something must have taken place. It made her feel sad that they were currently yelling at each other, something that had never happened before at this level. They needed to find a way to talk about what was going on, about why Franky was acting the way she did.

"I don't want to talk about it." Franky whispered in an uncertain voice, looking down.

Franky did feel ashamed about the way she had been acting the last few days. Bridget hadn't done anything wrong, she just couldn't talk about what happened this past Wednesday. It was too much and thinking about it made her feel sick. Everything she wanted to forget and had tried to work through in therapy had been thrown back in her face all in once. How could she deal with that?

"But you can't shut me out like that Franky. Whatever it is, we can work it out together. Please babe." Bridget voiced tentatively, keeping her distance for now.

"You're angry?" The younger woman murmured, realizing that if was unfair to ask Bridget that question.

"I don't think that I am angry, but I am disappointed Franky. I can't deny that. I though we trusted each other." Bridget answered honestly, seeing her Franky was trying her best to keep her emotions under control.

"I do trust you."

"Just not with this." Bridget responded, a bitterness Franky hadn't heard before audible in her voice.

"I…I want to, but I can't." Franky said in a hoarse voice, slamming her fist on her chest. "It hurts so much in here and I don't know how to deal with that."

"But I can see that keeping it all in isn't helping either Franky." Bridget put into words softly.

The older woman truly hated it to see Franky so upset and hurt. Even if they weren't in a good pace right now, Bridget still wished she could take her girlfriend's pain away.

"I don't know what to do, I don't fucking know what to do or what to think Gidge. I do know that hiding from you isn't the right way… But I just don't know." Franky uttered, choking up a few times in between words.

"I don't know either… But I do know that I don't want you to walk away again. These past days… I hated it…" Bridget said in a tender but honest voice.

"Sorry…"

"Sorry isn't gonna cut it this time Franky." The psychologist expressed, seeing the tears springing in Franky's eyes, knowing she was close to crying as well.

"I know…"

The couple stood in the hallway for a long time, both not really knowing how to go from here. Eventually it was Bridget who broke the silence.

"I don't want us to sleep apart." The older woman whispered, seeing Franky's defeated posture.

Bridget knew that they weren't getting everywhere tonight. They were both too tired and in need for a good night's rest before they could hopefully talk properly in the morning.

"Me neither." The younger voiced.

"Okay… But we will talk tomorrow?! I'm not letting this go Franky." Bridget stated, seeing the small nod that Franky was giving her.

In complete silence the couple made their way upstairs. Bridget had taken a shower and prepared herself for bed earlier tonight. Franky however longed to take a quick shower before going to bed. Once in bed the women took their own side, keeping their distance. It didn't happen very often, actually they usually touched each other one way or another when laying in bed, but this time Bridget as well as Franky realized that things couldn't just go back to how they were three drays ago. Franky had hurt Bridget by not trusting her or at least that was what the older woman was feeling.

"I'm sorry Gidge." Franky spoke quietly after a long silence.

Franky was aware that her girlfriend was still awake despite the tiredness she had seen in the woman's eyes. The younger woman knew she had fucked up big time. Franky thought she was doing better, slowly letting Bridget in on some stories about her past. She had finally found her place around their home. Of course she had always felt safe at the older woman's place, but it had taken her a few weeks to really get settled in. And now, now she had screwed all of that up just because telling Bridget what happened on Wednesday was too hard. At least, that's what she kept telling herself. Because let's face it, she could trust her girlfriend, but her mind kept screaming at her that she couldn't!

"I can see that you are. We may not be fine right now, but we will." Bridget put into words, turning on her other side so she was facing Franky.

"Yeah?" Franky asked in a small voice.

"Yes we will." The psychologist replied in an equal small voice, reaching out to grab Franky's closest hand in hers. "Try to get some sleep, we will talk tomorrow." Bridget added, giving her girlfriend's hand a squeeze before turning back around and trying to get some sleep herself.

"I love you Bridget." Franky whispered, feeling herself getting chocked up. She didn't deserve Bridget…

"And I love you."

Bridget had a hard time finding a comfortable position in bed. She was so used to having Franky nearby and not laying as close as possible to her end of the bed. She truly had no idea where to go from here. The pain and uncertainty she had witnessed in Franky's eyes made it wearing to be disappointed or angry, which she wasn't, with the younger woman. The psychologist had heard how Franky had cried herself to sleep, trying to make as little as possible noses while doing so. Bridget really hoped that they could talk honestly and openly tomorrow, because she didn't want to feel like this any longer.

A little after 4 am Bridget woke up from Franky's disturbed tossing in bed, recognizing her nightmares from afar unfortunately. And from the looks of it, it was a bad one. Still not yet fully awake herself, Bridget sat up in bed but kept her distance for now.

"Franky, wake up." Bridget started, quickly seeing that her words weren't doing anything. "Come on baby, wake up. You're safe her, I promise." The older woman voiced over and over again, until Franky's eyes flew open. Bridget saw the painted and scared look on her lover's face, her breathing uneven.

"You're safe here, just breath." The older woman spoke softly. "In… And out. That's it babe, in and out."

Bridget could feel and see how Franky's breathing was slowly getting more regular, thankfully, but the haunted look was still very present. The younger woman was sitting against the headboard, her hands tightly wrapped around her bended knees while looking straight ahead. Franky stayed quiet for a very long time, overthinking everything she could remember from the nightmare.

"She touched me." Franky voiced so softly that Bridget thought she had imaged her girlfriend speaking aloud.

"She was always drunk or high… Most of the times both I guess…." Franky started with a voice empty for any emotions. "At the place we lived, I was lucky to have my own room. Most of the time she left me there alone and did her thing. Drinking, getting high… Having sex with men. I knew from a young age that I liked girls, women. I didn't get why the girls at my school would talk about boys like they were all so great and pretty. But it was all too confusing to really know what I was thinking or feeling at that time. I spent a lot of time hiding under my bed… I think I feared the sounds that I heard when they were having sex... I didn't fully understand what was happening. One day when I came back from school, I walked in on her and a bloke getting high together. It wasn't anything new, so I just tried to go to my room as quietly as possible. But that man… He asked me who I was and told me that I was pretty. I'm not pretty you know… There were moments when she was high, drunk or whatever, when she would drag me out of my room and forced me to stand in front of her in just my undies. It always made me feel ashamed about myself. It trilled her to put out her cigarettes on my chest… Made her laugh bitterly to see me in pain. Or at least that's what I think. She used to tell me how she hated it that I was becoming a woman. I was getting breasts, so I guess that's why she put out her cigarettes out in that area. When that man told me that I was pretty, she forced me to take of my clothes again because she wanted to show him that I wasn't pretty at all. He… I didn't want him to touch me… I yelled so hard. He didn't do anything to me, but they made me watch them when they had sex. I was so scared when I lay in bed that night. She wasn't dumb… I dressed like a boy and I had said things when that man tried to touch me. I was so stupid. So, so stupid! The next night she came into my room and she… She touched me. My body… I…" Franky revealed, her voice full of pain, tears streaming down her cheeks without realizing it.

Bridget could see that her girlfriend was starting to panic again, her voice wavering and full of anguish. The older woman was unable to hold back her own tears, hearing what Franky's mother, a person who's supposed to love you, had done to her own daughter.

"You're safe now sweetheart. Breath with me. Can you do that?" The psychologist expressed tenderly.

"Don't hurt me, please…" The younger woman uttered, trying to make herself as small as possible.

"I'm not going to hurt you Franky. Look at me honey. Trust me, look at me?" Bridget voiced softy, feeling at loss.

Bridget could see that Franky had completely withdrawn into herself, too captivated by the memories that she had narrated. What she had just told, it made the older woman feel sick. She was hurting, but it wasn't about her feelings right now. She needed to help Franky!

"I'm gonna be sick." Franky murmured after a long moment of silence, unable to move her body.

"Just take a deep breath Franky, can you do that?" The older woman spoke tenderly, longing to touch her girlfriend but knowing that touch wouldn't be appreciated right now.

"Please…"

"I'm not going to touch you Franky, but do you think you can get up? Or I can bring you a bucket…" Bridget's asked tenderly, seeing that ashen look of her girlfriend's face.

"Gidget?"

"I am right here honey."

"I'm gonna be sick." Franky cried, throwing up all over her lower body and the sheets. "I'm sorry, sorry…"

"Hey hey, it's okay. We will get you cleaned up."

"I'm sorry Gidge."

"You haven't done anything wrong Franky. Can I touch you?" The psychologist asked, seeing that Franky's body was starting to shake.

"No no, I need… Please don't." The younger women pleaded, looking into Bridget's eyes swiftly for the first time since she abruptly woke up from her nightmare.

"Okay… I'm not going to touch you." Bridget responded immediately. Her girlfriend breathing was finally getting more even, and she didn't want Franky to go through another round of blind panic. "You want to take a shower or a bath? I can change the sheets."

"No no I will do it. I am sorry Bridget." Franky spoke in a much clearer voice than before.

Bridget could, by each second passing, see how Franky was putting up her walls again. She was dissociating herself from what she had just revealed… The psychologist knew, at least in part, that Franky had been a victim of emotional and physical abuse during her childhood, mostly inflicted by her mother. She had seen the scars on her lover's body and been witness of a multitude of nightmares Franky had went through. Even when the younger woman had become more open about some things she went through as a child, these stories often involved her father in one way or another. Talking about her mother and the pain she had invoked was something Franky shied away from up until now. So, revealing that her mother had touched her was a big deal. Bridget felt sick thinking about the many different ways she could interpreted these words. Had the woman touched her child inappropriately, did she… Rape her? The older woman hoped that that wasn't the case. Everything Franky's mother had done to her daughter was so wrong on many levels, but knowing that Franky had been abused sexually, Bridget hoped that wasn't true. But at the same time the psychologist realized there is a thin line between molestation and rape…

"I can give you a hand baby."

"No no… It's my mess. It's disgusting." Franky spoke in a hushed voice, just now grasping what for a messy situation she had found herself in. She herself was dirty as well as the bedsheets. How was she going to fix and clean this without making an even messier mess?

"Okay… But know that you could never disgust me." Bridget responded gently, quickly leaving the bed to get a fresh towel which she handed to her girlfriend. "You can… Euh, put this around your waist or clean yourself up a bit?"

The psychologist thought it was best to follow Franky's pace, giving her all the time she needed to acknowledge what had transpired between them moments ago. Pushing the younger woman would most likely only result in her not letting anyone in.

"Yeah, thank you. Sorry for waking you up Gidge and for the mess I've made." Franky put into words, accepting the towel.

Without saying a word Franky made her way toward the bathroom, taking a quick shower. Afterward she changed the sheets of their bed, while also making sure that she cleaned every surface from possible vomit.

"I think it's clean Franky." Bridget expressed tenderly, resting against the doorframe of their bedroom. The psychologist had giving Franky the space she needed, but she needed to know how her lover was holding up.

"Yeah?" The younger woman questioned, looking around the room for any spot she might have forgotten.

"Hmmm."

"I just need to put everything in the washer, it might leave stains otherwise." Franky responded, currently standing in front of Bridget.

"I took care of it already." Bridget said, tentatively extending a hand but not touching the other woman.

"Thank you." Franky voiced, grabbing Bridget's hand in hers and resting their joined hands over her heart.

"You're okay sweetheart? Stupid question, I know… But…" Bridget asked in an uncertain but tender voice, her eyes filling with tears again.

"Hey… It was just a nightmare. I'm okay or at least I will be." Franky expressed, lovingly placing her free hand on Bridget's cheek, stroking the skin there.

"But… What you've told me Franky. It was hard to listen to, so I can't image how you must feel. You've lived it…" The older woman put into words, leaning into Franky's touch, lovingly kissing her palm.

"You deserve the truth. I love you and I know that I acted wrongly these last few days."

"What happened Wednesday?" Bridget questioned tentatively.

"I…" Franky started, taking a deep breath. Bridget deserves an honest answer, keeping her in the dark would only hurt them as a couple in the long run. "I got a call in the morning… It was from one of the smaller hospitals in Melbourne. The woman on the phone asked me if I knew Susan McMasters. That's her name… My mother… I don't know how they got my number or why they would even contact me. I haven't seen her in over fifteen years… She asked for me and she wants me to visit her… I can't Gidge. I don't want her back in my head, in my life. I don't want her to ever get close to you!" The woman breathed, feeling how her heartbeat was peeking again.

"Oh sweetheart… Why didn't you tell me any sooner? I won't let her hurt you again, you know that right?" Bridget's declared, once again kissing Franky's palm that was still resting on her cheek.

"She's bad Gidget. Why would she want to see me? I always thought or maybe hoped that she was dead, you know…"

"I don't know why she wants to see you, but nobody is forcing you to go see her. Okay?" The older woman responded softly, seeing the tears in her girlfriend's eyes.

"Maybe… I am really sorry about my behavior and about what just happened. I know that sorry isn't enough and I don't expect you to just forgive me, but I don't want us to fight…" Franky voiced uncertainly.

"I don't want to fight or yell at you either… I understand why you couldn't tell me or why it is so hard to talk about what your mother did. But it still hurts somehow… But that doesn't change the love I feel for you. I don't expect you to simply tell me everything you went through, you know that. But you can't just keep me out of everything either. That not healthy, not for you, me or our relationship." Bridget put into words, seeing the look of agreement in her girlfriend's eyes.

"I know that everything you're saying is right. It's just… I keep messing up and running away… It seems like the best way to act. But I know that it isn't, which confuses me…" The younger woman responded in a small voice.

"It's okay to be confused or to not know what to feel or think, but you have to realize and really get that I'm not going anywhere. I don't want you to shut me out. You don't have to talk, but no more running. Okay?" Bridget spoke softly, but with determination.

"No more running…" Franky whispered.

"A hug…?"

"Yes… Please…" Franky murmured, looking into Bridget's tender and loving eyes.

It was Bridget who closed the distance between them, embracing Franky in a careful hug. The older woman knew to be careful with touch after one of her girlfriend's nightmares and especially after what she had told her.

"You're safe here." Bridget spoke softly, feeling how Franky had started crying again.

The women held each other for a long time. Bridget was glad that they didn't have to go into work in a couple of hours, realizing that she wouldn't be able to concentrate after everything. She just longed to hold her girlfriend for as long as possible. Bridget hoped that maybe they could sleep a little bit more as well, although she knew that Franky wouldn't be able to. But it wouldn't hurt to try at least.

"You think you will be comfortable lying down in bed, together honey? It's okay if you're not and if you need same space." Bridget asked, tenderly combing away some of the loose strands of hair from Franky's face.

"I think I will be okay. I do trust you Gidget." Franky expressed, resting her forehead against Bridget's afterward.

"I can hear you thinking, very loudly. You can ask Bridget." Franky spoke, turning around in bed so they were lying side by side, facing Bridget.

Franky hardly ever used Bridget's full name, preferring one of her nicknames. Only when things were serious did the younger woman addressed the psychologist by her surname.

"I don't want to cause you any more pain sweetheart." Bridget stated, carefully placing her hand on Franky's hip, glad that her girlfriend wasn't flinching away from her touch.

"You won't." Franky answered, resting her own hand on Bridget's hip.

"Did she… Did she abuse you…? Sexually, I mean." The older woman articulated, having a hard time finding her words.

Bridget couldn't get the word 'rape' over her lips. She didn't want to associate her lover with that word.

"I don't know." Franky uttered, seeing the confused look on her girlfriend's face. "What counts as rape? I mean… Even between a man and a woman, or only men or women, what does sexual abuse mean? If one of the two parties do something the other doesn't consent too or only when it comes to the actual… You know... I know both men and women can be a victim, but I don't know what the exact lines are. And when children are involved, does these lines shift, are they different?" Franky tried to put into words, feeling how her voice was wavering.

"I think… I don't know, it's difficult Franky." Bridget started, realizing Franky longed for an honest answer. "I think it's something personal. Everyone has their own values… Abuse for one person isn't necessary viewed as such by another person. Does molestation differ from rape…? I don't know. And then there is the whole argument or how the law views the subject…"

"Yeah…"

"Do you feel like you were abused?" Bridget whispered, not able to keep eye-contact.

"Maybe… I don't know… It's been such a long time. She has touched my breasts and you know… Down there, but she never went inside, I think. I'm not sure… I'm not sure Gidge." Franky uttered.

Hearing the pain and uncertainty in her lover's voice made Bridget's heart ache. Giving that Franky wasn't sure what happened exactly, made Bridget belief that her girlfriend may have pushed some feelings and memories so deep away that it was possible that her mother did 'enter' her, but she couldn't remember.

"Hey, look at me sweetheart?" Bridget questioned gently, seeing the scared look when they locked eyes. "It's okay not to remember. You're protecting yourself, it makes you so strong and brave. You don't have to remember…" Bridget expressed gently, stroking the clothed skin near Franky's hip.

"No?" Franky whispered, quickly brushing away some of the tears on her face.

"No, you don't have to remember my brave Franky, but you can. You do what you feel you need to."

"What if I don't know." Franky questioned.

"Than you can talk about it with me, your therapist or someone else. Together you can figure out what you feel comfortable with… Or you let me know what you need, whenever you need it. You think you can do that?" Bridget asked lovingly.

"I think so…" The woman voiced, closing the distance between them and tucking her head under Bridget's chin. "I love you."

"I love you too… I'm so sorry you had to get through all that." The psychologist expressed softly, kissing Franky's forehead tenderly for a long time.

Bridget knew that she wanted to talk more about what Franky had disclosed, but she would follow her girlfriend's pace. For now, she wanted to hold Franky in her arms for as long as she let her. Knowing more about the cruelties her girlfriend had been through was hard to grasp. She could feel how the shirt she was wearing was getting wet by Franky's tears, realizing that she lacked the proper words to make her feel even a bit better. Bridget hoped that her presence at least provided some solace…

To be continued…

I'm sorry if this chapter wasn't what you expected! Maybe too dark for your liking. I've been thinking about addressing this subject for quite some time now, but I was/am a bit afraid for the reactions. But I do appreciate any feedback or recommendations!

On another note: I don't know if I can't keep up with a regular schedule of posting new chapters, but I will strive to post a new chapter every two/three weeks.

At last I would like your help regarding some grammar/correct spelling. I am aware that I keep messing up the words lying and laying. I've looked up the correct way to conjugate them but when I translate the words it ends up not being what I mean. So, can someone help me with the following sentences:
- The were lying down in bed Is that correct?
- Don't lie to me Stop lying? Is that correct?
- When do you use laying?
Sorry for the stupid question but thank you for your help!

With all that being said, enjoy the rest of your Sunday (my time) or the beginning of a new week.

Kind regards!