Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.
So, should I add an epilogue set a few years in the future or nah? I have some ideas for an epilogue but I don't want to push the ideas if they aren't necessary c: you guys decide.
Sad to say that if I do write one (tbh I likely will), it might take a little while. I'm going into my last year of university which also means this is my last year in Canada! I'll finally be going back to the Middle East after I graduate so it's going to be a very crazy year. I'll try and spend as much time writing as I can.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed! Big thank you to all the nice reviewers.
I never got the true story until this morning. My parents have been dancing around me for the past few days, not saying a word about the incident. The incident. That's what I've been calling it. I don't know what else to call it. I don't want to say it was a murder. It sounds too harsh. I don't want to believe that people I've known my whole life are murderers.
But they are and guess what? They got away with it. Perhaps it wasn't the first time. Apparently Fugaku was a notorious thug when he was younger. He has a criminal record and everything. For some reason, I'm not that surprised. Like I said before, I always knew there was something not quite right about that family. "Are the Uchihas drug lords or something?" I wonder aloud.
"Oh, no, no," my mom insists, awkwardly laughing it off and waving her hand dismissively.
"It was mostly yakuza stuff," Dad cuts in. "So, maybe drugs were a part of it… Either way, Fugaku cut that business out of his life. Though he doesn't seem it, he's very family oriented. He loves his sons and he won't hesitate to do what he needs to protect them."
"Kisame didn't do it, did he?" I whisper the question.
"Who the hell knows…?" Dad muses.
"How can you be so calm?" I demand.
"I've known Fugaku for a long time," he says. "None of this surprises me."
I squeeze my eyes shut. "Sasuke is, like, grieving or something," I murmur. "He lost it… I mean it, he fucking lost it. He's… It's like he's broken and I'm scared he won't ever get fixed. He won't be able to tell his therapist the entire story and he won't talk to me. He'll just keep it buried and it'll drive him insane."
"Maybe he needs time," Mom says gently. "You need to be patient."
I open my eyes and sigh. "I am… I am patient."
"Sometimes you're not," Dad intervenes.
"Mhm," Mom agrees knowingly. "Mikoto told us you slapped him."
And he cried.
"That was months ago," I mutter. "I wouldn't ever do it now. I just… I got angry and frustrated with him."
"Patience was never your strongest suit," she sighs, shaking her head at me.
"I know," I whine. "All Sasuke does now is sleep. Every time I go over there, he's asleep. He's literally never conscious."
"People sleep when they're sad," Mom says. "It passes the time. You know Sasuke has his highs and his lows. Right now, he's low. He can't find it in himself to get out of bed. He probably doesn't see a point to it."
"I just wish he wasn't so sad about the death of a person who was so fucking awful to him and awful in general," I mutter.
"People grow addicted and attached to things," Mom reasons gently, "even if they're bad things, it can still happen. Sasuke may be experiencing that. He may have pretended he was fine when things ended, but I doubt he ever expected this to happen. Of course it's going to take a toll. Perhaps he's feeling guilt."
"Tsk," I click my tongue. "What a sin."
Nonetheless, I think this makes Sasuke strong – so much stronger than I could ever hope to be. He's been through so much and he's still here. He's still here and I hope that doesn't change any time soon. I want him to be here for a long, long time.
Finals start today. We all gather in the gymnasium, pre-sharpened pencils at the ready. We're directed to our seated and when the clock strikes 9:00 on the dot, we're allowed to flip our exams over.
Sasuke forewent studying. He's been quiet. All he's been doing is sleeping lately. I kind of miss hearing his voice. When he shows up, he's wearing pajamas and everyone stares. I'm going to go ahead and assume he woke up and didn't bother getting dressed before coming to school.
Since the seating is alphabetical, he's seated in front of me. I poke him with my pencil and when he turns around; he offers me an overly happy smile and says, "What?"
"How do you feel?" I ask him.
"Groggy," he says. "Shizune upped my lithium dose… I'm supposed to work on lowering it, but shit keeps getting in the way."
"Oh," I murmur. Before I can say anything else, Tsunade gets up in front of the room and loudly reads out the examination rules.
This is going to suck balls.
After many gruelling hours, I finish to the best of my abilities. I did two exams today – history and English. I have one more tomorrow and then I'm done. I studied sort of, but it's been hard to concentrate on something as mundane as school. I catch up with Sasuke and ask, "Are you done exams now?"
"Yeah," he nods, digging his car keys out of his pocket as he strides out of the building.
"Come on," I grab his wrist, forcing him to pause. "We're way past this, Sasuke. I already told you that you don't need to pretend when you're around me. I know it seems easier, but what's easy in the short run is hard in the long run and what's hard in the short run is easy in the long run."
"I don't think so," he murmurs.
"Your opinion is wrong," I insist immaturely.
"Opinions can't be wrong, Naruto," Sasuke sighs. "That's why they're opinions."
I huff, not bothering to fight him on it because I can't exactly argue with a fact.
"I wasn't crying for myself," he says out of the blue.
"Huh?" I question.
He gives me a solemn look. "When I got upset… it wasn't because I was secretly in love with that pervert or anything. That's what you think right? Well, you're wrong and you're stupid. So, stop worrying. I love you. No one else."
"I wasn't worried about you loving someone else," I murmur. "I was worried for your sanity."
"Well, don't," he insists.
"Who were you crying for, then?" I pry.
"My mom… my dad… even you, Itachi and Kisame, for fuck's sake," he laughs bitterly. "Itachi got mad at me because he didn't understand. Sometimes it's like he isn't really capable of feeling certain things anymore… empathy, remorse… I don't want you all to have to dirty your hands for me… and it kills me that you did."
I find it mildly relieving. I let out a sigh and pull him into my chest, holding him close. He sinks into me and I murmur, "I'm sorry. I wish I could offer more."
"You're doing fine," he murmurs back.
The following day, I'm done and it's a huge weight gone from my shoulders. After school, I go to visit Sasuke. Mikoto lets me in and tells me Sasuke hasn't come out of his room since yesterday night. Forcing back a frown, I walk upstairs and into his room. "Hey," I greet him lightly.
He's lying in his bed surrounded by pillows and blankets. At the sound of my voice, he turns my way. There's a faraway look in his eyes. I notice it as I near his bed. I hold up one of his arms and when I let go, it falls limp onto the mattress next to him. "How do you feel?" I ask.
Nothing.
I let out a sigh, forcing him into a sitting position. "Come on…" I urge. "Please…"
Again, nothing.
"Sasuke!" I shout his name, lightly shaking his shoulders.
He gives me a dull stare, blinking groggily.
"How do you fucking feel?" I ask again.
He stares blankly, lips parting ever so slowly. "I don't," he answers simply. "Go away, Naruto," he murmurs, lying back down and burrowing beneath his duvet.
"Why?"
"I'm miserable and I'll just make you feel miserable, too," he says emotionlessly.
"No, you won't –" I start, but he cuts me off.
"Go!" he raises his voice and it breaks.
No more than a minute later, Itachi storms into the room and grabs me by the back of my shirt, roughly shoving me out the door. I fall onto the carpet like a loser and simply stare as Itachi sits on the edge of the mattress and envelopes his brother. He whispers something I don't quite hear and Sasuke clings to him before suddenly starting to bawl. For once, Itachi doesn't get angry. He holds him tight and he holds him together, offering him something I couldn't ever give him. I think Sasuke needed this more than anything else in the whole wide fucking world. You can tell by how desperately he's clinging onto Itachi. I can't help but wonder if Itachi is doing this because he wants to help his brother of if it's because he knows that he's supposed to want to help his brother. I guess we can never really know if he's being sincere.
I pull myself together and stand up. When I walk past Itachi's room, I spot Kisame inside. "Hey," I murmur, entering. Itachi's room is just as plain and lifeless as Sasuke's is.
Kisame nods, taking a drag of the cigarette in his mouth. He's sitting on the bed with the covers bunched at his waist. He's not wearing a shirt and he's likely not wearing any pants either. He rests the cigarette on the edge of the ash tray before unceremoniously standing. I avert my eyes as he pulls his pants back on and when he's decent, he says, "Never a dull moment, huh?"
"Ha…" I give a humourless laugh.
He smirks, picking his cigarette up and taking another puff. "Are you sure you're ready to be a part of this family?"
"I love Sasuke," I murmur. "I don't care about anything else."
He clicks his tongue at me. "You should care about lots of other things, kiddo. If you don't, you'll become jaded when you lose the one thing you do care about." Kisame pulls back the curtains and opens the window. "Look at this shit," he says. "The sun is out. It's a nice fucking day. You should go enjoy it."
I nod lazily, leaving the room. I go downstairs and into the kitchen, where Mikoto is standing in front of the counter. When she hears my footsteps, she turns around and gives me a rigid smile. "I'm making iced tea," she tells me. "Want a glass?"
"Sure," I smile back, trying to make it look natural and happy.
"Why don't you go sit on the back deck?" she offers. "It's a beautiful day, you shouldn't waste it."
"Yeah, all right," I agree.
"I'll bring you a glass when it's ready," she promises.
I offer her another smile, nodding before opening the back door and stepping out into the sun. I let out a sigh, sitting in a lawn chair and closing my eyes.
Soon, Mikoto steps outside with a fresh glass of iced tea. I thank her, taking a sip. "Mm!" I exclaim. "It's really good!"
She softens. "I'm glad." She takes a seat on the lawn chair next to mine and I can tell there are things she wants to say. I won't push her. I'll wait.
After a substantial silence, she lets out a soft breath and says, "Again, I feel the need to thank you."
"Why?" I ask.
"You… You might not realize it, but you've been a great help through the years," she says. "I don't only mean with Sasuke… but with other things as well. You're a good boy and if my son is going to settle with anyone, male or female, I'm glad it's you. He loves you. We all love you."
I choke up a bit. "Yeah," I whisper.
Mikoto offers me a softer smile before standing up and going back inside. I sit here and sip on my drink. A few minutes later, the door opens again and this time, Itachi slips out.
"Sasuke left his room," he tells me. "He's talking to Mom now."
"Good… good," I murmur, knowing Sasuke wasn't going to listen to me.
He gives a slow nod, staring off into the distance.
"Hey, that's why you tried to hurt him, right?" I ask hoarsely. "Because you love him?"
Itachi gives me a stern look. "Of course I do," he says harshly, as if the mere possibility of him not having Sasuke's best interests in mind is outrageous. "He's my baby brother."
"All right," I whisper. I suppose it's true. He doesn't see things the way normal people do.
A split second later, Kisame appears and grabs Itachi under the arms, dragging him back inside and making room for Sasuke. "Hey," he says softly. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," I promise. "You didn't do a damn thing wrong."
He nods lightly, sitting down on the chair Mikoto was occupying minutes earlier. He looks thoughtful and his eyes no longer have that faraway look.
"Are you sad?" I ask.
"No," he responds.
"Are you happy?"
"No," he responds again.
"Are you numb?"
"Not anymore," he murmurs. He glances at me, offering the smallest of smiles. He looks weary. I just take his hand and hold it in mine, smiling back. For now, this will do. It will have to.
I'll be here when he's not okay. I'll be here when he is. I'll stay by his side for the good and bad parts and if he pushes me away I'll stay where he can reach me.
I understand now that there are things you can't fix. There are things that you can't change. There are times when bad things happen and they stay with you forever. It shouldn't be this way, but it is. It happens so often. I can't always be the hero. Sometimes, there isn't room for heroes. There is only room for acceptance. When each day is a struggle, we need to be patient. It's sad and it's unfair, but then again… so is life… but as long as we can still find a reason to smile – to really smile – I think we'll be all right.
The end.